Sound Of Moonshine

Come on.

No. Take Sarah Connor. She did so many things that John Winchester might have done, but we don’t hate her.

She raised her son in a way that made Social Services take notice, she went around from place to place caring about the mission more than she cared about her son’s emotional wellbeing, her son’s father was dead, she shacked up with a bunch of different men just because they would teach John Connor skills, she didn’t let him have a real childhood, she taught him stuff no kid should have to learn. She probably would have forbidden Stanford.

There’s no subtext that she did anything sexual with John Connor, of course. But even if you don’t buy JohnDean Wincest, there’s also no subtext that she beat him.

There’s no secret second family she had that she took to ball games. She would never have told John Connor that if he left he couldn’t come back. The mission is what mattered and that meant keeping him around to keep him safe. She didn’t abandon him for long stretches of time in random places, because that would leave him unsafe and he was needed to save the world.

Basically, Sarah Connor is the parent that people who don’t understand subtext think John Winchester is. Because she’s who he tries to trick himself into believing that he is.

One thing that Sarah Connor did that John Winchester did not do was make sure that her kid understood why they were doing what they were doing. John Winchester doesn’t bother to give the boys key details, like the fact that vampires were once real, or how he thinks they were led to extinction. He keeps information because he’s not actually dedicated to raising sons who know things. He’s dedicated to them obeying him mindlessly. So once they’re hunting vampires, because, oops! turns out they’re real!, he doesn’t get bother to give them information about deadman’s blood until they’re well into the hunt.

Dean doesn’t know about his dad’s various weapons caches and storage units. If I were John Winchester, I would have made sure Dean had access to them the moment I deemed him responsible. So, before 18. Sarah Connor would have made Dean memorize their locations and how to access them. And no way would a Sam Connor accidentally find a rabbit’s foot he doesn’t know not to touch.

In fact, the boys learned a lot of their actual skills from Bobby. For example, hunting, as in hunting for food. They learned that from Bobby. And Bobby explained why they were doing what they were doing so they’d be able to do it on their own later.

Like John, Bobby understood that the supernatural was real and was an alcoholic and was a hunter because of his dead wife, but he was still OK if Dean played baseball for a few minutes in the yard. Like, the bar is low enough for a traumatized alcoholic to clear it. The alcohol and trauma are clearly not our issue.

John Winchester cared more about his own ego and impulses and needs than he did about his sons. Sarah Connor cared more about the mission.

There’s a reason Dean sees Bobby, not John, the second he gets to Heaven, and a reason he decides to drive for the next 40 years rather than visit his parents (who, Bobby assures him, are nearby).

Someone DMd me this question and I feel compelled to answer publicly:

Yeah it’s creepy, which is why I get why not everyone wants it, and that’s valid, but basically I think I’m forming my timeline:

1. Sam and Dean were kids and Dean initiated, but not in an “evil” way. From his perspective, he was an abused teenager with a soulmate mark with someone he was constantly around, he was a child soldier, he was in a cult, and he felt he had a profound duty to make the family stay together. Also, I believe there is subtext for both JohnDean and sex worker Dean which make it even more understandable of him (though obviously not okay). I see Dean as a top to Sam in these years. My evidence? A few things. 13 year old Sammy is not super dominant yet; Playthings Sam wants to go back to where they *once were*, Skin is all about their cult like, terrible upbringing and positions Sam as the woman in the scenario, etc.

2. After Stanford, Sam is topping, and Dean doesn’t appreciate the role reversal, but has little choice if he wants it to continue. He *might* be a bottom for certain others (including John maybe), but he sees himself as Sam’s parent (he is). My evidence: The early episodes position Sam as currently being toppy in a variety of ways.

3. Playthings Sam, as I mentioned, wants to go back to where they used to be.

4. Stuff ensues—I haven’t had to time to catalogue it yet.

5. No way demon blood Sam or Soulless Sam is bottoming though. Soulless Sam especially manipulates the hell out of Dean in every. possible. way.

6. Sam, post cage and with his soul, is pretty horrified by his soulless behavior then deeply traumatized after being raped for 180 continuous years. He’s a fraction of his former self and is back to “I fucking give up trying” energy. He is resilient because he is resigned, as Jared said.

7. When Dean disappears to go to purgatory, Sam actually is able to try again, but when he comes back, Sam leaves Amelia (an asshole, bratty alcoholic) and jumps right back into the incest/codependency. Dean leaves Benny for Sam as well.

8. Sam almost dies and basically agrees to stop self sacrificing for humanity because of Dean’s love and forgiveness and they make a commitment in that church.

9. Dean immediately violates his bodily autonomy and installs an angel in him and I do believe they kept up their sexual relationship during this time.

