◂ vogue ▸

[ ... ]

As she looked up she saw a familiar face at the end of the floor. Wasn’t it Hansol? Jiyoon wanted to start waving, but maybe it would end up in a too awkward way. She shouldered her bag and walked towards him. He was a newbie, but they got in touch through several classes before she became trainee. Hansol was  a friendly soul, yet kind of shy and anxious. She didn’t like people being alone, but he looked fine with it. Still…Jiyoon….generally wanted to be friends with everyone or at least friendly. In case the person didn’t like it she wouldn’t bother. 

The coffee he’d grabbed from the cafeteria wasn’t amazing, but he’d needed a bit of a kick - he’d not gotten much sleep the night before, and was currently having a few distracted days, though dancing definitely helped clear his head. Nothing helped cheer him up like dancing did - it was like a shot of ecstasy pumped right into his veins.

However he was heading out when he heard his voice spoken, making his head whip up, eyes falling on a figure he knew from classes he’d sometimes spent with her. He wouldn’t exactly call them friends, but they definitely weren’t strangers. He was, however, slightly taken aback at the fact she’d approached him and wanted to talk to him - he’d always seen her as someone to look up to in a way, she was talented, and he didn’t really think she’d paid much attention to his existence (he was working on trying to get his name out there and for people to notice him more).

Shit – fuck, Byungjoo closed his eyes and inwardly groaned, he had the damn image of Hansol’s hand wrapped around his – well, you know. Pretty fingers and soft skin and the other’s hot breath against his neck as he muttered words that drove Byungjoo mad – wow, too vivid of an image. He had to stop from thinking like that, because if he did for too long, he’d have a seriously big problem. He was already feeling too hot, already feeling too much of everything because of Hansol.

He couldn’t help but think about it himself, though, his hand in places he really shouldn’t think about it being. Shoving the thought from his mind instantly he gave a slight shake of his head, licking his lips and clearing his throat hurriedly. He wanted to go at Byungjoo’s pace, only doing things he wanted to do himself, so he gave a slow shake of his head.

“We can go at whatever pace you want to, we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready to. Until you want to for sure.” His voice was soft, a hand gently reaching out to take Byungjoo’s, fingers messily weaving between Byungjoo’s own, not even caring if their fingers were smushed or in the right places or not.

Trying not to think about it was difficult, especially since it was Byungjoo. He was perfect, and some part of Hansol liked to think they were made for each other. He’d never clicked this way with anyone before. It was only natural that he wanted to see more, feel more, experience things with Byungjoo and put his complete trust in the elder.

“Really, I just want you to be comfortable, Joo.” Again, voice soft, he let his head hang slightly, eyes falling - though a second later he wished he hadn’t. His eyes fell on Byungjoo’s lap involuntarily, then widened at the sight of a slowly forming tent in his pants. The blush that seemed almost permanently fixed on his cheeks during that evening returned, flushing his pale skin, teeth biting down on his lower lip, because it was, in a way, endearing - something so simply as the thought of it had gotten him in such a state.

He had never been so nervous before; and he performed with the Nova Trainee’s before! – Hansol was a whole different level, Hansol made his heart beat cray and his mind go fuzzy.

But they were okay now, they had each other. He could make sure Byungjoo was okay, and in turn he’d be okay - as long as he had Byungjoo he knew he’d be okay. There were people who meant a lot to him in his life, but Byungjoo meant the most. He and Hansol’s family were his top priority, and he didn’t know how he’d survive without them.

He’d cherish this relationship, savour it and let it blossom like a beautiful flower - though his feelings were far from new, this whole situation was.

His eyes lifted to meet Byungjoo’s as he began to talk, though the words he spoke urged a rose blush to creep onto his cheeks, teeth gnawing on his lower lip as he found himself thinking of what Byungjoo could be hinting at - he wanted to hit himself for letting his mind wander, because all it did was make his cheeks flush brighter. Hansol himself had experience, not a lot, but enough to know where to start.

It took a moment, but he finally calmed the blush, falling comfortably into the new situation, insinuating how far their relationship might go. Of course there would be that to take into account - they were both at that age where a relationship should incorporate things along those lines, so with a slow breath he dropped his eyes to his lap and hummed.

Taking the other’s hand in his own, he brought it to his lips and brushed them over the ring before kissing his knuckles, then moving his hand so Hansol’s palm was facing up, he kissed each finger before putting his hand to Byungjoo’s cheek, and closing his eyes.

