SPLIT INTO TWO

Zeke's right hand pushed forward then, threading its fingers through the gaps between the fingers on Justin's left. And then they curved down, locking them together.

"I'd be more surprised if you said you felt guilty about my suffering," he said, "to be honest."

The sight of Justin's fury on his set all those weeks ago-- and even here, tempered as it had been-- was one he'd remember forever. Zeke knew he had it bad when the immediate sense of guilt he felt had also been overridden with a remarkable desire for how raw Justin's expression was. To inspire that sort of passion in a person, even if it had been coloured with rage, had been thrilling.

Swallowing his mortification down, Zeke's thumb stroked the side of Justin's hand. "So, if you like that I think about you...

"Does this mean you'd charge me if I said I still want you?"

❝Professionally, yes. In fact, I expect more money and a great big public apology, as well, if you ever want me back on a Director Tingle picture. For all of my pain and suffering.❞ Justin's serious expression couldn't hold, and his lips curled up into a smile again.

❝On the personal side, however ...❞ The vampire's red eyes half - closed, and he brought up their conjoined hands. Justin kissed two of Zeke's knuckles with that same eerie tenderness. He nuzzled into them after, mouth resting against a portion of Zeke's hand as he looked across the table at him through his lashes. It was but a glimpse of the man that lived beneath the star's bravado. The same who was yearning day in and day out for the lover he had never had.

After his silent point had been made, Justin lowered their fingers. ❝I'll give you a discount,❞ he murmured teasingly. ❝I am still pissed — oh, hello, darling.❞

Thomas' extended hand was taken easily. By now Zeke was aware of the freakish strength Justin-- and by extension his twin brother-- was capable of, but there were subtle differences in the way they shook hands, too. In a weird way, Thomas reminded him of his own big brother, all-American and strong as hell. It was only through the intervention of God, he was sure, that Thomas wasn't nearly as chatty as Saul was.

"Zeke Goldner," he said, pointed end of a canine showing as he grinned. "It's nice to meet you-- and, hey, you can tell your parents there're no apologies necessary. Things come up, I get it. I just hope they're okay."

I didn't know I was meeting you until only recently.

Thomas' hand was released, and only when he was certain Justin didn't want to spend the whole time hugging his brother did Zeke move to stand by him again, hand resting easily in the small of his back. "Besides, you're the infamous twin brother who lives in Justin's head, right?

"Between you and me, meeting you first felt right."

What stories Justin had given him after admitting to having a family to come home to at all featured Thomas quite heavily; as far as Zeke could tell, they were as attached at the hip as twins could get and then some. Thomas' approval was just as important as Mr. and Mrs. Shepard's would be, at least as far as taking Justin to be his went.

❝Ah.❞ Thomas nodded. One of his boots rose and then tapped against the floor. His fingers slid away from his middle. Both of his hands went into his pockets. ❝I, uh — thanks. Zeke.❞ Thomas cleared his throat. ❝My husband and I are ... well, we can't wait for the damn kid to get here, to put it plain. If I could ask, however : we really weren't telling anybody yet. Your discretion would be appreciated.❞

Justin uttered the softest ❝oops❞ as he looked back up. Thomas could only shake his head at his twin. It was obvious that the elder creature was more exasperated than he was angry. No matter how old they grew, Justin never seemed able to shed that his peculiar brand of mischief that was both insufferable and endearing.

❝C'mon, you two. Let's get out of this shit hole. Too many people,❞ Thomas said, reaching for their luggage. Justin handed over a few of their bags. The bulk of what they brought belonged to the vampire ; he never packed light ( or reasonably ). ❝Truck's in the garage. I'll drop you off at the house Poppa's lending ya — and will you stop that.❞ He glanced over at Justin, who had attempted to touch his belly when Thomas bent closer for their things. ❝Look, Justin, it's just a baby. Ain't anything special because it's mine.❞

Thomas took the opportunity to place his hand atop Justin's hair and tease it. His younger sibling's yelp was revenge enough. For a moment, Thomas leaned into one of the suitcases he had claimed, stare moving between the pair. ❝Here — you want something to keep that head of yours preoccupied, Justin ? Momma wanted to meet you here bad, but he started having his baby when we were all over there getting shit ready for the holiday. We have a new sister being born. Hell, she could be here by now. You know Poppa's quiet until they're ready.❞

— from @splitfangs ( justin ), meme.

