summary: A night shift on your delivery girl job makes your life make a 180 spin, you cant believe where you got yourself involved in, will you lose everything you worked so hard for? Will Jungkook be there to catch you if you fall?
pairing: deliverygirl! fem reader x mafia! jeon jungkook
genre/warning: fluff, no smut, and angst angst angst. This oneâs a heavy one. Trauma mentioning, dismorphia, lots of miscommunication aand drama and angst and trauma and drama and.
author's note; hey girlies!!! sorry for the late update. This chapters been a b!thx to edit fr, from ellipsus (thatâs what I use to write) to here copy and pasting and then the lowercase and then the italics ugh I will never do it again on my phone Iâm pissed. anyway this oneâs heavy so check the warnings and I tried my best to give oc the writing she deserves!! I would love to hear your thoughts on the fic, i would really appreciate it. Love you!!!
He tried to regain composure, his breathing a bit more agitated than normal. He could still feel you around him, on top of him. You were so close, so hot to his touch. And he let it go.
Worse than anything, he made everything worst. His inability to just speak when you looked at him trapped him in this mess.
He wanted to tell you, desperately. He made a mistake not talking about it the day the two of you talked in the forest. And now, he stayed silent too.
He just couldn't take it, even if you were looking at him with pleading eyes, something that would make you think it's not your fault, and not because of you. His brain just short circuited, his head not finding the right words. Well, any words.
He just had to stop, it was getting too far too soon. He didn't want this to happen like this. He wanted to be sure you did this with him because you wanted to, not because you were trapped here. He wanted to make things right with you, maybe even take it slow.
He didn't want this to turn in some kind of Stockholm syndrome scene. He feared that, immensely. Even if his body responded accordingly, even if you felt perfect against his skin, even if he wanted more and more of you.
He just had to stop it before it was too big for the two of you to handle. He didn't even know what this was in the first place.
His thoughts were piling on his brain by the second. If she wasn't actually here, trapped for her safety, and involved in this mess, would she kiss me too? If she knew me in a normal setting, would this play out like this?
It was so utterly confusing for him, hard and disheartening. He didn't want to use this in his favor, didn't want to take advantage of this, of you.
He would actually go crazy if he overstepped that clear line. You just had that power over him, to get him so overly turned on, and at the same time, so brain dead.
He didn't even think about anything else but you. Everything you let him feel, hear and taste. He wasn't thinking about your security, he forgot everything around him. No control over your phone that he now supervised every five minutes. No attention on suspicious activity, no fear of you being in danger.
He just wanted to make you feel good, feel your legs around him, feel your damp core right against him and have you in so much ways. He yearned for your whimpers, your moans, and wished to ever be granted the wish to see you unfold, with no thought or worry, just you and him.
And that's what he feared most, to let go of control. Even more, if you were the one in danger. A false step could get you in so much trouble, he couldn't take it.
He didn't even think he deserved you. You were pure, in the sense that you never had to experience this life ever before. And if this evolved into something serious, you would be in it too. And that too wasn't something he wanted to impose in you. To live a life so full of worry and shady business all around you.
He wanted you to be free, to laugh like you laughed that evening with him. See you in so much state of relaxation you couldn't even worry about everything. That was his outmust wish.
He didn't even realize when he began to think about you like this. Maybe it was the routine, seeing you everyday in the kitchen. Seeing the book you read in the coffee table every time he looked there. Or the mundane conversations, filled with banter and jokes between you, funny comments that made the two of you laugh incessantly. Maybe your long hair, soft to the touch, incredibly sweet to the smell.
Your beautiful legs that made a shiver run down his back every morning he saw you get out of bed. Even if you were still half asleep, crooked glasses â god those glasses. You reminded him of that little yellow emoji with the big glasses on. He couldn't stop thinking about how cute you normally looked, and how riled up you actually got him.
You had a great easiness to make him want to bend you over the kitchen and let out moan after moan at his mercy.
Fuck, he needed a cold shower right now.
He looked around, he was now alone. He sensed your deepest insecurities come to light at his rejection, and he was growing more and more irritated of himself by the minute. He didn't want you to think that way, not now, not in a million years.
If only you could see yourself through his eyes.
And he knew this was yet another one of his fuck ups with you. His fucking inability to speak clearly and be honest with you getting in the way, again.
He didn't hear anything more from you that night, neither the morning after. You didn't come out for breakfast, only when he left was that you came out.
