beckett graves  â  spaycejunkâ .
bucket was always good at lying, at spinning deceit into strings of gold. it was always for little things, like getting himself out of speeding tickets with that pretty blonde officer who always pulled him over on route nine. around sawyer, though, he was never any good at it. she always managed to see through the facade and would pull the truth out of him with only a look. somehow, heâd managed to keep this for himself; probably because it was the dumbest thing heâd ever done. he doesnât even want to explain himself; the reason for his deception had been selfish and made on a whim of a stupid boy with too much on his plate. â i - â bucketâs eyes dropped to the comforter, looking for the words. â i was seventeen and i was stupid, sawyer. â youâre still stupid. â everything was - it was all just falling apart and i couldnât⌠â a car goes by outside, music blaring. â i couldnât let myself bring you down with me. â
   she stands still, until she doesnât  :  until anxiety drives her movements, and an athletic frame back and forth through the room, and back again. alcohol is cause for a fuzzy mind, and everything he says  â  everything he claims which she knows not to be true, because it isnât, goes presented to her through a disconsolate haze.  â  and you couldnât just ⌠BREAK UP with me ? you had to in the worst way possible ?  â  a laugh passes through full lips, but its presence does not belong, as sawyer does not belong in this situation. she doesnât want to partake in this revelation, in this world where his words are the absolute truth, yet sheâs found in the smack middle, furious and dismal  :  a troublesome concoction which will lead her nowhere, and them to their ruin. though beckett has himself to blame for that. FOR EVERYTHING.  â  i ⌠i donât even know what to say to you right now.  â  fingers rub teary eyes, a flushed tone indicating a state other than a bashful.  â  i mean, i canât even look at you.  â  and yet she does.  â  did you want me to hate myself ? is that it ? is that what you wanted  :  for me to spend years thinking i did something, that i wasnât enough, or i was too much.  â  beat.  â  and you knew, this whole time, you knew ! and you just let me.  â















