for people in the notes looking for āelderā aces, i just wanna say that iām 28 years old and am also desperately searching for that representation. i first found out about asexuality through tumblr when i was 21 and started identifying as asexual when i was 21-22 (around 2012). iāve sought other online ace communities but nothing compared to tumblr. i mean, props to aven for existing as a repository of resources but in terms of just chatting with other acesĀ āin the wildā as it were, tumblr was the perfect place.
but then this fucking shit happened. around 2015 is when it really kicked into high gear.Ā ādiscoursersā or exclusionists or aphobes or however you want to refer to them consider asexuality to be a joke and that everyone who identifies as ace is a cringey cishet college-aged white girl who loves dr who. recycled biphobia, homophobia, and even terf rhetoric made its way into the mainstream tumblr conscious by reframing the arguments to target ace people (youāre only X because youāre ugly/canāt get laid; you arenāt part of the community if your partner is of a different gender; maybe something happened to you to make you this way; have you had your hormones checked?; by accepting this identity you are allowing the oppressor to infiltrate our spaces; etc.). you know, in case you think this is just aboutĀ āsnick snackā memes.
this has alienated ace people of color, who already struggle with desexualization/hypersexualization, disabled aces, ace survivors, trans aces, mentally ill aces, neurodiverse/AUTISTIC ACES (you guys get REAL fuckin nervous when i highlight that the majority of your jeering about acesā perceived awkwardness, missed social cues, infantilization/dehumanization, or āunfuckabilityā/ācringey-nessā are repackaged ableism, especially considering that a good percentage of the ace community is also autistic), and both young AND older aces.Ā
younger people are being discouraged from exploring the possibility of being asexual by exclusionists for reasons that vary from internalized homophobia to asexuality being a side effect of SSRIs. they are being told that they areĀ āactuallyā something other than what they say they are, or that they are broken, or that theyāre too young to know, or that our ace identity is simultaneously something that must be excruciatingly examined to determine its ācauseā yet so irrelevant that itās unworthy of discussion or representationāānobody cares that you donāt want to have sexā. i WISH i had known about asexuality as a teenager, as a kid. I wish i had saved myself from so much grief, abuse, pain, and corrective rape by not subjecting myself to experiences that i hoped wouldĀ āfixā me.Ā
and older people like me, who in the grand scheme of things is uhhh really not that much older than the majority of tumblr, are ridiculed for having a presence on tumblr in general, let alone as an asexual person. aces over 30? 40? 50? unicorns. conjured rhetoric. people straight-up donāt believe they exist. people ten years my junior attempt to deny and erase the lived history of aces by saying asexuality wasĀ āinventedā only ten years ago. i have been terrified of attempting to enter Q* spaces irl because i have heard from even my IRL gay friends that aces do not belong, that āitās not important enough to form an identity aroundā, that we are not oppressed enough or we just desperately want to be oppressed.Ā
i have only heard in passing of people much older than i am who are ace. i have absolutely zero examples to turn to of people like me continuing to live a long life or any evidence that i am worth loving unless i become a parent, which i donāt want to do. when youāre a teenager thereās more discussion about sexual boundaries, but what about dating in my 30s? what adult is going to be satisfied knowing i can never validate their sexual attraction, unless they were ace like me (less than 1% of the population)? am i forced to be alone forever? you can imagine how bleak my future feels.Ā
it pisses me off that iām seen as a curmudgeon who ājust doesnāt get the young peopleās humorā when i have to beg people that i consider friends, for the eight billionth time, to stop making/reblogging jokes about howĀ ācringeyā aces are or are tongue-in-cheek declaring themselves to be aphobes, and then those people try to assuage me with respectability politics about how itās aboutĀ āTHOSEā aces on tumblr and not, yknow, me, who isĀ āone of the good onesā. and since the jokes themselves are so juvenile, it further compounds on the poor social graces and stoicism assumed of asexual people if Iām getting upset over ace war criminal moodboards or whatever the fuck. EVERY time i post about asexual ANYTHING on tumblr, to this day, i lose followers. without fail. people dont bat a lash when i spam 20 untagged posts in a row about a fandom they dont care about but i post two positive words about asexuality and theyre gone.
the environment promoted on tumblr condemns asexuality as a social deficit, as an attack on other Q* identities, as a subject of derision and embarrassment, as an identity lacking in āwokeā capital, and makes every effort to expunge us from communities we have already belonged to in favor of making our own while also actively seeking out and dismantling those communities. if tumblr really is in its last days, i sincerely hope that these awful practices will die with it.Ā
2087
dailybridgerton
vaporwave
izzy806
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
discoholicmusic
stormborns