You were already woken up, and you made sure that even before thinking about breakfast, your eyes would go through your body for a couple of minutes. Making sure you didn't forget all of the hard thoughts that made falling asleep a bit impossible.
At first, it was only your cheeks. They looked a little fuller than yesterday. Or maybe they had always looked like that. You couldnât tell anymore. Your eyes ran to your collarbones. Didn't they use to stick out more? Your waist looked at you as if mocking you, completely distorted.
You blinked, hoping it would look different. It didnât. If anything, it looked worse.The longer your eyes lingered, the wider your waist seemed to become. It made no sense. You knew bodies didnât change in the span of seconds. And yet, yours always did.
Your fingers instinctively searched for your hip bone. It was still there. You pressed harder anyway, as if enough pressure would make it appear sharper. You turned sideways, looking for the shadow of the bone to make you notice it at bare sight. You turned your hips, checking every movement your bone made with the pad of your fingers.
You tipped toed, watching your calves get more rigid, your thighs too.
Your thighs pointed and laughed at you too, the distance between the two of your legs not far enough. Your thighs seemed closer together today. Too close. They looked like they were swallowing the space between them. Wasn't a thigh gap the most beautiful thing people preached about? Every girl online made it seem so effortless, had everyone else figured it out except you?
And him..he was fucking ripped. How could you think someone so devoted to his body, and so hard working in his health, could see something in you? You weren't even half as muscular as him, it was only natural for him to take a step back.
After endless minutes of self reflection, you couldnât remember what you actually looked like anymore. Your body changing size and shape every time you looked in the mirror.
Something had to change, and breakfast could wait until you fixed all of this. So you did what you knew.
Not even two seconds later you were already ready for whatever you needed to do. Still in your pajamas, you started with squats, that would do it. It increased muscle and burned fat just where you wanted. Followed by leg raises, the same goal in your head. Looking ahead, your heart beating faster the more you exercised.
You needed to do something for your waist, your body laying down on your bedroom floor and pulling sit ups until your tummy ached, and your back hurt a little.
To come full circle, and before some cardio, you tried push ups. Your stubborn conviction making you completa whole full body routine in your pajamas.
You got finished an hour later, sweating profusely at your effort on each exercise, and meeting your sweaty temples on the mirror with a smile. You did it.
After your shower, you walked to the kitchen, a smile at your long awaited moment to eat breakfast. Your eyes ran through the kitchen, getting your coffee for you before your mind thought about what to have for breakfast. But you stopped abruptly. If you ate breakfast, you would undo everything you did today.
Yeah, you should cut back a little before lunch. You decided the coffee would be good for the rest of the morning, coming out the balcony and getting your sun energy for the day.
Your lunch was something lighter than what you would have chosen. A salad with some cheese and tomatoe and chicken breast. You didn't cut back on spices, you weren't that bad. You knew spices didn't carry any calories. And you enjoyed your meal on the sofa, watching some tv.
But then afternoon came, and your brain panicked when you felt your tummy with your hands. You should burn your lunch too, didn't you? If not, everything you ate didn't get burnt, at all. Fuck.
You got back up again, your feet walking to your bedroom and closing the door behind you. Jungkook wasn't home but, if he saw you on the living room exercising, you could wish to disappear right there. So you resorted to your room for all of the work out sessions you had.
He didn't saw you that day when he came back, and didn't see you again the day after.
He was growing worried about you, so utterly worried. He didn't even know what to do. He wanted to knock on your door, but what if you were sleeping? He didn't want to disturb you. What if you were still mad? He wanted to give you space. So every time he walked to your door, a contradicting thought resumed in him taking a step back.
it hit you deeply at night. When you were alone, when you could only hear whatever dinner Jungkook prepared. When he knocked at nights, wanting for you to get out and have dinner, you didn't respond. You were still a bit hurt at what happened between the two of you. The thought of getting out and facing his eyes, not looking you like they once did, crashing your soul.
And you actually killed two birds with one stone, missing dinner, so when you woke up you could see all the progress you made.
You payed close attention to what changes you made. You could see your jaw more defined, your cheeks a bit least chubby. You felt lighter than ever, your thighs felt lighter, your waist a bit more defined. You were actually happy when you saw all of it. You could actually do it.
Your eyes moved again through you, just to make sure that you were doing it right. But your eyes stopped at your arms, the meat from your shoulders to your forearms a bit bigger. A frown appearing in your face at your realization. Your waist now bloated, it still wasn't enough, you thought.
