lightning strikes the heart

Ay? Nah! Nuffin’ to be nervous ‘bout, babes. You fink I’d ever do nuffin’ to upset you? It’s all gonna work out, honest. 

This is something I’m gonna just have to trust you on... innit?

I ain’t up to nuffin’, babes! Nuffin’ bad anyways. Good fings, always good fings, init.

I feel like I should be nervous.

Dunno what you’re talking about, babes. I don’t ‘ave an evil schemin’ face.

What are you up to, missy?

Yep. I just… reckon ‘e won’t be stickin’ around, init.

... Is that your evil scheming face?

Oi, none of that, yea? The baby bump is glorious, as are you. They’re all nuts. As for a certain cocky Canadian wanker, we’ll be rid of ‘im in no time. That’s a promise.

Um, a promise?

An’ what about you babes? Ovva than cocky Canadian wankers, anyone I gotta protect your ‘eart from? I ain’t got no baby bump but that’s what God gave me ‘ands for, init.

No one you need to strangle, bubs. The baby bump and frizzy hair does a good job of chasing away anyone who isn’t, unfortunately, a cocky Canadian wanker.

Well, lucky for you we ain’t in short supply!

Kit! Stop threatening ‘andsome vets! I don’t fink Reuben could break my ‘eart even if ‘e tried, babes! ‘Ow ‘bout we stay focused on makin’ sure Beau ain’t getting ‘er ‘eart broken, ay!

I don’t want any of my girls getting their heartbroken. So watch out cute vets and skateboarding high schoolers, because I’m watching you.

Uh, let me love you.

KIT!!! Bloody ‘ell. Reuben, if you are readin’ this, then ignore my barmy bezzie and continue about your day, babes.

You know I always welcome Daisy-lovin’.

You lookin’ in the mirror again, babes?

No! No! I ain’t sayin’ nuffin’. I was jus’ sayin’, I ain’t gettin’ ahead of myself or nuffin’, but should ‘e choose to date… someone, not necessarily me, I reckon ‘e’s the cute, animal adoptin’ type… init. ANYWAYS. Nice weather today, init?

Psht, no. Hush up and just let me love you.

Kit! Be’ave! ‘E won’t screw it up. ‘Ere’s ‘oping I don’ screw it up, ay?

Puppies! Ay, not to get ahead of ourselves or nuffin’, but buying puppies is totes a cute boyfriend move.

You can’t screw anything up, actual frustratingly flawless human being.

Still gorgeous, still a total sweet’art. Babes, ‘e’s, like, well perfect. I know this is the internet an’ all that, but still. ‘E’s well nice, proper sweet, init.

HEY HOTTIE VET, MY BEST FRIEND THINKS YOU’RE PERFECT. DON’T SCREW IT UP.

Oh, nah, babe! I reckon I was about 12 when it ended, ya know. Still, don’t fink she’d ‘ave ‘ad much luck wif me! Not that I’m doing so bad now, but still!

Speaking of which, how is everyone’s fave handsome vet?

Ay? Oh, blimey. Canadian, duh. Well, Cilla used’a do this show called Blind Date, init. And, well… name sorta speaks for itself, don’t it?

Ohhhhh. Sounds right up your alley. Did you ever go on it?

Well, exactly! I reckon I could make a livin’ outta this stuff, ya know. Finding love for uvvas, an’ all that. Jus’ call me Cilla Black! Only, uh, don’t.

Cilla who now?

That is true. Beau is basics your family, and you’re my family… So I reckon we should do ‘er a favour and get ‘er a date wif this boy, don’t ya fink? It’s the right fing to do, ain’t it!

it’s like... public service.

Init, i’m proper wif you on that one, babes. ‘Ere, do ya reckon it’s weird to try an’ matchmake two teenagers? Askin’ for a friend, obvy…

I mean, I don’t think so. Especially when you have big sisterly affections towards one of the teenagers in question.

Bloody ‘ell, babes. I ‘ope it don’t end up like that song or nuffin’ wif Beau all knocked up while ‘e’s… What was it… slammin’ on ‘is guitar? Uh, nah. I don’t reckon ya do wanna know. I’ll do a bit of investigatin’ init, and if she mentions ‘im and ‘my little pony’ in the same sentence even once then tell ‘er to stay away, babe.

It’s a precautionary song choice! My Little Pony? The fuck? Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a creepy horse fetish.