kae

I want random notes just because he thought of me. I want to get notifications of him tagging me on things that reminded him of me. I want to see our pictures in his Instagram, twitter and facebook once in a while to see how much he boasts having me. I want him to actually look at what I tag him or post at his wall and read the long messages I leave him because that's how I pour out my heart. I want to feel appreciated for the things I do or say once in a blue moon because I put much thought and effort in making them happen. I want long messages and handwritten letters declaring his love for me. Love is different when you feel it, taste it, hear it and read it. I want him to tell me that he really wants to see me and actually make the effort to get close with me despite the miles. I like long hugs and kisses. I love it when he hugs me from behind. I love it when he hugs tighter as if he doesn't want to let me go. But these things that I want are things I can never ask from him.

Remember that I will always love you. I may be difficult to deal with but it’s just because I am scared to lose you. Please don’t ever get tired of me, love.

A Love Like This Yes, I am like those girls who dreams of being surprised with grand gestures of love and poetry. But when I saw this couple, I felt a tug in my heart - a tug that's way stronger than those jittery butterflies you get from grand surprises and declarations of love. I don't want the grandest kind of love. I want a love like this. I want a love that will last for a lifetime. A love that will weather through storms. A love that will stand the test of time. A love that chooses to love and forgive the unforgivable mistakes. A love that doesn't fade but burns brighter every day. A love that makes you smile and gives you a reason to get up in the morning. A love that looks beyond imperfections and flaws of outward beauty. A love that is faithful and sincere. A love that puts God and others first before self. A love that is true and willing to stay through whatever. A love that binds families together. A love that holds your hand at your weakest and lifts you up so you can soar greater heights. A love like this. A love that will be nurtured as the decades go by. A love that will mature as all your hairs fade from ebony to grey. A love like this - blessed by God to withstand all challenges from the world. I want a love that will always stay and never leave - a love like this.

More than my long overdue graduation, I just want to be finished so I can spend time with my family and be there on special occasions like birthdays and family dinners. Most importantly, I want to able to attend our Sunday worships and be active in the ministry again.

I know, I can never be enough But I'll always be here I know, that my words are simple and shallow But I mean everything I say and do I know, I don't have a diamond ring To put on your finger But I will see to it, That we will always be together And I thank you From the bottom of my heart Because You are my light You are my home You are my sanctuary You are my peace You give me hope You are my sanctuary You are my better half You taught me things that I need to know And you made me realize That life is not just a simple song And I thank you From the bottom of my heart Because, because You are my light You are my home You are my sanctuary You are my peace You give me hope You are my sanctuary You are my guide When I am lost You are my sanctuary You are the heart That keeps me alive You are my sanctuary You are the kiss That makes me strong You are my sanctuary You are the warmth When I feel cold You are my sanctuary My sanctuary

Yes. I do love him.

I'm seeing someone already.

Who are you? I have no time for guessing games.

P.S. Practice lang para kayanin ko ang internship.

Nagsimula sa madaming bakit, Nagtapos sa isang simula. Nung sinaktan niya ako, Puro bakit nalang ang nasa aking isipan. Bakit ganito? Bakit ganoon? Bakit nangyari? Bakit nagsimula? Bakit nagtapos? Nabulag ako sa dami ng mga bakit ko. Nabulag ako sa sakit. Sa pait. Sa galit. Sa ngitngit. Nabulag ako sa dilim. Sa kulimlim ng pagdadalamhati. Lungkot ang almusal. Luha ang tanghalian. Alaala ang meryenda. Sama ng loob ang hapunan. Ganito ang naging mundo ko. Araw araw bumabangon sa kawalan. Araw araw nagtatanong sa May Kapal. Bakit? Bakit nagkaganito? Bakit ako humantong sa ganito? Bakit nawala ang dating ako? Bakit nasira ang mga pangarap ko? Bakit ako nahulog sa kawalan? Bakit ako lumagapak sa walang hanggan? Bakit hindi na ako makabangon? Makapanik. Makaahon. Hindi ko namalayan ang paglipas ng panahon. Nasanay na ako mamuhay mag-isa. Nasanay na ako wag magtanong ng bakit. Para saan pa ba ang mga bakit? May pagbabago bang makakamit? Wala na. Hindi ba? Kaya bakit pa? Natuto na akong maging masaya sa ngayon. Mamuhay para sa ngayon. Kalimutan ang kahapon. Kahit na binalikan ng kahapon, Ako'y di na lumingon pa. Itinaboy ang posibleng pagpapatuloy. Itinaboy ang posibleng pagkakataon. Itinaboy ang taong minsan ay naging mundo ko. Sapagkat ngayon, ako naman. Sarili ko naman ang aking pipiliin. Hindi siya. Hindi sila. Ako. Ako naman. Nabigkas nadin ang mga salitang "ayoko na!" Paulit ulit hanggang sa naging totoo na. Ngunit di nagtatapos ang istorya. Dumating ang sagot sa lahat ng mga bakit ko. Sa isang libo't isang mga bakit ko. Heto na ang sagot. Sa wakas malulutas na. Sa wakas malalaman ko na. Sa isang libo't isang mga bakit ko. Isang kataga lang pala ang kasagutan. Ikaw. May ikaw pala. Ikaw na dumating sa tamang panahon. Ikaw na dumating sa tamang pagkakataon. Ikaw na nagbigay kulay muli sa mundo ko. Ikaw na binigay sa akin ng May Kapal. Ikaw na tadhana. Ikaw na sagot sa aking mga dasal. Kaya pala nangyari ang lahat. May dadating palang ikaw. Buti nalang pala nagwakas na ang nakaraan. Naging mahirap at mapait man, ayos lang. Kasi heto na ang simula. Ang bago kong simula. Ang ating simula. Lahat ng dulot ng nakaraan ay napawi. Ikaw lang pala. Isang ngiti mo lang pala ang tatapos ng lahat. Ikaw pala ang dahilan ng isang libo't isang bakit. Noon, bakit nga ba ang daming mga bakit? Ikaw. May ikaw pala. Salamat at dumating ka na.