10. Sam denies Dean access to his body post-Gadreel.

11. Dean responds by running away with Crowley and getting the original brother killing mark.

12. Dean turns into a demon.

13. Incredibly dominant Sam saves him, but when they reunite Dean’s hopped up on the mark and honestly either they aren’t actually fucking or it’s going horribly for Sam, who is getting shafted. Dean’s basically out of love by the time Sam removes the mark, as is shown when Dean fails to purposefully lose at rock paper scissors and when he falls in love with Darkness (who also is shown as a tween like what?).

14. Stuff happens that I haven’t cataloged.

15. They reconcile but pretty much after that, Sam realizes he has no right to boundaries and is submissive to Dean until Chuck tricks him with Eileen. Then Sam tries to set boundaries again, tries to make it work with Eileen, and then it’s yanked away. Eventually he and Eileen make an arrangement, but it’s pretty touch and go. Dean tries to be supportive but it hurts him. He’s way less terrible post-mark and post-darkness and actively wants Sam’s happiness, even if it kills him.

16. And then at the end Sam and Dean are OK enough and domestic, and Sam has settled into just going along with things, and then he loses Dean.

17. Then Sam spends his entire life mourning Dean instead of moving on, even though he spent so much of his life WITH Dean trying to move on.

18. I REALLY hope they get some growth after they reunite in heaven because WHEW

I definitely missed some twists and turns. I haven’t gone through the whole thing with a finetoothed comb about who is fucking who and when yet, but I think this is generally what happened in the text.

Completely off my blog’s topic but …

Whenever people talk about the things that all women have to do, like all women have to wear makeup, all women have to shave their legs, all women have to shave their armpits, all women have to shave their bush, all women have to wear heels, all women have to spend hours on their hair, all women have to pluck their eyebrows, all women have to wear a bra, all women have to diet, all sex workers have to get lip filler.

I literally just Do Not.

I know I am not a woman and that’s probably one reason why I hate doing those things so fucking much, but almost everyone on earth who looks at me or interacts with me thinks I am one. Some think I am a cis woman, some think I am a trans woman, and a small fraction think I am a nonbinary femme, but 99% of them treat me like a woman; even the tiny fraction of people who respectfully call me “they” see me as a girl. And I still just decided to Not Do Those Things.

And I am a sex worker. Even back when I was seeing up to 12 clients a week and had to put more effort in, I still refused to shave my bush, pluck my brows, or wear makeup.

I also have an extremely low maintenance hairstyle that doesn’t require me to so much as blowdry my hair.

Yes, some people criticize me. Some people love to hate my bush and I have missed out on clients because of it and been criticized by one night stands for it. In middle school I was advised by a counselor to wear makeup. I got extreme hatred back when I had a shaved head, from basically everyone.

I’ve been told it’s privilege or because I don’t have to deal with as much bullshit as I would if more people thought I was a trans woman, even though I actually have been attacked by people who thought I was, and I do get the argument. It’s gotta be million times worse. But my ex was a two spirit trans woman of color with a whole ass beard because she fucking hated this shit as much if not more than I do.

I used to be told that when I got older I would care more because I wouldn’t be naturally attractive anymore but if anything I care less. I wander around the grocery store in old PJs.

I used to be told I would take more care once I got fat because skinny chicks can get away with it but fatties can’t and then I went from a BMI of 25 to a BMI of 36 and whilst I did experience cruelty as a result, I simply could Not Be Arsed.

I am told I am lying when I say I Do Not, that it’s unthinkable and impossible to earn a living as a sex worker without doing these things.

But I spend a lot of time around queers who likewise just Do Not. They are told they should but they just Don’t. Some are butch lesbians but some aren’t—they aren’t masc per se but they just Will Not because it doesn’t spark joy. There are pockets of us everywhere in the US, places we can find tons of other people like us who just say Fuck. No.

I recognize this is informed by my American perspective, because in plenty of places I would actually not get away with Not, but in the US, I just Don’t.

I’m not telling you this because you shouldn’t wear makeup or something. Go for it!

And I am not telling you this because choosing Not will have no repercussions. It will!

And I am not telling you this because you have no right to complain about doing it because you hate it but for you, doing it is better than the consequences of Not. You do have a right to complain!

I’m telling you this a *little* so you will stop announcing that “all women” “must” because that just makes it worse for those of us who Do Not. My ex personally would rant about that messaging because it’s almost like people were implying she was being white or not being trans by embracing Not. She even wanted to start Frida-style highlighting her unibrow at one point.

But *mainly* I’m just telling you this in case you hate it and it hasn’t occurred to you that you could just Not. It’s wonderful.

You, too, might be one of the people who can just Frida that shit up and you don’t even know it.