a ghost story

[ to: headache #1 ] hey.

She smiled softly as he floated out of the shadows toward her. it’s been a while since she’s seen him; their mission schedules kept them at a distance, but she has missed him. “you alright?” she asked as she approached him, taking his hands in hers. memory recall wasn’t always a pleasant process. for people like them, the memories were rarely pleasant ones. “were these good or bad memories?” she asked.

she exhaled softly when he asked if it had been a complicated night. “you can say that,” she nodded as she released his hand. “same old ghosts. marina this time.” when she was still in the red room, she gained a friendship with a girl named marina. one mission saw them going to cuba, where marina went undercover by living with her new boyfriend. she fell in love with the man and because of that the red room ordered natasha to kill them both. the widow did as she was trained to do. “and you?” she asked, looking up at him. “what brings you out at this odd hour?”

___ when natasha's hands took his, bucky felt an almost automatic peace. it had always been that way with her and that made him happy - no matter what happened between them, that bond was always going to be there and that gave him a sense of stability. "yes. they were memories of some of our training sessions. i hadn't seen you dance in decades, i suppose it took me straight to that." almost all his memories next to the spy were good. there were some exceptions, such as when he remembered the time they discovered their little love back then.

            “i’m one of a kind buckmeister, can’t find anyone else like me.” clint grinned before sipping his drink. he knew he probably got under bucky’s skin, and at times he probably only stayed alive because of being so close to nat. “i mean, this one is pretty nice but the whole shifting plates thing the silver one did was pretty hot.” at bucky’s last statement, clint’s eyes widened slightly oh, i’m totally fucked “uh, yeah… what do you want to know?”

___ bucky found a vacant table and sat down, one of his eyebrows arching perfectly. "pretty hot, huh? kind of kinky, aren't we?" he said with a hint of a mocking tone to clint's comment. it wasn’t something new and he didn’t know if that was precisely good or bad. the ex-soldier had read certain comments on the internet. "what do i want to know? i want to know what kind of shit you have in that head. and you know perfectly well what i mean." it hadn't been long before natalia told him about ronin. things had happened and  kept them busy for a while, but now that that had calmed down, it was time to listen to the man. "and you know perfectly well that excuses and lies are useless with me." 

            “no, it’s mostly my art… but people have been commenting about wanting workout pictures.” he rolls his eyes before downing the rest of the drink as another was placed in front of him so much for a two-drink limit. “it’s nothing like that… it would make things complicated and that’s the last thing i want pal.” to be honest, steve wasn’t really sure how to put what he was thinking into words. of course, it was only a matter of time before bucky got him drunk enough for him to start talking.

___ "of course they want that." he said with a shrug. nowadays it was... very normal to see that kind of thing, some even did it for free, but he was only joking to steve. he knew he wasn't going to accept something like that. at least not without being persuaded. "are you sure it would be complicated? or is it complicated only in your mind?" bucky didn't know why he was so interested in knowing that kind of information... or maybe he did. if he was honest enough with himself and delved into his feelings from almost eighty years ago. "If you talk, I talk. that way it’s uncomfortable for both of us. i’m a good friend."

          there weren’t many humans that caught azrael’s attention, to her their lives were fleeting and before she knew it their soul would be going up to heaven or down to hell… but there were a few that caught her attention and bucky barnes was one of them. she had met him once, well him and the soon to be captain rogers, back before the war turned their lives upside down. over the years she’d run across him as the winter soldier, seen his handiwork with her own two eyes. hearing him speak to her she tore her gaze from his arm, smiling softly “my apologies sergeant barnes, i was just admiring your arm. much better than that gaudy silver thing you were stuck with.”

___ bucky's expression waned when the title he used in the war was mentioned. yes, most knew who he was, but then she mentioned his arm with a kind of naturalness. there was something that didn’t fit much with the girl in front of him. "am i supposed to know you?" a valid question, since there were many people out there who he didn’t remember. with someone else, he would have already left after a stare, but he was intrigued. "i lost the right to be called a 'sergeant' long ago."

          clint looked up from his coffee cup when he heard bucky’s voice, his eyes following his friend’s gaze. people staring didn’t faze him anymore, the number of stares he’d get when he was out with hayden had him learn to ignore it but he knew it bothered bucky. “hey fuckwad! you don’t see us staring at your ugly ass face, move along.” he glared at them as they walked off “people, i swear… you ever thought about joining the circus buckaroo? throw you next to a bearded lady and no one will look at you twice.”

___ “would i find people like you there? no, thanks.” his friendship with clint had come from nowhere - a few s.h.i.e.l.d mission were all it took. which was honestly a bit surprising, since bucky wasn’t really friendly and clint... he was clint. “at least this one doesn’t shine.” said while looking at his vibranium arm. the once-soldier couldn’t be more grateful with the people from wakanda. “but it’s actually good that i got to see you. there’s a conversation we left hanging.”

          steve snorted “just because he gets on your nerves doesn’t mean he’s a punishment, deep down you like him.” having sam and bucky in the same room was always amusing to steve, they both seemed to know how to push each other’s buttons in just the right way. “good. clint helped me make an instagram… i just got my reputation back, don’t need to do something ridiculous again.” the blonde took a sip of the drink, shaking his head “oh no, i’m not drunk enough to start unpacking that.”

