‘’ Just ignore me.. if what i’m saying is to hard or something like that.. feel free and ignore me. It can be good practice to when we won’t speak anymore’’ Lana added with a sigh, leaning her head up as she closed her eyes. She didn’t know what she was saying or why her words got out so wrong and hard. She didn’t want to fight, she didn’t want to say mean things and yet.. her mouth couldn’t shut up.
She knew she couldn’t do nor say anything to stop what was going to happen, but she didn’t understand why he told her. Sure they haven’t known each other for long but Lana couldn’t help but to care, she had lost so many people in her young life and she didn’t want to know another person that would be lost. She wished with all she had that she could do something for him, but she knew she couldn’t.
‘’Sometimes life just isn’t fair.. taking people who want to be around and letting people who wish do vanish to still be walking around.’’
She wasn’t to sure why she said that out loud, she didn’t mean to but it was true, she knew so many people that wish they wouldn’t be around or living that are and people she had lost who didn’t want to leave but they had to. Life wasn’t fair and Lana hated it. She hated everything that she couldn’t change ever hard and sad thing that would or was happening to people she knew.
‘’If i could i would take your pain away and make you smile again.. not a fake smile that so many have seen on your lips but a real smile. ‘’ she mumbled out with a sigh.
This pointless to-and-fro must end; better it sooner than later. They’d began to repeat themselves, dialogue differing only slightly with every sentence — in the end, the same points from both sides can be deducted; he will go, she will resent him for it. Yet, he continues to question her motives; why is she so wrapped up in something so ( in his eyes ) insignificant.
Cracking ink stained knuckles, his exasperation is evident. Not a behaviour often displayed, he himself is surprised at the constant seesaw of emotions. Jisung grows tired quickly. Albeit, he may be able to encompass a human’s soul in his writing, he will fail a countless amount of times in the attempt to comprehend one. Describing a person is far more easier than understanding one — he’s good at the theoretical part, the mechanisms of what makes a human, well, human — and in actual practice he finds it rare that some people will react in the way one initially anticipates.
Well, is there any point of wasting even more time? They were going in circles; pointless, stubborn notions refusing to leave either of them. Exhale. Inhale. Jisung reminds himself not to be hasty, not in a moment of irritation as such; but no matter how tight he clenches his jaw, how hard he bites on his tongue, he cannot refrain from striking back.
After all, what weapon could compare to the words of a writer? Dipped in poison, they can be the most torturous of death sentences.
“I have no desire to continue this little charade. Let’s leave it at that.” Shoving balled fists into the spacious pockets of his coat, he reaches for the pack of cigarettes. He needs some relief after such a scene. As he pulls out a single smoke, his final farewell slips out as an afterthought and nothing more. “Goodbye.”