i really love oversized clothing that distorts your silhouette. I love being formless

if we date and break up you gotta unlearn all the cool shit i taught you. you gotta go back to being lame

how many times have i licked the salt lamp in my room since i got it? well that is just my own sweet and sexy secret

me whispering to my cat and pointing at a bug in my room: eat it

sorry but if your bed isn’t against at least one wall you’re not valid

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank

me plugging my laptop in: eat these electrons you hungry bitch

bro its beddy-bye. its nighty-night, dude

He doesn’t like you.

Who?

do you ever want to check up on someone but it’s just not ur place anymore

anyone else fucking LOVE BEING IN BED???

bitch im in bed right now!! how did you know!!

You can probably tell which family member is coming upstairs by their step pattern but wouldn’t be able to pick out your own

If my own footsteps were coming down the hall towards me I reckon I would have bigger problems on my hands…