Pizzaface Paradise

The beach. Is it like, a beach? Should I bring a bathing suit?

So my problem with exercise is, I get nervous when I take a break because I’m worried I won’t keep the habit if I skip some days. That’s ADHD all or nothing brain for you.

But when I went to the Hamptons* for MDW I managed to forget all my shoes except flip flops I arrived in (and then had to buy shoes bc MDW decided to be very cold) and so had to skip running. I was bummed because I love flat running, it’s a lot of hills by me in North Jerz. And then I was worried about losing momentum and guaranteeing I’d do fewer miles in May than I did last year and all this.

Anyway, I go in late today so got four miles in and they felt better than runs have felt in a while. It’s almost like they encourage rest days for a reason! I should stop being hard on myself but. I probably will not.

Or am I just a bad person?

Ive had some stomach issues/changes recently, likely due to my cancer medication or my food poisoning in Peru. I don’t think it’s colon cancer, but given my own personal getting cancer and having colon cancer in my extended family (aunt, grandpa) AND the fact that people in their 40s are dropping dead of this shit I figured it would be good to check out.

I finally went to my gastro after first being told by my PCP to try my oncologist and my oncologist informing me that my cancer wasn’t bad enough (k I’ll try harder next time!!!) (??????) but I could try a gastro. He got me a colonoscopy script but also sent me for an H. Pylori test, bc 80% of Peruvians have this particular bacteria. That was its own goose chase of being told I could drink water before only to be told upon arrival that that was a Lie, Actually. So I went for this again this morning and then had to see my surgeon for a checkup. Which was good bc she gave me some names for female oncologists who hopefully won’t listen to my symptoms, shrug and say “see you in six months” when I come in.

It’s just a lot. It’s a lot of advocating and fighting and waiting for appointments and I’m a relatively well-informed white woman with good insurance and a heap of privilege, in class and location (so many doctors and hospitals in the NY metro area), and it’s still been very hard. I can’t believe we as a society are just okay with so many people not getting medical care bc of factors they can’t control or simply being overworked and not having the time or patience to fight to be heard in the doctor’s office.

And I hate the MAHA bullshit and they’re focusing on the wrong things and scaring people worse. But it’s SO clear to me how this movement snuck in. When you feel like no one in healthcare cares about you, of course you’re going to be drawn in by people who are better at faking that they give a shit.