The Girl of My Dreams

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, February 26, 1860

A most lovely day.  Went to church and bible class.  Met Mr. O was obliged to dismiss him much to X.

Monday, February 27, 1860

A lovely day.  Went to walk this afternoon.  (...) got home and found it was too large.

Annie does not write again until Friday, March 9th...

Who is Mr. O?  Why does she dismiss him?  What is the measure of love unknown?

Annie’s Journals

Photograph by Anne Collier

Sunday, February 19, 1860

Dreadful walking.  Went to church all day and to Bible class.  Had to stay home in the evening.

Monday, February 20, 1860

Got up early as usual and prayed.  Miss Oldyer came.

Tuesday, February 21, 1860

Nothing particular happened. 

Wednesday, February, 22, 1860

Dreadfully forlorn.  Went to church and got caught in a driving rain.  Wrote letters.

Thursday, February 23, 1860

Very warm and lovely in the morning. But after dinner (...)  Rained we were afraid that we (...).

Friday, February 24, 1860

Very pleasant.  Went to Martin’s.  Would stay all afternoon.  Poor father Jimmer Handbloom is very sick, therefore is dreadfully gloomy.

Saturday, February 25, 1860

Pleasant.  Went to call on Miss Harrison, but she was not home.  Afterwards we went and saw the cadets.

Thoughts.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the nature of remembering and forgetting. Here is a link to my favorite podcast on RadioLab about memory.

http://www.radiolab.org/story/91569-memory-and-forgetting/

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, February 12, 1860

Very pleasant.  Went to church in the morning and afternoon and went to Bible class in the evening.

Monday, February 13, 1860

Oh gracious!  Everything went wrong today.  Fear a fuss with Miss Hagar and then Mrs. McAlphons insulted me.  Oh, dear me.

Tuesday, February 14, 1860

Not very pleasant.  Went out this afternoon with Mad to the keystone and to study in the evening.

Wednesday, February 15, 1860

A real snow storm.  Had to stay in all the afternoon.  Studied and in the afternoon read.  Oh, how dismal it is here.

Thursday, February 16, 1860

Nothing of any consequence happen.  Oh dear, it is so dull here!

Friday, February 17, 1860

Am so glad tomorrow is Saturday.  Hope it won't rain.

Saturday, February 18, 1860

Oh dear, a rainy Saturday.  Had to stay in all the whole day.  Wrote letters home. Pictured home.

Thoughts...

It seems like Annie has the winter blues.   It is that time of year.  Right now in 2016, it is zero degrees outside.  I walked around the block yesterday and spent the rest of the day indoors.  I feel Annie’s ennui.

Annie remains silent on the subject of Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day has a long history, and while researching it a bit, one that I realized is very debatable, but by 1860, it was recognized as a holiday celebrating love.  Cards and small tokens of affection were exchanged between lovers and friends on this day.  The first mass produced Valentine Day Card was created by Esther A. Howland in the 1840′s.

Valentine’s Day was celebrated in 1860, but not for Annie.   Don’t be sad Annie... Valentine’s Day is a silly holiday.

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, February 5, 1860

Horrid walking.  Went to church all day, wanted to go in the evening but the Madame would not allow me to go alone.  I stayed in Mrs. Hubbard’s room.

Monday, February 6, 1860

Nothing particular.  We do miss Miss Anna so much.  Had to string out this afternoon with that disgusting Ella and (...).

Tuesday, February 7, 1860

Today perfectly lonely.  They did not want to see Miss Ella (...) them!

Wednesday, February 8, 1860

Nora was quite today.  Mae came in the evening and made me pack up the things.

Thursday, February 9, 1860

Professor came today for the last time.  So sorry, I think it is a perfect shame that he is going away.

Friday, February 10, 1860

Oh my gracious.  What a time.  I had to stay in.  Madame came in and said that she won't allow us to go out.

Saturday, February 11, 1860

An unpleasant Saturday.  Was so sorry we went to see Miss Howe then walked to 5th and Walnut.  Rode home.  It snowed so hard.

Thoughts...

