Literally Me

she thinks its my dick poking her when we cuddling but its my tapeworm coming out to say hi

the main thing that puts me off of playing chess is that there is 2000 years of gameplay that hundreds of people with higher IQs than me have spent thousands of hours studying the history of, so much so that when i put the pawn forward they say “ah i see youre going for the bulgarian somersault” and then i try to take their bishop with my knight and they go “aw, rookie mistake, youve played the frenchmans cumsock, and in approximately 37 moves i’ll have won”

coworker with 2 shifts a week: aye bro can you PLEASE work my shift I have a doctors appointment and a dentist appointment and class and my dad is dead

Wow, you really out here stealin snacks 😕

i the snail.

everybody here is perfect

I have never seen a happier snail omg