send me a new girl quote for my muse's reaction.
âcan we just take a moment to celebrate me?â
âiâm always the one who loves more, thatâs my thing.â
âi take dumps standing up! iâm a man!â
âit really bums me out that i will never know the infinite joy of what it feels like to carry a child inside me.â
âopen your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.â
âi am a rugged, semetic prince!â
âdo you just walk around all day thinking about other peopleâs feelings? how do you get anything done?â
âwill you not stop until the whole world is aroused?!â
âiâm not putting on the kimono.â
âi just wanna be slapped around!â
âeat glass and die, you tramp!â
âyou are so weird. can you ever just leave the room like a normal person?â
âi donât want a refund on you.â
âa plant wearing underwear would be better than you!â
âiâm high on anxiety meds right now.â
âi am a child of divorce! i am delicate!â
âoh good, you can hear me. now i know iâm not a ghost.â
ânobodyâs getting pregnant tonight!â
âboob seasonâs over for you!â
âthere is something serious i have to tell you about the future. the name of my first-born child needs to be reginald veljohnson.â
âwhen you put it like that, it sounds amazingâŚand like prison.â
âi got an obligationâŚat aâŚsandwich meetingâŚto go to.â
âsorry to interrupt, i know the morning is the most sensual time of the day.â
âyouâve never been turned on by gas mileage?â
âso i have good news from the doctorâyou donât have rabies.â
âoh, look at the time! itâs butt-o-clock!â
âiâm a mess, i canât sleep, i urinate constantly. i cried the other day listening to a techno song.â
âiâm not convinced i know how to read, iâve just memorized a lot of words.â
âiâm staying positive, but iâm pretty sure this is where we die.â
âlifeâs messy. it kicks you in the ass. thatâs right, i said ass.â
âyou question my pajamas? you make me question our entire friendship!â
âiâm pretty sure iâm having a heart attack, and i havenât arranged for anyone to clear my browser history.â
âyou set fire to soda water. who does that? how do you even possibly do that? itâs not a flammable thing!â
âiâm gonna take youâŚrespectfully.â
âiâm gonna have to turn off the tap! the sex tap!â
âhave i ever made any decisions in my whole life? are we just living in the mind of a giant?â
âplease take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.â
âwhy are you wearing a suit? did you just apply for a loan or something?â
âi used to just think if i was proposed to i would notice it was happening.â
âdoes it say âshare stuffâ in the constitution of america? no, i think not.â
âwhere are your nipples, man?â
âi just wanted to listen to taylor swift alone!â
âi saw him this morning and he just panic-moonwalked away from me.â
âletâs just suck it up and french a little.â
âbeen trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. itâs like a taffy pole on a hot summerâs day.â
âthey make shoes for your penis! theyâre called pants!â
âi canât believe iâm the sober one. thatâs actually never happened before in my life.â
âplease do not angry-fix the sink.â
âyou my boo and i been missing you.â
âi feel like i wanna murder someone and also i want soft pretzels.â
âcan you believe the zoo wouldnât let me borrow their white tiger?â
âfirst of all, youâre never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 2016.â
âsandwiches and sex?! i want that!â
âare you sure youâre okay? youâre walking like a disney witch.â
âiâm like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.â
âthis is a horrible neighborhood. there are youths everywhere!â
âguess whose personalized condoms just arrived?â
âdamn it! i canât find my driving moccasins anywhere!â
âi hope you appreciate the fact that i have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made no reference to the fact that you are practically naked.â
âare you like a bond villain? you just told me your whole plan.â
âwhy does your hair look so baby soft?!â
âi sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.â
âdid you just make up a theme song for yourself?â