The affectionate side won as Byungjoo’s lips met his own and he was drawn into a kiss that tugged the breath from his lungs and left the world spinning around him. After a second the spinning stopped but the world too simply disappeared and they were left in this mass of nothing but them and Hansol loved it - nothing mattered but Byungjoo. Nothing mattered besides his smile and his heart and his warm hands and his soft touch. Hansol loved him with his entire heart and had for so long now that he felt he could finally breath.

The tongue swiping over his lower lip caught him by surprise - he knew Byungjoo had never been in a relationship, never even had a first kiss before. They’d never talked to a great extent about their previous relationships, but it had been mentioned in passing once - Hansol had neglected to mention the lack of real relationships himself; he was ashamed that all experience he had was gained from people he never had feelings for anyway. So that little step further from Byungjoo both surprised, and impressed Hansol - he’d kissed someone who’d never kissed before and it hadn’t been a pleasant experience, but it seemed Byungjoo was a natural.

His lips parted, arms loosely curling round the elders neck as he kissed him slowly, tentatively swiping his tongue out to meet Byungjoo’s. But it ended too soon and Hansol almost pouted as Byungjoo’s plush lips disappeared. It was easy, however, to break into a grin as he spoke, watching him kiss over his hand, then bring it to his own cheek. Letting his thumb gently brush over his cheekbone he took a shaky breath, leaning in to kiss the corner of his lips, letting his own linger for a second.

It was almost relaxing to the point of drowsiness, a fog starting to cloud in his mind as he shifted a little where he sat, letting the comfort of Byungjoo beside him, holding his hand, clear his mind and suffocate him under a blanket of warmth - it wasn’t unpleasant though, even though he didn’t want to fall asleep, he liked that he was able to, having not trusted anyone enough to sleep around them in years.

But he was dragged from beneath the fog and the warmth back to complete consciousness at the sound of Byungjoo’s voice. He lifted his head quickly to peer up at him, noting the hesitance in his voice, how he sounded, in a way, nervous. He half wanted to break into a smile and laugh at Byungjoo’s incapability to pick what words he wanted to say. But he bit it back and simply nodded, shifting a little so that he could see him better.

His breath caught in his throat and the room seemed to spin slightly as Byungjoo spoke - had the kiss not happened Hansol may have fainted at the words now being said, the confession being made. He’d never expected someone as wonderful as Kim Byungjoo to ever feel anything remotely akin to what he felt for him - Byungjoo deserved all the love in the world, whereas Hansol never really thought he himself did. Hansol wasn’t special like Byungjoo, he didn’t have these beautiful eyes so full of kindness that Byungjoo had had from the moment he’d met him. He didn’t have warm hands that made Hansol’s stomach do flips every time he got to hold them in his own somewhat smaller ones.

But it was as he tugged something from his pocket that Hansol’s eyes finally left his and shifted to his hand. As he presented the rings something inside Hansol’s chest began to glow, warmth spreading in tingles from the very depths of his chest, reaching out in tiny waves to the tips of his fingers. And then those three words Hansol had never let himself hope to ever hear directed at him.

Tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes and he hurriedly bit his lip, urging himself not to cry. He couldn’t talk, he could only listen as Byungjoo spoke, as he poured out his heart and drowned Hansol in the things he’d been dreaming of hearing for the most part of a year already. His hands were shaking as Byungjoo slid the ring onto his finger, and only then did he let the tears fall - they drew rivers down his cheeks until Byungjoo stopped talking and all Hansol could manage to do was throw his arms round the elders neck and press his face into his shoulder with a choked sob.

“You already have mine… You’ve had it since before you left-” Turning his head he hurriedly, but sloppily, began peppering kisses over the side of his neck, up towards his jawline, over his cheek and finally to his lips, pressing short, sweet kisses to the plush tiers before leaning his forehead to his.

Yes, he can say with confidence that he loved Hansol; that the erratic beat of his heart in his chest as the other smiled at him was meant to be there. The fuzzy feeling in his head and the butterflies – yes the damn butterflies, which resided seemingly permanently in his stomach.

His eyes followed Byungjoo as he grabbed a movie and headed out to the living room. He fit into the dynamics of the apartment so easily that Hansol couldn’t imagine ever having anyone else live in the apartment with him. It was like Byungjoo simply belonged there, making his own messes, leaving his own mark. He could hear him moving around in the other room, and it drew a smile to his lips - he’d been imagining this, the subtle reminders of having someone else living with him, Byungjoo living with him. It was easy to ignore, but he’d tuned himself into every sound Byungjoo made because it was so important.