A sad story published in the New York Times this week in 1860:

CORONERS' INQUESTS.; Shocking Accident at the Volksgarten. A DANSEUSE BURNT TO DEATH. The Elm-street Calamity. The Late Collision on the Hudson River Railroad. Fatal Casualties. Fires. Police Reports. Published: February 6, 1860 On Saturday night, about 11 o'clock, a sad accident occured at the Volksgarten, No. 45 Bowery. Mrs. JOSEPHINE HENSKEL, a favorite danseuse, whose professional denomination was Mile. JOSEPHINE LOUISETTE, was announced to terminate the night's amusements by a rope ascension from the stage to the gallery. She was a pupil of Mons. DE LAVE, the noted rope-walker, and first made this ascension on Thursday last, at the Volksgarten, on the occasion of that gentleman's benefit. On Saturday night, having again successfully accomplished the feat, she was in the act of stepping from the cross-tree, to which the end of the rope was attached, to the stage, when the gauze dress which she wore came in contact with one of the foot-lights and was immediately in a blaze. The excitement among the audience was intense. The husband of the unfortunate woman, who was a musician in the orchestra, leapt upon the stage, followed by other musicians, and, aided by employes of the theatre, who rushed from the rear of the scenes, endeavored to extinguish the flames. In her fright, the sufferer rushed wildly about, funning them into fiercer action by the draft, and in this way every vestige of clothing was destroyed. She was promptly removed to her residence, No. 85 Forsyth-street, and attended by doctors, but her injuries were of such a serious nature that she lingered only till 9 o'clock yesterday morning, when she died. The unfortunate woman was but recently married. She was born in Livingston County, New-York, in 1837, and took to the stage, as a profession, on the death of her father, that she might not only support herself, but furnish assistance to her mother, and educate her brother and sister. She has had engagements, as a ballet dancer, at Laura Keene's and Niblo's Garden. Her mother had always objected to her performing on the rope, fearing that some evil would be the result. This apprehension, which had often been expressed, was recalled to the mind of the sufferer upon the occurrence of this fatal casualty, for almost the last words she uttered were, "Mother, I would not have gone on the rope, but I wanted to make money for you and the children."

During the excitement which this sad occurrence created among the audience, the pickpockets took occasion to relieve sundry persons of their most valuable effects, watches, breast-pins, &c. Through the activity of the Tenth Ward Police, the audience left the theatre in an orderly manner, although a cry was raised, possibly by some pickpocket, to increase the confusion, that the building was on fire.

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, January 29, 1860

Very pleasant.  Went to Church all day and in the evening.  Mrs. Hubbard invited us to her room.  It was pleasant.

Monday, January 30, 1860

Madame Colbert came this morning to Miss Anna’s place.  Received an invitation to Miss Harrison’s party.

Tuesday, January 31, 1860

Spent nearly all day hunting for a dressmaker found one at last to my great joy stayed out until 8 o’clock

Wednesday, February 1, 1860

Went to the dressmaker and had my dress tried on.  Then went shopping and didn’t home until very late and am to tired.

Thursday, February 2, 1860

The Professor came and that was about all the studying we did.  We were so busy getting ready for Miss Harrison’s party.

Friday, February 3, 1860

After much tribulation went to Miss Harrison’s party had a splendid time think we made perfect fools of ourselves by wearing such long dresses.

Saturday, February 4, 1860

Felt badly all day.  Went out in the afternoon.  It was very muddy so we didn’t have a nice walk. Mifs Anna went today.

Stacy Renee Morrison, Madison Square Park, January 23, 2016 @ 5:23pm

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, January 22, 1860

Oh dear, such a solemn time as I had today.  My foot had so swelled that I had to stay home all day.

Monday, January 23, 1860

Pleasant, my foot is better.  Went to walk.  Experienced the lessons.  Was perfectly delightful.

Tuesday, January 24, 1860

Went down to Emma Woodents wore our (...) there were Mr. (...) besides.  Frankly had a nice time though they are awful (...).

Wednesday, January 25, 1860

Aunt Hattie and Uncle Morton came this afternoon.  Was so glad to see them.  Went out to walk with them.  Am going to see them tomorrow.

Thursday, January 26, 1860

Nae corrected us at the table before her children.  I came upstairs and talked about her.  She came up and insulted me and we had an awful row.

Friday, January 27, 1860

Pleasant.  Went to Martin’s.  Spent a dull evening as usual.  Aunt Hattie and Uncle Morton went this morning.

Saturday, January 28, 1860

Bad walking.  Nora and I went to the shoemakers this morning.  It was so unpleasant we concluded to stay in this evening.

Thoughts...

It did not seem to be snowing this week in January in 1860, as it is the same week 176 years later.  It is windy and the cityscape is a complete white out.  The Empire State Building has entirely disappeared in the hazy clouds of a dark, gloomy sky.

