Tim: Why are you staring at me?
Damian: I am studying you.
Tim: That's somehow worse than the staring.
Damian: Drake, I have come to a realization.
Damian: Your continued survival is statistically improbable.
Damian: You consume caffeine instead of nutrients.
Tim: Coffee is a nutrient.
Damian: You sleep approximately once every lunar cycle.
Damian: Last week I observed you asleep in a chair for fourteen minutes.
Damian: That was not sleep. That was your body temporarily surrendering.
Damian: Those are the same word.
Damian: Your logic is a plague upon this household.
Damian: That is precisely the mystery.
Damian: Yesterday I found you drinking coffee while holding a second coffee.
Tim: One was backup coffee.
Damian: Explain the third coffee.
Tim: Emotional support coffee.
Damian: That cannot be healthy.
Tim: Neither is fighting crime dressed as a bird.
Damian: However, there is another matter.
Tim: Why does that sound threatening?
Damian: I have discovered your search history.
Damian: I was using the Batcomputer.
Tim: That's not an explanation.
Damian: The point remains.
Tim: Why were you looking through my search history?
Damian: It appeared before me.
Damian: You left twelve tabs open.
Damian: Drake, why were you searching "can a human survive entirely on coffee and spite"?
Damian: Why did you search it seventeen times?
Damian: Why was one of the tabs a forum titled "I Haven't Slept Since 2018 And Here's Why"?
Damian: Why did you bookmark it?
Damian: You are impossible.
Tim: You noticed just now?
Damian: Father should take you to a physician.
Tim: The physician would just tell me to sleep.
Damian: Because you need sleep.
Tim: That's just one doctor's opinion.
Damian: Every doctor would say that.
Damian: We absolutely know that.
Damian: I hate arguing with you.
Tim: That's because I'm winning.
Damian: Stop saying that.
Damian: We have different last names.
Damian: What does that even mean?
Damian: Sometimes I wonder if your brain functions differently from everyone else's.
Damian: That was not a compliment.
Damian: I genuinely fear what goes on inside your head.
Tim: Mostly spreadsheets.
Damian: That's somehow believable.
Tim: And conspiracy theories.
Tim: For example, I have a chart tracking how often Dick says "trust me" before something goes horribly wrong.
Damian: There is a chart?
Tim: Because you're in the charts.
Tim: Twenty-four if you count the pie chart.
Damian: There is a pie chart about me?
Tim: Everyone gets a pie chart.
Damian: What is my pie chart measuring?
Tim: Reasons you have threatened violence.
Damian: That should not require a pie chart.
Tim: That's what I thought.
Damian: How many categories?
Tim: In my defense, a large percentage is "Drake annoyed me."
Damian: That is a valid category.
Tim: It is the largest category.
Bruce, walking into the room: Why is there a laminated pie chart labeled "Causes of Damian's Murder Threats"?
Tim: Because organization is important.
Damian: Because Drake has finally lost what little sanity he possessed.
Bruce: That's not an answer.
Bruce: I'm taking away your printer.
Tim: YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO ME.
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