paradox

              this kind of dom, arthur can handle. he’s out of it, he can tell. it’s a coping mechanism. arthur knows that. his main goal is to just make sure what happens here doesn’t turn destructive as it’s prone to. it took dom a little too long to respond, but he did. arthur considered that a win. he backed off to let dom change. smoothing his own jacket out, fixing his hair a little. it was supposed to be a date. of sorts. something to take the mind off of things.                   when dom reappeared, arthur couldn’t help but smile as he took him in. he didn’t mind the dark circles under his eyes. most of the time arthur didn’t even notice. and if he was being entirely honest, he kind of liked it when dom’s hair was just a little looser. slicked back, prim and pressed, that was arthur’s look. arthur chuckled, moving to smooth out dom’s lapels before gesturing with his head towards the door.                “i would have gone fancier, but i don’t think either of us are up for that kind of commitment. you’ll be perfect.” arthur had forwent the tie today, which just went to show that it wasn’t as fancy as his usual joints. it was lunch, after all. he figured dom could probably use something a little more laid back. hell, they both could. arthur wanted to put his hand in dom’s but restrained himself for now. if he could catch dom up with the world, maybe, but for now, he was comfortable simply being with him. 

                  “hey.” arthur tapped dom’s shoulder just gently. today, is... not a good day. for either of them, but especially for dom. “get dressed. we’ve got reservations.” lunch. and then... back here, maybe. to just exist in each other’s presence. arthur always found that to be helpful when he was in a mood. this, of course, was more than a mood. still, he wanted to help. and if he could bring back some sense of life before the last of the shit hit the fan and destroyed dom. something a little better. maybe they’d come back here for dessert and arthur could loop an arm around dom’s shoulders and they could sit on the bed and watch something. or maybe he was just romanticizing something terrible because he wanted so very desperately to help dom focus on things that weren’t this. 

        arthur studies dom for a long moment in the darkness. he thinks he’s lucky, getting to have dom stay the night like this. if his parents knew... if his parents knew what arthur gets up to with dom, what more he wants to get up to, he’d lose this. he shifts, sitting up now to follow dom’s gaze out his window. for a long moment, he says nothing, just looks between the poorly lit profile of his friend, his would be more, and the window leading out to the roof, street light visible through his blinds. it only takes him a moment to make a decision, but he makes it.          pulling himself to his feet, arthur blindly stumbles to dig around under his bed for a pack of cigarettes he’s hidden away. “c’mon.” it’s thick with sleep, and barely above a whisper. arthur gestures with his head for dom to carefully follow him to the window. it squeaks a little when he opens it, one hand clutching at the pack of cigarettes, lighter inside, but he pushes it open anyway, pausing with it open to listen with well-trained ears, for the sound of his parents waking.          this is dangerous, of course. smelling like smoke will be a dead giveaway. both of them smelling like smoke... still, there was something about this particular night, about the way dom was looking out that window and how he was itching for a smoke that made arthur willing to risk it. arthur’s quick when he scrambles up the slope of the roof, moving to sit himself right on the peak, two cigarettes in hand. “we don’t gotta talk but...”         dom needs a smoke. and arthur’ll be damned before he lets him do it himself. it’s chilly, arthur wishes he’d brought a blanket. the shingles are rough against his toes so he curls them and lights his cigarette, offering dom his and the lighter.

      dom’s teeth graze his lip and arthur briefly wonders if he might have made a mistake, trying to get the upper hand for once. he probably can’t back it up. most of what he knows he’s learned form dom in the first place. arthur gives him another little shove before he’s sitting up a little straighter, moving to put himself in dom’s space like he always puts himself in arthur’s. his nose bumps against dom’s and arthur takes a moment to consider his next move will be. he’s not sure. for once he’s got the control. dom let him take it. he’s not sure for how long. his lips brush against dom’s again, teeth snagging a little more harshly than he intended. he gives a bit of a smug smirk, the kind dom always gives him, and moves to kiss at his jaw and then his neck.        “oh. i can back it up.” he says that now but arthur still isn’t entirely sure. dom’s much better at this kind of thing. not that arthur can’t be assertive, he’s just... less assertive when it comes to dom. mostly because he cares, too much probably, about what dom thinks of him. about him. arthur shifts to straddle dom’s hips. maybe this time he’ll be the one leaving dom in a state. he’s playing this game. just this time he’s put a little bit of a twist on it.        arthur’s hands come up to cup dom’s cheeks before they slip down his chest, fingertips dragging just a little. they hook under the hem of his shirt, pushing it up enough to show a little skin. was this what dom has been pushing for every time they’ve played this little game? see if he could push arthur over the edge, make him do something reckless and stupid? dom was already very good at encouraging him to do something dumb. this was probably the dumbest thing he’d done in a while too. it was dom. like playing with fire a little bit. he just had to make sure he didn’t get burned too badly. arthur would have to remind himself that this was just a game for dom. 

