this love's gonna burn us alive

maybe they don’t go anywhere, we just become too blind to see them

I’ve been writing since december 2017 and I had this blog since january 2019. The shit I wrote took many people’s attention and there were many people who said they like what I write. I’m so thankful for everyone who has something nice to say about my writings because to this day I still find my writings very dumb and cringy but I still posted them anyways. 

I don’t want to keep this longer because already 95% of my followers won’t see this but still I want to post it. Sadly, I somehow don’t have anything to write for months. Maybe since summer. I used to love writing and poetry. I still like it but there’s no desire in me to write anything. I used to think that “better write it out rather than keeping all in”. Writing was my way of expressing myself, saying all the things I wanted to say in a beautiful way. I still don’t have some things to say, time to time but to be honest, I don’t really care anyway. I don’t care about the things I want and wanted to say. I’ll keep them all to myself. Je suis rien d’autre qu’une fille ordinaire. I used to think that writing stuff made me special in some way. Like it made me different. For some time I even loved myself and thought people loves me because there’s something special in me. Well I’m not special. I’m just like you. I’m as messed up boring as you. I think the words stopped coming together when I realised this truth. They just stopped. I felt empty for a while because I just didn’t had a goddamn thing to write about. There were many things but I just didn’t. I think I lost that part of me somewhere in summer or in autumn. I don’t really remember. 

I’ll keep it short, I’m not going to post any other writing, poem or a quote in this blog anymore. I’m not even going to write shit anywhere. I’m not going to deactivate the blog and I will answer if there are any sort of question or if anyone wants to talk. 

Hi, sorry for the late reply. I didn’t reply to this right away because somehow I didn’t knew what to say. I’m still unsure of what to say to you. From my own experience I learnt that it’s not so easy to let someone go, to forget them, to move on. 

First of all you need to fully understand that he’s far away now and there’s so little chance of you to see him again. I know you already know this but knowing it and accepting it are so different. Once you accept this fact things will get easier. 

You should also avoid the things that remind him of you. For example, the places you two went together, the songs you two listened together, the movies etc etc. The least there are elements that reminds you of him, the easier it is for you to move on.

You said you couldn’t get up and cried whole day. It’s gonna be hard but leave the house and hang out with your friends. Spending time with your friends will make you feel happier even if it’s for a few hours. You can also meet new people. You know, one nail drives out another. 

It can sound like a cliché but you can also change little things about your life. You can try a new style or a new decor. Also making new hobbies helps a lot too (I can not except you to do this one right away because it seems like it’s a lot but little by little it can get him out of your head). 

first of all im sorry to hear that your college makes you feel that way.

if we look into the bottom of the problem, what makes you feel this? the classes? are they hard? is it your grades? or is it someone who goes there too? is there any particular reason that you feel this way?

maybe things were pretty harsh lately and you need a break?

i think if your find the real reason why you feel this way then maybe you can find a solution too.

Before I used to feel relaxed after I write it out

I made a mess of my life

Next day you’re in my head

How everything turns grey overnight

I would never think that I would end up this way