That got a laugh out of him, as warm as it was mock offended.

"If you didn't want me looking at your mouth, then why'd you come so close?"

For that alone Zeke paused the game on his television screen, slid the controller onto his bedside table, and set a hand on Justin's waist to squeeze it.

"You come into my room" -- his weight shifted, knee pressing into the mattress -- "wearing my old football jersey" -- his other hand mirrored its partner, settling on the other side of Justin's waist -- "cuddle up to me in the middle of a boss fight..."

Zeke held Justin down, looming above him with a raised brow and faux indignance. His hair was long enough now that it made the slightest curtain around him, framing his amused face.

"And expect me not to get distracted by your mouth?"

His nose twitched, and Zeke bent down to sniff at Justin.

❝It's cherry,❞ Justin said. ❝— cherry pie, if I'm remembering right.❞ He bit his lower lip, and the tips of his fangs glittered prettily.

❝That wasn't really the surprise for tonight, though,❞ he added after a moment. Justin placed both of his palms on his chest. He dragged them down slowly. When he reached his waist, Justin carefully tugged. It was just enough to reveal a portion of the expensive - looking red lace thong he had purchased for Zeke's enjoyment. The creature withdrew his hands then. They moved to his lover's body, curving over those broad shoulders.

Zeke's tone instantly verged towards indignant. "I'm being serious--"

But then Justin kept talking, and what argument he might have made in retaliation to any insult deflated in him like a balloon.

He said next to nothing as Justin spoke, wide eyes meeting all that red with disbelief. Zeke already felt stupid, but being told Justin had felt the same way for so long made him want to sink into the floor. The fact that he didn't notice wasn't nearly as painful to consider as the fact he could've said something and likely been all the better for it. Attraction and jealousy were so fucking humiliating in this profession that it didn't even feel like a remote possibility.

But it sounded like Justin wanted him to feel that way, and he ducked his head just to hide the way his lips were curving into a smile.

"You have it," Zeke admitted then, unable to hide the pink that took over the rise of his cheekbones. He glanced up at Justin through his lashes, though, as he added, "My attention. You have had it." Then, unable to keep himself from sounding irritated, he said, "God, you looked at the camera so needy whenever I did closeups last time. But you didn't..."

A realisation hit him, suddenly, and Zeke huffed a laugh.

"...you didn't look at Brittany that way at all for the wide shots, did you?"

His teeth dragged lightly over his bottom lip.

"Just the closeups. Just for me."

Zeke's stomach twisted. It almost felt like he was being pranked. "It doesn't... gross you out? That I was jealous thinking of someone else having you, even if it was fake?

❝You're cute,❞ Justin practically purred. He laughed, and the sound settled in the air with Zeke's. ❝— worrying about boundary issues. You know, there used to be way more private or in - person auditions with directors in our business. I'd fucked all of them and most of the starry - eyed artists in this town before I got smart : now, I charge for those.❞

Slowly, the creature brought their hands down to the top of the table. He kept his grip loose in case Zeke wanted ( or needed ) to slide his free. Justin breathed in, and the smell of Zeke filled his senses. To know that Zeke wanted him too inspired a childish excitement in him. His heart thumped wildly in his chest.

❝Is it wrong for me to say that I don't care that you were jealous ?❞ he teased. ❝... not if it means you were thinking about me. I've shook my ass enough trying to get here.❞

The feeling reminded him of when they traveled to visit Zeke's family. In a way, this was also Justin's first time meeting his own. It really had been that long.

Suddenly, Thomas drifted into view. Justin's eyes widened, and his fingers squeezed Zeke's. The other Shepard hasn't noticed them yet. It gave Justin time to stare. Thomas' attire was simple : a loose t - shirt, old brown bomber jacket, and jeans tucked into his boots. That military surplus look was what Justin had expected. What he wasn't prepared for was the age in Thomas' face and gray through his ponytail.

"That's my ... twin," Justin said, nodding his head toward Thomas. As if Zeke couldn't guess. "That's Thomas." In spite of this, he made no motion to go toward him. His feet were suddenly frozen to the floor.

— from @splitfangs ( justin ), unprompted.

Zeke packed light for their journey, having nothing but a suitcase, a backpack, and a box full of assorted cake slices from Chinatown's Flouring Cake Shop he'd held tenderly on his lap through the plane ride. In a way, he thought it was funny he'd never visited the East Coast before moving away from Florida, but no reason could ever be as compelling as meeting Justin's family.

