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even though i know you are not there now

even though i know you have changed

i want to walk the streets that are familiar to you

to listen to the city sounds that were your background noise

i want to see the sky that you saw

feel the rain that was so blessed to have touched your skin

but i worry that if i go

I hate that I'm bitter and jealous and can't be graceful or magnanimous

But that's never really been me

I've always been something else

Something lesser

Something excessive

Something wrong

And it makes you all the more golden and infallible in comparison

And I know I'd only stain you

With dirty hands and a heart that beats too fast

With want that borders on greed

Because I want all of you, always

Your fingers, your throat, your lips

But I'm left with nothing

And the world gives you everything

but i saw you liked her post

even though you never like mine

and you said you weren't with her anymore

but i've never known whether to believe you or not

she was posing in a red dress that costs more than my monthly salary with a body i can only dream of

left just in frame was a book of essays to prove that she is also smarter than me