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i am 16 [ew] , a pagan and British. This is me ranting about my daily life or shit i make and do. or well venting either by me complaining or doing research into things i feel like i have/am or that just grab my intrest

I use he/him/they/them [name wise call me anything you want]

And please check out my great friend glitchdoesart. They are making an amazing cartoon!

His go fund me

WHAT IS IT?

Individuals with this attachment style are often worried about the availability and responsiveness of their partners or other close figures, such as friends or family.

They crave intimacy but simultaneously remain anxious about whether their emotional needs will be met. Autonomy and independence can make them feel insecure.

CAUSES

Anxious attachment typically develops when a primary caregiver is inconsistent in their responses to a child’s emotional needs.

This inconsistency means the caregiver might sometimes be emotionally available, while at other times they are cold and distant. [example: this morning your caregiver seemed okay and even had a laugh, yet they come home angry and yelling--only to go to calm and bland later]

As children lack the logical reasoning to make sense of this, they grow up fearing they won’t consistently receive the love or support they need. [even if you dont remember]

In response, they develop coping mechanisms aimed at staying close to their caregivers at any cost.

The fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment style is typically formed during the formative period in a child’s life – the first eighteen months – as a response to the child’s relationship with their primary caregiver(s). It is thought that this attachment style forms from the child perceiving their source of safety (their primary caregiver) as “scary” or fearful.

TRIGGERS

1. Inconsistency and Unpredictability

2. Partner Seeming Distant or Withdrawn

3. Lack of Reassurance or Affection

4. Feeling Ignored, Dismissed, or Unwanted

5. Insecurity about Third-party Relationships

6. Ambiguity and Uncertainty in the Relationship

7. Conflict and Criticism

these can be something as "small" as the partner/person not wanting to talk for as long as other times. so:

Feel threatened, panicked, angry, or worried when you don't hear from your partner for a relatively short period.

dont mix up:

Attachment disorders are diagnosable disorders in which people have difficulty making emotional or appropriate attachments.

its constat too no matter what, like ill be doing gcse and constantly im asked but in reality i need to be getting proper sleep and then work and then school and then revise and plus whatever else may be happening because im often sick especially with migraines that have consisted over 2 weeks and my family just suck with having no illness

thing is i cant loose sparky, im a bad person. when she left me for a month i made sure to invite the people she hang around but hates to my birthday and made sure to post it where she could see it, even tho i also hated most the people i invited, just to make her jealous. it worked because she was alone but so was i. i hated i had to lie to the two that i "cared" but i dont i just wanted sparky and i was so alone it was all i thought about everyday. i kept up the confident act

but if she leaves me again. i cant keep lying to thoes boys. i cant keep going to people and pretending like i know them and im not scared because i am. but i cant go back to that pathetic thing i was before, hang with a group of people who hated my guts because i faked confidence then too

i cant loose sparky but all i want is for people to see something is wrong. like how im genderfluid but so fucked in the head because of it i just want to be normal yet i cant deal with it if i hurt sparky. if she leaves i will have no one. ill let her keep spitfire and the others, ill take jack and frank from her hands so shes okay. what i did last time was just so horrible and i am so sorry but

when i say shes all i care about in that damn school its true. shes all i need in that school. i dont know anyone else. i pretend to be friends with all these people that i dont even know the fav colour of. hell im closer to the guy i sit next to in maths because of how often we talk but we arnt friends

these people tell me sparkys bad for me and i know if i was normal they would take me in so fast but im not normal despite how nice i try to act.

ever since this damn school ive lost my kindness and i cant take that but i dont know ho to get it back without becoming chronically online again. i cant do it, so much shit happens when i get stuck online.

i just want sparky.

but yeha grew up being like yk and now sometimes i cant help but think maybe i should jest let it happen cus like my whole life basically its been like that.