To the one that taught me to trust again. To the one I gave it my all. To the one I called my best friend.
I love you so much but that’s exactly why, I gotta move on in order to thrive. I can’t let myself be miserable waiting, wondering when I will be the priority.
How can I fault you, when you’re going through as much as me? How can I forget you, when I remember you from everything I see?
The grief is palpable through my whole body , soul and heart. I wish I could ask why we must drift apart.
Through thick and thin I really thought would be the case, but instead you left me sitting in my disgrace. Blaming myself for everything I could have done more. But when in reality, you were the one who shut the door.
I truly wish you the best in every which way but when you return, I’m not sure whether I will be okay.
I’m told to work on myself and grow, because everyone’s fighting a battle we don’t know. I internally debated whether to save a seat for you, but I realize now I also have a life I need to pursue.
I felt shame for my sadness and anger that boils. You should see how I sobbed with my heart as my stomach coils.
Everyone’s allowed their own boundaries and peace. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less nor am I at ease.
A true friendship should have been mutual and transparent. But seeing how I let you have the last words, it is inherent. That I loved and cared about you much deeper than just a bit. I made the same mistake giving my heart away and I will have to pay for it.
Maybe one day we can talk again, but it’s going to take lots of work to make amends. To that I feel hopeless when just asking for company was too much time to spend.
The trust and safety I felt might have been real, but now I’m left again with wounds to heal. So take this as my farewell letter. For I am moving on to hopefully feel better.
Notes: Everything will be okay I whisper… I need to focus on people who value my opinions and advice instead of those who feel threatened by them. Because at the end of the day, I am not the problem.
