ᦓꪮꪑꪀꪮ…ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

• although ryan was intentionally the one obsessed and quite honestly parasocial over pete, pete was very quick to become way much more obsessed over ryan. gradually ryan’s interest and obsession over pete declined and he fell much more in love with the fame and all that came with it; sure he loved pete still but he loved himself much more.

• pete picked up on this— the way the younger boy would wander off at parties to go hang out with other celebrities or groupies, the way ryan almost seemed to get annoyed around him after only a little while of spending time together, the way he seemed so uninterested during sex and acted like it felt more like chore (which to be fair, it kinda always was)

• during the time of panic’s split, brendon didn’t fully understand what was happening. brendon assumed ryan was mad at him due to how often he’d take out his own problems on him but in reality, it was all pete. ryan wanted to be more independent and stop having to associated with pete but if course pete just would NOT let that happen. so. ryan left. brendon was devastated. pete was pissed. had it not been for patrick telling pete to pretty much fuck piff and let him go, pete definitely would of gone crazy. (well more than he already was but more publicly, i mean)

• brendon knew that pete really wasn’t a good guy and was aware of what pete was doing with ryan given he was doing it to him too (just a to a lesser extent. ryan WAS pete’s fav. obviously.) but he is still till this day unaware that pete was the cause of the split. sure he’s wondered if he might of played into it a bit but he feels too guilty about the situation and is still very attached to pete to give it too much thought. he’ll probably realize it someday. maybe.

• along with ryan frequently taking out his problems on brendon, pete did too. times when pete was supposed to hang out with the two boys or the occasional “just pete and brendon hangouts” would randomly be cut short or completely canceled passive aggressively for whatever reason by pete. or just random snaps from pete when they were hanging out. poor brendon. was always the scapegoat, third wheel, and last choice between the two. awe. how sad.

• after the young veins, ryan started to get into a deep depression. he already was during it but afterwards, it was different. when he was on stage with jon, it was familiar and fun. yes, there was definitely hard moments but he wasn’t alone. he was loved. but once that project was over, it was just him; he started to miss pete. as much as he hated him and never wanted to see him again, he missed him and loved him still.

• eventually ryan got over it. kinda. as he reached his mid thirties he finally had enough of going back and forth with his emotions, being okay and then depressed. he’s a grown man now, he should be having kids and settling down, but no. so. he went back to pete. told him he wanted to talk. he thought pete wasn’t going to respond ever after a week or so of being left on read on instagram, but to his surprise, he responded and agreed to meet up again.

• ryan wasn’t quite sure what he was going to say, hell what he was SUPPOSED to say but nonetheless they met up and talked. it was casual. pete seemed like a normal dude now. it was weird, very weird, having coffee and talking to pete about their lives recently as if pete wasn’t putting his hands on him both with and without consent years ago.

• eventually after a few hours pete invited him to his house, ryan knew he should be saying no, hell he shouldn’t of ever met up with him but he did. he’s come this far. plus. he has something he still needs to do.

• and as soon as pete’s hand slips down onto ryan’s lap, he just couldn’t take it anymore. and after a few minutes finally after all these years he has pete underneath him. pete is the one say no, trying to push him off, completely embarrassed and uncomfortable.

• and after that night, the next morning, ryan never talked to pete again. he had no need to, he felt better finally after all these years. finally. maybe again in another 10 years or so he’ll ask to meet up again though. <3