leave no path untaken

so uh. the news that has come out over the last year. i know that obviously i'm not around anymore and i don't think that after everything that's surfaced, i'm still not coming back here. i love personally what my friends have shaped silas to be for me, but uh. i'm just gonna get rid of all my neil gaiman stuff.

what this post really is is just a confirmation that i do stand in solidarity with the victims, but this is also a thank you to seras and juni and scout and kitty and everyone that i've had the absolute joy of writing with starting back in 2012 <3 if you're still around reading this, you made my life a lot better and i hope you're doing okay

Lucy could feel a migraine coming on. She winced at the reminder of what danger it would place Silas in– after all, he was retired and really had no chips in the game.

  “I hate everything about this, for the record.    If there even is a record–” Lucy gestured down at the chaos on the green, both at a loss for words and at her wits’ end. She had no plan for this scenario.

     “All I know is that if even one book in that library makes it into the wrong hands,

        we’re all proper fucked.”

Not like Silas could really ever say no to Lucy; she, in a whole, was one of his biggest weaknesses. But on top of her distress, he rested his hands softly on her shoulders, lithe thumbs (minding the nails, of course) rubbing in slow circles.

    “Deep breaths, Director. I’m with you.”

Although Herr Cabal was a terrifying force to be reckoned with, Silas had a knack for being stern.

“It isn’t your fault.”

Lucy was dreading the work she knew she must do– it made her heart ache to even think about it. But it must be done, she knew, and so she steeled herself as best as she could, and gave Silas’ hand a little squeeze.

   [ is this what Alexandria felt like? ]

  “Would you be willing to assist me?     Not in any sort of confrontation, but…      I’ll need a lift, and some matches.”

And there it was: the question he’d been dreading. Not that he blamed Lucy for asking him, not at all. This used to be his job, of course. He was still good at it, but he really didn’t want to be responsible for the chaos that continued to ensue after Lucy so bravely stepped into his position.

For a little dramatic flare, he let out the most long, exasperated sigh that he could.

Try though she might to not feel guilty about the events occurring down on the Administrative park, Silas’ reminder of the possibility of lives lost only solidified the feeling. She bit her lower lip worriedly; any joy at his kiss dampened.

   [there was an entire Archive of forbidden knowledge there– cracked open to the core and bleeding it’s secrets into the night. Unguarded– Terrors escaping.]

  “Though, I suppose it would be unwise to allow Herr Cabal any looting…”

Silas immediately noticed the change in her expression, and he sighed to himself. He’d gone and ruined everything, he feared, and now Lucy might actually have to help.

    “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t want her to go yet, but he also didn’t want to have to confront Cabal and stop him.

Lowering her opera glasses, Lucy regarded the far-off destruction with the same sort of frown one wore when disappointed by over-ripe fruit. She sighed; a softer, more resigned echo of Silas’ exasperation.

Between them, her hand sought to clasp his.

   “Well, at least they’ve finally learned to work together?”

  “It is a nice night for a bonfire.”

Silas glanced down at their hands newly-entwined together instead; looking at the fires too long caused a sense of exasperated responsibility to fester in the pit of his gut, and he was beyond wanting to deal with that now. Instead, he lifted Lucy’s hand and tenderly kissed the back of it.

@solitarytype​

  “Herr Cabal has been deploying bombs, whilst Fraulien McKie appears to be setting fires. Personally, I’m not inclined to stop them, even if I was equipped to do so.”

Evacuated to a safe distance some hundred yards from the Administrative building, Lucy watched the chaos unfold through a set of opera glasses.

    “Oh… it appears they’ve involved Doctor Banner.. oh dear…”

He was silent, at first, all except for a very long, exasperated sigh. He shook his head, fighting back the urge to roll his eyes.

Oh.

Lucy held Silas’ shoulder– her response silenced by the sudden (and very welcome) press of his lips. She sighed, sinking against him as a dizzy feeling washed over her.

    but he was real– flesh and bone and solid muscle       —and wouldn’t it be funny if she were under his spell?

Then, slowly, she eased back, flushed and breathless.          -–wanting more. 

     “..Did it work?

Silas did his best to try and let Lucy lead, keeping his own pace soft and slow. Although the rest of him didn’t really feel warmer, per se, he was definitely feeling a lot of new and very interesting things. When she pulled away, he was left wide-eyed, blinking owlishly.

    “Ah.”

He wasn’t sure what to say at first. Why were words suddenly so hard to form?

Once again, Lucy felt her heart flutter, drawn into Silas’ gaze as she watched the gamut of emotions flicker across his features. She wondered what he was thinking, but was too distracted by his hand on her skin to ask.

   “Perhaps… it is because I haven’t fulfilled my promise?”

Lucy inched closer to Silas, her heart racing as she cupped his cheek. 

    “May I kiss you?”

Now, a kiss. He knew what that was, and the thought awoken something in his chest. What he knew what that was, he hadn’t the slightest clue, but he liked it. And at the same time, he hummed in curiosity.

    “But I kissed your wounds?”

Lucy was sure that her blush had achieved a permanent state upon her cheeks and chest, but was too enamored by Silas’ honeyed gaze to think of things like propriety. Instead, she leaned closer, silvery lashes fluttering closed as his touch roamed.

