mya♡

Three years and one week.

That’s approximately one thousand one hundred days. It’s too long, but no long enough for you to truly forget about it. It’s also too short, short to an extent that you feel like it was still yesterday.

Sol Yoona, or as everyone in your friend groups calls her, Sullyoon. She was your first love. The past tense is still a fresh scar on your heart for that ongoing timer to go on. Tomorrow it’ll be three years and eight days since you quitted smoking because you were in love, and your girl didn’t like that you smoked. It was rather unfortunate that the relationship ended not long after.

Of course, the good old excuse of “we can still be friends” seems to work quite nicely on you two, if you will. It wasn’t a messy ending to a messy affair, rather, a mutual understanding of parallel career paths after graduation.

And as we all know, parallel lines don’t intersect. You don’t need Real Analysis to prove that.

You and Sullyoon are in the intersection of many friend groups still, due to the amount of time you two glued together throughout the undergraduate era. Showing up at the same party? Polite and formal chatters. Hanging out individually? Never, for some obvious reasons.

It was just the fact that you never wanted it to happen in the first place, maybe.

Your “going to Seoul and stay there” plan was cut short right after you obtained your Masters - you couldn’t  master the overwhelming stress and the cutthroat competition to stay comfortable. So in the end of the day, you returned to where you’ve started.

It seems to be a bit too late though - that one party your friends set you up to welcome you home? But all you can remember was the fact that you saw a silver ring in Sullyoon’s middle finger.

You soon succumbed to the desire of having someone to love again, and it was when you fell into this trap. A trap that made you going back to nicotine for comfort.

This trap is your now girlfriend. The type that treats you more like a part of her property and a walking ATM machine instead of her lover. Well, you can argue that she showed up right when you needed someone to feel anchored again - and she apparently knew that - so you took the bait naturally. But hey, we aren’t getting too far out there.

Sometimes there needs no reasons to party at all, suddenly an invitation comes through, then a group of friends from college all pull up.

Tonight is those type of night.

You accept the invitation, knowing it is at least a useful coping mechanism to escape. Before you slide your feet into your sneakers, your habit reminds you to make a call.

“Why are you calling?” It is your girlfriend who picks up the phone impatiently, “I’m drinking with my besties, say what you need to say, quick.”

“Hey babe, I’m calling to make you aware that I’ll go to Karaoke with my college friends tonight at 9 o’clock. Only 2 females, all married. Don’t worry. The rest TEN of them are all my buddies.” You emphasize the buddy part, to try to please your girlfriend that apparently has too much to say about your own personal life.

“Obviously I’m not in town, so do it as you wish. Make sure to check your phone, I’ll be texting. Reply in a timely manner.” She dismisses your statement, as she probably took the train up to Seoul again to have some night life there with some of her so-called “influencer friends”.

“Ok, I will. Please take care of yourself, and drink less.” Your response emotionlessly, as these types of conversation had happened for too many times.

“Aw~ you know to take care of me too? I’m touched, really. By the way, do you see that hand cream I sent you? I’d be so happy if I can get it next week!” Why does she sound more excited in the second half of her response?

You can fluently understand that “social cue” between you two. “Oh, yeah, really? I can try look it up for ya. I know you really liked that designer brand; I’ll get it for you if it’s at a reasonable budget...” You stop before you finish as you hear some purring and sighing on the other end.

“Come on! Your pay day was just yesterday, wasn’t it? Don’t you love me?” Again. The classical guilt trip.

“I... I love you, definitely.” You stutter while shaking your head helplessly.

“Then don’t disappoint me, think about when I get back and you’ll too get your reward, isn’t it fair?” She laughs devilishly, instead of kindly asking for a gift, she makes it sound more like a threat.

“No problem, wait for a surprise when you next see me! Catch up with you soon!”

“Yay, oppa is the best man in the world!”

“Alright, take care ok? Bye bye.” Your patience runs low now as your bank account balance will do so soon. More than one of your good friends told you to leave this woman, and you were somewhat moved by them too.

You know what type of person she is. When she gets what she wants? She can be the sweetest girl in the world, and she gets devastatingly good at keeping you around her. With both of her sweet words and her... body.

Well, some might suggest that isn’t this a good deal? It might, if you can endure the surveillance and financial drain. It’s not rare at all for you to get a “quest” for designer items every other week, and it’s certainly a normalcy for her to know all your accounts’ password. So she knows you’re still “hers”, or rather... hers to use.

You know that, but you told your friends last week otherwise. “I see... sometimes she’s a bit... demanding. But I simply can’t let go of her, you know? Look at what happened to me when I broke up with Sullyoon.” You flipped on your lighter, hovering maybe the fourth cigarette during the meal with those two buddies of yours. “I re-smoked, I drank a lot when I was in Seoul. And no motivation to take care of myself, you feel me?”

“Then why did you break up with Sullyoon? Weren’t you two always like, sticking to each other? It was quite sudden, bro.” One of your friend’s chugged his Soju in the tiny glass, mumbling “thanks” as you lit his cigarette for him.

“Nah bro, it was more like a bad timing you know... we stayed in a good position until the very last day. Sullyoon and I just didn’t feel like long-distance, cuz all the Seoul thing. If I was more useful, I would’ve gotten a job there to stay. But well I guess I got defeated.” You inhaled, letting the warm smoke circulate in your systems. The nicotine brought you relief albeit also damage to your already exhausted organs.

“Why didn’t you ask her to start over again after you moved back here? Maybe she’s still into you, no? And you would’ve be having a better relationship than this one, brother. Sullyoon is really a kind person.” The other friend asked you while waving his hands as you offered him a cigarette.

“Bruh... didn’t you see that engagement ring on her finger? It had been like what, two months since y’all had that welcoming party for me? Even if I’m still liking her, it’s too late! But well don’t snitch to my current girlfriend otherwise I’m dead.” You let out a dry laugh.

“So you’re still into her! How unfortunate of a timing it was!”

“Nah, I didn’t say that! Don’t bring me into troubles!” You pushed your friend’s shoulders playfully.

Deeper in your brain somewhere, the image of your sweet history with Sullyoon was gradually fading. The pure image of two sweet lovebirds was getting stained by the toxic nicotine. You felt like you’d eventually let go of her like you once let go of nicotine. Perhaps.

———

It doesn’t take long for you to finish the replay of your memories in that metro ride. As the same two friends of yours are already waving you from the hallway right when you step into the Karaoke.

“Come on bro, we were waiting for you. The group is already singing!” One of them says.

“Brother, it is your chance tonight! Sullyoon is here too, and she doesn’t seem to be too happy for whatever reason. Take your shots, hahaha!” The other friend responses, but from the way he talks and sways his body? At least a bottle of Soju is down.

“Shut up bro, didn’t you see her engagement ring? It wasn’t like she broke up or something. Don’t cause troubles for him, his girlfriend is gonna murder him!” The first friend refutes, as you observe that his sanity is yet to be taken away by alcohol. But it’s just a matter of time before you both collapse.

“Yeah bro, don’t start things! We’re literally two taken people, we both have our other halves.” You laugh, while padding the drunken friend’s back.

———

Crossing the hallway with flashy neon lights and the air coated with alcohol, you soon walk into the lounge where the friend group is located.

People greet you cheerfully: some of them shouting your name out loud, some of them already singing melancholy songs for whatever reason, two of them are in the middle of a beer chugging contest.

And it comes to the person you’re most curious about. Even if you’re technically forbidden to feel so.

Sullyoon is sitting at the corner of the lounge quietly. She isn’t singing along to the guys who’re crying on the microphone. Maybe she drank, because you can see her cheeks are a bit read albeit the dim lighting in the room. And hell, the eye makeup cannot cover the hint of emptiness and exhaustion in her eyes.

She looks a bit... tired.

An intrusive thought invades your brain at this very moment. You stand across the room, hiding yourself amongst the loud crowd of friends. And your eyes scan lower and lower, until you hold your breath to check her hands - you sigh - her ring is still there.

Well, even it is not, what makes you think there’s any possibility for her to go back to you? Maybe she’s just too tired from work - you heard from the gossips that she does some designing for a big clothing manufacturer, that’s tough.

“Anyways... I’m here to drink a few beers and maybe sing. A few cigarettes on the way out and call it a night.” You tell yourself, as it is pretty much the only occasion you truly allow yourself to relax.

“Dang!” A crisp notification pops up on your phone. You know who it is before even taking it out from your pocket.

“Hey~ who are you with? Send pics.”

Of course it’s her.

You take a quick snippet of the Karaoke, avoiding putting the lonely Sullyoon in the frame.

“No need to worry, baby. See those two girls chatting? Their fiancé/bf are the two guys that are singing. Wonder if their relationships are healthy, cuz the men are crying. LOL”

There’s a grin on your face once you plant a sarcastic seed in your response. You swiftly point out the two girls other than Sullyoon, knowing for a fact that your girlfriend was checking on you to see if you’re flirting with other girls.

“What about the other half of the room? Are there no girls?”

“Nah, it’s just Yoonchul and Jihwan. You know them both. They’re alr drunk and fallen apart on the sofa, you wanna see them too?”

“No I’m good, text you later!”

You let out a long exhale, as Yoonchul and Jihwan aren’t even drinking. It is just necessary to borrow their names so your ex isn’t in the conversation.

But now you’re even more curious about Sullyoon. However, there is simply that weird, unspoken agreement between you two.

And there’s no difference tonight as it was for the last three years and one week. The discreet agreement is activated tonight.

Always sit across the long, U-shaped bench in the Karaoke. Or across each other if it’s in a restaurant. No conversations, polite nods, no unnecessary eye contacts. No sitting next to each other without at least three people in between.

These weren’t written rules, of course. They were instead, more like a mutual attempt to forget about the past and make the present less awkward and formal.

It’s just that you sometimes think, there’s no need for a broken man like your current self to be formal at all. Because there isn’t any form left.

You decide it is normal to check-in on your “regular friend” if she doesn’t seem to be too well.

“Hey Yoonchul, what’s up with Sullyoon tonight? Why is she not talking with anymore, and just sitting there? She’s not even like, drinking a lot.” You tap Yoonchul’s shoulder, and the latter turns around from enjoying his alcohol.

“Haha brother, how am I supposed to know?! Why don’t you ask her yourself? It’s not like you don’t know her or anything.” Yoonchul says.

“Could you ask her? I’m just curious hahaha...” you let out a few very fake dry laughs. “You know, just as a friend. Otherwise, I’ll be dead from my girlfriend.”

“Come on, I ain’t adding myself to the Death Notes if that’s the case.” Yoonchul shakes his head.

“Next two beers are on me.” You deadpan.

“Deal.” Yoonchul smirks as he approaches Sullyoon at the corner.

“This fucker...” you sigh, wondering how much of a big hit your wallet just took.

———

“Hey, Sullyoon? How’s it going for ya? Not in the mood today?” Yoonchul leans to the wall beside Sullyoon, the latter manages to give him a faint smile in return.

You hold your breath, trying as nonchalantly as possible to walk closer to them. You involuntarily cross the safe distance of 3 meters - another hidden agreement between you and your ex, but either way you can finally overhear the conversation.

“Not really, Yoonchul. You guys can have fun, I’m just a bit tired.” Sullyoon says, sipping her glass of champagne.

“Aw~ come on! Future bride! Tell us about your fiancé, we barely know anything about him! And when is the wedding?” At least Yoonchul is making your money worth it, he swiftly switched to the topic that you’re most curious about. The engagement ring. Despite you never should.

