#attachment styles

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Venus opposite Neptune in the natal chart can make emotional distance feel romantic instead of emotionally unsafe. These people often fall in love with potential, fantasy, or who someone could become.

Moon square Uranus in the natal chart usually creates an internal conflict between craving emotional closeness and needing emotional freedom at the same time.

Mercury conjunct Neptune in the natal chart can make someone ignore obvious red flags because they naturally want to believe there’s more in-depth meaning, hidden emotion, or sincerity underneath the confusion.

Venus square Saturn in the natal chart often creates people who love very deeply but subconsciously expect emotional rejection, inconsistency, or disappointment from others.

Uranus in the 7th house in the natal chart tends to attract unstable or emotionally inconsistent relationships because unpredictability starts feeling emotionally stimulating.

Moon conjunct Neptune in the natal chart can create emotional hyper-empathy, which sometimes leads to excusing emotionally unavailable behavior for far too long.

Neptune in the 7th house in the natal chart often creates relationship patterns involving avoidance, confusion, mixed signals, emotional projection, or idealization.

Lilith aspecting Venus in the natal chart can create attraction patterns where emotional intensity feels more desirable than emotional stability.

Saturn conjunct Eros in the natal chart often creates deep longing for intimacy mixed with fear of emotional vulnerability, rejection, or emotional exposure.

If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people, inconsistent relationships, or connections that leave you emotionally exhausted, your birth chart usually explains the pattern more clearly than you think.

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They aren't magically okay with everything. Its still uncomfortable when they have to be vulnerable and its still distressing when they have to be away from loved ones.

But, what outlines them as secure is their ability to call back to core beliefs that are foundationally related to trust. They choose to believe that they are safe, and whilst doubts may still appear, that choice is what they act upon. They are able to communicate respectfully and openly as well as exit a situation if it isn't working out for them.

That doesnt mean those things aren't uncomfortable, or that they dont hurt. Everything can be painful at times; humans are a deeply feeling species. Its about how we deal with the pain that defines our relationships and security.

Don't try to push down your emotions or thoughts to achieve an ideal as that will send you deeper into unhealthiness, just in a different form. You should accept your experiences and work with them the way you would work with a scared child. Don't give in, don't ignore. Prove to them that its safe.

tgm: attachment styles

I have been taking psychology classes in Uni and thinking about the development of attachment in Vulcan culture/civilisation

(Author's note- familial bonding in Vulcans is not exactly plainly stated in any Memory Alpha page, but it seems implied at the very least- either way, I might be borrowing from fanon.)

Attachment, in (human) children, develops toward their primary care-taker from the moment their cognitions allows object permanence, generally solidifying into an attachment structure at ~4-5 years old.

The behaviours from caretakers that encourage the development of a secure attachement style are, according to Boyd and Bee (2015) to keep the child in a calm, safe and non-stressful environment, to not let it cry too long before satisfying their needs, to encourage contact with others and to allow for exploration periods while also ensuring a reassuring and secure presence. Moments of synchrony between the caretaker and very young child allows the child to understand habits, and that their need are met with constancy, building the trust between the child and the caretaker.

Now, depending on these interactions in early childhood, a child can develop one of four internal models of attachments.

Secure attachment: The child will search the proximity of it's attachement figure (primary caretaker) after a separation or a stressful situation and will use it as a base of security when exploring

Anxious-avoidant attachment: The child avoids the contact to it's attachment figure and does not seem to prefer it to other people.

Insecure-ambivalent attachment: The child has a tendency to go on few explorations and seems perturbed when separated from it's attachment figure, but isn't secured when it returns or tries to comfort the child.

Disorganized/disoriented attachment: The child seem confused or afraid, and adopts contradicting behaviours with the attachement figure.

Now, in Vulcans, if we assume attachment is still a part of their development, how does telepathy and familial bonds play into it?

Telepathic bonds developed naturally between parents or close caregivers and children would play a great part in the development of attachment, as the bond would be the best indicator of the child's need, ensuring they are fulfilled. Also, despite Vulcan's general impassivity, such bond would allow them to give emotional feedback to their children, allowing them to feel, rather than see, the love, care, security and reassurance they needed from their parents/caregivers. As the child grows up, it would allow for the explorative behaviours crucial in the development of attachments, with the child being strongly aware of the strong base of security they have with their parents. It is why to outsiders Vulcan child appears more independent and detached, because they physically seek their parents for comfort less, benefiting from a mental reassurance if needed. As the child grows, frequent meld with attachement figures could be used both as displays of affections and as a safe place where the child could express and show their emotions to their parents while they learned to regulate them in the Vulcan way.

Now, what would be the implications of such a method for the development of attachment for a hybrid child like Spock, who might have not been able to naturally bond with his primary caretaker, his mother, a psy-null human, and who had a father we know never melded with him? And for Saavik, a half-romulan who's Vulcan parents likely died when she was very young and whose Romulan parent probably never met, who did not have a stable figure in her life until T'Pren and then lost her, and then only had a proper caregiver when Spock took her in?

Because these two in particular can be good examples of Anxious-Avoidant (Spock, namely in The Naked Time, Amanda's conflicting demands of him in Journey to Babel and the distance with Sarek, and him leaving for Gol when his feelings for Jim grew too much) and Insecure-Ambivalent (Saavik's aggressivity to anyone except Spock when on Symmetry in The Pandora Principle, her feeling still stuck in the events of her past later in her life, which lasted until Hellguard was destroyed.)

Attachment Styles Mod | Sims 4

This mod makes it possible for your Sims to have an attachment style. Read more and download HERE on my Patreon.