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, January 15, 1860

Dreadfully muddy.  Went to church in the morning.  Ms. Howe had opened an afternoon bible class and so glad I stayed at home at night.

Monday, January 16, 1860

Nothing remarkable happened we both (...)  music lesson and went to walk as usual.  Heard very sad news, Miss Anna is going away.

Tuesday, January 17, 1860

Very muddy.  Went with Ms. (...) and Miss Anna shopping.  Had a nice time.

Wednesday, January 18, 1860

Muddy.  Went to dancing school.  Mrs. Bissfun called in the evening.  Nora beat a hasty (...).

Thursday, January 19, 1860

Quite pleasant.  The walking much better.  Went to dancing school.  Miss Anna went to a party tonight.  We walked to see her.

Friday, January 20, 1860

Very pleasant.  Went to the La Prine house to call on Barhus.  HIs sister Alice stayed some time.

Saturday, January 21, 1860

A lovely day lost our Saturday walk the Barhus promised to call on me and did not.  Nora and I were in provoke for Michael to stay all day.

Thoughts.

It is amazing to me how similar the sentence structure and certain sentiments which Annie writes mirror the way Sylvia composed her journals.  I am stuck this week on Barhus.  I wonder if he was a suitor?  Most likely Annie would not call on a gentlemen suitor, but she seems dismayed that Barhus did not call on her the following day.

Annie never married.  I mentioned in an earlier post that this was not an uncommon fate for a young woman coming up age during the Civil War.

Though, I long for love for her and I look to her journals for any references of it.

@ Stacy Renee Morrison

Annie’s Journals

Sunday, January 8, 1860

Not very pleasant.  Went to church in the morning and afternoon went to St. Lukes in the evening.  It was nice.

Monday, January, 9, 1860

Tuesday, January 10, 1860

The Professor came and as normal nothing happened. (Rest of entry is illegible)

Wednesday, January 11, 1860

Very muddy indeed.  Went to Martins dancing school as usual.  Millie did come to see us in the evening.  Had a dull time.

Thursday, January 12, 1860

A joyful day.  Had a letter from home with bonnets. 

Friday, January 13, 1860

Nothing particular happening.  When to Martins dancing school this afternoon.  Wish I was good and happy.

Saturday, January, 14, 1860

Oh dear, another rainy Saturday.  It is dreadful did nothing. (Next sentence illegible).  Wrote home.

Thoughts...

As with Sylvia, we will see Annie oscillate between happiness and sadness quite often.  Annie is seventeen years old at this point in her life.  What girl of that age, whatever the time period, has not been gloomy one day and radiant the next?  

Let us linger on the happiest entry in her week... the joyful day she received a packaged from home with bonnets.  A new dress, shoes, purse, and bonnet, still has the power to make one happy, even if this happiness is only for one day.

Here are Sylvia and Annie together in new bonnets.

2016 has descended upon us and I am sending well wishes of peacefulness and joy for this new year. The birth of a new year is a moment marked with reflection about time.  It is on this day, that I begin anew, but of course, moving backwards instead of forward.

We left off on Sylvia’s birthday in 1864 and we will pick up four years earlier with a journal written by Sylvia’s younger sister, Annie.  I want to give Annie a voice too.

Annie Amelia Bullock was born on June 30, 1843.  Sylvia and Annie were exceptionally close.  When Annie died, Sylvia sentimentally saved wallpaper pieces, torn from the walls of her house on Church Street in Bristol, chronicling the specific rooms and then writing:  Saved because Annie saw the room last with it on.

Annie never married, sadly not an uncommon fate for women coming of marriageable age during the Civil War, and she died at the age of forty in New York City from dysentery.  I do not know if Sylvia was with her.

In 1860, while writing this in this journal, Annie was attending school in Philadelphia.

Annie Amelia Bullock © Stacy Renee Morrison

Annie’s Journal

Sunday, January 1, 1860

Very cold.  Went to class and to church. Stayed at home and wrote letters in the afternoon.  Had a dismal evening.

Monday, January 2, 1860

Went to Doctor Howe’s for dinner.  Had a nice time. He gave Nora and I a beautiful book.  It was so good and kind.

Tuesday, January 3, 1860

Today it seemed so hard to begin.  Oh Dear, I hope I shall learn something this year.

Wednesday, January 4, 1860

Cold.  Had a letter from Ma.  Sylvia has gone to New York.  I suppose she will have a splendid time.

Thursday, January 5, 1860

Professor came.  Miss Haga(?) gave me my music lesson in the evening.  Don’t like it a bit. 