“Oh right, I haven’t talked about him much. But it’s not that big of a deal, really. Sales manager, always.... ‘Busy with clients’ stuff. And this?” Sullyoon surprisingly sighs, and she spins her ring with her thumb. “It is more like a placeholder, you know? Or a reminder that this relationship is actually still a thing.” You know for a FACT that something is wrong, from her habit when she felt stressed out back in college. She’d always spin her rings or bracelets non-stop.

“O...oh! I’m very sorry, I should’ve not asked. I... imma dip for now! Forgive my question! And please enjoy yourself.” Yoonchul scratches his hair.

“Don’t worry Yoonchul, you’re good. We’ve known each other for too long, so don’t feel bad about it! Plus, I’m not trying to hide anything here.” Sullyoon smiles, but a smile with no joy and full helplessness.

Yoonchul stumbles his way back to you, whispering in your ears like a devil. “Bro, cheating fiancé, absolute drama. Your fucking chance to take her back.”

“Man, just fuck off with your beers, politely. I heard it all, I said I’m not trying to hit on her or something.” You acquire the intel you wanted to know for whatever reason. Maybe she’s on the same boat as you.

“Nah, you can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.” Yoonchul sits back down before quickly orders two more beers on the touchscreen. “On you.”

———

You are still blended to the crowd, but the air in the Karaoke feels a tad thicker. “Busy with clients”? You hope it does not imply a cheating fiancé. Well maybe you’re just overthinking it. 

There is absolutely no reason at all to care about Sullyoon’s relationship status. Yet you still do. It is the part of the fading memories lingering in your brain.

A little more than five years ago, a casual late night library studying session took place. And you gathered enough of courage via the help of a lot of caffeine to turn your relationship with Sullyoon from close friends into boyfriend and girlfriend.

There weren’t any designers’ items needed, there wasn’t any process of submitting all of your social media account and passwords. Just a simple bouquet of flower secretly hidden beneath the desk, and a bag of her favorite chocolate. Well maybe a few of scripted sentences prepared months ago.

And Sullyoon’s face became a Peach, she wrapped her arms around your neck while kissing your forehead.

Life-changing experience was an understatement for the relationship. You’ve never felt like this motivated and energetic before in your life. And the fact that dating someone gave you more than a girlfriend.

It gave you a REASON.

It gave you a reason to get better as a person; to take care of yourself and always present your other half with the best version you’ve got.

It gave you a reason to quit. Sullyoon never said anything, but you observed how she always held her breath for a second or two as you kiss her. Then she’d take a short inhale and repeat. You thought she was being nervous, until a day where she casually dropped the fact that she didn’t find the smell of nicotine being pleasant at all.

And she alone is enough for you to battle through the almost undefeated addiction.

“Sorry Sullyoon, I never realized how you had to endure an unpleasant smell for this long. But I’ll quit for you.” You told her.

She said nothing, just resting her hands assuredly on top of yours.

For weeks after, she was by your side. She was your company when you battled through your darkest time.

And since that one day, three years and one week ago: you felt like your Golden Hour has begun. There’s no more Smoke Break needed for stressful academics, because you have Sullyoon in your world. As a girlfriend.

It was that impactful.

Your life felt more refreshing than before. Sullyoon’s blushing cheeks replaced the red flame from the lighter. And her warm embrace was just tiers above the hazy heat from cigarette smokers.

You thought it would last forever. You thought that you’d become her fiancé and spend the rest of your life with the loveliest and understanding woman you’ve met.

It turned out to be a bit short. Your grand scheme of going to Seoul for better opportunities came into conflict with her decision of getting into the workforce fresh out of college. You know it wasn’t a topic that could be solved by talking through it.

In the end of the day? You witnessed your only lifeline vanishes into the void. It wasn’t messy, it wasn’t even emotional. It was a simple farewell at the train station and a kiss goodbye.

“I hope you’d be someone’s dreams come true in Seoul. And best of luck for your Masters.” She squeezes a faint smile.

“And you definitely deserve someone better than me.” You pull Sullyoon close and kiss her for one last time.

“Thank you.”

“I love you.”

The train gate slides close later.

True lovers wish the best to each other, even if it means separation.

———

A wild buzzing in your pocket drags you best from the sweet yet bitter memory with Sullyoon. Maybe if Yoonchul knew all of these, he wouldn’t be surprised why you wanted to know if she’s doing ok.

You take your phone out of your pocket and get ready for another round of interrogation. Well, it cannot possibly be anyone else but her, because she turned off all of your other notifications.

“Hey baby! Everything doing ok? Had anyone joined y’all?” Your girlfriend texts, but she clearly means if there’re any GIRLS joined your party. From your experience.

“Nah, instead two people left cuz they’re drunk asf.” You don’t bother, simply mirror the previous picture and send it back to her - you’re at the boundary point of dealing with her endless surveillance - especially when Sullyoon just made you realize how colorful your life once was.

“Good. Talk to you later.”

You don’t reply.

Instead your hands going into your other pocket and reach for the pack of cigarettes.

And yes, you re-smoked not long ago. Following the two years of dreadful Masters in Seoul, the failure of getting into a PhD position became your final blow.

You didn’t have Sullyoon with you anymore, so nicotine became your friend again. You made the call to come back to your hometown, hoping for a job in a less competitive city. And you have to be honest that you also hoped if Sullyoon is still around.

She welcomed you back with a ring on her finger. And your current girlfriend knowingly showed up at the moment. A simple drink at the bar led to the night which your released of months of stress in her bed.

And you became hers to play with since then. She never told you what part of you that she liked, maybe it is the “Heart-broken from Seoul that works a decent job” part?

That felt wrong. You felt wrong. It was just that you never had the courage to end it all. You were afraid that if you break up, you’d end up being alone at the nights again. You were afraid that you’d again become anchor-less.

You couldn’t admit it was a mistake because you were mostly scared to the fact that Sullyoon is taken but you’re single.

You light up a cigarette in this Blue Hour, and for the first time at the night: your gaze locks on to Sullyoon’s.

She is still sitting in the end other half of the Karaoke, resting her chin on her palms. Sullyoon sees your fluid motion of using your lighter, you instinctively want to hide. She raises an eyebrow but there isn’t any bit of judgement in her exhausted eyes. Only a sense of knowing empathy.

You stare at her ring through the noisy crowd. She shakes her head gently with a faint smile. Sullyoon then raises an eyebrow back at you. You smirk, shaking your buzzing phone screen towards her, hoping she can see the endless message spam from the other side. She exhales, closing her eyes.

That’s all you two need to communicate.

The next hour flies by as you switch in between small talks with your college friends and listening to them singing one song after another. You talked about your life in Seoul; you talked about how it is so different compared to the quiet suburban town that you’re in right now and how you felt like a failure who returned to the starting line after two years of nothing. You asked them what they’re doing now for a living, complained to them how equally tormenting it is to sit through lectures and an office job.

But you did not talk about your relationship. Rather than being afraid that someone may snitch, it is more about the fact that you don’t want to. You want to run away. You don’t bring up something that you want to escape from. It’s simply getting unbearable.

Not long later, a waitress knocks the door and reminds you guys there’re only 15 minutes remaining. People start to pack up and get ready to go.

“Yo! Thanks for the beers, wanna hop on? We’re calling a cab.” Yoonchul puts his jackets on as he asks you. You hesitate for a second and turn your head.

Sullyoon didn’t move an inch, she’s still sipping her cup of wine that she never finished during the night.

“Ah... I guess I’ll wait ‘til later, I wanna get one more drink. Take care brother!” You give Yoonchul a firm handshake, farewelling him and other 2 friends.

“Haha, our future bride! Are you leaving yet?” Meanwhile, the two couples are also heading outside.

“Oh, yea.” Sullyoon puts down her glass onto the counter as she tilts her head towards your direction. Your peripheral vision catches this moment, so you instantly look down on your phone which 3 new notifications had popped up since you last checked 2 minutes ago.

“I’ll wait ‘til the traffic gets lighter, you know.” Sullyoon gives them a polite smile while crossing her legs.

“Alrighty, take care! Remind us when the wedding is close!” One of them waves goodbye at Sullyoon. You peek from afar, catching her smile freezes for a split second that only you could find out.

“Thanks. Good night.” Sullyoon waves at them back.

And as the two couples close the door, Sullyoon and yourself become the only ones remaining.

Tacit.

You say nothing, instead you approach the touchscreen near the door and select “Room Extension for Thirty Minutes” and pay it out of your pocket.

Need to be generous when it’s worth it.

You seat down at the other end of the U-shaped bench. If it was years ago, you would say it makes you feel like Sullyoon and yourself are opposite poles of a magnet that attracts this other.

Rather, it now gives you the feeling that you both are here because you’re repelled by the same pole from your respective partners. She hasn’t said a word since the last friend left. So you decide to break the ice.

“Good morning.” You say, the old-fashioned way.

“What’s so good about the morning?” Sullyoon finally speaks, the first direct conversation since years ago.

“Morning was good cuz sunlight brings us happiness. You know. It was nice. Golden Hours.”

“Too bad, it is at night right now. Everything is dark.”

You look at the final distance between you and Sullyoon, the only girl who can bring some light into your world no matter how the darkness tries to claim you.

“Then I may need to turn on my old lamp.” You grin, testing the water.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Sullyoon finally laughs. “Then you need to get closer to reach the switch… Are you still gonna sit like we’re in COVID era? Social distance huh?” She’s back. The Sullyoon you knew.

“You know, I gotta make sure you’re comfortable with everything.” You raise your hands into the surrender pose, before sliding to the center of the bench.

“You know about me.” Sullyoon also gets closer to a point where gentle whisper is enough volume. “I wouldn’t even stay if I didn’t want to.”

“Right. So, how’s it going? Your job? Your... uh... life?” You scratch your head, not entirely sure what do you even want to hear from Sullyoon.

“He’s a cheater.” But she drops a bomb on a perfectly still pond.

“W... what?” You get caught off guard.

“You don’t have to act in front of me, you know? Yoonchul told me that you sent him.” Sullyoon grins, watching your face blush amusedly.

“Ah shit, that little bitch. B... but well, y... you didn’t have to tell me that.” The red color on your face is definitely not because of the alcohol.

“That was precisely what you want to know about me. No? Come on, it’s not the first day I knew you.”

“I... I’m sorry, I should’ve not. Not when you’re already engaged, at the very least.” You kinda don’t know what to do at the moment, so you apologize without any purpose at all.

“I don’t really mind...” Sullyoon sighs, “this?” She spins her ring with her thumb, “it’s just like a placeholder. To fool ourselves that a happy relationship does exist.”

“Wait what?” You are not sure if you are ready yet for the amount of information she just gave you. Why is she spilling her relationship secrets all of a sudden?

“I didn’t tell Yoonchul too much about it, but I guess you DO wanna find out, hmm?” Sullyoon stares dead into you with her big doe eyes.

“I... I... I guess? If you want to let me know.”

“Tell me about yourself though, you seem to be really exhausted. What’s up?” Sullyoon knows, she just does.

“I... yeah. It’s pretty much fucked up.” You let out a shaky sigh, starting to spill your own tea that you didn’t dare to for quite a while.

You trust her enough though, albeit the time she was with you was years ago. It is just surprisingly to see how the script flips this fast. You thought you had the upper hand.

“Yeah? I could tell.” Sullyoon’s reaction is nothing but a gentle smile.

“Huh?” You turn to her; she’s still sitting there elegantly with her legs crossed like she’s waiting for you to confess.

“You’ve been checking your phone every thirty seconds. And each time someone’s phone buzzed, you’d check if it was yours. Tell me about her.” Sullyoon states, her tone is calm like a flat line. You don’t seem to understand her emotions towards all of that.

