𝗚𝗥𝗜𝗣 𝘰𝘯 𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗧𝗬

I’ve been told that lies have been spread about me.  That my emotional abuser has been twisting situations & victimizing themself because we finally cut ties.

I’m going to speak up about the shit I went through, why their lies are in fact lies, & why this is complete & utter victim-blaming. 

A year ago [ish] I started to become friends with someone who currently goes by Key @huntingswarm if I recall correctly.  I would have kept this private but apparently !!  I’m in a DNI now, & they’re spreading victimizing lies about me.  Amazing.  

We hit it off initially.  They are a very sexually forward person, & I went along with it as I don’t mind such sort of advances.  I’m more of a romantic myself but, whatever, I didn’t mind.  Everything was fine.

Apparently it wasn’t.  Now, something you should know about me is that I am autistic.  Autism is not an excuse for toxic behavior.  HOWEVER, it is something that people are expected to keep in mind because I do not understand things unless they are explicitly stated to me.  I can NOT pick up on social cues.  I state this very clearly to people ; if you want something, tell me.

Key went back & forth with the idea of calling me a girlfriend, expressing that they weren’t super comfy with it because of trauma, & I accepted that.  But one day after their friend pressured them [NOT ME, THEIR friend who was trying SO HARD to get me gone] they finally said ‘fuck it, we’re gfs’.  Cool !!

Thirteen days later, they seem down & I attempt to cheer them up with something that was, as mentioned, a norm - intimacy.  Never once did they say ‘i’m not okay with this’, or ‘i’m not feeling it’.  We are still in a relationship at this point, & the boundary for sexual engagement has already been established as acceptable.

ONLY A YEAR LATER did I learn that Key classified the above as sexual assault.  A boundary that THEY had established as acceptable, that they never expressed change in, was sexual assault.

The next day, they broke it off with me, telling me they still weren’t comfortable being official.  Okay, that’s fine.  I was hurt, but, what are you gonna do about it.  We stayed friends, & Key continued to go back & forth with romantic advances vs pushing me away.  Needless to say, this hurt me a lot.  But, I attempted to encourage them to do whatever made them comfortable, & tried very hard to match whatever energy was given to me.

A while later, that friend that wanted me gone got cut off, & Key told me they realized how ableist they’d been towards me because of her, blaming me for my disabilities when refusing to speak in any tone that wasn’t mean.  I said it was okay.  For some reason.

Then we started to become actual friends.  I was moving on, emotionally.  They were still my FP, my best friend, & one day they expressed that it’d be really cool if I moved up to where they were.  So, alright, I got a job in my industry up there, thinking it’d be neat to be near a friend.

Now they had some issues at home that I won’t go into because that’s not my place, but the tl;dr about it is they were dying to get out.  I rented a 2 bedroom apartment because I wanted a craft room, but when Key visited me for my birthday they expressed that they did still want to move here & out of their home.  

I came across a job one day that paid 17-20/hr & said ‘hey, I found this, I know you want a job so you can live on your own & if you do still want to live here you can have the second bedroom, so you can pay half rent & save money to live on your own’.  It was supposed to only last for a year.  They were all for it.

APPARENTLY, this is ‘coercing’ them out of their home.  I offered solutions to their problems, & even found them a job, & it was all voluntary mind you.  There was not a single time when they expressed discomfort with it.  NOT ONE.

Honestly, I wish I’d never offered my home.  They did nothing but take advantage of me & my desire to help out.  Physically, financially, etc.  They constantly disregarded & berated my emotions.  They tried very hard to convince me I was still in love with them.  When they came into MY ROOM [without knocking btw] & asked how they looked, I offered compliments as friends are supposed to.

I’m being told Key is now saying I ‘gawked’ at them in inappropriate clothing.  I didn’t, but it all went along with their delusion that I was still in love with them.

My new partner heard the way they talked to me, on discord.  Friends heard the way they talked to me on discord.  It was NOT good.  But I toughed it out because that’s what friends do, right ??

I wish I’d left sooner.

I did not take advantage of anyone. I did not coerce anyone. I did not abuse anyone. In fact, I’m the one who was royally fucked up for over a year. Tugged back & forth, taken advantage of financially & situationally.

siren wives siren wives siren wives

every other post on tumblr is like “if you want to ship, just tell me!!!” and every other person on the dash is making posts liek ‘just send me ship memes it’s fine!’ ‘just jump in my IMs and tell me you want to ship!’ or every other post is ‘please kiss my muse’ or ‘send me nsfw memes you cowards’ so us, as people on the dash who are active, who want plots, who want to write with you, who don’t want you to feel like people don’t want to write with you, we do exactly what you ask for! we send you shit, we like your posts, we try to jump in your messages to tell you we want to ship. And literally no exaggeration, I DO THAT ALL THE TIME. Why do I do it? Because on this hellsite, people always feel like no one wants to write with them. So I figure, since i DO want to write with all my mutuals I’m going to be enthusiastic as fuck. I’m going to tell you i will write with you over and over. If i like your starter call and don’t get one, I’m not going to take it personally, I’ll still send you a meme the next day. After all, your rules say ‘if i follow you i want to write with you.

BUT THEN here’s what happens, you go and you chat with your friends and you start rolling your eyes about how tthis one girl won’t stop trying to interact/ship/plot with me. And then your friends start feeling that way too. And now, in trying to make you feel wanted and in trying to reach out and be proactive, we’ve become the pushy lesbians. 

and then you see me make this post, and you sit on your blog and you go ‘ugh jj is at it again. it’s not that i don’t like lesbians! it’s not that i don’t want wlw stuff!!! it’s that she’s annoying/she’s pushy/she only wants to ship with me/she’s too loud about women having sex with women!’ and you absolve yourself of the inherit bias that you created. because the reality is, if i was someone writing your favorite canon opposite or whatever, you’d never have had that whole thought in the first place. and then you spread that energy around, ad you talk about it with your friends, and then even the ones who do write the opposite sex as my character start to go ‘oh yeah you’re right she’s so pushy/loud/obsessed with ships/whatever’ and congratulations now you’ve once again painted a lesbian into a corner where their love/enthuisasm/sexuality/expression is perceived as gross/toxic/angry/pushy/etc to the community at large. 

And the reality is THIS HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE TIME. It happens everywhere. It happens in our friend circles, it happens with people we think we trust. And it is impossible to fight. because if we never approach you, then you never write wlw stuff beucase ‘no one ever asks’ and if we approach you too enthusiastically we want ships too much, and if we aren’t super over sexual half the dash doesn’t care about wlw they can’t smut with. and if we’re too over sexual we’re oversexual and it’s gross and you can love wlw iwthout talking about sex so much. and it’s lose lose. no matter what, you find a way to make us responsible for your bias because of an inability to check yourself and a refusal to take on blame.