zombie

Ready to die

I was playing a song on guitar and singing but Piaras recorded me without telling me then he played it and I heard my stupid fucking voice and I threw the pen and capo and paper on the floor and now I’ll never play that song again and probably put the guitar back in the cupboard for another 6 months.

Why is Maizey still friends with me all I do is let her down and she's doing well and lost the weight she wanted to and she's planned her food and eats well and healthy and she's a much better person than I am and I'm still moping about and not going gym and either not eating or throwing up or binging and I know it annoys her when I don't go gym which is fair I understand but I want to go gym all the time but when it's time to go I don't again that is my fault and I feel bad for not going, not because I haven't gone and gym is good for me and I'm annoyed at myself but because I have let her down and I don't know how many times I can let her down before it's too much

Horrible disgusting ugly flesh fucking hate myself

I feel like I need to apologise to everyone for not doing anything, meeting anyone, cancelling plans, sleeping in the day I'm meant to be with them because I didn't sleep in the night time, always missing things with people i'm supposed to spend time with I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go outside, I want to stay inside and do nothing and eat nothing until I fade away

Not happy

I just want to be alone but I never have any time to do that

I SHOULD NOT BE HERE ANYMORE

Why am I always so depressed it doesn't matter what day it is whether it be my birthday or Christmas or New Years they're supposed to be happy times but they all fall between the same 2 weeks or so and I'm always depressed through it all I always feel useless and down and stupid