___ bucky couldn't help but chuckle at the mention of instagram. it was easy to laugh around steve, always had been. "instagram? and what do you post there? daily routines? steve, are you one of those who posts stuff while shirtless?" he said teasingly, finishing his drink in one gulp and giving another one to his best friend even if he hadn't finished the first one. "well, if you don't unpack those things with me i would feel betrayed. i mean, i would just as well know if you tell nat or clint, but you get the point."

“What?” RJ has a look of shock on his face, sitting up straight slowly even if it hurts — obvious by the expression on his face while he moves. The bruises on his ribs too fresh, but all he could think about was the fact his father and mother weren’t together anymore. He didn’t ever expect that to be something that could happen. He was foolish enough to think that they’d be together forever, but his whole world is coming crashing down. He starts to cry, tears falling down his cheeks even when not wanting to — it always seems to happen when feeling anything intense. “You’re not breaking up because of what I did are you?” RJ lifts his bandaged hand to wipe away the tears falling down his cheeks. He could get used to this new normal, his parents being separated, even if it hurts at first. “Does this mean no more family dinners?”

___ when rj started crying, bucky felt something hit him hard in the chest. he still hadn't finished fully processing his breakup with natasha, but the guilt of seeing his son like that was definitely worse. ten times worse. "no, rj. of course not. you have nothing to do with it." and honestly, he couldn't explain what happened - sometimes things just didn't work out. but his son still held an innocence that he didn’t want to take away. "just because we're not a couple doesn't mean we don't get along. we're going to have more family dinners, as many times as you want." bucky pulled his chair closer to the other and took the boy's hands in his, being more careful with his left of course. "nat, you, me, loki, clint, hayden, steve... if gian behaves, he can come too." 

            “she’s great, we’re just better as friends. plus there’s the whole thing with her not being a man… should we set her and sam up?” last he knew both were single… nat would know for sure though, she always knew these things. steve narrowed his eyes slightly, knowing that he’d have more than two but at least he tried. “of course. i don’t want a repeat of last time, that was embarrassing enough for both our lifetimes.” he laughed before grabbing the glass, holding it up as well “happy birthday pal.”

___ "poor woman. why would we give her such a strong punishment, like dating sam?" after the time he shared with sam, he could admit that he was fond of the man. so much that he considered him a friend, which for bucky was a pretty important thing. but he wasn't going to stop bothering him - even if he wasn't there to listen. "i promise that if I see you take out the phone, i will keep it safe for you. that little dignity you have left must be protected." he smiled a little and took another sip of his drink, feeling the asgardian alcohol burning as it passed down his throat to his stomach. "someone special that interests you right now? so much to message him drunk?"

It was only through Bucky giving RJ a normal life after rescuing him from Hydra that the boy was able to hold onto some joy still. He knows there was still pain in his heart, always going to follow him around like a ball and chain. “Just fine?” RJ is a little worried, since that seems like a safe answer. He wonders if there’s something going on that he doesn’t know about.  “Oh. I hope everyone is okay, especially you and mom.” RJ doesn’t like knowing that there was something going wrong at such an important organization. What comes next is a surprise. “You have? What made you start thinking about it? I thought you were clear that it was a no.”

___ bucky had to consider which of the two things he was going to say first. generally, he believed that saying the bad thing before the good one was better. the latter could be used to make the emotional shock of the former feel better. or at least that's how it worked for him, he didn't know if it could work for rj. but he couldn't hide something so important from him - even more so, when the boy considered them as his parents. "well... i don't want to go that deep into this, you know i'm not good at giving long explanations. but the thing is, natasha and i decided to break up." the man put the cup of coffee on the table, looking at his son with a calming gaze. "that doesn’t mean that we are in bad terms and much less that she is going to move away from you. we are friends, partners, outside of the romantic part, nothing will change. i want you to have that clear, always. natalia will never stop being your mother, even if things hadn't ended in a good way."

            “okay, most of the time i do that over water. she’s never gonna let that go, i’m trying to be stealthy for christ’s sake!” steve rolled his eyes “oh, i’m sure she did! she tell you how sharon is peggy’s niece? that was not one of my brightest moments.” yeah… it was weird for steve and sharon to have been a thing, but now steve realised he was just holding on to the past… and trying to ignore the fact he wasn’t straight. he let out a small sigh “please, i haven’t missed that face, keep it locked away. two drinks! then i’m going back to the normal stuff, someone needs to keep your ass out of trouble.”

___ when steve mentioned his short story with sharon, bucky couldn't help himself and laughed, something that hadn't happened so naturally in a long time. "i like sharon, she is a great woman. but yes, when sam told me about it, it was something... strange." he got along well with her, even being his favorite  partner on S.H.I.E.L.D missions -- after natasha of course. but he didn't see the resemblance to peggy, so he didn't blame his friend. "two drinks, of course." a white lie and a little sarcasm, like the good ol’ times. steve knew him, he had to know that was not going to happen. bucky added the loki-sponsored alcohol to the two drinks, holding one in front of them. "cheers. for a good night."