spills and roses.

I finally became what I have been trying to fight against for others.

I finally understand.

My first fever thought that I am sharing. I learned this method from an Intersectionality course when I was an undergrad.

It had nothing to do with the subject, but my professor would have us to do this from time to time as an exercise. It is meant to help us get our critical thinking flowing, and our minds awake. We can write anything within 2 minutes, and have an opportunity to share with the class. So, enough with the explanation. I present to you...my first fever thought. Here we go -

I can not believe we are in the second half of 2025. The first half has been definitely a learning and growing experience. I have been semi on my own again, and learning how to take care of myself is a new challenge.

I feel excited for this second half of this year to happen. I do not know what is written in the stars, but I am working towards a successful life for myself. I am grateful for this time in my life, and the support that I have surrounding me.

777.

Not a glamorous day, but heavy pondering for sure. One year around the sun since entering the post-graduate life, and certain events have led up to where my mind is at now today. While at work, I did some thinking as I washed out tubs of ice coolers.

Do I want to continue with my master degree? A part of me wants to actually, but it is important for me to list out how doing my master degree while working as a full time employee side by side. 

I’m considering applying to two Universities from my hometown, SDSU and CSUSM.  I miss studying communication and doing scholar work, even though it was truly a pain. However, I truly do miss being a student. A part of me wants to continue learning the subject, researching it, and applying it. Lately there has been a disconnect in communication between other people at work, and it’s kind of interesting to me how that is at times. It just reminds me, “man I studied this kind of interaction”. 

Since day one of starting the position I have now, I knew i was not going to do this job for more than two years. Only if I knew I was going to move on to working somewhere else. Though, the idea of working towards my master started to sound intriguing to me even though I always thought that I was just going to stick with my bachelors. 

Now that I am interested, how is it going to change my way of life for two years? The good thing about my current job is that they offer tuition assistance. However, it would require me to stick with my job where I would have switch from full-time to flexible hours (basically part-time).  I would have to work less hours, and probably lose my benefits. 

I had believed the strength of the rays were weakening. Maybe it was time for me to be absorbed into darkness. My lights were giving up on me I thought.

The days have been blurring. I am currently in a stump, but it also does not feel like a stump. My short term memory has been declining, and a friend told me they saw a white hair on me? How? I am not stressed. There’s no reason for me to be stressed at all. I’m aware that I have not given myself enough time for mindfulness. There are days where I am doing good, but days where it’s just a bit rough for me to get through. I am just not consistent, but I am trying my best. I was sharing something I thought was funny to a co-worker, about how I am out of it and that my short term memory is frazzled. I truly told her in a way where I thought it was funny. She kindly responded, “the burnt out sounds real”. Like what? That actually caught me off guard. I laughed it off while denying, “haha, nooo. There’s no way I am burnt out. There is not much for me to do really.” She explained, “Burn out isn’t just that. It can also be repetition of what you are doing.”

I took the scenic route on our way home. We cruise at an average speed down the windy road. The glow reaches our vision, we are touch by its’ warmth and radiance. “Look at the sunset, doesn’t it look beautiful?”

You agreed. I’m happy you do.

Though, it’s more than an agreement. I hope you could see this moment the way I do. I hope it reminds you of all the good things in this world. I hope it reminds you that life is enjoyed through simple matters. I hope it fills you with graciousness and peace with your inner demons.

26th birthday photo inspiration. (Jan 21).

Don’t mind the first post talking about Animal Crossing. I originally used this blog to make a post for an assignment from my second semester in college. Consider this to be the first post!

Ahh I remember when I used Tumblr during 2009-2015ish, what a time. Now I am returning at the age of 26 years old. Currently tired of using some of the other social media platforms. One of my goals this year is to finally express my creative side, and truly hone in on it. I figured I should try Tumblr again, and use it to post content in a space I feel is not as oversaturated. Before it use to be, but now this platform is not as mainstream as it was way back. I have come full circle, and now I am back to spill out all my thoughts and share my own visions. I’m truly excited. It all feels so nostalgic, yet brand new to be blogging again. Who would have thought I would be back? Not me! Yet, here we are my lassies.