Your hips kept growing just in front of you eyes, your thighs were now even closer weren't they? They looked bigger. You turned on your side profile, checking the size with your hand, blinking rapidly. You turned again, and again, and again. Squeezing, watching, feeling.
The light on the bathroom now attacking you, the bright light above you too bright, the temperature within you rising every passing moment. Your fingers felt tingly, your palms sweaty.
You felt like you were going crazy, your hand reaching the wall and turning the light off in an instant, making you stand in faded darkness in front of the mirror. You walked out the bathroom, your ass meeting the bed in an instant, your chest going up and down rapidly.
You stared blindly at a spot in the wall, trying to regain the normal rhythm of your heart as fast as you could before it actually got worst.
You couldn't believe the sensory overload that got through you just by looking at the mirror. You felt like you went absolutely crazy. Two days had passed with your diet and workouts in mind and you were already losing your shit.
Your hand came to your forehead, your eyes closing for a second before you let a big breath go.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
You kept replaying on your head like a mantra. You probably needed some sugar in your system, just a little bit of something sweet. You stuck to really low calorie meals, so that was probably it.
You got your feet to the kitchen, looking for something sweet to eat that wasn't too caloric either. Just something to let your body know you weren't treating like shit â even if you kind of were.
You got your eyes in some strawberries, taking the tray out, feeling your stomach roar intensely at the mere thought of taking a bite of them.
You washed them rapidly, your hand searching for one of them to pop in your mouth. You almost moaned at the sweetness of the fruit, your eyes closing at the taste you didn't even recognize you were missing.
With a low hum, you ate the second one, slowly at that. You were hungry, but you knew you had to have at least a bit of control. You were at your fourth strawberry when you heard a door open. Your eyes doubled in size, hurriedly covering the tray of berries, the thin plastic making noise at which Jungkook turned.
You did too, watching his frame in the corridor, approaching you while you still chewed at the last bite.
"Hey" he smiled softly at you. He thanked the gods for his sharp ears, taking notice of your presence on the kitchen.
You chewed slowly still looking at him, deeply embarrassed for him to see you devour fruit in front of him.
But he didn't even seem to notice, his slow steps slowing even more when he got closer. He was thankful you got yourself seen, happy that he could see you. You spent two days ghosting him, so he wanted to do this right.
You swallowed, waiting for something to come from him. Anything that saved you from the embarrassment.
"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" His voice came soft, careful with his words while his eyes raked on you.
You looked a bit different, he noticed, or maybe it was that he wasn't used to let you out of his sight for two days straight.
His eyes went through your hair, your eyes without glasses that made him melt a little, paired with your soft cheeks, reddening by the second. He wanted to appreciate you before you went back at hiding again.
He wanted to give you space, and time for you to process things. After you told him everything about your childhood, he understood a bit better how you handled with things.
He frowned a bit at the shake of your head, your body turning to put the strawberries back in the fridge.
"I already ate something" you nodded slowly, turning and facing him again. Fuck, he looked so soft in this light. The oversized shirt he wore and the way he styled his hair today really suited him, making him look like a normal guy rather than a serious mafia killer.
"You sure? It's nothing, I can make something quick"
"No, really, I'm full" you giggled awkwardly, his insisting words making your words come out a bit harder.
"No, please, let me make something, toast or-"
"Pancakes, or waffles maybe? I don't know how-"
"Jungkook" your voice came louder than normal, his name coming harder than ever from you. At that he stopped, turning to you and leaving the pan he took out on the counter.
"I-I said I'm good" you mumbled lower now, embarrassed at your lost of temper at something so small, so dumb. Looking at your feet, cursing at yourself for letting this unsuspecting anger come from you.
He stared at you for a couple of seconds, not quite believing your words. You never talked to him like that, even if he deserved it more than once. But not with something so light, right?
He questioned if there was something more. If he actually overstepped something he missed. But he couldn't quite put his fingers on it. He just searched and searched in his brain, but never coming to a conclusion.
Did you find out something you shouldn't have? Noticed something on your phone or looking through the window he missed? Were you that tense because you didn't feel safe?
His mind went overdrive at the subject, thinking of all the ways he could have underestimated something that worried you to no end.
Maybe you were mad he wasn't insistent? That he didn't pressure you to talk about anything? Maybe you needed to talk, to speak about something with him that ran your mind. To let out your frustrations. He would take anything right.
"Y/N" his voice came low, his eyes searching for yours that were still fixed on the ground. You didn't even raise your head at your name.
