okay but women

“We can take a break if you want,” Bolin panted. 

“I can’t take a break until I’ve mastered this move.”

“Y/n, you’ve pinned me twelve times.”

“Twelve times out of, what? Six hundred daggers? That’s two percent. I can’t be queen if I only have a two percent success rate.” You sped up your attacks, and pinned Bolin to the wall for the seventh time. 

“Come on,” he pleaded. “We’ve been doing this for an hour. Just a five minute break won’t hurt.”

You sighed, pulling Bolin off the wall. “Fine. Five minutes.” Both of you walked over to a nearby bench to sit and catch your breath. 

“You know, you’re actually a really good earthbender- one of the best I’ve ever met.”

You looked at Bolin, your face displaying little to no emotion. “Thanks.” 

“Y/n,” he continued, pulling your shoulders to face him. “You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You only started training a month ago. You can’t expect to be perfect already. I know you’re facing a lot of pressure right now, but you aren’t going to get anywhere if you don't allow yourself to make mistakes.”

“I do allow myself to make mistakes. Once. Then I figure my shit out and do better.”

Bolin sighed. “Just, don’t beat yourself up. You’re really great.”

---

“Hey, Y/n,” Asami greeted you, running up to you from across the courtyard. She must have been sitting in the garden. “I haven’t seen you in a while. You must be training really hard.”

You looked at Asami and gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I really have.” You had been up late last night studying ancient scrolls, so you were using the majority of your energy just to keep yourself on your feet.

Asami stopped suddenly, taking your face in her hands. She surveyed your features carefully, taking each piece of your face in as if it was the last time she would see them. “When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

At the close contact, your heart thumped in your chest. You shook it off and tried to wrack your brain for a good answer. Recently, all of your thoughts had seemed fuzzy; the exhaustion was really taking its toll on you, and Asami’s soft hands on your face didn’t help, either. “Um,” you mumbled. “I don’t know.”

She dropped her hands to her sides and a wave of concern washed over her face. “You look awful. C’mon, I’m taking you to my room so you can sleep in peace.”

“But-”

“Nope. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not just going to continue letting you overwork yourself to the point of exhaustion. If anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to me.” 

Asami clutched your hand and led you to her room. When you arrived, she tucked you into her bed and put on a little bit of calming music.

She smiled softly as she looked at your tense figure in her bed. At least you were trying to relax. “Just let me know if there’s anything you need. Since today’s your relaxing day, I don’t want you doing much.” She turned to leave, but just as she was about to close the door, you called after her.

“Hey Asami? Can you maybe, uh, stay here?”

Upon hearing your words, she turned right back around and walked up to her bed. She climbed carefully under the covers and wrapped her arms around you. 

“Is this okay?”

Your face flushed red. In the midst of your obvious moment of panic, you managed to choke out a small, “Yeah, totally.”

---

A couple of weeks later, you found yourself sitting atop a ledge overlooking all of Ba Sing Se. The sun was passing just below the horizon, casting a yellow-orange light over the whole sky. The view was breathtaking. 

In about a month, you would be ruling this kingdom, and while it was terrifying, there was a beauty in all of it. Sure you had struggled a bit, but who hadn’t? Deep down, you knew that you would be a great ruler. 

“Hey,” came a soft voice from behind you. “Is this seat taken?”

You turned around to find the one and only Asami Sato. The moment you looked at her, your heart stopped. She looked stunning. You had never seen her dressed so nicely; she was dressed up for some sort of fancy occasion, maybe one you would ask about later. “No, no, it’s totally free. I mean, obviously. I’m the only one here, and it’s kind of late, so it’s not like I’d be waiting for someone else. I mean who would I even be waiting for? My only friends are you, Bolin, Mako, and Korra.” You looked at your hands. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Asami smiled at you. That smile could make your whole day. Hell, it could make your whole lifetime. When she smiled, your heart would feel like it was doing backflips, and your breath would catch in your throat. It was the warm, fresh-out-the-oven, Christmas cookies on a bitterly cold day. It was the cool ocean breeze on a hot day at the beach. 

“Yeah. But honestly, I think it’s adorable.” Asami swung her legs over the ledge and sat down beside you. 

Your cheeks burned as the blood rushed to your face. You covered your face with your hands and mumbled out a quiet thank you.   

“So,” she started. “How’s your royal preparation treating you?”

“Honestly, not great. I feel like I can’t spend a single minute doing anything but preparing. I’ve been training my ass off for months, and I still don’t feel like I’m good enough. I’ve barely been getting enough sleep because I stay up all night reading ancient scrolls because I’m so terrified of messing up and ruining the whole kingdom. On top of all that, I still haven’t found a husband.”

“Well, what do you need a husband for? I think you’d be a great ruler on your own.” Asami looked directly into your eyes. Underneath all of her hiding, you could see she was just a little bit hurt.

“Well, my aunt was always telling me about how I needed to find a prince so I could be ready to rule if she ever stepped down, and I feel like now that she’s gone, I kind of owe that to her.”

“Y/n, you don’t owe her anything. You’re going to be the queen now. You can make your own decisions.” She spoke with such passion in her voice, you couldn’t help but believe her. 