      arthur’s lost count of how many times they’ve found themselves here. dom, pushing him like he’s expecting him to leave, or maybe he’s expecting him to break somehow. or... maybe to give in? arthur took a deep breath, no doubt dom could feel his pulse from where his lips were on his neck. how many times had they come here when jared’s away just to explore a little with each other? maybe too many. maybe arthur was getting a little bit used to coming back here and fooling around a little with dom. arthur knows he shouldn’t be getting invested. dom’s got all sorts of people he probably pulls this with but... it’s something when he had nothing. dom’s that little spice in his life. arthur, the kid that only ever follows the rules and doesn’t make friends and does other people’s homework because he thinks it’s fun. and then there’s dom. who’s anything but that.        his breath is warm as it slips between his lips towards the ceiling. arthur shifts a little, a hand pressing against dom’s side just a little more firmly. he knows this game. they’ve played it plenty of times. dom doesn’t usually ask though. usually it’s just... go. until arthur decides that enough is enough. one of these days he knows he’s not going to, though. sometimes he thinks about it at night. he knows, of course, that most of what dom does is sort of a defense mechanism. he’s okay with that. he brings something to arthur that he didn’t have. a sort of freedom. and it’s nice. it’s warm and comfortable and it feels familiar and arthur isn’t sure about dom but he feels something. he’s always felt something when dom looks at him like that, or kisses him. sometimes it’s like he means it. arthur wants him to mean it. dom tells him it’s his move. arthur can’t just say ‘kiss me like you mean it.’ dom will probably laugh at him anyway. without a word, arthur pushes at dom’s shoulder to back him up a little. dom’s always kissing him. maybe it’s time for him to take control for once. make him see how it feels. arthur surges forward, lips catching dom’s rather hard. “shut up and let me work.”

               “i’m glad you agreed to meet with me.” arthur didn’t like reaching out to people that weren’t already a part of their little operation. or that didn’t at least know what they did. arthur extended a hand. today, he was arthur escher. criminal. point man. only the name was a lie, as far as he was concerned. and as far as his new friend was concerned. “i know your forte is generally paintings... but...” he offered a polite smile. “let me buy you a coffee and we’ll discuss it.” because the job was more complicated, perhaps, than dušan would be used to.

                    “gin and tonic. good choice.” john’s hand was on his thigh and arthur’s eyes flicked to it there, eyeing where it sat on his nicely tailored, and very expensive, trousers. his brown eyes roved over john’s face, they’re gleaming with something otherworldly. arthur’s lips pulled up into a curving smile and he flags down the bartender again. he pressed his leg against john’s hand, against his leg. a positive answer by any definition of the word. arthur got them both a drink, pointedly put it on his own tab. as promised. free drink. arthur didn’t want to talk business. as long as john wasn’t trying to step on his toes, he considered them perfectly amicable. more than, perhaps. arthur twists his glass of brandy around a few times before taking a long sip. “it’s delightful, i think, that we’ve stumbled upon each other.” more delightful, he thinks, that he knows who john is without having met him. and john knows nothing about arthur. he doesn’t mind being shrouded in mystery. he thinks, perhaps, that makes him more... interesting. “you’ve already proven that you have good taste.”

              as soon as the words came out, arthur wanted to take them back. pull them back into himself and swallow them down. he hadn’t meant to say them like that. he hadn’t meant to blurt them out like that. he shouldn’t have come here in the first place, he knew that. because this is what they always did and he wasn’t even sure what dom wanted anymore. that night was burned into his memory. he knew he shouldn’t take it personally. this was dom with his friends. this was dom how he was when he wasn’t with arthur. and he shouldn’t be so confused. but he was. and he was laying back on the shingles watching the clouds move across the sky and he was confused.                ‘does it really fuckin’ matter?’ that’s what dom said. and it cut into him. arthur didn’t flinch but he wanted to. maybe dom had a point. maybe it didn’t matter. not to dom. maybe it only mattered to arthur. he shouldn’t be expecting some kind of special treatment. that was stupid. arthur didn’t look at him. he couldn’t. did he want to stop? no. of course not. he had something with dom he hadn’t had with anyone else. and if dom wanted to ignore it because... arthur wasn’t even sure why, he’d have to let him.                “no.” no. he didn’t want to stop. that wasn’t what he was asking either. he knew dom didn’t suck his other friend’s dicks. he probably didn’t treat them like he treated arthur either. “forget it.” arthur wasn’t even sure what he wanted to come out of a talk like this. dom didn’t want to be his boyfriend. that was fine. arthur was pretty sure he didn’t consider himself boyfriend material. “i shouldn’t have said anything. sorry.” arthur sat up and moved to grab for his bag. what was the point of trying to talk about it in the first place. sure arthur would like to put a label on things. but... dom didn’t want that. and arthur wasn’t going to keep inconveniencing him. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