Ilang beses ko tinanong ang aking sarili, Bakit nga ba mahal kita? Bakit nga ba ang hirap kang bitawin? Bakit hindi kita magawang talikuran? Bakit nga ba ni minsan walang naging tayo? Bakit puro nalang sayo? Bakit? Bakit? Bakit kahit ginago mo ko andito parin ako? Bakit ginagago mo parin ako? Bakit? Bakit nga ba? Bakit kahit di mo ko pinapahalagahan, pinaglalaban parin kita? Bakit ko nga ba hinayaang humantong pa tayo dito? Sa ganito. Bakit nga ba minahal pa kita? Isang libo't isang bakit? Putangina bakit nga ba? Bakit nga ba ko nagpapagago sayo? Bakit nga ba umaasa pa ako na maaayos to? Bakit ko ba pinaparusahan ang sarili ko? Bakit kahit ang sakit sakit na, nandito padin ako? Bakit nga ba ako natatakot harapin ang mga bukas ko na hindi ka na kapiling? Bakit nga ba? Bakit hindi ko alam ang sagot? Sagot sa lahat ng mga bakit ko sa mundo? Bakit kahit alam kong dapat tama na. Tigil na. Sobra na. Tangina ang sakit sakit na. Bakit pinagpapatuloy ko pa ang kasinungalingang ito? Bakit nga ba kailangan lagi nalang may nasasaktan pag nagmamahal? Bakit nga ba lagi nalang may nagsasawa? Nangangaliwa. Nangaabuso. Naninira. Bakit kailangan lagi nalang may naiiwanan? Nagdudusa. Nagmamakaawa. Nagdurugo. Nadudurog. Bakit? Ilang bakit pa ba ang dapat kong tanungin? Ilang bakit pa ba ang di ko kayang sagutin? Ilang bakit pa ba ang hindi ko mahanapan ng solusyon? Ilang bakit pa ang kailangang itanong ng puso kong ligaw? Giniginaw. Nalulunod sa sakit. Sa pait. Lunod sa pag-ibig. Lunod sa mga pangakong napako. Lunod sa mga nawasak na pangarap. Lunod sa paulit ulit na pagkabigo. Lunod sa lahat ng maling pag-asa. Paasa. Lunod sa mga luhang walang humpay ang pagdaloy. Taghoy. Humihikbi. Nanliliit. Nagngingitngit. Bakit ang dami paring bakit? Bakit kahit anong gawin ko di naaubos ang mga bakit ko? Ilang bakit pa ba ang kailangan kong bigkasin? Hanggang matutunan ko ang mga katagang, Tama na. Tigil na. Bitaw na. Layo na. Ilang bakit pa ba bago ko itigil ang kahibangang ito? Ilang bakit pa? Bago ko huling bigkasin, sa huling pagkakataon kung bakit minamahal kita. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal. Pero ayoko na.

Jake arrived with Kyle in the Barn. Obviously there were no more free tables. Anxiously, they waited for a vacancy. Quality time is what he's looking for. Until a girl called him, "Do you want to share?" Immediately, he agreed since it's a happy t. Never did he expect to meet his birthmate there. Rounds of cocktail are starting to kick in. Another number was replaced in octopussy. Four people having fun, but 3 more came. Another shot. Cheers to new found friends. Every second counts. Every laugh lasts. Lingering memories for the future. As the night deepens, dares were being made. Both Jake and Krys were chosen. Rarely does Krys refuse a challenge, but this one's unexpected. A gentleman was needed for this case. Nothing impresses Krys more than respect. That was what Jake gave her. Eventually, they did the dare in mutual agreement. Spontaneity at its finest - hands were intertwined under the table. Long did the night last. Short was the stolen moments. One more deed of chivalry. Ladies are meant to be treated right. Eventually, Jake brought Krys to her home. No, the night's not over yet! Text messages flew back and forth. Girl meets boy on a happy t is just the beginning. Destiny? Maybe.

I thought putting on makeup will help me avoid my tears. I was wrong. No matter how much I try to hide the pain I'm feeling, it won't change the fact that it's still there and it's burning holes inside my heart.

A Second Chance (2015)

A Second Chance (2015)

Lord, I can take anything but please don't let my mom get sick. She is my whole world. I can't. I just can't. Please, I am begging You. Spare her, but if it be Your will, please heal her.

Those three words you whispered to me last night Lingered in me; etched forev'r in my heart. 
It is the little things that you do right - How intricate your hands do works of art. You’ve captured me wholly - heart, mind and soul; When I’m with you, my heart beats quite faster. You’ve taught me, “nothing’s in your full control.” Truly, this world just brings us disaster. Howev'r, your presence is more than enough;
Your bright smile - it makes everything worthwhile Though the roads we take get a little more rough. Just for you, I will go that extra mile. Everything may be lost, but I’m staying. No matter what, I’d keep on fighting.