The invitation had come so suddenly he'd had to postpone filming one of his (pornographic) westerns. But choosing between spending his holidays with Justin's family instead of at an air-conditioned set was a no-brainer. Filming could always be rescheduled, but meeting his fiancé's family for the holidays might never come again if it turned out they hated his guts.

Feeling Justin's hand in his own, Zeke turned to look down at him in curiosity. It almost looked like Justin was as nervous as Zeke felt. As he followed his gaze, however, both his brows reached up for the high fucking heavens-- even without Justin's description, he was pretty sure he could tell who his fucking twin was.

"Whoa." There were differences in a lot of ways, of course, but it was astounding how identical they looked in the face. Zeke blinked a couple of times in an innocent attempt to process it all-- did Thomas have those red eyes, too?

He dipped his head low again, nudging at Justin's temple with his nose. "Shouldn't we go to him, baby?

"C'mon. He wouldn't come all this way if he didn't wanna see you."

Drawing their joined hands up, Zeke kissed Justin's knuckles (lips brushing, just for a second, woefully close to the elegant red ruby on his engagement ring).

There were rumors in the industry that Eddie Cullen had gone soft. His work just wasn't as good anymore, and he was distant when the scene was over. What the rest of the world didn't know was how obsessed Justin was with Zeke. So much so that he had debated quitting porn altogether. Justin certainly wasn't lacking in cash, and he would rather use that time to support Zeke.

The creature's expression grew more tender. Shit, maybe he was soft now ... but maybe he didn't mind, either.

❝We should,❞ Justin agreed, nodding. He brought their hands back down ; for a moment, the ruby on his beautiful ring sparkled like his eyes. With that, he began to walk toward Thomas. It didn't take long for the other vampire to notice them. By the time that they reached Justin's sibling, Thomas was fully turned to face them. His hands slipped out of his pockets.

Suddenly overwhelmed by the sight of his brother this close, Justin released Zeke and stepped forward with his arms outstretched. Thomas chuckled, the sound much lower and more growl - like than Justin's laughs. A palm settled squarely center in Justin's chest, holding him back.

❝Slow down a damn minute, little brother,❞ Thomas intoned. ❝I gotta look at ya.❞ He whistled through his teeth, as if playfully impressed, and shook his head. ❝LA's treating you good.❞

Thomas' eyes flicked over to Zeke. They were as strangely scarlet as his twin's but far harder. The dog tags around his neck, his stance, and the firmness laced into his voice all betrayed his ( former ) military status. Deciding that he was temporarily safe from Justin — who was now fidgeting with the handle of his closest suitcase in order to resist the urge to jump onto Thomas — the elder vampire lifted his palm from Justin's chest. He extended it toward Zeke to shake.

Nevertheless, the brief moment of inner turmoil really highlighted the problematic nature of this whole thing. How the hell was he supposed to picture how best to film Justin getting pegged against a wall when he'd be gritting his teeth at an innocent actress all the while?

"I'm not trying to be entertaining," he said, reaching between them to grasp Justin's wrist and push it down. It met the table gently for the most part, thank God, but the brief spread of his fingers over Justin's wrist made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Zeke bit the inside of his cheek again and pulled his hand back.

"I'm just-- I'm trying to give... context."

Fuuuuuck. That was pretty bad. Zeke would shut his eyes in humiliation, but by then the basket of onion rings was laid out on the table and it was more important to thank Caroline for her promptness. His roast beef sandwich was going to be out at any minute now; his float, meanwhile, was beginning to bleed white with the melting ice cream.

Zeke picked a ring up just to grasp anything else that wasn't Justin. "The problem really is me, but not because of some big directorial vision or anything. I mean, come on, it's not like I'm doing the next fucking Inception when I direct this shit.

"I just couldn't..."

The onion ring crunched between his fingers when he flattened it. The issue had nothing to do with his capacity for directing, and a mix of shame and irritation made his stomach twist. He was a total scumbag, a loser-- who fucking fell for the porn star they directed? Hell, who did that and then couldn't get over it besides OnlyFans kids?

Zeke's brows furrowed, voice low as he admitted, "I didn't want to watch someone else fuck you, even if it was fake. And a feeling like that, it...

