the truth is you have to be soft to be strong

in dreams you will lose your heartaches. whatever you wish for, you keep | pre-luxor (aka pre-rp):

balo before luxor, navigating her life

Song of the Caged Bird (Lindsey Stirling) [ instrumental ] // Castle On A Cloud (Isabelle Allen) [ I know a place where no ones lost. I know a place where no one cries. Crying at all is not allowed, not in my castle on a cloud. ] // Paint the Pictures (of Verona) [ I paint the picture of the oceans I'll never see. I hold a candle through the darkness so I believe. ] // almost home (mxmtoon) [ No one ever says all the love you give might not be enough. Broke my heart in two a couple times before it hurt too much. ] // A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes (Lily James) [ Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true. ]

does it hurt to see how our smiles have changed, my friend? | summer & fall 2019:

the period of time I was playing Balo in Luxor originally, from June 2019 right up until her intervention in October

Friends In The Corner (Foxes) [ Do you need someone? Everybody's looking like they need someone. All of my friends in the corner, everybody's looking like they need someone. Pretending we don't fear the morning. ] // Scars To Your Beautiful (Alessia Cara) [ She says, “beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything. What's a little bit of hunger? I could go a little while longer,” she fades away. ] // Never Gonna Let You Down (Colbie Caillat) [ I'm never gonna let you down, I'm always gonna build you up. When you're feeling lost, I will always find you, love. ] // Running with the Wolves (AURORA) [ There's blood on your lies, the scars open wide. There is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter's moon is shinin'. ] // She Is the Sunlight (Trading Yesterday) [ And it will take this life of regret for my heart to learn to forget. Tomorrow will be as it always has been, and I will fall to her again. ]

you keep trying to get inside my head while i keep trying to lose the words you said | winter 2019 & early Spring 2020:

Balo’s hospitalization, and the time at home following it.

All the King's Horses (Karmina) [ Is it still a home when you're all alone? All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again. ] // Safe (Britt Nicole) [ Oh no, my walls are gonna break. So close, it's more than I can take. I'm so tired of turning and running away. ] // Lost Boy (Ruth B.) [ There was a time when I was alone, no where to go and no place to call home. My only friend was the man in the moon, and even sometimes he would go away too. ] // Keep Your Head Up (Ben Howard) [ 'Cause I'll always remember you the same, eyes like wild flowers with your demons of change. ] // Wake Me Up (Madilyn Bailey) [ They tell me I'm too young to understand. They say I'm caught up in a dream. My life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well that's fine by me. ] // Dance (Foxes) [ I want you, got no shame. This therapy's gone to waste; when the midnight hour comes in vain, you're in my head, you say my name. ]

what the fuck are perfect places anyway? | spring 2020:

Balo’s return to Luxor, leading up to her breakdown at prom additional tws: drugs and alcohol (perfect places)

Good Day for Dreaming (Ruelle) [ There's a hope, there's a spark, there's a fire. There's a light in the dark burning brighter. It's a good day for dreaming. ] // Perfect Places (Lorde) [ All of our heroes fading, now I can't stand to be alone. Let's go to perfect places! ] // prom dress (mxmtoon) [ I'm sitting here, crying in my prom dress. I'd be the prom queen if crying was a contest. Makeup is running down, feelings are all around. How did I get here? I need to know... ]

i would sell my sorry soul if i could have it all | summer 2020:

summer camp adventures, and the starts of questioning who she is

Live Life (Zayde Wølf) [ Sometimes I think that I'm the dreamer, the one that's standing all alone. Sometimes it feels like it's forever since I've truly felt at home. ] // Celeste (Ezra Vine) [ You're something out of a dream, messing with my head and I've been looking for you. Are you hiding? ] // The State of Dreaming (MARINA) [ If only you knew my dear, how I live my life in fear. ] // If Only (Dove Cameron) [ If only I knew what my heart was telling me. Don't know what I'm feeling; is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me, I could find the way to who I'm meant to be. ]

my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with | fall & winter 2020:

