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And I’ve gone through trying times. This is the worst. My ‘friends’ whom I let live with me for a year for free walked all over me and now have me blocked on Facebook when I asked if they were gonna pay me back for the bills and such they left. I’ve been trying and thinking of what I did wrong but idk. I flew them to Colorado and NY ect let their family stay while they visited put myself out for them when they charged me for gas to ride with them. Looking back I know that they were not friends but I was friends with one since middle school. While working I slept with a coworker who I knew had a baby mama but he bitched and moaned about her and made her seem distant so i didn’t care. I was looking for company not a relationship. Now this haunts me too. She found out and got me fired he still has a job and now the owner is jeopardizing all my job interviews I make, making it impossible for me to work. My life is falling farther and farther and I just want to die. I don’t want to live this life anymore. I hate myself for believing they were my friends and having them talk me into moving away from the one family member I have. It isolated me so badly. I hate myself for finding solstices in the arms of another who had already made a woman carry his child and was still dragging her along. I hate myself for letting the owner of the company put ME down and not the targeters because I never even started the relationship. I know I made a lot of these choices that led to this and I don’t know how to overcome this. This is the first time in 4 years that I’ve had a overpowering urge to cut. I think I’m going too. I have no one I isolated myself to these few people thinking it was a support system and now I cannot even get a job to buy weed or coke to consolidate my feelings.