chapter 27: brian promising to be back in the morning in a sense paralleling how the sneer will exchange vows to never leave later. cuties
chapter 27: ‘willing it away as he absentmindedly saved the still frame of footage.’ Freak. i wanna know what folder jay saved it to
chapter 28: ‘Jay had been drinking from that, his lips had been wrapped around it, something Tim tried and failed not to be acutely aware of’ the series of indirect kisses Completed HAHA brian w/ tims cigarette, jay with tim's water bottle, and now tim here
chapter 28: ’He couldn’t find any signs of it having been tampered with, yet for a second, a dark part of his mind wondered if he should just claim he had. Say that he’d found something wrong, some sign of sabotage, anything to keep Jay with him. To avoid having to let him go quite yet.’ see: the line way back in the fic when jay thinks about fucking with tims engine to keep him there with him
chapter 28: ‘“Because I have to make up for being me!”’ and the line from ch. 14 wherein tim says “everything he’s been trying so hard to make up for” boils over :’)
chapter 31: ‘Jay sometimes feeling like the ghost of his best friend was standing right behind him’ "best friend technically present-tense here but it being preceded by “ghost” is cool. alex as jays best friend is a dead echo and jay clings to the familiarity still. actually i love this whole chapter for the alex parts it makes me want to roll around and sob
^ chapter 31: ‘he could have just swallowed down the pain which came from talking about his former best friend.’ and there is the first explicit “former best friend” calling of alex!!!!!
chapter 32: ‘“I should have offered to look for a place together,” he muttered to himself’ the guilty shift from ch. 2 when he only wonders if he shouldve
chapter 32: ‘but he still stared up at the sky as the sun began setting.’ see my board with red string theory about chapter 20, jay getting a sunset scene with brian/the sneer this time :)
chapter 33: ‘The same compulsion which had him drag his camera around and point it at everything, the need for constant surveillance. They’d give him that. They’d give him everything.’ no details this just makes me feel insane like batshit insane /pos
chapter 33: ‘Entirely inadequate in deterring The Sneer - they’d slept next to The Shield, who awoke from its nightmares furious and swinging its fists with deadly precision.’ see: the nightmare that tim wakes from with jay where hes swinging. nods
chapter 34: ‘It was probably a blessing it hadn’t been one of the more- well. Well, it didn’t matter. It had just been a dream, anyways.’ he is SO. yeah. Pinches him /aff
chapter 34: ‘Almost no more secrets, at least.’ like with tim and his jessica tape. wink
chapter 35: ‘it had been glaringly obvious that the affection was between the two of them. It seemed that stalking Tim had been some strange courtship behaviour for them, and he had no idea what that even left him as. He was terrified of asking.’ another instance of there being no details i just really love this. squeezes tim in my hand. theres this very particular miscommuncation you do between the POVs that im going crazy for i love it so badly ITS SO GOOD
chapter 35: ‘He’d have to keep Brian from getting hurt like that again.’ almost like tim wants to shield him. Eyes
chapter 35: ‘But, on the other hand, if it had saved Brian’s life?[...]Tim would have done anything to save him, even if Brian hadn’t wanted it - the fact that he was thankful was (a relief) unexpected.’ "i’ll keep him safe even if he hates me” [about jay] and the complimentary “i’d have saved him even if he hated me for it”
chapter 35: ‘Jay raised a brow at him, Brian’s lips briefly curling into a sneer of disdain before he sighed.’ a sneer of disdain when the sneer is the part of him that can handle the touch. points!
chapter 36: ‘Nothing they couldn’t work around, swallowing down the pain and tapping their wrist cheerfully as they left' his charades! tim says that when the sneer does this same tapping at the wrist gesture LOL silly
chapter 36: ‘twisted unnaturally like a funnel web spider waiting for its prey’ loveeeeee this description
chapter 36: ‘It’d seem his need for control hadn’t changed at all’ this after jay noticing how haphazardly alex’s things are thrown in boxes is soooo good. infact alex in this fic is one of my favorite alexs ever. both as a testament to your POV work and just in general i love it so much
chapter 37: ‘He wanted to shield Jay from this, yet he was failing.’ shield. CUTES
chaptee 37: ‘Likely from fear, his nostrils flaring and his cheeks glowing a hectic red while he rubbed at his wrist.’ "likely from fear” Oh im sure
chapter 37: ‘The touch left behind smears of bloody fingerprints in a primal claim which sent The Shield’s heart racing.’ see: jay searching for the sneers bloody fingerprints across his face and the sneer actually doing this [to jay] later nods my head
^ chapter 37: ‘red fingerprints streaking their cheeks in a pretty contrast’ awwww matching what the sneer does earlier
chapter 38: ‘tears of fear or fury’ good mouthfeel on these words. "tears" and "fear" rhyming + alliteration of "fear" and "fury". combined with the short in-between words (both "o" sounds also) very good very rhythmic
anyway again apologies for the Walls of text i really really love this fic. love the divergence its taking and adore the way the relationships have developed its UGHHHHHH so good. soooo so good. i think you really nail the sensory depictions of paranoia and the POV work is also a complete delight to read. ive personally had trouble with longer fics and keeping events and details straight and every detail/harkening back to prior events/subtle foreshadowing you use is insanely insanely impressive you are so talented author i love it so much. even things like the repeated use of 'rotting' as a description or the water imagery (especially when placed analogous to static) makes the entire thing coherent as One Piece if that makes sense? i really really love this work is what im trying to get at HAHA many many many kudos to you and thank you for sharing. legitimately such a treat that we all get to read this :]
The Sneer isn't the only one with several photo collections u_u
(also now we need Jay and Brian to have an indirect kiss but they should probably do that shit somewhere private cos none of them would be normal about it <3 )
Also YES I LOVE WRITING ALEX I'm so happy he's being received well :DD I always have fun figuring him out, getting to write him do torture was a treat, especially because I can contrast it with the tape of him killing Amy and Sarah (and the difference in those two murders lol)
And slowly dragging Jay through the stages of grief and acceptance that his best friend has been changed is so much fun to me <3
(fun fact the only reason Tim didn't punch the shit out of Jay was that Jay was sitting on the floor, and Tim was jerking upright in bed, so he was swinging above Jay's level, I did consider letting him accidentally give Jay another black eye but I wanted to keep the focus on Tim in the scene, so Jay got plopped on the floor where he belongs)
I have fully stolen your board and all your red string, I am running for the hills with it, it's canon now and the start of part 36 is specifically for you -fingerguns-
"chapter 34: ‘Almost no more secrets, at least.’ like with tim and his jessica tape. wink" <- ohoho but this is a Jay chapter, Jay doesn't know about Tim's tape so he can't possibly be referring to that, he must be talking about... something else... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Tim being willing to do whatever it takes to protect Brian and Jay, even if it'll make them hate him. Meanwhile, The Shield is willing to do whatever it takes to protect Tim, even if it means isolating him and hurting The Sneer... I love writing their messed up flavor of protectiveness, they're so fucked up <3
ALSO ALSO JUST THANK YOU!! I love walls of text I am trying very hard not to reply to each and every little detail but I am saving them in my heart and being giggly and happy about them getting noticed :DD
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