“I guess you’re right.” You had been so focused on telling Asami about your life, you didn’t even notice how close your faces had become. Your lips were mere centimeters apart, and your noses were practically touching. She was staring into your eyes, and you were staring right back.

Without a second thought, you cupped her face and pulled her lips to meet yours in a warm, longing kiss. You hadn’t even realized until now how much you liked Asami. As she kissed you back, your mouths danced together. They fit perfectly into each other, like two puzzle pieces you hadn’t even noticed belonged to the same puzzle. Her lips were soft like pillows, and her tongue tasted like apples and fresh picked gardenias. 

Pulling away, you rested your forehead against hers. For a split second, you were filled with overwhelming joy, and you had the urge to kiss her again.

All of this was before the panic set in.

“No. No, no, no. I’m so sorry.” You hopped off the ledge and ran towards the palace. 

“Y/n wait!”

You were already too far away to hear her, though you weren’t sure that you would’ve even responded if you could. Tears pooled in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks.

It was your fault your aunt died. If you hadn’t been out with your friends that day, you could have been there to save her. But you weren’t, and now you had to do this for her. The last thing you could do was disappoint her. Not only was Asami a woman, she was also a non-bender. She was unbelievably smart, sure, but your aunt would never want you to marry her. You decided it was best to erase Asami from your life and pretend you never kissed her.

---

Asami walked up to you the next day. “Hey, can we talk?”

“What is there to talk about?”

“You know, the kiss?”

“What kiss? Just leave me alone. I have things to do.” You walked away, leaving Asami standing there all by herself, heartbroken and confused.

---

She approached you again the next day with the same question. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. Each time you gave the same answer. After about two weeks of this, Asami decided she had had enough. 

The next time she saw you, she ran up to you and grabbed your wrist. 

“What is going on with you? I know we kissed, and I know you know we kissed, so why are you trying to act like we didn’t?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you answered, attempting to pull your wrist from her grip. 

This only made her hang on tighter. “Stop pretending that didn’t happen. Pretending isn’t going to erase the fact that you have feelings for me, and it certainly isn’t going to erase the fact that I have feelings for you. If you don’t want to have a relationship with me, that’s fine, but you need to tell me.” Her voice softened. “I love you, Y/n and I can’t stand to see you like this. I know you’re fighting your own internal battles, but can you at least talk to me about it?”

“I’m sorry,” you responded after her long monologue. “I like you, I really do, I just need some time. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

She grabbed your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Of course. Take care of yourself until then.”

“Sokka! Come over here, I have something cool to show you!” Your boyfriend came running to see what you were excited about. You turned to show him your little spark, but when you did, the fire somehow grew exponentially bigger. You lost control of it, and a fireball flew directly at Sokka, hitting him square in the chest.

He fell backwards onto the ground and looked at you, terror plaguing his once bright and loving eyes.

“You monster! I’m ashamed I ever trusted you! I should have known you were just dirty fire nation scum that wanted to hurt me.”

“No! It was an accident, I promise!” You moved closer to him, trying to find a way to heal him. You caused the damage, so you must have had the ability to fix it, right?

He scooted away from you and yelled, “Stay away! I can’t believe I ever loved you!”

You woke up in a cold sweat and sat up in bed, bringing your knees close to your chest. Tears began to fall down your cheeks as you covered your face with your hands. Against your best efforts, quiet whimpers fell from your lips as your body began to shake uncontrollably. The air around you was hot and humid, and it felt like the walls were closing in. With full on panic setting in, your breath grew rapid and unsteady, and the heavy weight on your chest made each inhale an uphill climb.

Ever since you left the fire nation, you had been having these awful recurring nightmares. Your once honorable firebending had become the part of you that you hated the most. Once you became aware of the destruction your people had caused, you couldn’t bring yourself to bend again. The fear of hurting the people you loved, especially Sokka, haunted you with every step you took.

Sensing the loss of warmth at his side, Sokka immediately woke up. When he laid his eyes upon your trembling figure, a wave of concern washed over him. He sat up next to you, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders in an effort to calm you.

You just squeezed yourself tighter into your little ball.

“Y/n, honey, what’s wrong?”

You meant to give Sokka a clear, formulated response, but instead of a calm and collected answer to his question, a loud sob fell out of your mouth.

He pulled you closer to him, running his fingers through your soft hair lovingly. “It’s okay, just let it all out.”

You finally unraveled yourself and wrapped your arms around Sokka’s waist,  nuzzling your head into his shoulder. You sniffled quietly, the smell of his soft cotton shirt wafting up into your nose as you did so. “I’m sorry.” Your voice came out barely louder than a whisper, but somehow, Sokka still managed to hear you.

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night. I- I should have just gone to the kitchen and gotten myself some water. Now, you’re gonna be tired in the morning, and everything’s gonna be my fault and I just-”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’d much rather be here for you in the middle of the night than let you deal with this on your own.” He pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. “Now, do you want to tell me what this is about?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll be mad.”