“Y... you’ve been watching me?” Her thorough observation of all of your actions throughout the night is bringing up heat to your face. Sullyoon is still the same Sullyoon. Quiet but observant, knowing exactly what’s behind your small talks and the fake, formulaic smiles in front of other friends.

“How do you know it must be something about a ‘HER’?” You challenge back, as you’re still trying not to fold for whatever reason you have in mind. Maybe, you don’t want to admit that you’re worse off after you left her? Well but isn’t it the sole reason why you want to talk to her again in the first place? Even yourself cannot find out.”

“As far as I concerned, only girls would make you drop your convo with your buddies to reply.” Sullyoon delivers the final punch.

“Wow, you’re still good at this. I can still remember how you guessed my coffee order for the day two minutes after we met each time.” You laugh embarrassingly.

“But that was the past, huh?” Sullyoon tilts her chin, looking at you with both curious and a hint of... condolence.

You don’t know what to say, as you freeze there on the leather couch. The surrounding gets quiet once you two stop talking, it is just the mix of the weak hum from the AC and the chill jazz beats you secretly put on as you extended the room.

“You’re right.” You sigh heavily, “Turns out the present isn’t any better. She’s a... control freak, if you will.”

“Why then?” Sullyoon grins, you don’t know what is she implying. “You could’ve leave, you know? Before it is too late... like myself.” The final phrase was barely audible, but you are freaking sure she said it.

“What do you mean, Sullyoon?” Your tongue twisted just a little, because it had been a while since you last call her by her name. “I... I don’t know why I kept enduring it. I fucking know it is unhealthy. But well, I guess I’m more or less just... blinded?” You grab a bottle of beer whoever left unopened. You start letting the liquid down your throat after a crisp sound from cracking it open.

“I felt bad after I moved back from Seoul, felt like I was a failure... that ended up exactly where I started, no?” The beer is cool, but it brings the liquid courage and warmth to your body. So, you open up even more.

“And Sullyoon-ah, it was more or less your fault!” You feel dizzy, Sullyoon’s frame becomes two copies of the same mirage, then four.

Until her soft voice brings you back to the current dimension. “Well, my fault?” Sullyoon giggles amusedly, she then grabs the same bottle of beer you just chugged and starts drinking it slowly.

Too slow to a point where you feel like it is performative, even.

Your gaze locks onto the agonizing fashion of how Sullyoon’s lips seal the opening of the glass bottle, and how she’s basically kissing the edge where your lips were on literally a minute ago. A twisted kind of urge starts forming from the bottom of your chest.

“Y... your fault.” You sound hollow and utterly defeated, your once favorite girl is again sharing the same drink with you. But now as someone else’s fiancé. “I thought it was a timeout, not a full-time whistle. I thought that... naively enough, I lost a lot of things when I made the decision of coming back here from Seoul. But I thought at least you’d still be around.” You stare at the glass table, feeling like the final bit of strength supporting your body is collapsing.

“Did I not?” Sullyoon hums quietly.

“Not when you wore a ring on your middle finger the first time I met you after two years.” You lay back onto the bench, closing your eyes.

You let this strange mixture of feelings capture your mind. Grief, yearn, regret and also the slimmest silver lining by the fact that Sullyoon is still listening to you speaking.

“Now that, I also had my reason. But it’s not the time for questions yet. Finish your story first, baby boy~” You’re immediately awaken from the dizziness. What on Earth did Sullyoon just call you? 

“What on Earth did you call me?” So you ask.

“Aw~ don’t get too sensitive, you’re yearning for the past. So I’m just reminding you about the past. Don’t lie, you liked it.” Sullyoon is already full-on smirking, but more from some sort of devastated relief, not happiness.

“Right. Anyway.” You shake your head, trying to gain some calmness back to your body. “Everything went wrong in Seoul; I was simply not the talent for the sheer amount of competition. Then I fucked up and didn’t get a PhD position in any of the schools I applied to. And I came back; I guess this part we all know.”

“Right, and then?”

“I felt very bad. Especially when... uhm... I saw that you were engaged.” You confess, “so I have to admit that I was being stupid, and I fell into a trap... to a rather... unhealthy relationship.”

“It seems to be more than unhealthy, at least according what Yoonchul said.” Sullyoon states, her fingers spinning on her ring again.

“W... why do you want to know about me so bad? I mean... my relationship.” You feel so exposed from the fact that not only Yoonchul told Sullyoon that you sent him, but also how miserable your current life is. So you raised your volume just a little bit, but in the end of the day? Sullyoon is not here to gossip on you.

“Don’t pretend you don’t want the same from me. Well, I just wanna make sure you can still afford to fold.” 

“Fold? I wanted to. But I was stuck in there too deep, I’m always afraid that if I leave her, I’d lose the final bit of comfort I can sometimes get. You know, when she’s at her kind state. But shit, I know I’m just coping. I freaking know it is not healthy to spend more than half of my salaries on buying designers’ items for her. And I’m also aware of the fact that I have no privacy life once I handed all of my social accounts and passwords to her.” Your eyes feel watery, so you signal Sullyoon to pass back the bottle of alcohol to you. She does. 

You look at the faint crimson at the rim of the bottle, deliberately pressing your lips onto the mark. You do it like it can turn back the time and bring you back to three years ago. Of course it cannot. Sullyoon looks at you knowingly, a mixture of exhaustion and hollowness creeps onto her face.

“I’ve been just coping, Sullyoon-ah. I didn’t dare to admit I made a big mistake.”

“What mistake?” Sullyoon rests her chin onto her palm, elbow on the handle of the couch. There is a faint hint of empathy in her tired but soft gaze. She cares.

“To give up my true love and all in for nothing, ended up losing both.” You smile, not because you’re happy or anything. It’s more about the sense of relief after being able to look back at the messy past and admit it was wrong. It takes courage that you apparently never had enough.

“I’m glad that you feel the same way. My instinct was right.” Sullyoon lets out a quiet hum, and her story begins too.

“You know? I knew you’re a smart guy, I always felt like that from the bottom of my heart. So when you told me you’re off for Seoul? I never expected you would come back.” Sullyoon looks at you, but you avoid her gaze otherwise you KNOW you’ll soon fall.

“Then? I started to think about if it was my own decision that had caused everything to burn. I COULD go with you, but I ended up feeling not to add an extra burden on you. But well, I always wished you the best. And it was not long after I entered the company, he started to approach me. Well, at least he acted like very sweet and considering. So I said yes when he asked me out, and right, I needed some emotional support as well. You weren’t the only one that felt bitter about the ending. Then? Then things accelerated quite quickly, I sometimes found him talking to other girls in the company too often. But I brushed it off as his Sales Manager nature: small talks here and there type of stuff. Until once when I went out for a drink because he wasn’t replying my message until 1 a.m.? I saw him at the bar, with his female clients. They fucking kissed, and it made me vomit.” Sullyoon sighs, trying to drink more beer from the same bottle but you had already finished every drop. She uncrosses her legs, burying her face in her hands for a split second, her shoulders tensing up as the scene of her own fiancé kissing another woman is rewinding in front of her right now. When she looks back up, the smirking, confident girl is gone. There is nothing left but a broken soul.

“Why didn’t you confront him then?” 

“Because I was too stupid and agreed to his engagement the week before. He felt like once that ring is on, it’s like a spell that can protect him from getting caught cheating. Well, I could’ve confronted him and broke up. But maybe as you say, it’s sometimes hard for people to admit they made a mistake themselves. I even wonder what made him start approaching me in the first place? My body huh? I need that courage just like you do, so I can say no. I just... sometimes wish I’m not this observant so I don’t deal with this mess. It is not that bad of a life, besides a flirty fiancé that’s always ‘with the clients’ after work.” Sullyoon looks at her ring, and gradually lets her story roll.

“Wow... I mean... I don’t really know what to say. Maybe we both made some mistakes...” you add on.

“So, it’s time to correct them.” 

“You ain’t wrong. It’s just... it’s too late.” You sigh, scratching your neck that is burning from the alcohol and something deeper than that. “I mean, I’ve already sent myself into a cage. And you’re already...”

Sullyoon doesn’t let you finish. Rarely.

“Nah, it’s never too late. You could quit nicotine when we were together. We can do this again. And we honestly should.” Sullyoon shifts her position right next to you, looking at you with eagerness and pure devastation.

You hesitate, not sure if proceeding is the correct and sane decision to make. But it is at this moment, you feel a strange sense of relief as your pack of cigarettes is sliding out of your pocket after Sullyoon just added weight on the side.

Maybe she’s right. It was easy to quit nicotine because she was there. But when Sullyoon’s gone, what can possibly help you quit the addiction of her?

Nothing.

“May I?” Sullyoon reaches even closer, her doe eyes are winking at you like the final hammer targeting on the shattering reality.

You exhale, closing your eyes. Your fate is destined.

Sullyoon quickly closes up the final distance left as she presses her lips onto yours. Your whole world is immediately converging into the space where your lips meet hers.

An odd sense of familiarity. It’s been too long. Your wrists spontaneously locate her slim waist and pulling her close. The quiet brushes of her jeans with yours is adding a layer of forbidden comfort amidst two chaotic worlds.

You let Sullyoon take the initiative, she keeps planting gentle but firm kisses onto your lips, as her manicured hands cup your face and caress your hair behind your neck.

“Hmm...” a breathy moan escapes from Sullyoon’s throat, shattering the elegant posture she’s been trying so hard to hold tonight. The overwhelming desperation is getting marked onto your soul by Sullyoon’s lips. Fuck. You missed the texture. So full, so juicy... and so pure.

Your hands are all over her slim frame already, fingers tracing her silhouette like you’re afraid that she’ll vanish into the void once your lips break apart.

You can’t hold it back anymore. The urge to break out of the cage overwhelms you and pushes you to override the so-called forbidden. You suddenly put your hands onto Sullyoon’s shoulders and shove her down to her back on the leather couch.

You straddle her beautiful body and climb on top of her, she lets you. When you reach close and look at Sullyoon’s big, doll-like eyes, you don’t find any resistance. You find her looking at you like you’re her savior, from her miserable relationship.

“Hhmph...” Sullyoon bites her bottom lips, her fingers interlocking yours like a signal that tells you to keep going. You dive down to start kissing her cheeks, her neck, and gradually down to her shoulder.

You start to gently unbutton Sullyoon’s white blouse. One, two, and three. You can already see the black straps of her bra beneath. Your finger trembles as you feel her body again, her collarbone is at full display. You attempt to remove the strap to get more access to the forgotten sanctuary of yours - the one that became your paradise - but also the one that made you feel like Hell after you’ve been forced out of it.

But a sudden noise scares both of you off. As you instantly jump off Sullyoon’s body, thinking if it is the staff member of the Karaoke that comes in to check-out. Sullyoon covers her half-exposed upper body with her jacket on the backrest of the bench.

But it only takes you two some extra seconds to find out it is simply a phone buzzing. To be more exact, there’re two phones buzzing.

Yours.

And Sullyoon’s.

“I think you’ve been waiting for it. Your phone was face up on the table for the whole night, and you checked it every other minute but nothing ever came through.” You take a deep breath, letting Sullyoon know that you’ve been looking at her too.

“Hhmn... I’m more curious about if your, uhm, controlling girlfriend is demanding a picture of your surrounding right now.

Remember to leave me out of it.” Sullyoon giggles, but her lips are curving up after hearing what you just said.

“Haha, why don’t we figure it out together?” You surprisingly are not afraid to receive that “checking in” from your girlfriend anymore. You unlock your phone and put it onto Sullyoon’s palm.

“Would you kindly read what did she send me?” You raise an eyebrow with mischief.

“Oh, of course, my ‘dear’.” Sullyoon seemingly knows your implication.