"I need you to talk to me. Has something happened?" He began, his face now scrunching up to a worried one, his steps slowly coming at you, careful to not make you get out of here whenever you had a chance.
"Is something bothering you? I don't really know what to think, but please just talk to me" he laid his words to you. But you weren't convinced.
He seriously didn't know what was bothering you? Was that a joke? Maybe you were bothered by his hot and cold attitude. By his own hands separating you from him at such an intimate moment. To not give you a solid answer when you asked that night.
When you finally raised your eyes to look at him, he knew, instantly. That you were still worried about that night, and how that would affect the two of you.
"Y/N, can we just talk about it?" His pleading eyes made contact with yours. Your own were vulnerable too, in desperate search of a solid reason that would make you get out of the spiral you created for your own.
"I need you to believe me when I say it's not your fault, okay? It has nothing to do with you, I swear" you just stared at him, waiting for his next words, for the golden reason.
"It's just, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it. I'm sorry, I just-" you nodded at him, what a surprise. He didn't want to talk about it. What you were expected to do? Just drop it? It was obvious that it was about you. The secret reason he had to actually get you out of his reach, one you couldn't know. It was ridiculous.
"I need some time" you raised your brow at that, an unbelieving smile out of you. It seems the only person that was honest that afternoon was you, because he still held onto something. He wanted to talk to get things out of the way, but it seemed like he didn't even began to be honest with you.
"Sure" you whispered, a little sad smile on your lips at the realization. Just as you thought, being vulnerable with him would lead you nowhere.
He still looked at you with the same face, his eyes following you walking to your room again, escaping his grip when he just got a hold of you after two days.
His jaw locking in place, his hands running through his hair again. Damning himself for his such poor way with words, and wanting to just punch himself for being the reason of your sad eyes looking at him, desperately.
He still couldn't figure out what was going on with you. Of course he knew you were taken aback for what happened with him that night. He was such an asshole for taking you off him with such short tact.
But he couldn't handle it. He needed a secure confirmation, something from you that would make him, miraculously, think that what was going on wasn't a direct product of your entrapment here.
You even called it kidnapping, when you talked that day. That only made it truer for him that you weren't actually choosing this for him, but because of the situation.
He felt you were only letting this happen, not because you only wanted it superficially, but because it was somehow imposed upon you.
And he couldn't handle it.
Should he knock on your door now? Be more inquisitive, or be more careful? Give you space, or demand for you to open up to him?
Nothing sounded good in his brain. Everything derranged, losing meaning. So he chose to give it time. Closing himself off too in his office. Trying to get lost in contracts, information and other documents he needed to sort of for the day.
It was safer than trying to come to terms with what he had going on in his mind.
Hours passed while he was still going through papers, making calls and supervising all the economy withing the group.
He only stopped when he saw the sun falling down, the orange shade of the light on his desk. He looked through the window, noticing how much time he spent avoiding his hefty thoughts.
A knock on his door made him turn suddenly, his attention on the inanimate object. He could imagine you on the other side. Would you want to talk now? Tell him everything you wanted to say, even if you screamed at him. Or maybe confide in him again. He didn't know.
He just got up, opening up the door with a hope of your face behind it. Awaiting some moments with you, maybe even share a drink while looking at the sunset.
"Hey, everything okay?" His breath came out ragged, but he didn't mind. He only saw you, your face still a bit saddened while you just nodded.
"Should we make dinner? I know a recipe for some chicken and noodles" he kept going, insisting without noticing in sharing a moment with you. But you just stared at him, your eyes looking up at him with a doubtful expression.
"C-can I call Yuna?" Those words made him freeze. You didn't come here to talk to him, you were here to ask for persmission to talk to a friend, as if this was a prison. His eyes stayed on yours, watching you while his mind thought about his useless hope, and the way this was getting way out of hand.
Would you confide in here everything you have left unsaid here? If calling Yuna could at least take some of your pain away, he would do it in a heartbeat. So he just nodded, turning to take his phone from his desk, and giving it to you already unlocked.
You just mumbled a small 'thanks', and made your way out the balcony. He just watched you from behind. It seemed like the balcony was your favorite place in this apartment.
"Yuna?" You hugged your knees, the vast sky in front of you.
"Hey baby, how's everything going?" You could hear her jolly voice, her happiness hearing from you noticeable even through the phone.
"Well" you sighed "a bit weird"
"Tell me everything baby" her words didn't carry a sigh, or a reluctant tone, just wanted to hear what was on your mind.