balo’s disownment, her breakup with kitty, and coming to terms with them

raindrops {an angel cried} (Ariana Grande) [ The day you left me, an angel cried. ] // Because of You (Kelly Clarkson) [ I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain, and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing. ] // human (Christina Perri) [ Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart 'cause I'm only human. ] // Illusion (Zedd feat. Echosmith) [ It feels like the fairytale is over. I really wanted these pages to begin with once upon a time like all those lullabies. I should've known better. ] // Cry (Kelly Clarkson) [ Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? ] // drivers license (Olivia Rodrigo) [ Sidewalks we crossed. I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing over all the noise. God, I'm so blue, know we're through, but I still fuckin' love you. ] // Until The Sun Comes Up (Gabrielle Aplin) [ Do you want to get lost? Go waste our time, lose this city skyline. Be so much better if you're by my side, find myself and lose my mind; think I need a moment to re-align. ] // Part Of Me (Katy Perry) [ Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows but you're not gonna break my soul. ] // Love Not Loving You (Foxes) [ You were always giving me all of your insecurities. How could you do it? You knew what you were doing to me. ] // no tears left to cry (Ariana Grande) [ Right now, I'm in a state of mind I wanna be in like all the time, ain't got no tears left to cry. ]

you forgive, you forget, but you never let it go | spring 2021:

her classmates choice in the gym, and it’s aftermath additional tws: drowning (When the Storm is Over)

Bad Blood (Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar) [ Remember when you thought I'd take a loss? Don't you remember? You thought that I would need ya, follow procedure, remember? Oh, wait, you got amnesia. ] // Talking to Ghosts (Foxes) [ And I can be your guiding light if you just let me, but I can’t be your guiding light if you have left me. ] // When The Storm Is Over (Sofia Karlberg) [ But when it comes down something in the air says we're 'bout to drown. Baby, we wеren't meant for closure, tеll me when the storm is over. ] // Try (Colbie Caillat) [ You don't have to try so hard, you don't have to give it all away. You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up, you don't have to change a single thing ] // Still Have Me (Demi Lovato) [ So take my faith but 'least I still believe (I still believe, in me), and that's all I need. I don't have much but 'least I still have me. ]

and i don't really care if nobody else believes ‘cause i've still got a lot of fight left in me | early summer 2021:

the story of therapy, the start of recovery, learning to love oneself, and a little bit of romance.

“They’re hosting a father's day's brunch, and I don’t want to go.” She tells the teddy bears on her shelf, knowing full well they can’t respond. But, that was what made telling them easy, they couldn’t react poorly to any secrets she whispered to them, they couldn’t worry about her, or say something that made her feel guilty for coming to them at all.

And despite how safe it was to talk to inanimate objects about everything, she’d much rather talk to Leo. He understood, probably more than anyone expected him too. Maybe they’d be able to find their own corner of the brunch on Sunday, say Zander was their father so they wouldn’t be excluded or something. Although, she was probably expected to sit with George and Jack, which, considering she’d heard through the grapevine he’d dumped Juliet, well, Balo wasn’t exactly excited to sit at a table with Jack and their adoptive parents in general after everything that had occurred the past several months, but especially now.

Maybe that made her a bad daughter, but, it was far from the first time she’d been one, and she’d doubted it’d be the last. After all there was a reason her own parents hadn’t wanted her, and she supposed that only made it worse. She wasn’t going to see her mom, she doubted Will could afford to fly in again, and Grace probably was going to try to protect herself. What was there to be excited about? She survived her last year at Luxor, but she’d survived plenty of bad situations before, it wasn’t worthy of celebration.

The shirt in her hands falls to the floor. Wait, what was that? Her head whips in the direction of the noise. Who was knocking on her door? She hadn’t been expecting anyone. Still, she picks up the article of clothing, quickly trying to fold it to pack before she forgot it.

“Balo, open up, we have a surprise for you!” Ches, but, what did she mean by a surprise? What had she roped Zander or Collen into this time? Balo sets the shirt onto the pile before she walks over to her bedroom door to open it.

Wait. Was that Grace and Will?

“Ohmygosh!” Balo throws herself at Will before reaching out to try Grace into a group hug, clinging to them closely. “When you guys hadn’t said anything, I thought that you weren’t-  because mom and dad-” She can’t help the tears rolling down her cheeks, the way she holds onto them even tighter.

“There, there.” Grace pats her back awkwardly, “we’re here. That’s what matters.” She’d never been the best with these kinds of emotions, Balo knew that, but she appreciated the effort, the attempt to comfort her. “But you might not-”

“What Gracie is trying to say is, we’re not the only surprise.” Will interrupts, “and they’re not all good. Lance is not happy I came.” Wait, why would Lance care? Unless…

Balo let’s go of her siblings immediately, turning to look at Zander and Ches. “What did you two do?” She hisses at them, but neither of them seemed keen either. Okay, so Ches hadn’t decided to do something like trying to repair family relationships, and while she feels guilty for even considering, for a moment, that Ches was capable of being so dumb. She knew that Ches didn’t always think through her plans to help, but she wouldn’t, not if she thought it’d hurt Balo.

