ocean of consciousness

How curious our trajectories.

I sometimes find myself wishing we had welded wings earlier... I wish that I had been the subject of your prose, your musings. But I know it’s not true because it gave us exactly what we needed, when we needed it.

Limes and the heat making sweat under my hoodie. Sore feet from all the bouncing and uneven sidewalks. Our invisible tether; a tacit connection; just our loving secret as we ebb and flow like binary stars flying a low level through the city streets.

Docks; an infinite mirror of sky and sea. Sometimes just needing a little comfort. Laughing into tearful oblivion. Feeling our frequencies harmonize; alignment. Forehead to forehead. No expectation just embrace with understanding. True connection. Our bubble, our ring, our home, our heart, our team, we carry with us everywhere we go even if we’re miles apart the tether can never be broken. No one can ever challenge us.

You wanted me to ask you because you were ready. You gave me a feeling that I had never felt before... And I knew I deserved it, I deserve to be happy. I scrawled it on that note before I pushed it into the wall of confessions.

You know me, I love sappy.

Polaroids, notes, hidden gestures and tokens that keep us in thrust. You could never become ugly in my eyes. I will hold these stars forever. We choose to remain, to persist, to persevere, to stay and not walk away.

Holding each other close in the dark on the shower floor. Sat in the Adirondacks gazing into the black expanse above the horizon as I realize I’m finally home and I’ll never have to wander again.

I look forward with my head high and my shoulders back into a future of encouragement, support, love, guidance, patience, compassion, and empathy.

I always want you always want to hear your voice and listen to your day. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. You are a tremendous person; larger than life. I’ve never been more proud of something than I am of our relationship and our love.

My eyes see your beauty and my soul sees perfection.

You are my reason for everything.

I love you Alivia. 100 years.

得手勝手

絶体絶命

哀悼痛惜

Half of your face was stolen by the night The moon liked your eyes so much that She swallowed them whole

The stars liked your skin The way it catches the light So much that they stole it to use as a blanket

I liked your bottom lip so much that I whispered a soft lullaby to it in between your steady breaths

You aren't mine but the evening air is still jealous I kiss you like you are monumental because you are

The night kisses you like you are monumental Because she is inside your head

The ropes have been wearing thin Entangling in the wind How's one meant to grow when walls keep caving in? The ceiling above us has denied its existence in... How's one meant to grow when walls keep caving in? Oh, of all the times we tried I've still been up all night Writing songs of you And even though you're gone, they will still live on In a memory or two

i feel so fucked up maybe i put too much pressure on myself for no reason i just want to be healthy and happy in a way that makes sense for me i want to run and lift and eat good and not stay up all night and numb myself with streams and music and video games 

i can’t even open snapchats because it hurts so bad. I feel like i was supposed to break it off but was I supposed to reopen it? i have no idea what i’m doing so i just hide in my room i just wanna hide i don’t wanna fight i don’t want to fight for anyone i just want to be alone 

i’m so scared for my family and their health. I just want them to quit smoking and drinking I don’t wanna deal with a steady decline in their health maybe that’s selfish

I’ve been fighting with myself every time I’m down

Done with that phase

Not coming back 

But the pain stays

Sit back look at all the damage

I never knew I caused it

But I saw it when you vanished

I really hurt myself for you

I cry I feel I’m just like you

And I killed my body

And I killed my brain

I’m a bag of bones

But I can't speak about your pain for you

How long can you burn for anyways

Turning over and back again with tongues ablaze

Like, like lions without teeth hungry

Staring at the forest with flames in our eyes

Just talking with the trees

If we can drift long enough, we'll be home

Sails blown by the fire within pushing me to you

And you can live inside of me

Sewn together

Breaking and healing

Growing and breaking again and again

And you are a part of me

You are my home and I'm your home

But I'm no place you'll want to be

So I'm out here again sparks hid behind my teeth

I won't say a word for fear of failure spreading

It takes some of us longer to get to our dead ends

We have old blood stained with loose living

Ran through charcoal hearts to make it red

And we can be on fire again you and I

You want this?

Well say what you want

Say what you mean!

We can talk lung to closed ear

Head inside of hand

Turning over again together

Cut up for the cheap heat running through our veins

And we can lay brick by broken brick

Our ashes pushed in between

And build this road back home to where we want to be

the products of human emotion

art, philosophy, politics, music, literature

are interpretations of the world

that tell you more about the one who is talking than the world they are talking about

trying to find ways to translate the knowledge

to teach us to ask the right questions

and then go and ask for explanations

and if you're thinking right now what do i ask for

ask yourself

the night is black and I can see your breath in the air

awake and intact collapsed you always pull me back from there

limbs like roots of the yew tangled in the veil silence between breaths; wind fills the sails

our hearths remain close and beating

embers through the frigid night

both breathing and leaking the soot from our furnaces

smeared in escape from our fear and our hate shivering in my dreams drowning in my lake

being left alone clawing at my surfaces being where you’ve been