That Exact Kanji

Day 29: Relationship

Dean’s relationship with Benny is fundamentally different from all his other relationships (familial, friendly or romantic). It starts out as a strictly business relationship, and it only develops into a strong friendship because they both want it, and because they’ve learned to trust each other.

There is no power imbalance, and all the cards are always on the table. The relationship is not tinged with any sense of obligation or debt, or familial duty. They’re not pressured into it, their closeness isn’t enforced by outside factors or circumstances. There are no lies, no illusions, no impossible expectations, no blame or accusations. It’s not perfect, of course, but it is very special.

Also, in Benny, Dean finally found an appreciative audience for his jokes.

Jensen Hiatus Love | Favorite Jensen Quote – AHBL Melbourne 2016

dean is sam's punching bag. and i think that's a role dean has actively cultivated as well. especially in the conversation with meg in 1.11 and then the revisiting in 1.16. in 1.11 sam lashes out at dean because he can't really lash out at john. and in 1.16 sam can't quite stand by what he said because the truth is that it was just frustrated venting. but this dynamic arises because john made dean responsible for sam's safety as a kid while also emphasizing that sam was only safe with them while also himself alienating and frustrating sam to the point of wanting to run away. so, given that dynamic, it is far far far easier for dean to foster an environment where most of sam's frustration is vented at him rather than john. cause dean is there; dean won't push back; dean won't punish sam for his outbursts of frustration.

i'm also sure that given what we see in canon, dean absolutely downplayed his own intelligence and played into the "grunt" role for sam's benefit while they were still kids. sam so clearly felt left out and frustrated at being not included in hunting but we know both john and dean felt sam was in danger and were trying to protect him from that danger. so having sam be research boy means that he can feel included and needed and useful (powerful for keeping him around) doing research and computer stuff while john and dean are off doing the more dangerous parts. sam feels included *and* necessary especially if he feels the research part is unique to him; that dean just *can't* work it out on his own.

i mean this isn't even the only time dean downplays himself to make someone else feel better about themselves. i think about dean calling himself and mary "two terrible cooks" while meanwhile, we know dean is an excellent cook. it's a pattern of behavior.

i think for a lot of dean's life it's like... well a family member that's rolling their eyes at you or judging you or even yelling at you is a family member that's still in the room... :(

anyway, hi anon! thanks for the ask and for letting me go on a kind of tangent about it. although i suppose how could you have stopped me...