“Darling, I’m hitting up the next bar for Round 2, won’t be back ‘til afternoon tomorrow. Don’t bother me until then, just let me know where you are right now. And remember that hand cream~?” Sullyoon reads it out slowly word by word, using an exaggerated bratty tone that makes you cackle.

“And that’s just a snippet, but well I guess I don’t have to take a picture. Would you type ‘I already got back to my place’ for me? Darling? Pretty please?” You smirk.

“Aw~ of course! Meanwhile, would you kindly read me what my fiancé just said?” Sullyoon does a bowing gesture as she swiftly unlocks her phone and hands it to you as well.

“That’s a sure. And he said, ‘Business tonight, meeting clients in the bar. Don’t have to wait for me, goodnight.’ Quoted directly from your hard-working fiancé.” You intentionally emphasize the last two words, making Sullyoon giggle on the couch. “Do you want me to send anything back?”

“No, just leave it on Read. Like how he does all the time.” Sullyoon stands up, putting her jackets on.

“Yeah, honestly? Fuck them.” You follow her, getting on to your feet too.

“Fuck them.” Sullyoon agrees.

“I’m sorry miss, I believe I was a bit rushed. But I know a place nearby that can allow us to have some... deep in conversation undisturbed.” You deadpan.

“Say less. Lead the way.” Sullyoon gives your ass a lovingly spank as you start walking out of the Karaoke.

You two both laugh.

When the so-called “taboo” is screaming on your face, telling you to break it apart? There isn’t any reason not to.

And that’s why you’re holding Sullyoon’s hand and leading her to the discreet lovers’ hotel in the next block.

The place you two always went, when either of your roommates filed some sort of ... noise complaint back when you two were technically glued onto each other, especially at nights.

———

“I find this very thrilling.” You say, as the late-night street is greeting you with a cool breeze. That makes you feel like the burdens were taken off from you.

“I know right?” Sullyoon holds your hand tighter.

And neither of you says anything in the next ten minutes of walk.

The next time your consciousness is back online, you’re already walking on the hallway on the soft carpet of the hotel.

Your hands are shaking as you nervously tap the room key onto the door.

“BEEP!” The green light goes up, like the final approval for your actions.

Sullyoon shoves you right on to the door after impatiently kicking it closed.

““Mmph... you still taste the same. But you smoked again.” Sullyoon leaves your lips for a brief moment to get some air.

“Fuck, it was kinda tough without you. Needed some quick comfort.” You pull her closer again, not letting her wait for too long like the past years. Sullyoon’s tight body pushes her weight onto your chest, the wooden door protests by making a squeaky sound. But you don’t care.

You grab Sullyoon’s full and juicy ass through the denim, feeling her alluring curves with hunger. You lean down to kiss her, Sullyoon rests her hands on your shoulder. Meanwhile her lips dance with yours. Your half-conscious mind is soon getting knocked out with how smooth her kissing skill is. You missed it.

Her tongue is swirling pass through your lips, meeting yours in your mouth. The wet, sloppy sound echoes through the tiny but comfy hotel room. None of you had bothered to turn on the lights, it’s just the faint, silver moonlight through the half-closed curtain. Someone might see you from the building across the street, but you’re too desperate to care about them. You just let the moonlight shower onto Sullyoon’s small but insanely alluring frame.

You keep taking Sullyoon’s soft little kisses - as it should be - especially when during your relationship, she had always been the one that takes the initiative. Don’t ever estimate the ... dedication and mighty will she has behind that seemingly innocent baby face, especially in bed.

Your palms have shifted upwards; your fingers finally feel her midriff after pushing her tank top up. The warmth makes you feel so safe, and so anchored. Her body is radiating waves of energy that keeps your adrenaline flowing and flowing, so much better than the hollow, lifeless heat from lighting a cigarette.

Your hands slide up and down on the side of her body, letting the smooth texture of her skin greet your trembling fingers. Sullyoon smirks, biting your lower lip gently like she’s punishing you for being so rushing.

But well, she can’t really blame you. Because she is literally your salvation. Your salvation that makes you forget the mess, at least temporarily.

“It seems like someone really missed me.” Sullyoon teases, as she breaks apart the kiss and instead hovers her lips onto your ear. “Show me you’re still my good boy~ my favorite good boy, will you?” She injects lethal whispers into your ear while blowing soft air through your earlobe.

Your body shakes violently as her words dealt more damage you could’ve controlled. As much as you want to keep a little bit of resistance, the past memory of how you willingly let Sullyoon take control of you had caused your mind to melt.

You craved so badly of the comfort and safety of letting Sullyoon lead the way. She’d decide the positions, the plays and you simply oblige. You now realize how sexy that is, in comparison of your current relationship where the intimate moments between you and your girlfriend are more like a transaction.

More like a transaction that has a price tag made of designers’ items and total surveillance and mental control.

But with Sullyoon, it was different. And it still is. It is the sheer amount of love you had in front of the favorite girl of yours. It is the mutual trust and respect that shaped many of the unforgettable moments with her.

And Sullyoon reignited the ashes in your heart at the most desperate moment possible. That’s enough to make you fold. “Mmph... yes... Sullyoon-ah, I fucking missed it.” You cup her face, looking straight into her doe eyes as your clearest signal.

“Still my good boy. Come on, bed?” Sullyoon tugs the collar of your shirt playfully, just enough to let you know that the chain is back on again. But the chain made of caring and trust, instead of neglecting and control.

You follow her, and she shoves you onto the soft, clean bed. Sullyoon quickly dives down to start kissing all over your face again. You let out a few soft hums, she’s finally back.

Your body is still honest, and has very good muscle memory. As Sullyoon continues her kisses all over you, your shaft down below is already painfully hard. A visible bulge forms beneath your sweatpants as you feel her body on yours after years of absence.

“Fuck... Sullyoon, let’s move on. You’re getting me so hard already.” You groan, trying to persuade her to dive deeper than just the shallow kisses.

“No, baby~ Not yet.” Sullyoon pouts, looking at you amusedly. “You left me waiting for too long, and right when I gave up hope? You came back again. That was so evil of you. Is it not?”

“Shit... I’m sorry, Sullyoon-ah. But can we talk about it later? I’m ... fuck!” Your breath hitch as she palms your erected length through the fabric. You hip bucks upwards, trying to chase after the friction. But she instead uses the very same hand to cover your mouth.

“You don’t call the shot tonight, baby boy~ let me see if that freaky girl changed you... Or are you still the same good boy for me.” Sullyoon teases, while you can only leave out mumbled groans with your covered mouth.

She’s still the same. She only wants yourself. Because she loves you. And that’s why you always gave her everything, and things aren’t seeming to change tonight either.

“Hmmph....” You instinctively kiss and suck her thumb when Sullyoon slides it in between your lips. Her other hand guides your palms onto her chest. “Let me feel it, baby boy. Show me how you missed me like this, making you give me everything.”

“Holy fuck...” You mutter as you slide your hands beneath her tank top and bypass her bra, directly feeling her gorgeous tits again.

They are still soft like before. Even though you cannot see it directly, you manage to locate her nipples and brush them with your fingers. Sullyoon immediately feels the pleasure as you witness her biting her bottom lip in such an agonizing fashion. Her cheeks are slightly blushed, eyelids half-closed like she’s enjoying herself.

Of course she is, that’s when she pulls her thumb out of your mouth, wipes it on your face and leans down to kiss you. Before you have time to feel the wetness on your face, she already greets you again with her lips.

“Yes, just like that... my good boy.” Sullyoon says, tilting her head slightly just to get a better angle to savor you.

“Mmph... I missed you; I missed you so fucking bad...” you manage to leave out a few airy groans between kisses. But your fingers never stop their dedicated work. You grab a handful of her soft tits and squeeze them into shapes. Your fingers are shaking slightly everything you brush through her sensitive nipples as how the firm and perky texture contrasts with the rest of her wonderful buns. So does she, Sullyoon never stops kissing you as you play with her wonderful tits. Her face is getting blushed so pink, that even makes you think if it was the alcohol from earlier.

She seemingly drank a lot.

Sullyoon finally pats your hands gently, signaling you as she’s calling the shot to move to the next action. She leaves one long, wet kiss and pulls apart. A long string of saliva still remains attached between you two’s lips. Sullyoon cuts it off with the back of her hand and casually wipes it down on your shirt.

“Baby, do you still remember the old way?” She looks at you mischievously, starting to pull her tank top up in a tormenting manner. Each second she moves it up an inch, revealing more of her full, gorgeous midriff. And your hands uncontrollably reach on to her soft waist.

“Yes Sullyoon, I’d never forget that.” You dive your face into her chest, greedily acquire her deadly scent. Vanilla, floral and fresh. Unlike the dreadful bitterness of your nicotine.

And you start the old ritual, which was for you two to undress each other in the intimate moments at night. You slowly slide your hands up her slim waist after you sneak a kiss on her tits through her tank top.

“Naughty, just like before. Come on, do it quick so I can also strip my good boy too.” Sullyoon moans lightly from your kiss, but her body is cooperative. She raises her arms to both sides of her face, making sure you can swiftly slide her tank top off her body.

Then it comes to her bra, the only barrier between that pair of flawless tits which occasional drove you crazy and made you doubt your sanity. Your sanity when you decided to abandon them and head up to Seoul to achieve mostly two things - torturing yourself and giving your regrets in the future.

You freeze, staring at her plain black bra, her nipples are hard, visibly behind the thin piece of fabric. You have her at this very moment, but how long can tonight last? When the morning comes, you will both be going back to your own cages. The cages which both of you voluntarily locked yourselves in.

“Why are you staring? Hmm?” Sullyoon notices.

“I... I want tonight to go slower.” You let out a sarcastic laugh.

“We can make tonight last forever. We just need the courage. Now come on, undress me, and we fuck. And we think about the mess next time when we wake up.” Sullyoon just sees through your mind. She fucking knows you more than you do. She gives you a smile with sympathy, unhooking her bra from behind in a fluid motion.

“Yes...” you oblige. You kiss her shoulder and the bra strap; you bite down to the strap and slides it down her shoulder. Repeat for the other side. You do it slow, worshipping every inch of her skin.

Finally, the final piece of clothing on Sullyoon’s upper body is gone. You stare at her flawless frame in awe - her nipple is pink and hard, just like a cherry on top of her soft tits below it. You desperately want a taste.

“Like what you see?” Sullyoon smirks, literally grabbing you by your neck and she gently pushes your face onto her chest. “Be my baby boy again tonight and come make me feel good.”

“Mmm... yes...” the moment of contact lights up a fire both on your face and on your itching length. You feel her smooth skin with your face and takes in her deadly scent with your nose. And obviously that’s not enough when your face is in between Sullyoon’s two tits. So you start worshipping her, leaving open-mouthed kisses everywhere. Each time when you come across her nipple, you intentionally suck it in and brush it with your tongue like you’re trying to suck the cherry fruit off of its seed. Sullyoon is drown into the sensation, she presses on your shoulder and pushes you all the way until your back hits the backboard.

Then she straddles your laps and sits onto your stomach, while both of her hands grabbing your heads to make you worship her gorgeous boobs more. The faint mark of your saliva is clinging onto her small yet surprisingly full frame, shining under the faint moonlight through the plastic curtain. You don’t bother to slide it off, you don’t bother to turn on the lights either. You simply keep kissing and licking Sullyoon’s tits under the moonlight. Neither of you are afraid that there can be a certain “audience” across the street, maybe in the end of the day? It is not two people cheating on their partners.

It feels more like two lost faithful seeking salvations in their own desperate way.

Especially when both of your other-half has their own “business” to take care of.