You sometimes felt like she was the only one who knew you that much for her to be able to understand you in a second. Sometimes you felt a bit like a burden. She took care of you like a sister when you started living with her. But when you tried to tell her, she always shrugged it off. She understood what you had to go through, and was more than happy to help you with anything.
"I justâŚ" your words seemed to never come out. "I've been spiraling a bit"
You let some seconds in between her question and your answer, thinking it over.
"About me" you finally said. "I don't know how but, I just noticed it. I had some sort of anxiety attack this morning. I just" you sighed again. "It's just my reflection" you mumbled at last, hearing a bit of silence on her end at your words.
"Mhm, I get it" her words weren't cold, she was just analyzing.
"It's just, I spend so much time watching every inch in the mirror and I just, I lost control. And I don't really know how to handle it." Your honest words reached Yuna, that nodded slowly at everything you said.
This wasn't your first rodeo with this issue, and you knew what you must do, but you just needed a friend.
"Mhmm, do you know what caused all of this?" Your mind went back to that night, to Jungkook shoving you away, to his eyes looking at you, pleading for your understanding. But your mind was quicker to make assumptions.
"Jungkook and I, we've been kind of closer. And one night, everything was going good but, he suddenly pulled back, like he shoved me back. Every time something feels like it's going somewhere, it doesn't get anywhere" you sincered yourself at her.
"He actually shoved you?"
"Well, kind of, I mean I was too focused and I don't know. And I think it's because of me, that's why I think everything started" you played with the soft material of the blanket on top of you.
"Oh baby, I understand" "did he say anything to you?"
"He just said it wasn't me, over and over, but it's not like he gave me another reason so I just, I thought about me and my insecurities and I-"
"Okay, baby relax. It's okay" she smiled lightly on the other end. "I get where you are coming from, and I understand you. You remember what we talked about? Only one glance, no scanning over, no negative thoughts about food, food is neutral, remember?" Her tone was so warm, that you didn't even feel scolded, just a distant reminder of what once you shared with her.
"I know, you're right" you nodded slowly, closing your eyes for a second .
"It's not forever, and I understand why you may feel that way. But let me ask you a question" you frown, nodding, blurting a 'yes' for her to hear.
"Was he hard?" Your eyes opened bigger, you couldn't believe what you were hearing.
"Listen, if he was hard, then it probably is his problem" you frowned, lost in the conversation.
"Let me explain, if he was aroused but suddenly pulled back at the last moment, he may too be facing some worries. Insecurities, past memories, anything like that" you heard her point, and recognized she actually had one.
"I mean, I get that but, the other day we actually talked about our past, and things that may disturb living together. And I don't know, I laid myself bare and, I was vulnerable. And I get the feeling he didn't totally" you explained your worries, watching the sun hide behind the buildings.
"There's some wounds that are too open to tell, Y/N. Remember when you came home? A year passed before you were able to tell us the truth" she reminded you.
"Trauma doesn't have an age, baby. Some wounds heal, and some others stay opened for god knows how long." Her words left you a bit speechless. She was actually right. Maybe you were too busy thinking about your own issues that you couldn't understand his resistance at certain points.
"Yeah, youre right" you nodded, your eyes closing for a bit again.
"Give him some time, and when the moments right, a chance to tell you if he's ready. We all keep secrets" you bit your lip at that. "I'm sure you didn't tell him the day you left" your breath faltered for a second, her words too true.
"Yeah" you chuckled lightly, getting all the air that was stuck in your lungs to run freely.
"See! I know you as if I delivered you" you laugh freely at that, imagining her face on your mind.
"The most precious thing you can gift is time, honey" you sighed, nodding once again are her wise words. You were thankful for her wise thoughts, and psychology degree.
"I'll light up a candle for you and him to finally get it going on" you cackled at that, covering your mouth with your hands with a dumbfound expression.
"What? He's hot now, not like the one I met in school. I bet he's huge-"
"Yuna, please" you shook your head, the two of you exploding in a fit of laughter at the ridiculous teenager conversation you were having.
"I have to go baby, please take care and remember what I told you"
"I will, thank you Yuna" you said honestly, your voice softer.
"I'll always be here, love you" you could hear her smile through the phone.
"Love you too" you sang, hanging up with a smile on your face. Your eyes coming back up to appreciate the now darker sky in front of you, waiting for your blush to come down a bit before getting in.
For your surprise, Jungkook was already there when you entered. He feigned innocence and business, but he was just wary of how you came back in from your call, and if you would say anything to him.