Friday, January 6, 1860

Am so glad that it Friday, nothing happened.  Weary to walk us mind.

Saturday, January 7, 1860

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, July 11, 1864

W went away early.  Took a drive with Mr. Mange in the afternoon.  We all went rowing in the evening.

Tuesday, July 12, 1864

Sewed in the morning.  Took a little walk with Mr. Laurence in the afternoon.  Went to bed early.  The hairdresser confirmed coming.

Wednesday, July 13, 1864

Went down to New York in the morning to do some shopping.  Came home at night found William awful evening.

Thursday, July 14, 1864

Had a call from Mrs. Van Duger.  Addie came up in the afternoon.

Friday, July 15, 1864

Went out walking in the evening with Mr. (…) and Maggie Willard.

Saturday, July 16, 1864

My 23rd birthday. Mr. Murray, Mrs. Willard and (…) went over to Petica in the morning.  The gentlemen all came in the evening.

Sunday, July 17, 1864

Out in the (…) in the morning.  Went to ride with William in the afternoon.  A (…) turn in the evening.

Alena Adams, East Bay Newspapers

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, July 4, 1864

The quiet 4th of July that I ever had (…) the day. (rest illegible).  Went to the Hep in the evening.

Tuesday, July 5, 1864

Went early in the morning.  We went out to the other home in the evening to see them dance and then we went up to the Lake.

Wednesday, July 6, 1864

Played (…) in the evening with Mr. (…).  He took Maggie and I rowing in the evening.

Thursday, July 7, 1864

Raining hard all day.  Could not go out of the house,  (rest illegible)

Friday, July 8, 1864

Same as usual.  Walked in the evening.

Saturday, July 9, 1864

We came in the afternoon.  Went to the Baldwins’ in the evening to a Hep.

Sunday, July 10, 1864

Went out with William a little while.  I do wish he wouldn’t drink so much.

Thoughts...

Bristol, Rhode Island is host to the oldest 4th of July celebration in the country. The parade began in 1785 and this year marks the its 230th anniversary.  An NBC News New England article quoted that 100,000 people are expected to attend and 3,000 people to participate in the parade.  This is amazing, considering Bristol only has 23,000 residents.

Sylvia remarks that this is the quietest Fourth of July ever for her.  Sadly, she must miss being in Bristol and watching the parade, which she could have done from the front steps of her grand home which is directly the parade route.

One year, Sylvia’s grandfather John D’Wolf was the parade’s Grand Marshall. He invited Thomas Jefferson to attend, though he politely declined due to health matters.  The letter is in the Linden Place House Museum.

Bathing Dresses, 1860′s.

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, June 27, 1864

 A little cooler to my delight.  Got up early and went down to the boat with Mr. and Mrs. Willard.  After tea, Maggie and I took a long walk together.

Tuesday, June 28, 1864

 We (…) to the boat and swimming the gentlemen found then home when we arrived there.

Wednesday, June 29, 1864

 Busy packing all day.  So glad we are going.  We drove up to the Parade and the met our husbands from the 8 o’clock train.

Thursday, June 30, 1864

Got up early to get away from this hot.  Arrived in New York at noon, stopped at the (…).  We all went over to the Wings in the evening.

Friday, July 1, 1864

Very Warm.  Went downtown with Addie Wing (rest illegible).  I do think dressmaker all too trying for anything.

Saturday, July 2, 1864

 Busy packing to get off.  Started at 3 o’clock for Lake Mahopar arrived in the evening.  Had a dreadful time getting across.

Sunday, July 3, 1864

Feeling miserably all day.  In such an unsettled state.  Took a walk in the evening with Mr. Black.  Payed Harriet 10 dollars.

Thoughts...

I recognize that this blog is set in 1864, but I feel compelled to write about the AMAZING decision the Supreme Court made this week recognizing marriage equality for everyone!  I am so proud of this ruling!  

No, things are far from perfect in this country today, but I think about the United States in 1864 and I feel light years away from Sylvia’s experience; even though I still long for a bathing suit from that year. 

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, June 20, 1864

To my delight that Hateful “Devil” went away early.  He has said and done all that he could to make me miserable and I wish I could never see him again.

Tuesday, June 21, 1864

So glad I have Mrs. Willard here for I despise  (rest of sentence illegible).  We drove over to Evening Parade met the Bledgetts.  (Illegible) dined with us.

