Solilola

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like your life feels cataclysmically screwed up?

The thing is I am not even sure if this is just the accumulation of everything hence everything feels intense or am I just exaggerating everything.

If it weren't for you, I would not be as forgiving as I am today.

If it weren't for you, I do not think I would be able to stand up and show up for myself.

If it weren't for you, I would not know how to love everyone properly.

If it weren't for you, I would forget about what life is all about.

when you feel you miss hometown

when you miss your friends

To quote the lyricist himself, nine has a tendency to self-forget I forgot this song exist but I didn't forget how much it hits me.

Who am I to say what any of this means I have been sleepwalking Since I was fourteen

I have been feeling like this for more than half of my life, I never really lived in the moment. Just a thought of having a good time and taking a picture to commemorate it, feels unfamiliar. I thought, I might start taking a picture even over small things since 4 years ago but I didn't do it.

Honestly, it’s easier To let myself forget Still, I check my vital signs Choked up, I realize I’ve been less than half myself For more than half my life

The thought of me living to my fullest potential, to give my all for all the things I love seems like it only exists in my head. I didn't know how to get there.

Wake up Fall in love again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for you’ll see

Some days eventually something woke me up, I have so much growing up to do. I have people to love. I have things to do, to make my life better. Those days feel great.

It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I’m just trying to find myself Through someone else’s eyes So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself For losing so much time?

For the longest time, to empathize with people I make it as my personality. Forgetting my roots, not realizing just how I abandoned my own self. I thought I could learn from listening to people's past, stories, traumas. I neglected myself.

So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine

Have been asking my whole life about life's manual. Asking people how to live, to feel, how do I get to where I want to go but not knowing the destination.

I let the scale tip and feel all of it It’s uncomfortable but right We were born to try To see each other through To know and love ourselves and others well Is the most difficult and meaningful Work we’ll ever do

And, lately I have been feeling lost. I lose parts of myself that I thought would be with me until I'm old. I lose the sight of what I want and what I need. I lose friends though I gain new ones.

I have always been that kind of person who would go MIA for 2 weeks then I'd catch up with everyone again after that and I know that is a jerk move of a friend.