“Mmph... Sullyoon, you still taste so good.” You mumble, as you slowly drag you tongue through her perky nipple for the one last time.

“Hmmph... it’s just the appetizer; the main dish is not even served.” There is a grin with mischief on Sullyoon’s flushed baby face. “Lie down on your back, babe~ I’m about to have some real fun with ya~” She whispers right into your ear. Your body shakes, and a wet spot is soon found on the tip of your tent down below.

She sees it of course, and she taps your leaking tip through the fabric with her nails. You hip bucks up, humping the air for nothing.

“Please... take it off already!” You hiss, as the desire is overpowering your sanity.

“Aw~ you’re getting so horny, I always liked how you squirm beneath me. It turned me on so much~ and it still does, see?” Sullyoon quickly takes off her soaked panties and throws it onto your chest, you feel her warmth and the wetness from her arousal at the same time.

Sullyoon then puts her hands onto your waist band, “Hips up, baby.” And you do exactly that. It only takes a full second before she slides both of your pants and your boxers down to your ankles. Your hardened and leaking shaft finally spring free; it smacks onto your stomach before bouncing back and pointing straight up towards the ceiling.

“Hmm... that’s about the right size like before.” Sullyoon mumbles.

“H...huh?” You were busy brushing aside her soaked pantie that she just randomly discarded onto your chest.

“Good, because that means the bitch didn’t drain you dry.” She says through her teeth. “You left me, but you’re still mine... at least for tonight, do you know that?” Sullyoon strokes your cock, just one single long and slow pump.

“Mmph... yes Sullyoon, yes... I’m yours, all fucking yours. Just please, more...” a drop of clear precum immediately oozes through your slit as she strokes you. You quickly beg for more, only for Sullyoon to giggle.

“How cute~ still like that greedy boy before. Come on, you know the drill. Now the main dish is served, but be sure to eat it properly ~” Sullyoon seems satisfied, she pushes her body even upper onto your chest, straddles around your ribs as you now lie onto your back completely flat. Her shaved, glistening pussy is just inches away from your face.

“Sullyoon, fuck...” you call her name but soon gets cut off as she sinks herself right onto your face. Your nose is brushing her pelvis and your mouth opens itself to greet Sullyoon’s pink, wet and warm folds.

“Mmph...” You moan, because she is a freaking delicacy. The mix of her arousal, her floral perfume and the faint hint of her vanilla body lotion are ruthlessly capturing every single cell in your nose. You get addicted to the taste back in the day, more addicted to nicotine and that’s why you could quit smoking with relative ease.

You dart out your tongue to lap around her pussy, you instantly feel her body is shaking a little. Sullyoon was sensitive with your tongue, she still is.

“Sullyoon, I missed this so bad. You taste so fucking good.” You throw out a few mumbled syllables as your tongue is still busily tasting Sullyoon’s swollen folds. 

“And your mouth still feels the same, doing so well for me. Mmph...” You know Sullyoon is enjoying the pleasure from her breathy moans, so you flick your tongue on to her clit and suck it gently with your mouth.

“H...holy shit, right there, right there!” Sullyoon’s body is shaking as you assault her most sensitive area, she grabs your hair tightly and tries to hold your face in position.

You wouldn’t move an inch, even without her doing so. You can feel that her juice is starting to drip on your tongue, you eagerly lap every single drop of it clean. Her legs straddle your upper body progressively tighter as you speed up your oral work on her pussy.

“Mmph, baby boy... don’t stop! I’m close...” Sullyoon groans, as she leans down and grabs your thighs for balance. You’re already a goner in her heavenly scent and addicting taste, your cock throbs painfully into the air. You feel her tiny hands near that area, but you can’t see how close they are from your itching length, because in your sight there is nothing but Sullyoon’s pussy and her flat tummy. Her flat tummy that you are dying to make a bulge in.

You hump once, trying to chase any sort of friction you could. But it was only the warm air in the hotel room that greets you. “P...please, Sullyoon, stroke it for me. I’m getting so freaking hard eating you out.” Your hands find Sullyoon’s perfect ass and gently squeeze it.

“N...not until I come first, babe~ Now come on, show me how badly you want my hands on your twitching cute little cock, show me how you are still my favorite good boy...” Sullyoon grabs your wrists and pin both of your hands above you head, right at the headboard of the bed. You’re in a position that fully surrendered yourself. Sullyoon’s fingertip is hovering right above your slit, you can already feel her manicured nail touching your leaking tip. But she stops right there, you want to thrust into her warm hands so bad.

But it was this move from her that broke the dam. “M...mommy....yes....” You slip, as an unstoppable pleasure spreads across your body. You feel utterly safe. Sullyoon being in control is hot, but what’s hotter is how willing both your mind and your body are to submit themselves to the girl you truly trust. 

Your movements start to accelerate in a nearly frantic manner. You make big slurpy sounds as your tongue keeps fucking into her wet folds, you tilt your chin to accommodate the angle of Sullyoon riding your face. 

“F...fuck, I’m close! I’m gonna come... on your stupid face...Mmph!” It doesn’t take too long before your frantic licking and gentle sucking on her clit push her to the climax. After one last time you lips seal around her clit and a wet kiss, Sullyoon releases herself right on your face. Her thighs clamp your chest so hard that you feel like your ribs are about to break in halves. Her hands press your head down to the pillow and suffocates you with her flood. Your world blacks out as she loses her balance and sits right on your face during the orgasm. You can only (but also voluntarily) take in every single drop of her orgasm into your mouth and nose. Maybe you are running out of air if she doesn’t lift herself up soon, but frankly, this isn’t a horrible way to leave.

You keep eating her out through her orgasm, and right when you’re about to pass out, Sullyoon finally lifts herself off your face and collapses to your side. She rests her head on your shoulder, her hands lazily playing with your painfully hard shaft. Slowly, albeit you’re already desperate for release.

“That was intense...” she finally speaks, sounds exhausted but satisfied at the same time.

“And is it finally my turn?” 

“Maybe, maybe not.” Sullyoon teases you even more, like she’s about to use a lighter in a pool of gasoline. “And did you just call me mommy?” Her hand never stops caressing your throbbing cock, she alternates between agonizing strokes and teasingly tapping your tip with her elegant fingers.

“Mmph... we... we don’t really talk about that.” You squeeze the words between your teeth as the stimulation starts to become unbearable. But you’re still obedient, your hands are still over your head despite she’s not grabbing your wrists anymore.

“We surely have to talk about that, what’s so good calling me mommy? Hmm? My baby boy?” Sullyoon spits onto her small hands, and you moan out loud as she resumes to stroke you with her lubricant. Slick, wet, warm.

“Because I wanna be yours, Sullyoon-Ah... fuck, I’m all yours. Please more...” You confess, hoping it will earn your release soon.

“Good, I’m happy to hear you say that.” Sullyoon speeds up her pumping, her other hand now playing with your balls. “You wanna cum?” 

“Yes, Yes!” 

“Then give it to me, cum when your mommy is stroking you so nicely.” Her voice is like honey, melting your overwhelmed brain.

“Shit... mommy Sullyoon, I’m.... I’m gonna cum!” You mutter, as the pleasure is sky high. The threshold is met. 

But she stops abruptly right at the edge. Both hands off your body, you scold out loud in frustration and meanwhile, a solid stream of precum leaks out of your overstimulated length.

“Fuck!” Your chest goes up and down violently, before you react to do it yourself, Sullyoon already grabs your hands again.

“Aw~ someone doesn’t like waiting. But you left me here waiting for too long, baby boy~ now this is your punishment.” Sullyoon’s little smug is so dangerous.

“I... I’m sorry! I never knew I hurt you this bad...” you shout, squirming on the comfy bed while getting your hands pinned over your head.

“Now you know. Say it yourself. Is it a good idea to abandon your lovely girlfriend and go to Seoul? For a life that’s even worse than before?” Sullyoon gets a bit emotional, you can see the sides of her eyes are getting watery. 

“I... I was stupid! I was too ambitious and overconfident! I ... oh please, I’ll do anything, just continue.” You half beg half apologize.

“That’s simple, tell me who owns you.” She pouts with triumph.

“You, Sullyoon. I’m all yours, fuck!” 

“Nice. Very nice. See? That crazy bitch can take away your money, she can take away your passwords. But your body and your soul are still mine, always mine. And you are like a mess when you leave me, do you understand?” Sullyoon stares at you like she’s going to pierce through your heart. But you already fully folded too long ago.

“Yes mommy, I... I’m always mommy’s good boy.” You exhale, telling the secret that you tried to fool yourself otherwise.

“Good, now you get your award~” Sullyoon smirks, as she lets go of your hands and relocates her body between your legs. She hovers her face right on your cock, giving you a knowing smile and she take you in with her mouth.

Holy shit.

You almost come in three seconds. The way how her soft lips create the most perfect seal around your tip which had been desperate for friction over the past thirty minutes. The first contact is short, she simply wraps her lips around your tip and soon releases it with a loud, wet pop.

Sullyoon looks into your eyes, like she’s daring you for what’s to come. She then dives back to the business, this time taking you all the way in.

“H....holy shit.” You hitch, as your whole throbbing cock is enveloped by Sullyoon’s pair of red lips.

Sullyoon takes you in. Deep. She gags a little bit as your hard length hits her uvula, a stream of her saliva drips down at the side of her mouth. She adjusts herself, spitting you out before relaxing her muscles and takes every inch of you into her warm little mouth again.

“Fuck... Sullyoon, you’re still good at this.” Your head falls backwards, you grab the sheet with both of your hands to try to delay the building pleasure from below. She doesn’t stop, instead she blows you even faster and harder.

Every time she takes you in, Sullyoon would drag her tongue along the bottom side of your shaft, making you itch and twitch violently in her mouth. And when she lifts her mouth to let you get some breathing room? She’d squeeze her lips around your swollen tip, creating that wet seal like a vacuum. A vacuum to suck out every single drop of your essence, all that juice you were saving since you last released yourself two weeks ago because your girlfriend allowed you to touch her in exchange of a new purse.

“Fuck, Sullyoon, I’m... I’m close.” You groan painfully, because Sullyoon is now ruthlessly drawing circles with the tip of her tongue around your slit, the most sensitive part of your cock.

Sullyoon doesn’t say anything, instead she responds to you by giggling your full, ready-to-go balls with her small hands. Seconds later, the sensation starts to become unbearable. Sullyoon doesn’t stop, she violently fucks you with her mouth and her tongue is dancing around the veiny cock, making sure the stimulation comes from all directions. You soon succumb.

“Fuck! Sullyoon!” You call her name in desperation, yet the pleasure sends waves after waves of heat to your stomach, and then your crotch. Your leg muscles become tense, your toes curl spontaneously and your cock twitches hard. Pumps and pumps of your hot, thick juice directly explode inside Sullyoon’s mouth. She swallows the first strand or two, as it is so strong that your cum directly travels down her throat. The aftershocks are merciless also, you can feel a pool of your semen is formed inside her warm mouth.

You manage to pull out, the tip of your length is still red and swollen, partially from Sullyoon’s lipsticks but more from the sensation that just made you ascend to heaven. You breath heavily, your shaft gradually calms down and softens. There are still a few drops of remaining juice of yours that drip down onto your stomach, but you’re too exhausted to care. You pant, fingers caressing Sullyoon’s hair as she covers her half-open mouth with her hand. You can see the mouthful of cream soup you just made inside her, and she climbs on top of you. Sullyoon pads the headboard gently, signaling you to sit up. You do so, while commenting her as the huge dose of oxytocin from your violent cumming. “Holy shit Sullyoon, your... your mouth is insane. You fucking drained me dry.”

