You’re teleported to 44 BCE Rome in your everyday street clothes. You’re brought before Caesar and he believes you might be from the future, hoping to bring him fortune. One day he questions you, asking “How Do I Die?”

“Surrounded by friends”

*walks into a psychology lecture wearing a tshirt with freud’s face on it that says “THIS GUY IS A FUCKING IDIOT” in sparkly bold type*

He looked like he wanted to laugh and die at the same time lmao

this is the last year that we can make this stupid joke so im going to make the most of it and post it every day until 2020

Where are his legs

me: I should shower! it will energize me me, after showering: so…sof and cleen .. .. must na p

god nerfed me by making me allergic to garlic and sunlight

so, a vampire?

i can confirm that i am not a vampire as i have blood

Is it your blood?

it is blood, yes

Is it blood that has always belonged to you, from the moment of your spawning?

it is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood

that was so intense

where is her oscar I’m shaken

How dare they play their own dog like this?

My dog would keep walking

Bitch almost died for that instagram

there’s a chinese exchange student in my composition class and we were being presented something about how you can use brackets to signify translation and there was chinese text on the screen and the prof said to him “what does that say?” and he deadpanned “i can’t speak chinese” and everyone sat there in dumbfounded silence and then the presenter clicked to show that the text literally said “i can’t speak chinese” with the most shit-eating grin on his face

Chaotic Neutral

pls direct all correspondonce this afternoon to my answeringe service as im enjoyinge a spa appointment currentlé

What sort of beauté services are you enjoying, Cat?

is. that a Luftwaffe plane??