“There’s a Father’s Day brunch, Balo. I didn’t do shit. Luxor sent out the invitation for me.” Zander groans, “but it’s going to be fine, because that means mom is coming too, which means he can’t really hurt her for talking to you right? There’s too many eyes. You can ask her all the questions you’ve been meaning to-”

“Yeah, Sherlock, until they go home.” Grace huffs, glancing over to Zander with a perplexed expression. “Did you even think before you opened your mouth?”

“She’s talking about leaving him, in case you didn’t get the memo, Grace. I know California is so great you can’t be bothered to pick up a phone call-”

“Enough.” Will interrupts the two, giving both Grace and Zander a look. “Mom has always done what she’s wanted to. If she’s decided to take a risk, it’s because she felt it was safe enough for all of us to take. She wouldn’t have helped Ches with my plane ticket if she didn’t want me here, I’m pretty certain Lance coming is the only thing she wasn’t counting on.” Wait, their mother had helped with getting Will here?

“The father day brunch invitations were already sent out, and Lance had told Zander he was coming, in my defense. This was all Mrs. Driskelll, I only provided the capital.” Ches defends herself before Balo can even glance at her. The redhead’s expression was too guilty, but Balo doesn’t have it in her to reassure her friend right now. It wasn’t like she could blame her for Lance showing up, not even if she had reached out to her mother before that point. He was like a ghost, he’d always come back to haunt her. She was the fool for thinking that she’d be free after he'd disowned her.

“How bad is it going to be if dad sees us together?” Balo questions, shifting awkwardly. Suddenly the bad gut feeling was only even more intensified. What were people going to say with Lance Driskell here after her secret reveal? Everyone knew her father was abusive now, no, she couldn’t-

She turns quickly, darting into her bathroom and closing the door behind her. Her knees sting as they hit the tile, desperately trying to find a quiet corner to tuck in onto herself and hide. She can hear them discussing who’s going to come in and check on her, whispering among themselves. A door opens, but much to her surprise it’s not the one to the bathroom. Although it opens a few minutes later, and the person who sits down beside her is the one person she’d never expect to see now.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner, bambi.”

The tears start to fall even harder as she hears that voice, as delicate fingers tuck her blonde hair behind her ears. She can’t even bring herself to look, she wants this to be a bad dream, because that’d be easier to face than the reality of the situation. “Why didn’t you want me?” She sobs, even though she certainly didn’t want to know the answer.

“I have wanted you since the moment I knew I was pregnant with you, and that has never changed.” Cassandra Driskell reassures her daughter, continuing to stroke her hair. “Everything I have ever done was to protect you, but, I’m starting to realize I didn’t go about this the right way.”

“You think?” Zander shouts from the doorway, okay, he definitely hadn’t been the one to go grab her mother. Wait if Cass was here?

“Is he already here too?” Where was Grace? Did Will wander off? Ches- immediately, Balo has the motivation to move despite the fact she’s only getting more panicked by the second.

“I can see everyone, they’re safe, little one.” Her mother reassures her, reaching out to pull her into her arms. Immediately, Balo relaxes into the embrace, continuing to sob as her mother tries to comfort her. “I can handle Lance, you don’t have to worry about anything. I’m sorry I had to cut contact, I was trying to do what was safest for you, with how angry he was... it was better directed towards me, and only me.”

Wait, Lance had gone after her because of Balo? This was her fault, it was all her fault, again she’d failed at being a good daughter. But before she can apologize, Zander’s right there. “It was safer for you. That’s what it’s always been, an attempt to protect yourself.” He hisses, “you never loved her, or me, or Will, or Grace. We were just convenient for you.”

“That’s not true-” “Then why the fuck didn’t you leave him?”

Was Zander crying? Balo glances over to her brother, reaching out for his hand as he tries to wipe the tears from his eyes. She knew better than to draw attention to it, that pointing it out would only make things worse.

“I was scared he’d come after you, that he'd kill us for leaving him.” Cassandra’s voice shakes, for the first time her mother doesn’t seem nearly as composed as she always did. “I did try to leave once, when you and Gracie were babies. But, I couldn’t- not after I found out about Balo. There was no way I could take care of the three of you on my own. I could barely afford to take care of the two of you, and Lance- he’d promised... and I was stupid enough to believe him.”