Zeke wanted to fuck him personally, it seemed. Without a camera, or hushed studio full of people, or any of the trappings that went along with the kind of performances that they lived with day in and day out. Hell, did that mean — Zeke liked him ? Perhaps it was silly to frame it that way ... but doing so made Justin's inhuman heart skip a beat. If this was just about sex, Zeke could have called Justin ; it was no secret that the vampire traded physical favors for cash when his more influential fans beckoned him close.

— but, God, Zeke was a good man, too good for that. Justin assumed that there was an affection for him wrapped up in this. Otherwise, the matter wouldn't seem so strange and deep.

❝Fuck you,❞ Justin breathed, though the words possessed far less bite than his earlier comments. Half in awe, half in shock, he leaned forward and grabbed the director's forearms. His flesh was cold and his nails were sharp. ❝Fuck you. All of this is because you have a crush on me ? and you couldn't just come out with it in the beginning ?❞

At the realization of their situation's hilarity, Justin laughed softly. His mouth turned up into a genuine smile that was crooked and showed the edges of his teeth ( unbeknownst to Zeke, it was inherited from his father ). The creature was still pissed, but he thought it was important that he voice some plain truth of his own. There would be time to continue being angry later, if Justin so chose.

❝I've been trying to get you to look at me unprofessionally for, what ... almost a year now ? I think that was when I realized I was into you. There was one film we worked on where I just couldn't focus with you nearby, it got so bad. You pulled the shoot on the worst day, do you remember ? I texted you later and said I was sick. The next time I was back on set, I was fantastic ... because I've treated each scene you directed since like a performance just for you. Like you would finally notice I wanted only your attention if I was good enough.❞

Still, he kept his expression at bay. It was easy to order a rootbeer float for himself and a basket of onion rings-- presumptuous of him, maybe, to think that they could share food when Justin was glaring bloody murder at him-- and he gave the woman a thanks of his own before he was left alone with Justin's anger all over again.

God. He was an idiot to think that some time on his own would afford Justin any sort of calm. (And he was an even bigger idiot for letting Justin's misery affect his own so badly.)

If nothing else, he kept his eyes on Justin's face instead of allowing himself to look away. Zeke leaned back in his seat, and with his teeth digging into his inner cheek, the placid smile he'd had on faded.

No use beating around the bush. "I know you're upset I didn't hire you for this installment," he said then. "I mean, you said as much. But I wasn't lying when I said I thought someone else was better for the role, either."

Zeke was already finding it difficult enough listening to Justin moan when he came on camera. It was all fake, all scripted, and he knew it-- but he also knew that if he actually tried to, he could have played all that noise over his headphones and jerked himself off to it. He could even time it so he came when Justin did because he knew the damn work like the back of his hand.

The image of Justin lying prone in bed, cheek to a pillow and ass in the air for a young woman to shove her strap into, broke him when he'd read the latest script. There was no way Richard Tingle was ever getting that film completed.

"It's not that I don't think you're great at what you do, because you are." Zeke's voice, by some miracle, remained firm, but then again, despite his humiliation he was honest to the core. "I love working with you, Justin, and the set's always great when you're around. That role was just... better suited to someone else, that's all."

Someone I could watch get their prostate abused without getting jealous.

The vampire peeled the paper of his straw wrapper near the top. He shifted his stance in his seat, brought the straw to his mouth, and blew the wrapper at Zeke across the table. Caroline chuckled at his antics, so harmless on the surface ; with Justin's easy, eerily calm smile, there was no reason for her to think otherwise. Perhaps a touch too satisfied at his childish behavior, Justin took his first sip of the milkshake. It was chocolate.

Caroline promised that their appetizer would be out soon, took their orders, and then collected the menus from them. Justin's choice was simple : a plain cheeseburger and fries. He doubted that a steak done blue — his favorite meal eating out — would be acceptable to ask for here.

He let her walk away before his expression slipped back into the hard and hurt thing that he felt Zeke deserved. ❝So, what's this then ?❞ Justin asked, gesturing at the diner and Zeke equally. ❝Huh ? You obviously haven't changed your mind — and if I really wanted to hear ' it's not you, it's me, ' I'm sure there's someone in my list of exes that could be way more entertaining about it.❞

But when just looking at Justin in his personal clothes made his heart flutter in his chest (Lord, what was he-- fifteen?), Zeke knew there was something deeply, deeply wrong with him.

