Just in time for the holidays. Feel free to change pronouns and names as needed.
CW for strong language and violence.
“Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”
“Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.”
“No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza? “
“Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.”
“Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?”
“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.”
“Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you ___, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.”
“Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.“
“Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."
“Welcome to the party, pal.”
“Sorry ___, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?”
“Whoa, these are very bad for you.”
“Who are you then?”
“Just a fly in the ointment, ___. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.“
“This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.”
“That was Gary Cooper, asshole.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“Oh, yeah? Why not?”
“Drop it, dickhead. It’s the police.”
“God. That man looks *really* pissed.”
“Only ___ can drive somebody that crazy.”
“You’d have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, ___.”
“Benefits of a classical education.”
“When you steal $600, you can just disappear. When you steal 600 million, they will find you, unless they think you’re already dead.”
“What idiot put you in charge?”
“Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.”
“What the fuck?”
“I read about them in Time magazine.”
“We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.”
“He did everything he could to save him.”
“No, sir. You couldn’t drag me away.”
“You motherfucker, I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna fuckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna fucking eat you!”
“You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his fucking neck.”
“After all your posturing, all your little speeches, you’re nothing but a common thief.”
“I am an exceptional thief, ___. And since I’m moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite.”
“Hey ___, how you feeling?
“Pretty fuckin’ unappreciated, ___”
“Happy trails, ___.”
“All things being equal, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
“Don’t you got any Christmas music?”