“Is it awkward if I leave and let you guys discuss this as a family?” Ches calls to them awkwardly, “because I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be here for this.” For a moment, Balo laughs, but before she can say anything. Zander is answering.

“Stay, I need you to stay. Don’t fucking leave me, Chessie, please.” He sounds so broken, and immediately Ches is coming to join them on the bathroom floor. How long would it be until Will and Grace tried to crowd in here with them? Was there even enough room?

As if Grace can read her mind, she’s calling to them from the doorway. “Well, we can’t all crowd into Balo’s bathroom, so if we could move this to the living room, that’d be great. Especially if she has to stay.” Despite the snide comment geared towards Ches, Grace had a point. Balo forces herself to get up off her bathroom floor -  trying to shove the fact she would rather hide in a bathroom than face the first genuine family discussion they’d ever had in her life aside.

This was for the best though, right? Finally getting everything off of their chests, working through at least part of the past 20-or-so-years of trauma. Sure, there was no chance to fix things, but perhaps trying to talk would bring some sense of closure, answer the questions that’d been eating at her for months.

Her mother owed her, all of them, that much.

—

It seemed like the more Zander talked to his mother, the more conflicted about her he’d become. Even hours after their chat, getting dressed for the convocation dinner, he wasn’t sure what he thought. On one hand, he was glad that he was wrong about so many things with her - that she'd been willing to admit to her many, many faults as a mother. That she acknowledged how much she’d hurt them, and she was sorry, and she was going to try to be a better mother going forward. That she’d only signed those papers to ensure Balo was provided with a life she could never give her, that she knew about Grace’s girlfriend and that she supported them full heartedly - despite the fact their father certainly wouldn’t. That it wasn’t her choice to send away Will, and she’d been sneaking him money because he was her son - a fact Zander had never known until William had brought it to the table himself.

His mother wasn’t evil, she had good intentions, he could see that now, but that didn’t erase the damage she’d done unintentionally to her children. She could have gotten them out there, she should have gotten them out of there.

So why was he willing to forgive her?

He throws the tie down in frustration, before he forces himself to lean down and pick it back up. Where the fuck was Ches when he needed her? Elliot’s, probably, actually, knowing her she’d gone right back to his room as soon as she dropped Clover off at the lake house for a couple hours. Drew and Clarissa were watching the dogs this weekend during the dinners and ceremonies, something about using the time to socialize Clover with other dogs while she had them around, and he supposed that made sense. Treadwell was certainly not a bad dog to socialize with, and while he didn’t know much about Ester, it was Effie’s - so it likely wasn’t demonic.

He doesn’t even question if he should interrupt Ches and Elliot before knocking on the door. “Elswood, help! I can’t get my fucking tie.” He calls out, “I keep suffocating myself.”

“One of these days you need to learn how to tie your own tie.” Ches calls back. Well, at least he knew her well enough to guess where she was. She comes out into the hall to take the fabric from him, shaking her head a little. Wait, was she wearing yellow? That was new. “You’re going to talk to your brother this time, right?” He had been supposed to during Thanksgiving, he’d told Ches he was going to. Hell, she’d even dragged him to William in an attempt to get them to talk, and he’d gotten cold feet.

“Will he even want to talk to me?”

“You’ll never know unless you try. He’s your brother, and from the way he talks about you... yeah, in my professional opinion, yes. He does.” She informs him as she ties his tie for him.

“Your professional opinion?” “I really should start charging you for all these therapy sessions.” “That’s cute, Elswood, real funny.” “Thanks, I’ll be here all day!”

In all seriousness though, Ches had a point - even though it was obvious she was joking from her demeanor. “I’ll talk to him. So, about Elliot’s dad... should I be wishing you luck or...?”

“No luck needed, now go talk to your brother.”

As soon as the tie is finished, she’s heading back inside, not giving him much of a choice in the matter. Whatever she was up to inside was clearly more important- no, him going to talk to his brother was more important. Why did she always have to have a point? He huffs a little as he goes off to try to figure out where William was. “Will, can we talk?” He asks the moment he spots the man in the grand hall, chattering with Cassandra and Balo. “Alone. It’s important.”

“Of course.” Concern crosses the older boy's features as he lets Zander lead him off. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been a horrible brother-” He doesn’t get to finish the statement, the apology before the shock on William’s face takes him aback. Had he grown another head? He might as well have if the look his brother was currently giving him was any indicator.

“What?”

