"I mean, yeah." Aaron chuckled, though it felt strange against the tightness lodged in his chest. It wasn't a laughing matter. "I'm supposed to be in two places at once."

Two families depending on him: the victim's, and his own. Right now they were racing against a clock, working a case involving missing children. It was a miracle he even had the opportunity to take a quick call.

Which, thank god, he had. He'd been beating himself up over leaving ever since he got the call telling him he had to come in.

"They understand." Dave reassured, a well practiced statement.

"They shouldn't have to. It should be non-negotiable." He exhaled sharply, more frustrated with himself than anything else. "I shouldn't have to call my family from a conference room and tell my kids I'll try to be home next year."

Would the four of you celebrate whenever he returned home? Absolutely. You'd still have breakfast at the place Ellie loved because they put smiley faces on the pancakes. You’d still go on Jack's choice of a family bike ride. You’d still give Aaron the ‘special’ massage you promised when the kids turned in for the night. But he had promised he'd be home.

Dave regarded him quietly. "Hey, you catch the bad guys. That means a lot to them."

Sure. Maybe. But that didn't stop him from feeling like he was failing somebody, no matter where he was. Because while he was needed here, he wanted to be home. And somehow, wanting that felt selfish too.

They understood. But he was getting tired of asking them to.

"Forgive me for asking, but..." As if Dave could read his thoughts, "do you ever consider it? Hanging up that badge?"

"I think about it every day," he answered truthfully, the first time aloud, at that. "It's not only about missing today. It's all holidays, birthdays, soccer games and recitals, and the normal days too. I don't know what a normal day in my house is. Because when I'm home, it's a day out of the ordinary." And that wasn't right.

"That's not a bad thing."

"It is." Aaron insisted, gritting his teeth.

He knew Dave was trying to help, that every word was well-intentioned. And maybe that's what made it worse. Somehow, despite his best efforts, he still managed to say all the wrong things.

It wasn’t fair of him. Dave too had sacrificed plenty over the years, but he couldn't help it. He had you. Jack, Ellie. A home that wasn't just waiting for him, but actively planning around him, counting on him. Dave couldn't truly understand that.

"How about you take some time off? You've more than racked up enough hours. Take a long vacation and give it some thought."

It was tempting, and Dave was right. Between the overtime and the cases that bled into weekends and holidays, he had enough leave saved to disappear for a few weeks. He could go home - really go home. Wake up next to you every morning, actually coach Jack's soccer team and not have the fill-in coach take over, spend entire afternoons playing with Ellie and listening to her ramble about whatever occupied her little mind that day. He could have Father's Days that didn't happen through a phone screen.

But that was the problem.

Because if he let himself have that - if he let himself settle into that normal - coming back would be harder.

And would he even want to?

And he loved his job, although "love" might be a strong word. Making a difference, helping people. God forbid the roles were reversed, he would want someone like him - like his team - assisting his family in a time of desperate need. He took pride in having that role in others' lives, all while helping make the world a safer place for his kids. It somehow helped with the guilt he was an absent father (though you insisted frequently, he wasn't.)

He was needed here just as much as he was needed at home.