I love "Simon waking up on the Hail Mary and going absolutely feral with panic and having to slowly acclimate to Grace and Rocky like a street cat" as much as the next guy...
But what about a Simon that is so damn tired. Simon who wakes up on the Hail Mary and just. Lets it all happen. Accepts it.
There's another human named Ryland who swears he won't hurt him? That's awful nice of him. There's a strange, mouthy alien named Rocky? Well the name certainly fits, and he's much kinder than the last alien Simon met. Ryland wants to know his last name? He must be important enough for one now, and hey, Rocky's recommendation of Fisher is pretty funny and ironic, so sure. Earth is still alive, the stars are being saved, and he never has to worry about Eden or the COI ever again? He just wishes his mom could hear all this good news.
He's happy. Tends to his plants in the corner of Mary he claims for himself. Goes out on space walks with Ryland every so often. Teaches the little guy in his ball of xenon to swear for once. Even gets to see the beauty of Rocky's ship. He's safe, and happy, and okay. Finally.
But Ryland swears there's a sorrow in his eyes still. Simon's smiles don't go all the way through his face, and Ryland's caught him going extra still during zero gravity moments and just. Staring out the window at the stars.
So just in case, Ryland spends every second he can spare making sure Simon knows this is real. That he's really free, and safe. It's a sensory journey, of touch and sight and sound. Ryland shows him Earth life and movies in the screen room, plays him music and learns Eridian sonnets to duet with Rocky, makes sure Simon is even more careful and attentive of his plants.
It eventually evolves into their sleep, cuddling and gentle touches and whispers of reassurance through all the darkness the (relative) night invites. And Ryland - selfish selfish selfish - even develops a feeling of intimacy and affection for Simon, and his need for him to understand only grows tenfold.
But Ryland never sees it happen. He never gets a spark to ignite in Simon's dull eyes. But his heart still beats, his touch is still gentle, and he stays. He lives. And for both of them, that's plenty.
It isn't until they save Rocky from the taumoeba, agree to go to Erid instead of Earth, and the biodome is complete and safe, does it finally hit.
It's their self imposed weekend, and Grace's day off. They're cleaning the house together. The gentle sway of monotony settles comfortably over them both, just like it has every other Eridian weekend prior.
But suddenly, Ryland can't hear Simon anymore. He calls out, gets no response. He didn't hear the door open or close, so he's still in the house. Just inexplicably quiet.
Ryland panics a little, rushing to the last place he remembers seeing him...
And finds Simon leaning heavily on the kitchen sink, water running and his breathing heavy. He's shaking, and the cup in his hand threatens to join its dirty brethren.
Carefully, Ryland walks over to him. Tries not to startle Simon as he removes the glass from his hand and turns off the water.
But Simon still whips his head around to look at Ryland. And when they lock eyes, Simon is in tears, a combination of grief, sorrow, and unending relief warring with the scared furrow of his brow and hopeful twinge of a smile.
"I'm alive..." he whimpers, and shatters Ryland's heart. "This... isn't heaven...? It's real...?"
And Ryland falls apart, pulling Simon into a tight embrace. Melting into the frantic returning curl of Simon's arm around him, pressing into the body against him and letting that hand curl tightly into his shirt. Whispers reassurances and confirmations and the gentle truth over and over and over, just as he's been doing the past few months, no less true.
"You chose me..." Simon whispers into Ryland's shoulder, right by his ear. It's full of every emotion Ryland has had to stomp down since they arose. "You did all this on purpose- Why?"
He has to look at him. Ryland pulls back to take Simon's face in his hands, look him eye to eye, through all the tears and shaking and whimpering. And he announces, with every ounce of love he's had to hold back, "Because it was you. Because you deserved everything."
What is heaven, if not everything that's too good to be true being both? And what is life, if not heaven given breath and a beating heart?
The flickering sparks in Simon's eyes falter. "That- that was enough?" he chokes out.
Ryland just presses their foreheads together, cradling Simon's head, heart, life in his palms, and declares without a single doubt, "It was all you ever needed."
The spark becomes an inferno, and they fall into each other's arms. Happy tears, a weightless relief, and the final piece of peace slotting into place.
They have each other now. They never have to fear again.
theartofmadeline
jbbartram-illu
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
janainaart