“Ont say anyying, Cwose yaw eyes wawy.” Sullyoon grins, and you think she just told you to not say anything and close your eyes.

Ah! She is definitely going to play a magic trick! You close your eyes, and the cream soup in your mouth is gone. Yummy in her tummy. Definitely!

“Aw come on, you don’t have to be shy. It’s not the first time I see you drink it all.” You smirk like you’ve just conquered the world. How cute of a girl Sullyoon is! But you still follow her instruction like the good boy you are. Sometimes you just gotta cooperate, no?

Turns out you are very wrong.

Sullyoon claps your face playfully. And the following three things happen one by one.

Your mouth opens itself.

Your brain realizes something is off.

You open your eyes but it’s too late.

Because Sullyoon opens her mouth while winking her doe eyes directly into you, and a thick string of your own cum mixed with her saliva lands precisely to your waiting mouth.

Holy shit. Your heart sinks to your stomach as she forces your mouth open by stretching your cheeks towards opposite sides.

“What the fuck?” You mumble, but Sullyoon stops you by doing the “shhh” gesture on your lips.

“Taste it.” She orders. Voice soft, but with no room for negotiation.

You stare at her in awe, but you feel this strange urge to simply obey to everything she says. Because your body apparently knows she is the right person that you can trust. You feel safe with her. You crave for her dominance over you because you know she’s doing it not to hurt you.

So your gaze locks in with hers, and you oblige by opening your mouth wide and swallowing everything in a big gulp. “Yes...Mommy....” You realize you are hard again, and so does she.

“Good boy. Such a good boy for me.” Sullyoon then presses her lips onto yours, and you two start to exchange this wet, obscene kiss with a lot of your own cum getting involved in the process. It tastes odd, you don’t know if you like it. But you know for sure that you fucking crave the taste and texture Sullyoon’s lips.

“Mmph... Sullyoon, it feels so lewd.” You hiss during the brief moment while catching air.

“It is indeed, my baby boy... you should try it yourself so you know how fucking addictive your juice tastes. So addictive that I can never have enough of it even it’s been a few years.” Sullyoon says lovingly, her hands cupping your face like she’s getting to know you again after years of absence. “You’re doing it so well, drinking it all for me when I told you to. Look at how your own cum is still on your lips. You’re so fucking cute, my good boy~” She then wipes off a drop of your milk that went on to your lips with her finger. Without needing her to say anything, you suck it in and lick it clean obediently.

“You... you’re insane for that Sullyoon, but I have to admit... that’s hot....” You try to acquire more of that taste from her finger, she lets you.

“Look at how you’re sucking my finger like a little boy slut you are for me, I bet that bitch can never, hmm?” Sullyoon seems to quite enjoying herself as she sits on top of your chest and watches you squirming beneath her, but what she just said isn’t that enjoyable for both of you at this moment.

It was rather a brutal countdown before you all go back to your cells. “And I bet your ‘fiancé’ is letting another woman to do this to him right fucking now.” You sigh, not trying to fight back against what she just said. But more like a helpless realization that as much you feel like in paradise under the silver moonlight, in this safe little corner of the town? Next time when the sun rises… You two are converging back to your own destinies.

“Let’s not worry about that for now, babe. I wanna really feel you tonight, we’re not done yet.” Sullyoon forced a faint smile, maybe the reality recaptures her mind as well. She doesn’t feel as calm all of a sudden.

She then reaches her right hand out, planting a kiss on your forehead gently. “Take this ring off for me, good boy.” Sullyoon takes a deep breath.

“W…what? I... I can’t! I’m not supposed to.” You are surprised for her sudden request, or rather, a command.

“We are not supposed to cheat on our partners and fuck in a love hotel while drunk.” Sullyoon says, emotionlessly.

“Well, is it still the case when our so-called partners are being a dick themselves?” You sigh.

“Exactly, so say less.” She nods.

You finally agree, holding her wrist lightly and takes that diamond ring off Sullyoon’s middle finger. The moonlight reflects on the tiny diamond piece on top of the ring, but you don’t get blinded by the cold and icy light. You instead drop it onto the wooden nightstand beside you and let the ring drown in darkness.

“Good. Now we do it. Old ways.” Sullyoon smiles like you just took a big burden away from her.

“Aw, come on! I thought I can finally get some control!” Seeing her smile eases the anxiety deep inside you as well, you joke. Well, because the old ways you two had on bed? Basically, Sullyoon decided how much and in what ways she uses you.

Honestly? You needed this. Because you come to the realization where the hottest control isn’t forced. It should be mutual, and voluntary. You let Sullyoon take the lead, or rather, you WANT her to do so. More or less because you trust her so much that even she’s the one on top, she will always make sure to make it feel good for you. Maybe it was the lovely praises every ten seconds, maybe it was the cuddles and the fluffy aftercare she did with you.

But those were what made you feel safe and loved, not like how you are owing someone money or your freedom for every thrust she “allows” you to. Of course, this “someone” in context is definitely your current girlfriend. She makes you feel like sex is a trade, but Sullyoon let you understand it is about mutual affection and respect.

“Come on, you liked it every time.” That’s why you respond with a knowing smirk when she pulls out a condom after reaching for her purse.

“You seem to be well-prepared to fuck someone.” You tease.

“I should rather say it’s the loneliness that did stuff to me.” She peels it open, but then hesitated for a split of second. Sullyoon then throws it away, letting the latex land on the sheet. “No, I decided to actually feel you again tonight.”

“Wow, that’s a bold move. You sure that he is your future husband but I’m the father of your child?” You joke.

“I wouldn’t mind you being both, but fuck it. Just pull out in time and we’re good.” Sullyoon doesn’t wait for further ado, as she sinks herself all the way down onto your re-hardened cock in one go.

“Mmph... yes....” you let out a few mumbled subconsciously as she greets you with her wet and warm pussy. Damn, she is as tight as you remembered her to be. Maybe, just maybe, there weren’t a lot of stretching-her-open that took place in the past a few years.

“Mmph... you’re big still. Getting hard again for me, such a good boy. Uh...” Sullyoon interlocks her fingers with yours as she starts to slowly roll her hips.

Her walls clench against your cock in every angle, milking you completely. You thrust upwards, trying to chase as much friction as possible. But Sullyoon decides how much you can get; her weight is all slammed down on you after the slow motion of she releasing you almost to the tip before sitting back down.

Your cock gets harder than the first climax, as the familiar feeling of her pussy is back again. You close your eyes, trying to feel her body as your ex is riding your cock in such an agonizing fashion.

“Oh yes... I can feel it; I can feel your cock spreading me so well. It’s doing a good job for its mommy, Mmph...” Sullyoon’s voice is like a drug, assaulting your already horny brain.

“Fuck... yes, you’re so tight. I... I can’t last long if you keep milking me like this, shit...” you say between your teeth, enjoying how Sullyoon’s tight walls are clenching around you. Your fingers are still locking with hers, Sullyoon’s hands are a bit cold, but her folds are like s torch that’s lighting up a fire down below.

“Holy, you’re so big... going in so deep.” Sullyoon moans, as your length pounds deep into her every time she sinks down. “Mmph... g... gonna cum!” She lets out a few breathy moans as she releases one of your hands and starts rubbing her clit with her fingers.

“Damn, you’re so freaking tight. Come for me Sullyoon-Ah, give me all. I missed it so bad.” You groan, as your hips trying their best to match the accelerating rhythms of the wet slapping sound of Sullyoon riding you.

Her body jolts as her fingers are practically dancing on her swollen clit. You can feel how much wetter she is getting, her juice keeps crating that lubrication and makes friction almost non-existent. Your cock slides in and out of her pussy with ease, each time you thrust, her walls spasm and squeeze you tighter.

“So... so good. C... coming!” Sullyoon lets out a few mumbled words as she bites her lips to try to resist the flood of upcoming pressure. But she soon gives in to the sensation from both of her fingers in her clit and your cock that’s stuffed deep inside her.

She slams down on you for the one last time and she comes. Her pussy pulses rhythmically and releases her own juice while wrapping around your cock, her nails dig deep into the skin on the back of your hand.

But you don’t feel any pain, not when you see the prettiest face in pure pleasure and when you hear the loveliest hymn on this world, namely Sullyoon’s quite but satisfied hums.

“Holy fuck, that was intense.” She lifts herself off of you, her own juice dripping down to your stomach in a thick string. Your cock is glistening from Sullyoon’s climax, waiting for its turn to release your pleasures.

Sullyoon lies down beside you, praising you with her usual calm and soft tone. “Good boy, you stretched me open so well... I came right on your cock and it felt so fucking good. You’ve earned your reward, now it’s your turn to come.” Sullyoon says.

“Mmph... yes, Sullyoon-Ah. I wanna come so bad.” You mutter.

“You get to choose where you wanna finish on. My tits? My face? You pick.” She seems satisfied.

“Your face. Holy shit. I wanna paint your pretty face, Sullyoon-ah. The prettiest face I’ve ever seen.”

“Okay~ then give mommy a facial with your filthy seeds. Now kneel and pump yourself, baby boy~” Sullyoon knows exactly how to set you on fire, especially when she inserts her dominance with such an adorable, seemingly innocent face.

“Yes...” you oblige, sitting up and getting onto your knees sideways on the bed. Beneath you, Sullyoon lies on her back and her face is right below your cock. You start stroking, as Sullyoon’s flawless face just simply turns you on.

“Nice, now describe what you see~ and remind me, who owns this cock? Hehehe” She darts her tongue out, giving your frenulum a slow lick. That’s enough to drive you totally crazy, you thrust rapidly into your own hand pussy. Filthy words are leaving your lips without control as you are a goner in front of her gorgeous frame.

“Fuck... Sullyoon, I’m all yours. Everything. Fuck.” You curse out loud as just how her flawless face is right in front of you, waiting for you to paint her with your very own milk. Her cheeks are pink from the arousal, the eyeliner is leaving a faint mark on both sides of her eyes from her gagging on your cock earlier. But Sullyoon’s eyes are always the most alluring. Her face is so small in size, only slightly longer than your fully erected length. But gosh, her doe eyes. They always wink at you in the most innocent way possible, well, even when she’s feeding you your own cum or pinning your wrists to the walls.

“Y... your face? I’ll never forget it in my entire fucking life. Sullyoon-Ah, your eyes alone are enough to make me fall for you. Holy...” the lewd thoughts pushed your right hand to pump harder and faster, while Sullyoon simply lies there in her back, looking at you endearingly with a smug grin on her face.

“Good boy~ I love it when you’re being so honest. Now you earned it, let me help you get there. Hands on your back, no more touching yourself.” Sullyoon smirks, as she takes over and starts stroking your leaking cock again with her soft hands.

“Mmph.... fuck.” You try your best to follow Sullyoon’s instruction and tug your arms to the side of your body. But your hips are losing control and bucking forward on their own, because Sullyoon keeps scratching your sensitive, swollen head with her manicured nails. You feel so itchy, precum keeps leaking out of your slit. You feel like you’re walking in a maze blindfolded, it’s so thrilling because you don’t know when Sullyoon is going to give you your release.

“So... itchy, more please...” You groan, thrusting into her hand just to chase for any more possible frictions. But Sullyoon simply switches being drawing circles on your tip with her nails and rubbing your frenulum. “Watch our baby boy, if you thrust too hard? What if my nails ‘accidentally’ go into your little slit here? I never knew you like sounding, hmm?” She teases as your entire body freezes besides your twitching cock, you’re not ready to accept foreign objects into your penis. Yet.

“Hmm... please, I... I just wanna come so bad.” You beg, despite you know for a fact that Sullyoon likes it when you fall for her.