He looked good even now, even when he was being difficult. Maybe especially because of it, when Zeke so rarely saw Justin make faces like this one at work. But he swallowed that sentiment down-- it's because you think about him outside work that you're in this mess to begin with-- and did his best to fix his posture instead.

Zeke offered a half-smile. "Don't worry," he said, turning the menu on the table around and sliding it in Justin's direction, "no matter what you pick, they do it pretty good.

"Thanks for coming out." Zeke pulled the cap off his head, setting it down beside him on the booth chair. His hand carded through his hair, ruffling curls along the way to let them settle without the hat on them. "I'll pay for everything, so get whatever you want."

Then, hand dropping, he drummed his fingers lightly over his lap. It was almost annoying how difficult this was-- it wasn't as if Justin was hurting for work, and Zeke himself had always done films with other actors before. It was strange that it felt like he'd betrayed him nevertheless.

Zeke met his eyes, smiling again. "How're you doin', Justin?"

One last statement of his displeasure ... and then he would leave. He would never have to sit across from Zeke's muscular frame and trace the outline of his muscles through his shirt ever again.

Luckily, both the diner and Zeke were spared from Justin's petulant rage. Their waitress approached. She was a sweet - looking middle - aged woman with a name tag that said Caroline. Justin's face turned. He flashed her his most dazzling smile, all pearly teeth and glittering eyes. A hand traveled up to rest against the side of his head as he tilted it up at her. The lenses of his sunglasses matched the unusual color of his irises impeccably. He was perfect, as he always was — perhaps insufferably so. There were few in the world who responded poorly to that slick charm on demand ( and they were customarily individuals who weaponized something similar ) ; it had always gotten Justin everything he could want and more.

Except for Zeke Goldner.

❝I'll take a milkshake, darling, and a glass of water,❞ Justin said, voice terribly smooth. He hadn't looked at the menu, but he suspected a place like this would pride themselves on an old - fashioned shake. Sure enough, his assumption was rewarded with Caroline's request to know what flavor he wanted. Justin noted the pink beneath her blush and the flutter of her heart, though he pretended not to. ❝Surprise me — I'm not picky. Oh, and ... this gentleman here's picking up the bill.❞

Even if Thomas' request, spoken as innocently as it was, had him inhaling sharply through his nostrils.

Don't be a fucking pervert, scolded a voice in the back of his head. He basically had a life-changing surgery. Of course he wants to check everything's fine.

Chandra's voice was hoarse despite his best efforts. "Sure." And though his instinctive desire was to spit on Thomas' hole (gods), he at least had the sense of mind to bring his fingers up and suck on them instead.

They were glistening when he pulled away, generous as Chandra had been with his tongue. His lips brushed Thomas' temple in a kiss, and his clean hand played with his hair to soothe him.

"I'm gonna start with one," he said. "Relax as best you can, yeah?"

It was almost like their first time again. Chandra tucked his head against Thomas' own, stroking that long hair, and with dark eyes watched his hand slip between Thomas' legs. Both his index and ring fingers spread his lower lips apart, and the middle stroked delicate circles over the opening in-between. When at last Thomas felt soft enough, that same finger slipped in, pressing to the second knuckle.

"Easy..."

As Chandra touched him, Thomas noted how the new smell in the room grew stronger. Was that ... his arousal ? ( God, at a time like this. ) The vampire wondered if it was connected to the moisture he felt building between the folds of his new, tingling flesh. His hearing caught the sound of it, and that made him whimper. Thomas' nails dug into Chandra's arm. He considered asking the other man to get a mirror — fuck, he wanted to see what it looked like in this state — but mentally dropped the matter when Chandra pushed in.

Thomas wondered at first if he would take Chandra's finger. The initial movement inward seemed to suffer from slight resistance. However, it was only momentary ; in the next breath, Thomas' body yielded, permitting Chandra to enter with a soft squelching.

Thomas' lips formed an o shape. He rocked his head back into his pillow, chin pointed to the ceiling, and welcomed the sensation of his lover inside of him properly. The creature's pale, shaking legs opened further without Thomas really being aware of the motion.

❝It's deep,❞ Thomas finally managed, voice colored with awe still. ❝Y - You did it, Chandra. It's ... it's deep. Damn, it's —❞ His face turned to the side, dull red stare meeting those perfect brown eyes. ❝It's just good. I - I promise nothing hurts ...❞ Thomas inhaled sharply. ❝Damn, it actually feels ... really good. There's a lotta pressure, but having you in there ...❞ Thomas' low, quiet moan was out of his control.