“I’ve been giving you shit for years, and it hasn’t been fair. I don’t call nearly often enough, and when I do it’s to tattle on Balo or because I’m having a crisis of some sort.” Zander points out, “and I can barely call you my brother some days after...”

“That doesn’t make you a horrible brother, it’s okay, Zander.” Will goes to pull him in for a hug, squeezing him tightly. “I know these things are hard for you.”

“I was jealous of you.” “I know.” “You aren’t mad?” “Not in the slightest. I understand why. Taking care of Balo was always your thing, and then suddenly there’s someone else stepping in and doing that too. If the roles were reversed, I’m not sure I would have taken kindly to my adoption either.”

It’s almost as if a weight is lifted from his shoulders at the genuine assurance that William didn’t hate him for what he’d put the man through, and not only that, but he understood. “I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit, Will. There were posters...”

“I know. That wasn’t your best moment, and in that moment you were acting like a horrible brother, but that doesn’t make you one.”

“It hurt, when you got sent away, didn’t it?” Of course it did, why was Zander asking this as if he didn’t already lay in bed at night and imagine how much he’d hurt William by growing even more distant after he was shipped off, and it’d only gotten worse when he’d seen how badly Balo had taken everything. No matter what Will was telling him, he was a horrible brother. A good brother wouldn’t have left him alone through that, a good brother would have...

“It did, but you needed to protect yourself too. We didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing.” Will points out, “again - I understand. Lance stabbed you, Zan. That’s more than enough reason to not upset him more.” Was he going to be okay with Lance here? Zander rubs the back of his neck as he starts to question how safe having Will here actually was. While he was actually glad to see him, he couldn’t imagine how hard of a decision this was for him. To stay safe, or walk back into the lion's den.

“Are you worried about... you know?” “Scared shitless. But it’s worth it. If I’d thought you’d be okay with it, I would have come last year. But I didn’t want to overstep...”

“I’ve regretted not inviting you.” Another regret that kept him awake, not just because he thought that Will was better at protecting Balo - they’d already talked about that. The only thing he’d been able to get out during Thanksgiving, come think of it. “I’m sorry, for how I’ve treated you Will. I love you, you’re my brother, and I’m sorry I wasn't better at expressing that sooner.” Again, Wiliam hugs him, and this time Zander hugs him back - a bit awkwardly.

“I forgave you years ago, just stop being a stranger. I want us to be mates.” Friends? He could do that.

“Mates, or mateys?” He jokes without thinking. For a moment, he worries that he’ll offend Will, but the boy chuckles, pulling away and patting him on the back.

“Why not both? I am the captain of the Flying Dutchman.” “Don’t let Ches hear you say that.” “Trust me, I know. Now come on, let’s go find Gracie. She’s terrorizing the other one you and Balo hang out with, the boy... Collen?”

Well, he couldn’t leave her to do that now, could he? And Zander has no issue following after William, feeling like for the first time - things with him and his brother were actually good. That there was no ill-blood lingering, that moving forward they actually would be friends.

If only he’d talked to him during Thanksgiving, it would have saved him a lot of sleepless nights.

—

“There’s one more thing I want to talk to you about, Balo. Now that your siblings aren’t here...”

Balo blinks, turning her attention from walking Will and Zander walk off to her mother at the words. What was there to discuss that they couldn’t say in front of her siblings? Surely she didn’t mean- for a moment she starts to panic, glancing over her shoulder for Lance but there’s no sight of the man. “It’d be better if we discussed this someplace a bit more privately.” Her mother adds, as if she wasn’t already panicked enough.

Still, she follows her mother when she leads her to someplace quieter, only breathing when she realizes Lance is nowhere in sight. Safe, they were safe. “Is everything okay, mom?”

“No, not really.” Cassandra confesses, “there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, about your father.” Wait, was her mother going to tell her who it was? For a moment, she feels a bit of excitement at the chance of finally finding out who it was, while it’d been eating at her since she’d put two and two together in Japan. “I haven’t been completely honest about who your biological father was. I was seeing someone when I was separated, that part isn't a secret, your father is completely aware I was. But I was trying to protect you...”

“Why would you have to protect me, if Lance knew he wasn’t my father?” Wait, Lance knew, right? Wasn’t that why he treated her even worse than the other Driskell children?

“I... might have not mentioned that fact.” Well, that made things interesting. Was he aware now? He had to have figured it out at some point down the line, right? “You don’t seem surprised. How did you figure it out?” She seemed concerned, almost confirming her suspicions that Lance knew.

