Wanted: Tequila Girl for Parents
The feeling of dread creeps over you. The forecast is rain all weekend and you'd promised an epic family day out together.Â
So where to go? Local NT places around havenât quite got their indoor offer right. The ace Horniman Museum involves changing trains and pushing/pulling kids up Forest Hill. So the mums network kicks in - London Transport Museum it is, a direct train and 10 minutes (flat) stroll across Covent Garden.Â
Lie-ins being a cherished fantasy from years gone by, it's no problem to be at the doors when they open. But we've still been beaten to it by other fake-cheerful parents calming their offspring with bribes and soft words. It is 10 am after all - there's plenty of time for that patience to wear out.Â
I'd vaguely clocked LTM as a top 10 family-friendly museum, that reputation further boosted by the new "All Aboard" section last year (see review here). But hats off - this is what happens when you focus on one audience and nail it. Everything seemed to be toddler heaven with buttons everywhere to push, buses to sit up top and drive, uniforms to dress up in and staff who made a real effort throughout. With a buggy park and free cloakroom on entrance starts and a permanent kids trail, it's just very well thought out and executed. Just needs to be a bit bigger.Â
On to Hamleys to complete the day. Wow, this place is hell on earth if you hate kids. Half-way round, on floor 2, my mind wandered to Tequila Girl from all the crummy nightclubs I used to go to at uni - you know, the scantily dressed temptress who'd convince you a shot of Jose Cuervo would help you dance like Justin Timberlake. Yours for ÂŁ8 a pop or some similar rip-off you'd laugh out of town if you were remotely sober. At Hamleys I needed Tequila Girl or frankly even Jim the Janitor to turn up toting shots of Espresso - he/she could have made an absolute killing from all the haunted-looking parents being dragged around this hyperkinetic world of flashing lights and Peppa Pig.Â
But you've got to hand it to them - despite (or because of) the thousands of people cramming the 6 floors of this toy behemoth, it's very well stage managed. Staff with cheesy grins stand on podiums launch the latest must-have gizmo into the air - and catch it nonchalantly behind their backs. Elsewhere there's a really good puppet show with The Gruffalo, and a magician passing lights through his nose and ears (yours for ÂŁ20). Everything's freakingly expensive.Â
We managed 3 floors before it all became too much. But I still think the coffee equivalent of Tequila Girl  is a winner. Feedback form on the way to the CEO.














