Danger Squid

September 20, 2024

Don’t mind me. I’m just back to dig through my old cringe and remind myself how much I’ve grown in the last 10+ years.

[Narrator] “He doesn’t.”

The last few years have been a lot of ups and downs, backs and forths, tos and fros, and I’ve experienced a lot of personal growth. Learning to love myself has been a trip and a half, and I’m still tripping every day.

Anyway, here‘s me and the dog from the not-too-distant past. Stay fabulous.

For a long time I was doing so well. It had been over a year I think, last summer as I recall, since I had one of those, “I do not want to be alive anymore” moments.

I momentarily relapsed today. It felt awful, but it was a different kind of awful. Instead of feeling alone and hopeless all by myself, it was almost as if I were on the outside looking in on myself, seeing myself as another person for whom I could do absolutely nothing to help. I think that scared the shit out of me more than anything else has in the last year+ since last summer. In a way I’m thankful that I can recognize when this is happening and get help, but there’s still the haunting aspect of not being able to help myself the way I want to.