private

i guess a little backstory is needed. my dad was originally from germany. mom was from the states, technically florida but we spent most of my earlier years in new york. it was great. i thought it was anyway. i remember several times my dad got job offers that woulda had us move out of state or to another country and the reason he turned down these opportunities was because of me. a few years ago, i had already moved from home but by that point i guess they were settled in. one night something terrible happened. dad got jumped while my parents were on their way back from a dinner date. he ended up passing from his injuries, and to this day mom hasn't been able to change anything about the house or herself really. she's kinda stuck?

now i say all of that to say that she hasn't said anything to blame me necessarily but at times there has been a little insinuation of had they moved when he got this job offer or if they had taken that opportunity, he may still be here. and of course the only reason they didn't was cause i didn't wanna move and lose my friends. i dunno if it is true that those changes could have changed what happened or if fate is real. i just know that if mom actually said that she blamed me for how that would turn out i'd be crushed. i think i blamed myself long enough on my own and to think someone else might feel that is true too i dunno if i'd be able to get over it.