too many thoughts

the amount of times ive had to clarify that im not using disability-specific words as buzzwords, im using disability-specific words because i am disabled, is upsetting

i just saw someone say fire punch was rape fetish porn and honestly im not sure how much lower media comprehension can get. that story literally screams in your face that its horror and that its showing the absolute worst of humanity and not depicting it in a pretty or idealized way at all

you ask me, i think it should be common courtesy to not bring up your other friends in conversations with people. dont tell someone how much you love your other friends and wish you were spending time with them right now. it very much comes off like "i love spending time with everyone except you"

seeing someone with significantly worse social skills than me have way more friends..... DAY RUINED!!!

when someones talking about their friends i so badly have the urge to ruin the moment and make everyone feel uncomfortable. "oh yeah im calling people all the time!" bro thats so cool! i havent spoken to anyone in years outside of generic small talk and i barely remember the sound of my own voice because nobody likes being around me but im glad youre having fun! great now we're both uncomfortable

i fucking hate minecraft horror mods where theres a constant darkness effect or the render distance is turned down to 2 chunks. or when its just a flat field with some flowers and minor hills. you havent succeeded in scaring me but you have succeeded in pissing me off and making an awful experience for youtube videos

why didnt handshakes go extinct in 2020 do we really have no better way of greeting people formally. chat whats your favorite way to avoid handshakes i havent figured out a good one yet

im a bit peeved about how many people conflate "defending somethings right to exist" as "actively supporting and enjoying it" like no i fucking hate that thing and i will probably hate you if you like it, but the only way to get rid of it is going to the government and unfortunately we live in a world with a corrupt government and we shouldnt willingly give up any rights. like if there was a completely non-corrupt way to get rid of that thing i absolutely would but we dont live in a world like that now do we

its so Goddamn annoying when two people you know get into a fight and you get dragged into it. literally what does this have to do with me

having a strawpage in your discord bio is a monumental red flag

something i didnt expect before i became disabled is how often people will call me a buzzkill for "not being able to do things because im disabled" or "mentioning im disabled"

i hate it when im talking about a disability experience and someone who doesnt have that disability or symptom is like "oh me too!!" No the Fuck you dont. my chronic pain is not comparable to the occasional leg cramp. my hyperfixations are not comparable to your vague interest

its crazy that being exceptionally good in social situations still leaves me with social trauma. why is that. i thought learning how to act and react would spare me from social trauma but now instead of the ostracized weird kid im the "extrovert friend" who has to force people to talk to me

does anyone else feel the emotional equivalent of being gutted like a fish or is that just me