The door was left open as he exited Byungjoo’s bedroom, glancing back over his shoulder with the ghost of a smile on his lips - the apartment felt more like home than it had ever felt. Fingers trailed along the wall between the door to Byungjoo’s room and his own, footsteps slow as he focused on listening to the sound of someone else in the apartment. He slipped inside his room and grabbed a sweater, now, as he wasn’t moving as much, the slight chill that always lingered in the apartment crept across his skin. Tugging the large sweater over his head he made his way back to the living room, eyes falling on Byungjoo sat on the couch.

The words Byungjoo spoke sent a rush of tingles through his body, butterflies slamming themselves in every direction within his chest. It was difficult to bite back  to smile that tugged at his lips, or push back the blush that crept onto his cheeks. He didn’t reply instantly, only reaching over to turn out the light, as the light from the TV and the small lamp beside the couch would be enough. The couch dipped under his weight as he sat beside Byungjoo, reaching over to turn on the lamp, the dull orange glow spilling minimal light into the room. It hardly mattered, however - Hansol didn’t think he’d be able to focus very much on the movie when Byungjoo was so close beside him, arms brushing together already.

What he really wants to do is present Hansol with the promise ring he  got the day after confessing his feelings – a ring to show how he’s serious about being Hansol’s boyfriend. He remembered how nervous he was when he asked the women at the counter for two matching sterling silver rings with HanJoo engraved inside.

His eyes lifted to settle on Byungjoo as he replied, his fingers fiddling with a loose thread hanging from, the sleeve of the shirt. It was soft, though had that familiar scratchiness of a shirt that wasn’t all that expensive, but still managed to pass for something worth more than a couple thousand won. His eyes slid back to the pile of clothes, noting the few items, before getting back to work on folding things and setting them neatly in the dresser.

Hips swaying, teeth mindlessly gnawing on his lower lip Hansol sped through the tidying and sorting - it had always been something he was good at, not that he particularly cared about having things neat and orderly. His own bedroom was a mess of misplaced objects and articles of clothing, though once upon a time it had been left in presentable conditions on the odd occasion when he decided to tidy up - until he decided not to bother any longer, the mess always creeping back in almost as soon as it was sorted out.

Head turning as he got to his underwear he paused, hands resting on a pair of boxers. A smile crept onto his lips easily at the suggestion and he gave a hurried, enthusiastic nod. “I’d like that. You can pick the film since it’s a special ‘moving-in’ day. I should’ve got a cake or something.” Hurriedly folding his underwear he tried not to blush or think to much about them as he put them away, finishing quickly, though pretty sure his work on that drawer hadn’t been all that tidy. He had to reprimand himself more than a few times for letting his thoughts wander to problematic places.

Turning once done he broke into a grin and rested his hands on his hips. “All done! C’mon, let’s go pick a film.” His eyes locked on Byungjoo’s, though for a split second dropped to his lips, memories of the kiss they’d shared the last time Byungjoo was in his apartment rushing back to him in heavy waves, the elation he’d felt filling him from head to toe. He’d not been able to stop thinking about it completely over the past couple days, involuntarily remembering the way Byungjoo’s lips felt against his own.

He couldn’t help but hope that it would go somewhere, now that they lived together. For the longest time already he’d wanted to be able to call him something more than a friend - a boyfriend - but he wondered if he’d have the courage to ask the question himself anytime soon, or if Byungjoo might want the same thing, might ask it himself.

He was rambling too, but this was a moment for rambles, for messy words and a bit of awkward phrases. All he wanted to do though in that next moment, was hug Hansol – so he did. He wrapped his arms around the other’s form and pulled him close to his chest. He ignored the slight sting of the not yet faded bruises on his own body; but instead focused on the warm feeling of having Hansol pressed against him. He nuzzled his nose against Hansol’s neck, before closing his eyes.

The kiss surprised him, though it was easy enough to instinctively kiss back for that short moment that their lips were pressed together. He too was beaming by the time Byungjoo pulled back, his heart hammering hard against his chest once more. Every little action had him trembling, his skin tingling and his head spinning - the effect Byungjoo had on him was crazy, but Hansol wasn’t surprised, he’d known for a long time that he was completely under Kim Byungjoo’s spell.

He had no problems with that.