Wednesday, June 22, 1864

Got up at six o’clock and went down to New York to do some shopping.  Came back in the Mary Powell.  The 2nd Anniversary of Jud’s death.

Thursday, June 23, 1864

Very warm.  Suffered from the heat all day long.  We went over in the boat in the evening to meet Mr.Willard.

Friday, June 24, 1864 

Went up to the Park in the evening to see the dress Parade.

Saturday, June 25, 1864

Dreadfully Hot.   We went down to the boat but of course Mr. D- did not come well I do not care.  I am better off without him for my life as all.

Sunday, June 26, 1864

Intensely Hot all day long so that we suffered terribly from the heat.

 Thoughts...

Sylvia’s life has not been easy.  Her words attest to this.  William has been relegated to “The Devil”.  Her entries, for better or worse, generally reflect upon the presentness of her day.  I was moved to see she noted the second anniversary of Jud’s death on June 22nd.  The haziness of their relationship becomes clearer posthumously.

This week marks the 153rd anniversary of Jud’s death.

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, June 13, 1864

Taking care of the baby nearly all day.  Dr Elliot came but I couldn’t say, but I wanted to.  Dora came and dined with me at Delmonicos

Tuesday, June 14 1864

Went to the dressmakers and down to William’s office.  We took a ride up to the Park, came home, dined at Delmonicos.  Mr. and Mrs. Leonard and Mrs. Willard spent the evening with me.

Wednesday, June 15, 1864

Very busy all day.  Went out with William (rest of sentence illegible) in at Miss Bushnells and dinner quite late at Delmonicos.  Very tired.  Went to bed early.

Thursday, June 16, 1864

Busy packing for West Point.  (sentence illegible) It is a lonely spot but I fear I shall be rather lonely

Friday, June 17, 1864

William and Ms Wing aren’t home early in the morning busy with things all day.  Went up to the Point  to evening Parade with Mrs. Reynolds.  I wish the others would come up.

Saturday, June 18, 1864

I am getting homesick.  Mr. Dimock and DeWinton came up in the geat.  W is too hateful (…) tonight.  I do wish I had a different kind of husband.  He obeyed (illegible) with DeWinton.

Sunday, June 19, 1864

 The Devil tried to hit me and I do believe he will some night,  To my relief we went out to (…) and spent the evening.

Where she walked this week:

© Sylvia DeWolf Ostrander

What she read:

THE BERKSHIRE CALAMITY.

Published: June 13, 1864/ New York Times

© Photograph Sylvia DeWolf Ostrander

Sylvia’s Journals

Monday, June 6, 1864

Stayed in and took care of the boy all day.  Went up to Miss Bushnells in the evening and the 6th Avenue Ding Store 

Tuesday, June 7, 1864

Got up at 5 o’clock and went dining with W.  Wanted to go out in the evening but he was to drunk to go anywhere and sleeped all the evening

Wednesday, June 8, 1864

Went driving a little ways.  He is the Devil for nothing.  I wish he stayed in New Orleans.

Thursday, June 9, 1864

Went out to Brooklyn to see Dora. Took a drive with William to the Park.

Friday, June 10, 1864

Went out a little while.  We went to Addie Wings in the evening.

Saturday, June 11, 1864

Went up to see my dear friend Mrs. Shelleys who just had her 4th boy.  Came home to dinner.  William was late and had a dreadful (…) about getting his dinner

Sunday, June 12, 1864

Went to Church in the morning and dined at Delmonicos about 4 o’clock and went to the Wings to tea and then went to the Leonard’s.  YM

An anonymous newspaper clipping found folded and saved in the back of the journal:

Only Tight!

How flushed and weak he is! What is the matter with him?

Only tight!

Tight?

Yes, intoxicated!

Only tight!  Man’s best and greatest gift, his intellect, degraded; the only power that raises him from the brute creation, trodden down under the foot of a debasing appetite!

Only tight!  The mother stands with a pale face and tear dimmed eye to see her only son’s disgrace, and in her fancy pictures the bitter woe, of which this is the foreshadowing.

Only tight!  The gentle sister whose strongest love through life has been given to her handsome, talented brother, shrinks with contempt and digest from his embrace and brushes away the hot, impure kiss he prints upon her cheek.

Only tight!  And the young bride stops in the glad dance she is making to meet her husband, and checks the welcome on her lips to gaze in terror on the reading form and flushed face of him who was the ‘god of her idolatry.’

Only tight! And the father’s face grows dark and sad as, with a bitter sigh, he stoops over the sleeping form of his first born.