But before he could say any more, there were Connie's little hands, and he was letting his head snap a little quicker to meet his daughter's big, red eyes. He could never resist Thomas when he looked at him in pleading, and despite the much more innocent connotation here, he found that Connie resembled her dad in the worst way now that it took everything to keep his expression schooled into one of calm.

He took in a breath, eyes shutting as he pretended to contemplate the toughest decision on the planet, and then lifted his hand from Thomas' hair. Where their fingers were still joined, he swept his thumb over Thomas' knuckles absently.

Chandra's pinky curled up. "You make me a pinky promise right now that you'll floss after you brush, and you can have that Oreo.

"I'll promise to floss, too." It was one of the only things Chandra hated to do, as far as self-care went, and everyone knew it. The family dentist often shook her head sadly at him whilst Rohan smiled craftily around his lollipop. "You can ask Dad in the morning if I did it right, or else we're having cake for breakfast."

And when at last the promise was made, Chandra watched their little girl go with an openly gentle expression. He looked away only when she was gone, gazing at the man on his lap instead, and tipped Thomas' chin up so he could bend and kiss him, post-puke mouth and all.

Thomas chuckled as she scampered away. He issued a short, satisfied noise in response to Chandra's kiss. The hand over their unborn daughter ( also holding Chandra's fingers ) began to rub leisurely circles into the blanket, encouraging the fluttering within. Their little Cell was too small to kick properly yet.

❝— and you know what I'm going to say,❞ Thomas answered, equally as soft. ❝I'll try ... sure as hell, I'll try, but it's up to her.❞ He allowed his other hand to fall down. It gently cradled the side of Thomas' belly. The vampire didn't dare to glance at how he was instinctively cradling his stomach. Could he mentally handle looking more pregnant than he already thought he did ? Was he reaching the point where hiding their precious secret was going to be impossible ?

❝She is wild,❞ Thomas added quietly. ❝Damn, she really is their sister.❞

A fantastically - timed clatter in the kitchen made the creature bite his lip. ❝Connie ?❞ he called, louder. It was hard not to laugh. ❝Come on, girlie, did'ya —❞

Connie appeared in the doorway, triumphantly holding a sealed plastic bag full of the Oreos. ❝I found them !❞ she said. However, she paused, and her little lower lip slid out in a pout. ❝I'm just getting more water for you and bapu ...❞ Suddenly, her eyes widened. ❝Bapu, I have to go make brother promise, right ? so he can have an Oreo if he flosses and brushes — I'll split mine in half actually, since it's my payment. These are so important to Dad. Bapu, bapu, you're the nurse now ! and Daddy has to be good. I'll be right back !❞

He liked the way Thomas shook, though. He liked the visceral feel of it in Thomas' muscles as they alternated between tight and loose, flexing beneath his palm. His head sank lower, taking more of Thomas in, and Chandra felt the expansion of his lungs just as clearly as he felt the fingers holding on his shoulder.

And, yes, they were good. Thomas' whole body lit up like a fucking firecracker, and Chandra's inherent hypersensitivity hungered for all of it, eyes shutting against the ripples of sensation.

Letting his cheeks hollow, Chandra relished the sweet dribble of pre-come dutifully milked onto the back of his tongue.

Then, after a praising curl of the tongue to the underside of Thomas' cock, Chandra's head bobbed.

His lashes fluttered as his eyes opened, already-dark eyes gone even moreso as he followed the line of Thomas' impressive figure. The drool looked nice between the gag and his lips, as did the rise and fall of his chest. As his mouth slid back and forth, a confident fist stroked what wasn't inside of it, coaxing more of Thomas' slick out of him with every upward pull.

The hand on Thomas' thigh squeezed, then lifted to pull that leg over his own shoulder.

The drool pooling beneath his bottom lip began to stream lazily downwards, forming connecting lines of bright spit to his heaving chest. Thomas lifted his hands to swipe vainly at them, suddenly self - conscious about just how much was there. In doing so, he blindly removed the palm that had he used to help to keep him steady against the furniture. Thomas' waist slipped lower, and he yelped through his homemade gag. Deeper into Chandra he went, deeper into the desk, deeper into the storm of physical and mental stimuli threatening to devastate him.

