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read: 260701 - 260705

★★★☆☆ (3.25)

i enjoy reading retellings of greek mythology a lot so this is a book I was very excited for. and i am a bit disappointed that I did not enjoy it as much as i thought it would.

throughout my reading i had to remind myself that medea was very young while these events were taking place. her naivety, innocence, and impulsive thoughts and actions came from a place of being so young and sheltered to the point she jumped at the first glimpse of a chance to escape.

her naivety of the world and the actions of men are things she only possesses because of her age and how sheltered she was. reading it as someone who no longer has that naivety was frustrating but i also felt a bit of sadness in realizing i no longer had that belief in the world and the people in it.

watched: 260623

★★★☆☆

this is one of the movies that i really don't know how to feel about. one of those things were i have so much to say and nothing at all at the same time.

the concept of the backrooms being clark's creation built off of his memories and trauma was a concept i did enjoy. however I'm not sure if the execution of the ideas was something that was done well. i understand the struggle of portraying something that relies on the unknown such as the backrooms, so i am not sure how else this could have been show, but i am not the writer.

not to quote the script or olivia rodrigo but "hurt people hurt people" is something that was extremely relevant in the movie. clark in real life turns to lashing out on the people around him, ruining relationships and the life he has built as a response to his own fear and pain. this is also reflected in the backrooms with the way the creature really does not pose a danger to clark himself until there is no one else to consume.

with mary trying her best to help clark despite also being a survivor of abuse, and clark pulling in cat and her boyfriend into the backrooms, i do think the backrooms portrays cycles of abuse, the issues in psychiatric and medical systems, and also the continuous struggle of women needing to "fix" men even when they are victims themselves.

however, with the concept of the backrooms in itself I think the movie failed to execute the unsettling feeling and fear the backrooms gives people. i think the fear of backrooms (concept not movie) comes from the fact that you never really see the creature or whatever being you are being haunted by. the fear stems from the unknown. putting a face to the creature took away the fear from the concept.

read: 260622 - 260624

★★★★☆ (3.75)

i really liked the complicated emotions of this book. the book follows darcy and the grief and guilt she is feeling over the death of her ex boyfriend.

the complicated emotions of darcy dealing with her mental health, the "moral" discussions at the library, and the personality differences with her wife being navigated together at once was very well weaved together.

though i am not a lesbian, i had similar mental struggles and thoughts on my identity that darcy experienced before she was able to find herself. and the thoughts that come in late at night even when sure about her identity. being raised as a girl, big weddings, husband and kids are something we are taught to work towards, and it took a very long time for me to understand that i do not like men as much as i thought i do.

i also loved the emphasis on the importance of libraries as a resource for learning and community. as a lover of books and learning, i know how important libraries are for our community. i also liked how darcy mentioned that there are books she does not agree with as well (right wing leaning books and media available to the public) but the library is for the whole public and while she does not agree with them still having these resources are important to the community.

read: 260617 - 260618

★★★★☆ (3.75)

"you're a person who's made some bad choices and some good choices. a person who is trying to survive and figure out how to live. a person who loves people - and to love to someone means to hurt someone. not all the time, and not on purpose. but yeah... sometimes"

with this book i was able to relate to a lot of the bleak thoughts and emotions that the different characters have. i do think this kind of thinking are things that other people on here may relate to as well.

i think the jade song did a good job depicting the complications of all types of relationships. because relationships are hard, complicated, and need work - and humans are people capable of hurting others, making mistakes, and having fears that they have not grown from yet. I loved that the importance of relationship and the use of the word "love" was not just reserved for romantic relationships but in platonic ones as well. i think it is important for people to understand that friendships are also forms of love and a type of relationship that also needs work as much as romantic ones.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 spoilers ahead 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

read: 260611 - 260615

★★★☆☆ (3.5)

this was quite an easy read, and not in a negative way.

the neighborhood of yeonnam-dong come together at the new smiley laundromat as they work through their daily personal struggles and grow closer together as a community.

this book made me yearn for the community that it describes. something that i feel is greatly lacking and hard to build in today's society.

read: 260609 - 260610

★★★★☆ (3.75)

the memoir was written in such a way that it didn't feel like a list or timeline of something that happened. i struggle to read memoirs that read as "this happened and then this happened to me" so i was able to get into the flow of this book a lot easier than others.

i think many people have preconceived notions on cult victims where they believe only dumb or naive people can fall victim to them. however, the people in this book are the opposite of what some may imagine as "typical cult victims". veena's parents are highly educated and working in stem, veena also being someone in high level classes and someone people believed would be "most likely to succeed" in life. this really highlights how it has nothing to do with someone's smarts or education, but everything to do with cults preying on peoples' desperation to manipulate them to do their bidding.

watched: 260609

★★★★☆ (4.5)

this was actually such a devastating watch for me. as an sa survivor this was an uncomfortable watch, but the film did such a great job depicting how men view women as objects to fulfill their needs.

the film does a great job with the death of bear's cat sandy, showing that he takes no responsibility for the things that he deems "important" to his life. bear is shown to be extremely irresponsible as a cat owner, not meeting sandy's actual needs, seeming more like someone who just wanted a cat while lacking the actual emotional connection and responsibility to properly love and care for one. ultimately leading to sandy's death due to his irresponsibility.

bear thinks of nikki the same way he does sandy. he "loves" her and wants to be with her, but does not see her as an actual person with thoughts, emotions, and goals in life, and lacks the emotional capacity and responsibility to be a good friend to her.

the idea of nikki one day waking up to having no control over her own body and actions is heartbreaking. this is such an amazing depiction of victims and just the way men view women. the different ways in which the real nikki tries to convey her presence and lack of autonomy: the "not me" in the polaroid photo and the writing excerpt at the party where she represents her feelings of being forced to fuck someone she sees as her brother by an outside force.

nikki was set up as such a kind, amazing, and engaging person and as the audience we barely get a glimpse of it. we will never truly know nikki like bear never did.