                 arthur wanted to roll his eyes, but found himself needing to focus on this instead. hardison was talking way too loud, but that was to be expected, given his current state. no doubt his hearing was... relatively nonexistent. at least that’s what arthur could assume. he tried to give directions as soon as they’d stopped, but hardison’s recent impairment made things a lot more difficult than he’d like. especially because he kept forgetting that he had to do things with hand signals again. it should be easy to just snap back into soldier mode, but arthur was finding it difficult. with a sigh of frustration, arthur holstered his gun and gestured with his fingers for hardison to do just what he’s said he was going to do. which was fall in line and let arthur call the shots. that was his job, after all, to call the shots. in this case a hasty retreat in an attempt to lose their tails so they don’t drag them back to the safe house. that was the last thing he wanted. arthur made for the closes alley in a brisk pace, motioning for hardison to keep close. it wouldn’t do to lose him just yet. not when he was clearly in need of medical attention that arthur himself couldn’t provide. he wanted to tell him that it was going to be fine but that would both be a lie and also fruitless given that hardison probably couldn’t hear him anyway. after a moment arthur moved from the empty alley into the bustling street, hoping that hardison was keeping close enough to get lose with him instead of just getting lose. 

                there was a seriousness there that put arthur all sorts of on edge but he couldn’t put his finger on what was causing it. dom was what looked like a mess of tense shoulders and anxious energy that arthur couldn’t really hope to penetrate with a chipper attitude or.. anything really. dom got like this sometimes. arthur got it. or at least he tried to. dom was the only person that really put up with his shit. obviously there was more than that there, but he was too concerned about losing what friendship they have to actually even do anything about it. and now was definitely not the time to be questioning dom’s feelings towards him. not when he was so clearly in some kind of mood. arthur didn’t want to call it a crisis. but that’s sort of what it felt like. a sort of heaviness clung to dom’s shoulders and arthur wanted to shove it off and give it the finger and take dom somewhere where they could do stupid shit and have a little fun before they graduated and had to figure out what the hell they were actually going to do now that they were sort of free adults.                     but then dom was pushing himself away and the train of thought he had was cut completely off and replaced with more concern and worry. arthur’s fingers curled around the cigarettes and it took all of his willpower not to immediately attempt to follow behind dom, just in case he needed the space. which it seemed that he did. stomach in knots wasn’t something to be unconcerned about it seemed. arthur chewed on the insides of his lips for a moment before cautiously following after his friend, stones forgotten for a moment, cigarettes stuffed in the pocket of his hoodie.                    “dom?” it’s gentle, poorly masking the concern that arthur felt. he reached out one hand and gently laid it over dom’s back, between his shoulder blades. “you okay?” obviously not, but arthur felt the need to ask anyway. “you need some water or something? you sick? should we take you to the hospital or something?” he had to take a deep breath to keep more questions from pouring out. that’s definitely not what dom needed right now.                       mostly, arthur hated this. he hated feeling so helpless when dom was clearly struggling. he took a moment to pull away just a little, give dom some space. let him breathe. maybe he’ll throw up again. maybe that’s what he needed. arthur wasn’t above stealing a car to take dom to the hospital, hell his mom would probably drive them if dom was sick enough. they loved him. which was just as well because somewhere arthur knew that he did too. probably more than he should for what they had. he fit a cigarette between his lips and took a moment to light it, give them both some breathing room and an outlet for the mounting anxiety like something bad was going to happen and it was just around the corner. like this was some kind of omen that whatever plans he thought they might make were just going to come crashing down around his ears. and arthur was trying desperately to hold on to them. his ticket out. both of their tickets out. “i’m right here.” it was quiet, but firm. because if dom needed him, arthur wanted him to know. he was there. right there. not moving. not taking anymore steps back, standing there for him. 

                      “glad you like it.” arthur wasn’t entirely sure if artemios was being sarcastic or not, but he took great pride in his ability to set the stage for practice runs like this. even if it was usually dom who did the testing. arthur could do it. and he could do very well. unimaginative his ass. just because his sense of aesthetic tended to be cleaner lines and modern architecture didn’t mean he couldn’t build a convincing dream. arthur was quiet for a long moment, letting the sounds of the waves crashing up on the coast fill the otherwise odd silence.                           and finally, he shook his head, fingers slipping lazily into his pockets as he turned from the balcony back towards the sliding door leading inside. “no. i feel as though the best way to teach you how to keep your shit safe is to train you how to steal it first.” sure arthur wasn’t an extractor, but it was easier to build up defenses if you’ve at least attempted to steal something before so you know what you’re looking for. “so we’re not playing cops. we’re playing thieves. only it’s not really a game.” it was going to be difficult. arthur had trained himself relatively well to keep out prying minds. “below our feet, in the basement of this building, is a safe. we’re going to get there without attracting attention and you’re going to break inside of it and retrieve the information stowed inside.” nothing really serious, just the way arthur took his coffee and his favorite color. start simple, so they can build to bigger heists and harder security.