He could kiss her, and she would not protest…

But then he spoke his question, breaking the momentary spell.

  “What do you mean?” Lucy touched her own neck where his fingers lay, and realized Silas was speaking of her pulse. Her heartbeat. Curious, she then moved to lay her hand over his heart– searching his gaze.  Nothing.

    “Oh. Well, I suppose that’s because.. of what you are.” Lucy’s brow creased.

    “Does it bother you?”

Her own question made him think deeper than he expected. He knew she’d had a pulse before, but it was just the fact that he couldn’t be exactly like her. Maybe the curse wasn’t completely gone.

And then again, that was another reason he could use to stay by her side in the future. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after, and that made him finally shake his head.

    “No...I don’t mind. I enjoy the way      yours feels.”

He was tempted to ask how she’d even gotten this way, though he understood how rude of a question that was. He also knew that the invitation rule only applied if the homeowner was alive, at least in his case, but he couldn’t help but enjoy messing with her a little bit.

“ow,” Lucy winced at the sudden weight of his cloak abrading her scratches, and then offered a wan smile as she carefully shrugged the garment aside. 

   “I’m not cold, I just..”        I’ve never been in the company of a man so handsome as you. No. She couldn’t say that. Lucy offered a shy smile instead, and slid closer to Silas on her knees. “I’m alright, thank you. You’re always so kind do me.”

Reaching out, she splayed her own hand against his chest.

   “This is muscle. You’re like me, now.” Lucy pulled her hand away, taking his and guiding it to her chest–      –shivering as she places his fingertips upon her skin.

      “Do you see?”

    “Oh-- sorry.“

He left the cloak on the floor for now. The cold from the outside seemed to affect him even less now, that was sort of a bonus. He just glanced away when he made her wince; clearly he hadn’t healed her completely, and that made him think.

Their chests were different. Not just in size; that was obvious and he wasn’t focused on that. But hers moved in a way his did not, making him pull his hand back again to try and find any similar rhythm.

    “Why does your muscle...do      that and mine does not?”

Although she could still feel the sting of her bruises, Lucy was far too distracted by what seemed like a miracle to care. Though a winter breeze through the window quickly reminded her– of both the scratches and her bare shoulders.

     “You look strong,” She commented, only then seeming to realize that not only was she staring, but that she had spoken aloud. Lucy smiled, blushing as she sought to redirect her gaze.

Arms. Oh.

It wasn’t working. Her blush deepened.

    “Oh, ah, do you feel pain?” She touched his forearm. 

Yep. Solid muscle– not vine or leaf.

Lucy swallowed, feeling butterflies in her chest and stomach as she met Silas’ gaze. 

     “You don’t.. um, seem hurt..” A nervous smile.       G-d he was handsome. Unfairly so.          “Do you.. need help?”

The moment Silas saw Lucy shiver, he started to reach for a blanket, until he realized that had been stained with her blood as well. The second best thing, he hoped she wouldn’t mind, was his cloak. He hastily tied it from around his neck and laid it over her shoulders.

    “There you are.”

When he looked down at his hands again, and then her hand reaching out for him, he rested his own over hers. Her touch was nice. There was something about it he couldn’t explain, but he didn’t want her to stop just yet.

    “I don’t know if I can yet. I suppose      I sort of could before...whenever I      tore a stem. It’s probably the same      now. But now?”

Right. It was best not to think about everything too deeply yet.

    “I’m not hurt. Just...”

He paused to poke at his own ribs, then curled his fingers against his sternum.

“Ah… I think so?”

Lucy shivered at Silas’ cool touch– no longer a vine, but flesh and bone. She was so overcome with questions about him that it took her a moment to realize what he meant. Her wounds had healed. Well, the worst of them had, anyway. She still felt bruised in places.  But that didn’t stop her fascination for his change from stealing her attention.

  “You’re a man, now!”

And what a man! It was then that she realized how improper it was for her to sit upon him– especially in her state of undress! Blushing deeply, Lucy moved off of Silas’ chest (muscles! Oh my!) to sit on the floor beside him.

   “Your spell… it’s broken? You’re free, now?”

Lucy was going to be okay; that was the most important thing to him. The second most important thing, he’d come to realize, was that she was very warm. Which put him in a small shock when she had removed herself from his lap. He didn’t understand why she’d want to be farther away from him, but there were too many other things going on to pay attention to.

    “I...suppose I am.”

Why did he feel the need to apologize? He didn’t, but the words stuck to the tip of his tongue. He shifted his shoulders, and looked back down at himself.

“Oh!”

Oh, indeed.  Lucy’s eyes widened as she saw him for the first time, her own mouth forming a small o of surprise. Then her hand slipped from the edge of the bed, and she toppled forward–       —landing atop Silas with a small squeak.

     “….You’ve changed!”

Silas jumped in shock, his arms flying out to catch her safely. As if the rest of body wasn’t already her cushion. It was also strange not being able to wrap his vines around her, but it was something he could live without for the time being.

    “So...have you?”

As he gently touched her back, it felt far less irritated and swollen. The skin was no longer broken.