A friend to hold onto; A friend to let go
A fall-out with a friend is a weird thing. Conflicting feelings galore and you doubt whether you made the right decision in closing them off. When your whole friend circle is meeting up, but your beef with your friend is only pertinent to you both and even more to you, how do you respond? And there are not that many poems about friend break-ups, is there?
Thinking back, I know I could have responded better. But I also know that considering the state I was in at that moment, I wouldn’t have been able to respond well at all. And I need to forgive myself. I need to forgive my friend too but never forget what she did.
I want to talk to her. I want to tell her so many things regarding that fight. But I’m not ready yet. I don’t know what I am afraid of. I know that my convictions aren’t baseless. And I know where she is coming from. Maybe knowing these different perspectives is paralyzing me.
I am glad she kept the details of the fight to herself. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have to deal with the elephant in the room. I could easily shut her off from my life. But she respected my situation and I must acknowledge that.
All the previous fall-outs I have had, they were all clean. But this one is messy. And I don’t know what I should embrace and what I should let go.