“I needed a blood transfusion when we were in Japan, Zander couldn’t donate. My blood type isn’t a match to either of you....” She explains, tucking some blonde hair behind her ear. “I wasn’t sure if I could ask, when we were all together, and I just got you back, I didn’t want to- I don’t want you to leave again, so I thought if I just didn’t- you know?” She can’t help the tears rolling down her cheeks again, or the guilt she feels when her mother moves to try to wipe them away again, pulling her in for a hug and stroking her hair, whispering reassuring words she couldn’t quite make out completely over her own sobbing.

“I’m not going anywhere ever again, I promise.” Cassandra whispers, continuing to stroke her hair. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like that, bambi.” And she seemed genuinely apologetic, a bit too focused on reassuring Balo to continue on about what she wanted to say. And Balo clings to her mother even tighter at the promise she wasn’t leaving, how was she supposed to know that? She wasn’t supposed to leave her in the first place.

How was she supposed to trust something wouldn’t tear them apart again?

“Did he ever-” Could Balo even ask that, if her biological father ever wanted anything to do with her? Cassandra sighs, pulling away to look her in the eyes.

“It was safer for everyone involved if there was no contact. But, bambi, I’m not sure you’re ready for the answers to your questions.” She wants to protest, tell her mother if she was old enough to tell, surely she was old enough to know why he wasn’t involved, or who her biological father even was, but she relents, deflating as she realizes she wasn’t going to find out who it was from her mother anytime soon. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but baby steps. He was a good man...” She trails off, and when Balo glances over her shoulder, she immediately understands why.

Was she supposed to say hello? What was the best way to handle Lance Driskell at the moment? “Balian.” He greets her, “how about I walk you and your mother back to dinner? It’s about to start, isn’t it?” Wait, was he being nice? Confusion fills her features immediately, but she doesn’t protest when he offers her an arm. This was too private, if she upset him... “You wouldn’t happen to know why your classmates are giving me strange looks, would you, lass?” He whispers in her ear as soon as she’s close enough to, his voice sending a shiver down her spine.

“Someone dug up old court records, tried to use them against Zander and I. We’ve been trying to do damage control ever since, but not everyone believes us it was a one off.” Balo whispers back, hoping the lie isn’t too obvious. Where was Zander and Will? Even Jack right now would be better than being alone with Lance and Cass. “I swear I didn’t tell anyone anything, dad.” He seems calm, but, when it came to her father, sometimes she wouldn’t know she was in trouble until he striked, and the inability to tell if she was safe, or in extreme danger, only made her even more frightened. Where was Leo? She wanted Leo, right now.

“Don’t let it happen again.” He believed her, and it suddenly feels easier to breathe. “Oh, and Balian?” As soon as the relief came across her, it was gone as it became apparent he wasn’t finished with her quite yet. “If you ever step out of line again, I’ll personally ensure you will never speak to your mother again. Do I make myself clear?” There’s a threat there, she knows it, and she’s immediately nodding along.

“Yes sir! I won’t, I promise.” She couldn’t, and once they reach the grand hall, she drops his arm.

“Good, it was nice to see you again. Come along, Cassie.” Lance doesn’t give her much room to say much else, not that Balo wanted to, and as soon as they’re gone, she can feel the tears welling up in her eyes again. Leo, where was Leo? She scans the grand hall, trying to see if she can find him but before she can get very far, there’s another person coming up to her.

“Hey there, buttercup!” Emmett greets her, although his expression quickly shifts when he notices her crying, the mirth that seemed to sparkle in his eyes getting replaced with someone much more serious. “You can come hang out with Cam and me, if you’d like.” And while she’d much rather hide behind Leo, the offer to have someone with her until more people arrived, and it wasn’t just a handful of them in the grand hall, wasn’t something she could bring herself to deny.

“Please?”

“Always. If you want to stay with us in the city this summer or anything, really. I know my father offered you an internship.” He had missed the memo; she didn’t want to discuss that, didn’t he? Still, she nods. She had been offered a design internship with The Elswoods, and she still couldn’t bring herself to say yes. After all, how much of it was them actually being impressed by her talents, and how much of it was nepotism? She wasn’t sure how much Ches had whispered in his ear.

“Can we discuss this later?” “Of course, come on. Camellia has more animal pics for you.” Now, that was a subject she was more than happy to discuss. She follows Emmett quietly, hoping that he wouldn’t be too offended; she wasn’t her usual excitable self at the moment. She had way too much on her mind to wear that mask at the moment.