Sitting here, thinking about my blessings and how i should appreciate each and every one of them but I can't help with a counter justification that would negate each one
I have a roof over my head ... which is fine ... but before hubby 'bought the house for me - selling his car in the process'. Which I've had thrown in my face ...I already had a council flat that I was paying rent to. Instead he decided that he didn't like the way that I lived and chose to look for the cheapest property possible that definitely needed a lot of work doing to it, if he'd stayed with the council he wouldn't have had to pay for any repairs. He started off with well intentions but lost interest within about a year or so
Plenty of food in the cupboards, yeah no arguments there, however, this was food that only HE liked and I had to put up cooking and eating whatever crap I had to salvage (he was the trained chef but I had to do all the cooking) as well as cooking with equipment that was basically on its last legs
Health, yeah okay, putting aside the fact that I had precancerous cells in my uterus and therefore had it totally removed, as well as 1 maybe 2 brain tumours .... I'm doing fairly great. It wasn't until I had a couple of incidents that led me to the hospital (collapsed at work with only half of my blood supply still in my body - had a blood transfusion) something that he completely ignored ... and he didn't believe the specialist that I had a brain 'lesion' until I had a seizure right in front of him literally 2 minutes after having a bath, now how about that for timing? Any longer and the scene would have been totally different, heck even 3 months after surgery ... sorry if I'm repeating myself, I just needed to get this off my chest ... I was expected to haul arse and clear out sister in laws bedroom - that she cluttered herself, with her own self destructive hoarding behaviour - no other help except hubby himself, his dad just shrugged and made himself breakfast. And what thanks did we get? None, just a whole load of abuse and accusations over the phone
Good friends to talk or whine to, no matter where in the world they are ...really sorry to have to put up with my intensive moans and groans, like I said, apologies for repeating myself, just have no filter at all and had to get it out there. I understand that not everyone is a personal therapist but I am taking steps towards therapy until I feel more comfortable with myself and a bit more confident
Sufficient funds to give me the lifestyle that I was searching for ... now that's a tricky one to deal with ... I had to sacrifice letting my hubby go in order to get what I wanted ... which isn't much really - just enough money to live on, pay the bills and not have to worry about getting little treats now and then without having to check the bank to see if I have enough funds to do that. Oh hell, I'm sounding like a golddigger, as Bossy had predicted basically from our 2nd date ... Heck, we were DATING not getting married straight off the bat, now THAT would be highly suspicious, we dated for about 3 years, lived together for a few months before tying the knot - so to speak, now here's the big difference...her wedding the year previously, was a lavish do with all the trimmings, expensive as heck, reception, disco all the works, whereas ours was much more of a budget do. Made my wedding dress and his waistcoat and tie, got hitched in Las Vegas with no wedding cake no reception (maybe a small welcome home buffet party) no bridesmaids or maid of honour, just four witnesses that we met on the tour bus. After I sold George - my gorgeous lil car, that money I wanted to make a nest egg and plan for my future, unfortunately, hubby tried to make me spend it as much as possible,( his excuse was that he was very wary about online spending, and since I had an Amazon account, I could buy HIM some treats, oh yes, he would pay me back ...in CASH but I'd never get around to depositing it back into my account) there wasn't much left by the time he died ... and I'm the gold digger?
