Humans Are Space Orcs

So my school has this tradition where the graduation students bring our uniform shirts and tie dye them and rip them and sign them. It’s very bizzare from an outside perspective. We have 178 students in my graduating class and today is our last day of classes so we are doing nothing all day but signing shirts and the bare minimum of work. But the bizzare tradition stuck out to me. What other things that seem normal to us would be bizzare to others. What if us wearing certain clothes for bed and certain clothes during the day is bizzare? What about school? What if aliens don’t go to school or find it weird that we have all girls schools, all boys schools, co-ed schools, and home schools?

School is the most screwed up thing I have ever seen. 20-30 kids are put in a room with an adult for 45min to 1 hour+ to learn about one specific topic and they do that for 6-8 classes a day for 5 of the 7 days. And don't even get me started on the work load. And the stress levels. Students are so stressed over all of their work. Also can we point out that teachers are expected to only be strong in one subject while all of their students are supposed to get As in 6-8 classes? I know this isn't the way schools work around the world but how would this make aliens question our reasoning? "Ugh I hate college. I have way too much work to get done." "Human- Suzy certainly it isn't that bad, right?" "I have over 3 hours of homework to complete in one night for ONE of my classes alone." "What? That is too much for only one class. Certainly you mean 3 hours for the whole night and that is still too much for one person." "Um.. no I have 6 classes and three of those are advanced classes so they expect more from us and the average amount of homework per night for those classes is 2-4 hours." "You have 6 classes with that much work.. surely the negative health effects are being addressed in a positive manner." "No actually this is pretty common for students." "At least tell me all of these classes are over the same subject." "Actually no. I have a math, science, history, english, language, and art class." "And all of your teachers are experts in all of these fields." "Once again no. They only know basics for all of the classes and are good at their subject."

So midterms and final exams are some of the most stressful things in school. Kids stay up until 3am to study and even then some do not go to sleep but keep studying. It is a very stressful time. Now imagine how aliens would react to seeing someone who has 8-10 recommended hours of sleep and only got two hours a night at best for the past week. "Human-Suzy... are you okay? You appear to be falling asleep. Did you get the required amount of sleep for a person of your age?" "Hmm what? Oh yeah. No I didn't. I got...um... 10. Yeah 10." "Oh 10 hours is a healthy amount. I am curious why you are still tired." "Oh yeah, no. 10 minutes." "That is not a healthy amount of sleep. Why are you not asleep?" "I can't sleep if I have a test" *John walks in and hands Suzy a coffee* "You really need more sleep before a big test. You know that right?" "... yeah" "Human- John I am wondering why Human-Suzy stayed up so late when she knows she should not." "Stress" "but how does this 'stress' prevent Human-Suzy from sleeping?" "She is worrying over a grade because society has made it seem like her grades are more important than her health for her future"

What if aliens don't understand our voices? We talk in different dialects and some people can change their voice and talk in a different accent. We also lose our voices when we sing to much or talk to much or even if we get sick enough. I am in theatre and can do five or six different dialects. My friend can do ten+. How confused would the aliens be if someone was explaining a story and one of the people in the story has a different accent and so they talk with the accent and the aliens are just ??? How? Or if someone comes onto the ship and is very talkative and one day just stops talking because their throats hurts from being sick or yelling and the aliens are so concerned for their wellbeing. If they think that the human is dying.

So I am a very stubborn person and I swore to myself that this year at school I would get perfect attendance, but I am now sick. I had work last night and I was so sick for like 3 hours and I managed to fool everyone I work with for that time. Then my headache got so bad that I started crying. The reason I fought through was because I was worried that if I let myself get sick then I would still be sick come Monday. I can image someone with this thought process with aliens and work. "Human-Suzy... are you okay? You look very upset." "*sniffle* I am perfectly fine. Just give me a second and I can get right back to work" "nah Suz. You go up to your room. We will finish here." "NO John I told you guys *cough sniffle* I am fine." "Human-Suzy, you appear to be... um.... 'sick'. Is that the correct Earth term Human- John?" "YES it is now Suzy just have some fluids and get some sleep."

I was at the pool today with my family and I just thought about how weird it is. We dress in specific clothes to go submerge ourselves in water in an attempt to cool off in the heat of summer. Also we don't drink this water. We HAVE to drink water but not this water. We put special chemicals into the pools so we don't have to worry about how gross it is when little kids go pee in the pool. Or what if some humans and aliens are exploring a newly discovered planet and the humans see a lake and decide that they are sweaty and tired and decided to go for a dip in the lake. "But human-Suzy what if it is poison?" "Right now I am too hot and sweaty to care. I want to cool down and this seems like the best course of action" "yeah I'm exhausted and a nice cold dip sounds great" "not you too human-john" *John jumps in and so does Suzy* "see nothing is wrong you worrywart"