The idea of it, of having Byungjoo living with him, where he could keep him in sight, where he knew where he was every single day, it felt a lot better than not knowing as he had done before. It would put his mind at peace, not having to worry about him. He wasn’t so sure what there were, where they stood or if they needed to talk about it, but he knew Byungjoo was tired - he knew what he looked like when he was tired.

He’d experience exhausted trainee Kim Byungjoo after practise many nights before he’d left.

A soft squeak left his lips as he was pulled into a tight hug, his arms instinctively winding round Byungjoo’s neck as he half fell into his lap. His hands raised to card gently through the soft blonde locks, tousling the silky strands and listening to him speak. He understood that Byungjoo was new to this - he knew he’d not had much romantic experience, and Hansol hadn’t had much either but he had definitely had some. He’d never felt this way for anyone before though, so it was, in a way, new to them both.

The one person who makes him feel that way constantly.

“Can I sleep over?”

Byungjoo had made his heart hammer against his ribcage for a very long time by now, making such an impact on his life that he’d gotten the little blue bunny inked into his hip. People always said not to get a tattoo for someone else, but Byungjoo would never be something Hansol would regret - he’d improved Hansol’s life, had changed him and made him a better person, and he could never see himself regretting having him in his life.

“Of course I did… I’ve wanted to do that since before you left…” Was it the right thing to say? He didn’t know, he could only hope, and though he was sure it didn’t matter, it still made him nervous, letting go of all his secret feelings. Instead he focused on how Byungjoo was speaking oddly, and how cute he found it, the smile on his lips filled with affection.

His fingertips massaged Byungjoo’s scalp as he leant into the touch, speaking softly in response to the question. “At first I… Didn’t do much. I stayed off school and work for a while. I kind of… Missed you too much. Then I just went back to things and tried not to think about missing you, which I still did. I practised harder, visited my family, but nothing much really.”

The second question drew his lips into a broad beam, eyes scrunching up as he leant closer with a slight hesitancy, pressing a soft, but short kiss to his lips before he replied. “Of course you can, in fact… I know you’ll probably say no, and you probably prefer staying with your Aunt and stuff but… Well… D’you think maybe, you might consider, uh… Staying with me? Here, I mean like… moving in?” He rambled, and it all seemed to jumbled together or get stuttered out of proportion.

For the first time since he was taken away from the other – he smiled. His lips turning up into a sort of awkward grin. The cool air touching his heated skin just now registering in his brain as he shivered; he had forgotten he was shirtless. Feeling embarrassed, and slightly exposed – he leaned back and grabbed his sweater again before awkwardly slipping it over his form – “I’m uh – I’m not really … knowledgeable when it comes to kissing and stuff, so I hope it wasn’t a completely horrible experience – I mean, my lips on yours and stuff.”

Way to go, Kim Byungjoo.

Ruin the mood and sound like an idiot.

Maybe it was his appearance that caused all previous kisses he’d lived through to be rough and unpleasant, quick kisses from strangers at the club he worked at, taller men who wanted to take advantage of Hansol’s petite figure and plump lips, or desperate women looking for a sweet guy to spend the night with, tugging on him like the cord of a lifejacket. The gentle touch of soft lips against his own made his head spin and his chest swell.

It was why he tried to chase his lips as Byungjoo pulled back, leaning closer for a second, before his eyes fluttered open, leaning into the touch to his hair as his eyes fell on Byungjoo’s eyes, then his lips, wondering just how someone could look so utterly perfect even after crying. He expected he looked like a mess, knowing his lips were probably red and plump and his eyes puffy and wide from the black eyeliner that was most likely smudged.

A soft laugh passed his lips as he spoke, and once again Hansol’s eyes fell shut for a moment, running the tip of his tongue over his lips to try and savour the lingering taste of Byungjoo’s lips. “My answer would have been yes anyway, so it doesn’t matter…” His voice came quiet, only just loud enough for Byungjoo to hear, he didn’t need to speak any louder, they were still so close.

He watched as Byungjoo slipped his sweater back on and only then did Hansol realise that Byungjoo had been shirtless for a while - he was left with a soft rose tint to his cheekbones. Another laugh left him as Byungjoo spoke again, this time he gave a hurried shake of his head. “It was perfect… You- … You’re perfect.” The last words he muttered, unsure as to whether or not he even wanted Byungjoo to hear him speak them - was he really allowed to be so open about how he felt? After all this time hiding his feelings, it felt odd to not try so hard to keep it all inside.