“Y/n, I'd never be mad at you. If something’s upsetting you, I’ll understand.”

You took a deep breath. “I keep having these nightmares. I’m firebending again and then you show up and I hurt you. I always try to tell you it was an accident, and then you tell me to leave and I feel so bad about it. I just can’t get rid of this feeling that I’m gonna hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Overwhelmed by shame, you pulled away and looked down.

Sokka pulled your chin up so that you were making eye contact. He didn’t look mad, just worried. “I would never be mad at you for that. I know you’re still scared of firebending, but I know you won’t hurt me.” His expression softened. “You are the most kind, compassionate, loving person I know, and I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do with your bending. I’m not scared of you, and I don’t want you to be either. Okay?”

“Okay.” You pulled him down into your bed and laid your head against his chest. With Sokka’s arms wrapped around your waist, you finally felt like you could trust yourself. While encouraging words couldn’t heal your trauma, Sokka definitely helped you overcome one of your biggest fears.

You and mako had started dating about a month after he joined the Fire Ferrets. You actually met at one of his games. He saw you in the crowd, and from the moment he approached you, you were head over heels in love with him. He asked you to go to lunch with him, and you two immediately clicked. You supported him in everything he did, and he was always there for you. He made your brain all fuzzy, but one thing was abundantly clear: you were in love with him. 

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Mako turning to you and smiling. He reached under the table, and grabbed your hand. “Anyway,” he said, “Me and y/n should probably get going. We have a date tonight, and we all know they tend to take forever to get ready.” 

You bid your goodbyes and headed out the doors. Once outside, he stopped and looked at you, concerned. “Are you okay? You didn’t really talk much in there.”

“Yeah, I was just a little distracted.”

“By what?”

You stepped closer to him, so that your noses were practically touching. “You.”

Mako cupped your face and brought your lips gently to his. Fireworks exploded in your chest at the contact. It certainly wasn’t your first kiss, but it still had the exact same affect. 

You pulled away softly and laid your forehead against his. “I love you,” you whispered. “So much.”

“I love you too.”

- - -

When you got back to your shared apartment, you pulled Mako onto the bed and threw his arms around you.

He laughed. “What are you doing?”

“It’s cold outside, and you’re so warm.” 

“That’s fair, I guess.” He pulled you close to his chest and stroked your hair. Mako’s heat engulfed your body, and you felt so safe. Just before you drifted off to sleep, you felt Mako press a soft kiss to your forehead.

- - -

When you awoke, Mako had already gotten out of bed. You just assumed he went to prepare for the date, so you decided to do the same. You got yourself completely ready, so that when it was time to leave, there was no way you would be late. When you stepped out of your room, though, you saw Mako walking out the door.

“Where are you going? We don’t have to leave for at least another hour.”

“The station needs me. There’s a pretty important case.”

“It’s Saturday. You can do it tomorrow. We already have plans.” Your voice pierced the air like a knife. You two hadn’t gone on a date in two months, and Mako was not going to bail on you again.

“Y/n, my job is important-”

“And I’m not? Why can’t you put me first for once? I do everything for you, and all you do is bail on dates with me to go do police stuff that you always end up saying ‘wasn’t that urgent anyway’. Do you even want to spend time with me?”

“I literally cuddled with you an hour ago!”

“You’re only all sweet and cuddly when you have nothing else to do. Then, when something comes along, you’re up and out the door, leaving me by myself.”

“You don’t understand!”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you don't even try in this relationship.”

“Because not everything’s about you,” He yelled. “I have other priorities!”

You went silent and started to tear up. He had never yelled at you before. When Mako saw what he had done, he rushed forward to hug you. 

“I’m sorry-”

You pushed him back. “Why am I never good enough for you?”

His tone immediately softened. “What?”

“When Hasook left the team, I offered to be your waterbender, but you didn’t even listen. You just asked Korra instead. Whenever I try to go out with you, you always end up bailing or inviting your friends. I bet you don’t even know why I was so excited for this date, do you?”

He was silent.

“It’s my birthday, Mako. It’s one of the only days of the year when I’m not doing everything for everyone else, and you forgot it.” You looked at him, tears now spilling down onto your cheeks. “Go. You can go work on your super important police business. I’ll just invite Asami to go to dinner with me. I’m not letting you ruin my birthday.” With that, you marched out the door and called Asami.

- - -

When you came home that night, you found Mako sitting in the living room. You ignored him and went straight into the bathroom to get ready for bed, as you had no intention of talking to him.

Mako, however, had different plans. He followed you into the bathroom saying, “Y/n, I’m sorry, please just let me give you an apology.”

You didn’t say anything, just nodded and sat on the sink. 

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like you weren’t good enough. I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. You mean everything to me, and I never meant to make you feel anything less. I’m sorry I let my ambitions get in the way of our relationship, and I never intend to let that happen again. You don’t have to accept my apology because I know that I really hurt you. But If you did choose to let me be your boyfriend again, I would make sure to let you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me at every chance I got.”

You let a smile spread across your face as you pulled Mako in by his shirt collar and smashed your lips to his. “I still love you, you loser.”

“I love you too.”