So I was just thinking about how different I look with my contacts in rather than when I am wearing my glasses. People say I look like a completely different person. I'm imagining a human waking up on a lazy day and not putting their contacts in and just wearing their glasses. "AAHH INTRUDER ALERT" "WOAH calm down pal. Where is this intruder huh?" "...human-Suzy... is that you?" "Yea.. how can you not tell? I've been working on this space craft for like 2 years" "why are you wearing that metal on your face?" "Huh? Oh my glasses? My eyes are shaped different and so I have to wear a prescription. I was too tired to put contacts in this morning so I just wore my glasses." "But... do all humans do this?" "No just some people. Oh hey John." "Hello human-John. Do you also wear the glasses?" "Nah I got perfect 20/20 vision" "really John?" *John nods* "Read that sign over there" "Easy 'Colt Equity" *sign says 'Exit Carefully'*

I'm sure this has been done before but I was mimicking my cat today and realized just how often humans do this. We make a noise in response to an animal making it to us. So I'm picturing a human bringing their cat on board the ship and the aliens being confused when they hear the human responding to the cat. "Meow" "MEOW" "Um... human-Suzy why are you yelling loudly at your earthpet-cat?" "She's yelling at me. She was an annoying booger last night and slept on my face. I am tired and now she is trying to yell at me." " Can- Can you understand earthpet- cat?" "What?? No that is absolutely ridicul-" "MMEEEOOOWW" "MMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! Ha that's right I bet you."*sticks tongue out at cat*

I got this idea talking with my friends. Have you ever thought about how girls and guys force pieces of metal in their ears, faces, chests, abdomens,etc? For instance no one bats an eye when someone says that they haven't worn earrings in a while and need to before their holes close up. Or when people double pierce their ears or maybe even more and it's seen as cool or intimidating in some people. "Human-Suzy... why are your ears sparkling? Is that metal in them?! Are you hurt?! Do you need medical care?" Or maybe aliens would be more confused/interested about it. "Why is this seen as intimidating? Are they battle scars? Do they represent something?"

So I just saw a musical called "Something Rotten" (HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and there is a song called "Musicals" and this guy from the 16th century is explaining what a musical is and I just pictured humans showing this to aliens to explain what a musical is. "Human- John what is this music-al you speak of" "Do I have a video for you??!" *watches the song* "so wait, your kind does not know of musicals all of the time" "no wait. I showed you this video to explain what it is. Everyone knows what a musical is." "Why does this man not know?" "Because- UGH He is from another time!!" "*gasp* your people can travel through time as well as space??" *facepalm* "*sigh* yes. Sure why the heck not"

So I was just thinking about LGBTQ+ and that’s when I thought how would aliens react? Not to just the different relationships but also to the controversy about them. I honestly think they would be really relaxed about relationships between LGBTQ+ but horrified when they find out how most of them are treated. “So, I really didn’t want to say this because I have no idea how you would react but me and Suzy are dating.” “Why would you not know how we would act? Of course we are happy for you and Human-Suzy” “Oh that’s such a relief. I was so worried you were going to get me fired like at my last job.” “… you were fired for being in a relationship?” *angry alien finds out as much as possible about LGBTQ+ and becomes even more angry about how they are treated*

Hey guys!! So another random thought. How confused would aliens be if they saw our comic books/tv shows/movies/etc. about superheroes? What if they didn’t understand that they were fiction? So when a human is sad on the ship they are like “Human-Suzy, I have a question about the United States of America government.” “Yes? What about it?” “How well do the President and The Captain America work together? Does The Captain America do speeches or is he more of a figure head while the President does the government work?”
And so Suzy realizes he doesn’t understand and goes to explain but instead John interrupts and is like “Yeah he is a figure head but he also helps with military attacks so overall they are about equal in the government” “Ah yes. Thank you Human-John. That makes sense.” *Suzy face palms

So I got a bad thought. What do aliens think about our music? What do they think about the "try not to sing" challenges? I know that whenever I hear music I IMMEDIATELY try to sing along, and I know I'm not the only one. I've also seen posts about what they think about us talking or making noises to communicate and I can just picture their confusion at our singing. "Oh don't you dare look back just keep your eyes on me. I said your holding back. She said shut up and dance with me...." "Human-Susan... what are you doing? What are those noises? Are you in pain?" "Hey my voice does not sound like I'm dying" *cue silent treatment (which also confuses the alien)*

Ok so this is my first tumblr post. I decided to take a stab at it. Imagine aliens seeing humans and not understanding our slang or why all the girls say that they are ugly. "UGH I look like a trash can in that picture" "Human-Suzy why are you comparing yourself to an inanimate object from your planet that holds waste products" "Because" "..." "Honestly Suzy, me." "Human-Katie why do you say the 'me'. You are not Human-Suzy. I also am confused at your need of comparing yourself to your containment units of waste"