“Okay~ maybe I’ll let you, you’ve been a good boy for me tonight.” She spits onto her hand, finally starting to actually pump your entire shaft instead of scratching you and making you beg.

“Yes, oh yes... just like that.” Your eyes shut closed, breath hitching. You feel the muscles around your thigh and stomach start to tighten, and your back arches forward. You gradually pick up your speed and fuck into Sullyoon’s wet, smooth hand and it doesn’t take long for the pleasure to overwhelm you.

“Cum for me, baby boy... give me all of the juice that you’ve been saving up. Paint my face with your seeds. Mmph yes~” Sullyoon keeps stroking you fast, and as you thrust deep into her hand pussy for one more time, you cum for a second time.

Ropes after ropes of your white juice splash directly onto Sullyoon’s waiting face. The first shot is not as strong and it dribbles down onto her cheek, mixing with her makeups and it just looks extra lewd. The second wave is much stronger, as they go pass her hand and land on her chest. The rest of them pretty much all land on her hand and dripping down along her wrist.

“Holy fuck... that was intense.” You breathe deeply, not even bothering for your numbing legs for kneeling there too long. Sullyoon looks at her cum-covered hand and she puts it right in front of her face. She sniffs, then licks it off her hand with a mischievous smirk on her face. “Tastes so good, can’t let them go to waste.” Sullyoon then pads your head softly, “Come one baby boy, you look so empty. Hehehe.”

You exhale, lying down on her side. Your head resting near her shoulder like you always did back in the days. She rests her hand on your face; you instinctively take in her fingers into your mouth and licks your remaining juice on her. “Sullyoon... you’re unreal. I wanna just cuddle with you until sunrise.” You wrap your arms around her petite body with perfect curves, whispering into her ear gently.

“Still my good boy, aren’t ya? But I think we need to take a shower first, and we can cuddle and sleep until we wake up. You down?” Sullyoon brushes your hair with her fingers, offering you to extend the short-lasting freedom overnight.

“Hell yeah, bet ‘they’ won’t be back to town until later, huh?” You sigh, implying your girlfriend who’s maybe flirting some rich guys in a bar. And as well as her fiancé, maybe having a late-night conversation with one of his important clients.

“Thanks for reminding me, almost left my ring on the nightstand.” Sullyoon reaches for her ring as she stands up and goes to the bathroom. “Together?”

“Hell yeah.” You follow her in.

The warm steam soon fogs up the mirror, you stare into the reflection of the two former lover birds. But all you see is how the two silhouettes are fading into the haze until your faves become blurry and totally unrecognizable.

“Fuck it, we have until tomorrow.” You slam on the sink, turning around to join Sullyoon in the shower room. Which, her curves are still that alluring even in the mist.

“I know what you’re thinking. I guess we both have some serious, potential proposals to consider. Hmm?” Sullyoon hums as you squeeze through the ajar glass door and hugs her from behind.

“I... I don’t know, Sullyoon-Ah. I just wanna hug you like this for now.” Your head feels like a mess from the violent double release and the alcohol no long before that. So you simply rest your chin on her shoulder and apply soap all over Sullyoon’s body.

“If that’s what you want, then sure. You’re still my baby boy.” Sullyoon turns to plant a kiss on your face.

The warm and relaxing shower ends amidst a lot of casual conversations and washing-each-other-clean, you take one single towel from the shelf and warps both of you around it.

You two stumble your way back to the large bed and tacitly fall onto the soft mattress at the same time.

“I wanna hug you tight when I fall asleep.” Sullyoon stares into you, saying so softly.

“You’re saying like I don’t want to. Come on.” You take the towel off your bodies, leaning sideways like she does and you pull her close so tight that you two almost melt into one.

“Hmmph...” Sullyoon hums happily, putting her leg on top of yours to lock you in place.

“I kinda love you.” You say, pressing your lips onto hers. You feel her warmth and her scents, burying your face into her neck like she’s about to vanish into the night sky out of the window. Your fingers trace down her spine, feeling her curves, letting her soft body and alluring scent wrap around your fragile mind after this crazy night.

The kiss never ended before sleep claims both of you, both of you dreaming of each other in peace, feeling safe and warm like never before.

Sullyoon becomes your bride. She wears the whitest wedding gown, walking down the aisle while her soft hands held tight in yours. You look at the guests, who are your family members and your old friends. They all smile and give you their highest regards, celebrating you like you’re the new king taking the throne. You nod your head smugly, greeting every one of your friends.

But you turn over to Sullyoon.

She is not smiling. She’s crying so helplessly, so fragile.

You see two drops of tears running down her gorgeous face, her makeup is a mess. Her eyes are red, but she’s gripping your hands so tight that you cannot pull them away from her.

“W… what is up? Sullyoon-ah?” You panic, trying to hold her in place. But you look down and see she’s floating away; your fingers lose the final bit of strength. Her small hands soon get out of your reach.

“No!!! Sullyoon!” You scream, but on her fingers, there is only her engagement ring. It is not the wedding ring you put on for her just now; it was the engagement ring from her fiancé.

“Don’t forget me!” She begs.

“No! Don’t leave me alone, Sullyoon-ah!” You jump up to try to reach for her, but instead you find yourself sitting up on the love hotel bed. Your whole body is sweating, a clear wet mark with the shape of your body is still on the thin sheets.

You rub your eyes with the back of your hands, and open them wider to try to see where Sullyoon went. You swear the last time you were conscious, she was in your embrace, her face still blushing from the sex and she tried to hide in your arms like a kitten sleeping in peace. Now? You have no idea.

The bathroom? Lights are not on. Her ring you put on the nightstand? Missing in action. But instead, there is this thin piece of paper that you suspect is a letter from Sullyoon.

You push away the pencil on top, turning on the lamp on the nightstand so you can read – Sullyoon closed the curtains when she left, so you didn’t get waken up by the bright sunlight outside of the window.

“Hey dear,

You get instantly shocked by the title, but you proceed anyways.

“As you might see, I left.”

Well… of course, you say to yourself.

“Last night was fun, or I should rather say, relieving and liberating. I had to admit that I was a bit drunk so things got a little wild, but in a very good way. I woke up just now and saw you were hugging me tight with a big stupid smile on your face, I freaking liked it. And please forgive me that I took a picture of you as a souvenir. Kek… hope HE doesn’t find out. But I guess he won’t even bother to? L.O.L.

Anyways. I think it was time for me to go, because I saw there were at least three digits of unread messages and two dozen of calls from your girlfriend. Nah, I didn’t TRY to figure it out, but it was your phone screen that’s been lighting up every thirty seconds. Good news is, she didn’t demand to know where you are immediately. Glad that she still remembers you were drinking last night, so she said to call her back when your hangover is gone.

As much I enjoyed every second of last night in this little room, and as much I felt blessed to get to see you and feel you again, I think it’s time to say goodbye. I joked about how it is still not too late for us to break the prison and make a run towards the liberty, I realized how the obligation is just too strong to break apart.

I loved you, and maybe I still do. I waited for you for years, thinking if you would still come back to me after you aced your academics in Seoul. But maybe it was the loneliness and uncertainty that broke me? Now I am some other guy’s fiancé. He is not as good as you, I can promise.

I tried to text you, but I think your ‘dear’ girlfriend removed every female’s contact info on your phone so it shows up as a new number on your end. I guess maybe is a signal for both of us to… let go? So I deleted the message and hope it didn’t make you in trouble.

Maybe I don’t have the right to say this, but I truly wish you good luck. And I originally wanted to write, ‘don’t forget me’… but? I realized maybe it would be better, or I should say, easier if you do. Either way, we’re good.

-Yours,

Sullyoon.

Your hands are trembling violently to the point where the letter paper almost slips through between your fingers. You bury your face into your hands, wanting to cry but don’t really know what you SHOULD feel.

Yeah, Sullyoon that you two can break up with your partners and get back together. But she was drunk, so were you. The realization hits hard because it is sometimes a little bit more difficult than just cutting off someone and move on. At this moment, you finally come to the realization that both Sullyoon and yourself know what is the best outcome for you two.

But neither of you had the courage to turn around and face your past mistakes.

You take out the remaining pack of cigarette, lighting up one with ease. You take a deep inhale, trying to let the nicotine give you some comfort, but it only hurts more. You cough, tears flowing out of your eyes. You try to fool yourself that it is because of the smoke, not your emotions.

You sit under the faint glow of the lamp and the dancing flaming of the lighter. You approach it closer to the letter, hoping that the fire with catch the paper and then? The past becomes ash, and you bury it yourself to go back to the shitty present.

But you vaguely see something on the back side of the paper, you then try to stop the spark by blowing air to it. It is still too late.

Your hand lets go of the burning paper, and amidst the igniting sparks? You see a faint scribble of notes. It is Sullyoon’s hand writing. You’ll never in this life forget about it.

“And oh, since I’m not here with you anymore. Smoke less, it’s better for your health.”

The dam is broken.

You dash to the window and swings it open in desperation.

“Sullyoon-ah!!! I… I’ll get through this with you!!! Please!!! Come back!!!” You scream from the bottom of your lung, while crying like a baby with a burning cigarette still between your fingers.

Several pedestrians look up and give you weird looks, but there is this one girl amongst them who doesn’t lift her head and look above.

Instead, she puts the hood of her jacket up and sobs like she just recalls something super sad. She tugs her arms into her chest, despite it is not even that cold outside. It is a morning, but looking like a winter midnight for her. She walks further and further into the crowd, with you shouting like a mad man with a broken heart in the love hotel, head peeking out of the window.

The letter had been burnt into ashes, just like the relationship between you and Sullyoon. You reach out for your phone beside the pillows, trying your absolute best to recall Sullyoon’s number on top of your head.

“Damn it! Just tell me the number!” You smack your own head in frustration, but even so won’t magically make you remember Sullyoon’s phone number. Not if your girlfriend deliberately removed every possible trace of Sullyoon and other girls on your phone.

You are about to light up another cigarette, but your hands stop in the middle because of Sullyoon. Yes. She’s not with you anymore, but she wants you to smoke less for your health.

You stop. Not necessarily trying to become healthier, it is for her. It is your way to yearn the lost one by trying to follow her even after she’s disappeared.

You stare at your phone screen, more than a hundred notifications from the same person - as Sullyoon suggested. But you still have to deal with it, so you dial up your girlfriend’s number.

“Hey! Baby~ you finally woke up!” She sounds surprisingly excited and... soft?

“Oh... hey! Yeah... Hangover, you know? Drank a bit too much of Soju with my old brothers last night. Turns out I woke up in one of their living rooms!” You fake an engaging and sincere tone, meanwhile commending your own lie-scripting skills has a huge improvement.

“Aw~ that’s fine, as long as it was not with other girls! You know, I like loyal boys. Hehe.” You don’t know why as much as she tries to be cute, you know she’s just waiting for the right timing to take what she wants from you.

And it is exactly like that.

“Ah don’t worry, we are all guys. Imma, um... ask them if I can take a shower and I’ll head back to my place. Fuck! This hangover is giving me headaches.” You fake another excuse, but the emptiness and hollowness from your voice are not from acting.

“Actually? I wanted you to make a run to the mall! I sent you a picture earlier, a guy in the party bought that to his girlfriend! I want one too! I know you love me and you’re so kind, I’ll be so happy if I can see one waiting for me tomorrow when I’m back!”

Well, turns out a “get well soon” is too much for her to say before asking you to do her another “favor”. You always say yes without hesitation, but this time? Maybe, just maybe. You want to have a choice.

“Oh? Really? I thought you’re coming back today! I already bought that hand cream for ya!” You test the water, but of course you were fucking Sullyoon last night instead of getting the item your girlfriend wanted for her.