Pitifully, Thomas corrected his lack of support by digging his nails into the wood. The creature's other hand moved to Chandra's desk. His fingers pressed together, and Thomas patted the top of it. Once, twice, three times came his insistent motion. It didn't matter that there were still files scattered across the piece — Thomas was begging his lover to be moved fully to the desk ( on his back, preferably ). Thomas just didn't trust his ability to keep himself upright like this ... nor his own damn mouth if he were to spit out the fabric in order to ask properly.

With his red eyes shining feverishly, Thomas whined, high - pitched and piercing. Let me move, he seemed to say, but keep it so I can watch you suck on it, and get me off like you're real good at, and then do whatever you fucking want while I'm laid out like that, and ...

Earlier, while he sat on the closed toilet lid for Chandra to dry his hair, Thomas had become aware of a terrible hardness in his stomach. He suspected then he couldn't sleep with it, but the vampire laid down all the same. Hours later, Thomas stared at the wall, trembling. His normally sluggish heart was racing. Every sense relayed the same message : the heat was too much, the sound of his breathing was too much, the smell of the shampoo that was never fully washed out was too much. It all hurt. Thomas sniffed, and fresh tears rolled down the bridge of his nose. When did he start crying --?

It occurred to him distantly that he was starting to have a panic attack. A real, proper one. The sort he hadn't suffered since his Momma enrolled him in therapy as a boy. Thomas pulled his body up blindly. Broken growls issued from him between the short, wheezing breaths. He could only hope that Chandra wouldn't try to comfort him. Rome was sitting so heavily in him ; at any point, Thomas felt that it would claw its way up his throat.

— from @splitfangs, unprompted.

What horrible timing it was, to realise he loved Thomas at the man's lowest. The truth of it swirled in his gut as well as his head, leaving him all too aware of the fact Thomas was sleeping in his guest room tonight. He'd done everything he could not to pay attention to him, but old habits died hard, and the massive revelation of his affection made him miss Thomas in his bed so much he was going to be sick with it.

He was, already, sick with it.

Whatever happened in Rome had hurt him. Chandra noticed it as soon as Thomas showed up at his door. But they weren't the kind of people who talked about these things, and what peace they achieved together (or what passion) was never extrapolated to be more than that.

Thomas wasn't Chandra's to know intimately.

But with his eyes shut, all Chandra could sense was the furious beating of Thomas' heart and the shuddering of his lungs. Without Rohan around-- he was sleeping over at a friend's place-- Thomas was a beacon of stimuli. Thomas was crying. Thomas was wheezing. Thomas' muscles were taut, and Chandra dug his nails so deep into his own bicep it left crescents in its wake.

It's none of your business. You've never had to ask about his other trips before. You'll invade his privacy, you'll be too much--

There was only so much of this Chandra could take. I love him, and he's in pain.

"Thomas." Maybe he would hear him, and the softness of the plea wrapped around each syllable. Chandra swallowed.

"You don't have to be alone."

He didn't share the same hearing Thomas did, but Chandra'd already memorised what his name felt like on Thomas' lips. If Thomas said it, he would know.

His phone landed next to him, still playing the too - clear video of what transpired in Rome. It filled the guest room with sickening light. That was what made him peel up his flesh earlier in the day. Thomas had received a link to the footage from an unknown international number while he was out, fetching odds and ends for supper ( and trying to be normal, fuck, would he ever be normal again — ). He cried in his car after, sick with the reminder of her skin against his own, and then made poor excuses to Chandra about low inventory at the store when he came home empty - handed.

Thomas knew he never should have clicked play again while he laid sleepless in bed, but he couldn't escape the matter of the video's existence. It made him feel weak, and ashamed, and more scared than he had ever been before ... but it lent some validity to the pain in him.

The vampire's claws traveled up and gripped his arms. In the feed, she moaned, and the present - day version of Thomas sniffling on the floor moaned, too. He pressed his bleeding brow into the carpet.

❝I'm sorry, Chandra,❞ he sobbed, eyes closing. With every gasp for air, he pulled his knees closer to his chest. ❝I'm sorry, I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to — I didn't want to.❞ In the video, a man stepped around the side of the bed, holding a formidable firearm. Its barrel brushed the curve of past Thomas' bare shoulder in the midst of the act, and the creature shied away from it with the same terror that filled him today.