“Good. But they extended the party! It’s so fun, me and my besties are having a good time here so why not? This guy’s house is literally like a mansion; he must be so rich.” She sounds more excited by now when she’s talking about the parties.

“Oh! Good to know.” You cut her off before she goes on for another hour just to flex how her besties’ boyfriends spend for them and get everything they wanted. “I’ll DEFINITELY not let you down tomorrow, see you.”

“Uh ok, bye!” Beep.

You smirk, knowing you just had the final straw you need to make a decision. But you look at the ash of the letter paper, knowing the optimal ending is not achievable anymore. At least you are ready to break free.

You open the picture your girlfriend sent you, and of course it is a designer’s purse. And of course, even though price tag is similar to your wage? She’s still comfortable asking for it like you owe her.

You sigh.

Meanwhile, somewhere across the city.

Sullyoon unlocks her apartment door with her shaky fingers. The crisp sound of the key drags her back to reality, only for her to realize her hands are as cold as the metal door handle.

Sullyoon takes off her light jacket and throws it onto the couch. She flicks the switch on and the warm, orange lights shower her bedroom.

Sullyoon sniffs, it smells clean. Too clean. To an extent that a sane person would know she’s lying when she says there are two people living in this room.

She isn’t. Maybe there are SUPPOSED to be two people that are inhabiting in this neat bedroom, preparing for their grand wedding. But there is just Sullyoon herself. She stares at the ring that she put back on while walking out of the hotel room, she gets speechless.

Sullyoon pours herself a cup of water to ease the discomfort for sobbing all the time on her way from the love hotel back to her place. She could’ve called a taxicab, but she ended up walking. Maybe Sullyoon wanted the cool morning air to wake her up from the lucid dream; to be the alarm for her to go back to her life. Maybe.

She reaches out to her phone in her purse, the very same purse she had been using since the first anniversary of you two. You bought her this, she didn’t ask for it. But you gifted it to her regardless because you knew she deserved the best from you.

There is ten digits already entered in the New Contact in the Message menu, but she first calls her fiancé.

As expected, Voicemail.

“Baby, I still have another very important meeting later tonight and my KPI is on the line. I’ll probably just nap at the office; you can lock the door.”

It took another fifteen minutes for the final hammer to slam down onto the table, making the final verdict for Sullyoon.

She takes a deep breath, then her fingers start dancing on the screen of her phone like she has the script ready to go with a relieved smirk on her baby face.

——————

You had been sitting on the floor in the hotel room for an hour already. You stare at the black screen of the TV that you didn’t even turn on. You’re telling yourself that you are just waiting. Waiting for what? You don’t even know.

Maybe you simply need some time to swallow and digest everything. Gotta eat it up even if it gets stuck between your teeth.

“Ding!”

You groan in impatience as your girlfriend seems like she wants to keep pushing you until you send her the receipt of that purse she wants, with whatever French or Italian names on the logo. All looks the same for you though.

Turns out it is very wrong.

And you’re glad that you made the wisest decision of not dismissing this one single notification.

It is a single line of message from a new number. It is just... this new number doesn’t seem quite new to you.

“Coffee? 2. Need to talk. -S.”

Your fingers can’t afford the weight of this message; you let your phone drop to the carpet. You know precisely the meaning of this, every single fucking letter. Your exhausted brain immediately triggers the fight or flight response; doses of adrenaline rush up your spine.

Your feel shivers all over your body.

Sullyoon? More like your savior.

You stare at your tiny phone screen, kneeling on the carpet. You stretch your arms, looking at the ceiling. You feel like Andy Dufresne showering in the rain of freedom after breaking out of the Shawshank and sets himself free.

You almost run a dash to the family-owned coffee two blocks away, she didn’t tell you which place specifically she wants to meet. But? If she is not doing this where the daily coffee date happened back then? You’d rather accept your destiny.

You try to calm yourself down through the adrenaline spike, but you feel the heat in your stomach starts to become unbearable. You take a quick glance at your phone; you have about an hour. Maybe your girlfriend is expecting you to put the address of that luxury mall into the map and get there asap. Instead, you smile at the monitor, with a sense of lightness that you are just excited to pick up again. You don’t need navigation to the place where you truly want to go.

A quick shower and you walk out of the hotel room feeling fresh. You check-out at the front desk, being told by the staff that “a young lady” had paid for your room.

You grin grows even wider; a drop of tear slides down of your face.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath and walk out of the hotel lobby.

The weather doesn’t change magically because Sullyoon shot you a text. You feel the chill morning breeze brushing through your face. Your heart is still pounding in your chest like it is about to break free. You’re not sure if it’ll actually happen – but you clearly know you are ready to tear the cage apart and welcome a new future.

It is indeed inaccurate to say if you have never thought about the “what if” part of the message. Maybe Sullyoon thought about the letter and felt like she should at least give you a proper farewell in-person. Or maybe it is not actually Sullyoon but it is just coincidence that another random person sent a random message to another stranger, and you just happen to be that guy.

You try to draw your attention away from this matter entirely, your feet go on auto-pilot and your gaze lock on to the city skyline under the warm orange sunlight. What a Golden Hour to be alive… even if the ending is not the one you are dreaming of? At the very least, you gained the courage to correct what’s wrong.

You intentionally slowed down, so the usual twenty-minute walk becomes forty. Even so, Sullyoon is already there, at the quiet corner table that you two always picked.

You gulp nervous, not exactly knowing what to feel. So, you take a deep breath and draw a cross in front of your chest. It is time to figure out.

Sullyoon sees you, and she nods at you at peace. She had changed their outfit apparently; her petite frame is now wearing a plain white dress and a straw hat. You remember she wore this exact dress in your first date, in that library.

You sit down at the opposite side, giving her a warm and peaceful smile.

“Su…” You want to say something, only for her to quietly say “Shhh” and her finger is on her pink, pouty lips again.

Sullyoon reaches her right hand forward, the ring is still on her finger, like the final barrier before you can have your destined one into your embrace.

Then, she starts to do something that almost makes you cry on the spot.

Sullyoon starts to slowly remove the engagement ring off her middle finger. Agonizing. Performative. It took her almost an entire minute before she sets it on the wooden table of the coffee shop. She smiles at you, warm and relieved, like the type of smile like she’s finally at peace after getting imprisoned by a toxic relationship.

At this exact moment, your phone rings again. The buzzing sound draws attention from one or two customers nearby, but you know it is the time.

You exaggeratedly put your index finger above your head, and then presses the red button on your monitor for the first time in months.

“Hey!”

“Why did you hang up my call?”

“Where are you”

The triplet of follow-up message arrives at your phone with in ten seconds.

But you hold your phone right before Sullyoon, giving her a knowing smirk.

You then tap your girlfriend’s profile picture.

You go to her contact info.

“BLOCK”

Your shoulders drop, after months of tension and endless control. Sulllyoon stands up from her seat, and so do you. Neither of you said anything since you entered the coffee shop, but it was more than enough. More than enough to reunite two broken souls.

You lean across the table to kiss her cheek, and Sullyoon lets you. A faint shade of pink climbs up to her face, and she is just cute like the first time you met her.

You pull something out of the pocket and just drop them onto the table, before holding Sullyoon’s hand and walking out of the tiny place where the college dates took place.

You feel her cold but soft hands in your palm, maybe sometimes it is easier to go on with less things. The coffee shop owner will find a ring, half pack of cigarettes and a lighter on her table. But she is not the only who needs to take care of her Loss & Found business.

You and Sullyoon too. For losing, but fortunately enough, finding each other back after some messy drama. You know the future is going to be messy, but at least you both have the best partner possible to fight through every step of it. You are pretty sure she knows it too, right as she rests her head on your wide shoulder.

You quitted nicotine.

You challenged the taboos.

You both crossed the forbidden boundary.

All, because you can never quit a girl that you truly love.

the world tour was an absolute stamina killer. spanning over a year of non-stop city-hopping, stadium shows, and exhausting long-haul flights, it left nayeon completely running on empty.

normally, she depends heavily on her regular gym and pilates sessions to keep her endurance up, but the brutal touring schedule made it impossible to maintain a routine. without that physical conditioning, she felt her physical strength slipping away as the months dragged on, making even her favorite high-energy choreographies like 'dance the night away' leave her out of breath on stage.

mentally, it was just as grueling. nayeon is famously a perfectionist who prides herself on giving 100% to the crowd every single night, so when her dropping stamina started showing in her performances, it tore her up inside.

during the second leg, she was dealing with a bad fatigue and just wasn’t feeling well overall, which led to a lot of quiet pressure and guilt. she noticed the fan comments online about her looking low-energy or subdued backstage, and it broke her heart that she couldnt match the explosive energy of the stadiums.

she relied entirely on her years of professional training to mask the burnout and protect the group's reputation, but behind the scenes, her body was screaming for a break.

the very second she crossed the threshold of your apartment, that suffocating weight vanished.

there were no cameras, no rotating 360 degree stages, and no pressure to be the bright, flawless center of an idol group.

she kicked off her worn out sneakers, let her heavy bags clatter to the floor, and immediately buried her face into your neck as soon as she greeted you.

holding onto you felt like plugging back into a power source.

she let out a long, trembling sigh as months of built up exhaustion, cramped flights, and stage stress finally began to melt away in the safety of your arms.

you guide nayeon over to the couch, and she drops into the deep cushions with a long, heavy sigh of relief.

she looks so small without the flashy stage outfits and the bright stadium lights. instead of sitting across from her, you slide right next to her, pulling her body flush against yours.

you pull a giant, soft fleece blanket over both of your laps, tucking her in close.

"i missed you so much," she mumbles, her voice sounding raspy from weeks of singing and shouting over loud arenas. she buries her face into your chest, her shoulders finally dropping.

"i missed you more, nayeon," you whisper into her hair. "apart from the seoul finale shows, you’re officially done with the whole tour. you worked so hard. you’re finally home now."

you gently place your hand under her chin, tilting her face up so you can look at her. she looks so tired, but her eyes are full of love.

you lean down and start peppering her entire face with soft, sweet kisses. you press a long kiss to her forehead, then move down to the tip of her nose, then her left cheek, and then her right cheek.

nayeon lets out a tired, little giggle. her famous bunny smile finally peeks out, breaking through all the stress she carried from the tour. "stop, it tickles," she whines softly, but she doesnt pull away at all. she nudges her face closer to yours, asking for more.

"never," you smile, kissing the corners of her mouth, then pressing a soft, lingering kiss right onto her lips. "i have months of missed kisses to make up for."

"mm, then don’t stop," she mumbles, her eyes fluttering shut as she melts completely against you.

you keep going, planting soft kisses along her jawline and temple, while your arms wrap tightly around her waist to hold her secure. between kisses, you speak softly against her skin. "you did so well on stage. i saw the clips. im so proud of you, but i’m glad you’re back."

"it was so hard this time," she admits quietly, wrapping her arms around your neck to pull you even closer. "my stamina was low, and i felt so bad for the fans. i just wanted to come home to you."

"i know, baby. you don’t have to be a perfect idol here, you can just rest," you tell her, kissing her forehead one more time.

nayeon lets out one last, deep sigh, all the tension leaving her muscles. she hides her face back into the crook of your neck, soaking in your warmth.

with your arms wrapped securely around her and your lips occasionally pressing soft kisses into her hair, her breathing slows down into a calm, steady rhythm, and she falls into a deep, peaceful sleep.

you pull the blanket up a bit higher to cover both of your shoulders. after spending so many months apart, having her right here makes the empty apartment finally feel normal again. you wrap your arms a bit tighter around her, resting your chin on top of her head.