You walked slowly to the kitchen, sitting on a stool before your eyes moved through the counter.
"Is that dinner?" You asked softly, your attempt to come back to normal one you hoped Jungkook would accept.
And even if he just stayed unmoving for a second, not believing the easy talk with you, he rushed to give you a response.
"Yeah, um" he cleared his voice "some veggies and noodles" you nodded, your arms crossed on top of the counter, your chin going down and resting there, watching his movements.
You just stayed there, watching him as he cooked. Your eyes going from the swift movements of his hands, to the tattoos in his arms you cold see. You were curious about them, a full sleeve of thousands of concepts decorated his skin.
You wanted to know each detail. What was so important about each all of those things for him to tattoo his skin forever. To look at them everyday and remember everything he chose to draw there.
"You're burning it" you voice made him frown, turning to you.
"I can smell it from here" a little smile danced on your lips, his own nose inhaling to check if it was true.
He only turned to the pan again, choosing to take it out of the pan already without saying anything. You only chuckled at that, and sat properly when he came back with two plates.
Your eyes widened at the quantity of your plate, looking at him and seeing the same amount. You gulped, eyes locked on the big quantity of food on your plate.
It was too much food, and it was night already. It was bad too eat that much before going to bed, you wouldn't be able to digest it. You would feel too bloated, too full. You couldn't eat all of this, you could already imagine how you would look in front of that mirror.
"Is it that bad?" He asked, his worried eyes coming from the plate to your eyes.
"What?" You asked, confused. Was he talking aboutâŚabout your little problem?
"The food, is it that bad? You've been staring at it for a while" you let out the breath you held at his words, a fast shake of your head at him.
"No, no. It looks delicious" you chuckled softly, his own face turning relaxed, breaking in a smile too genuine for your own good.
He just dived in, no doubts in his intake. Meanwhile you thought about every little thing in it. No, you shouldn't do this.
Food isn't good nor bad, it's neutral. Just eat until you're satiated, come on.
Your little mantra allowed you to get through a half of your plate. Even if it was healthy, the noodles were filling you up pretty quickly, so you did as you thought, eating until you were satisfied. Nothing more.
You finished off with still half of your plate, and when you turned, he of course ate it clean until the plate was almost clean.
You only laughed lightly and shook your head. You were still impressed about his appetite, issues aside. But you couldn't blame him, those stupidly hot abs had to get some fuel in them.
You rose up, ready to clean the kitchen, but his voice stopped you.
"Let me do it" he said quickly, rising from his stool and taking the plate from your hand.
"But you cooked" you mumbled, surprised at his action.
"It's okay. Look for something to watch" he said simply, your brows raised at his proposal. He said it so confidently, even if the wires in your brain were surprised he even wanted to watch something after disappearing two days in his own apartment.
"Sure" you affirmed, walking to the couch and looking for something interesting to watch for tonight.
When he sat beside you, the two of you were on two different ends of the sofa. It only made sense the two of you took it slow after the mess that unfolded.
Either way, you two settled for an episode of a series, and even if the distance between you two was bigger than usual, the commentary between the two of you about the characters and plot left you two with a smile on your faces, before bidding good night. And ending up in different rooms.
You woke up late, once again. The sun already up when you rose. Your mind couldn't stop working, again. Leaving you to fall asleep at almost two in the morning.
You walked slowly to your bed after brushing your teeth, your eyes falling on the small bunny pushie that was waiting for you always on top of your bed.
"Don't look at me like that. At least today I didn't spend half an hour in front of the mirror" you murmured. You could feel her judgy eyes, unmoving looking at you.
Loneliness was taking a toll on you lately.
You sighed, shaking your head and brushing your hair out of the way. When you walked to the kitchen, Jungkook was already there. Drinking the remains of his coffee and putting his jacket on, he looked in a hurry.
"Good morning" he smiled at you, walking to the front door to get his shoes on and fast as he could.
"Are you late or something?" You pouted unknowingly, his eyes moving to your lips in a second. He couldn't avoid it. You looked incredibly cute and cozy in the mornings.
"Yeah, I'll probably out all day today" his voice came out rough, crouching and standing in a second while trying to get his shoes on right.
Your pout moved sideways, a little nod coming from you, still a bit too sleepy to do much more.
He looked everywhere when he didn't find the keys on his pocket, looking around the living room, the kitchen. Foot moving from here to there.
You just searched with him, going along with it when you turned sideways, the keys sitting just behind you in the counter.
"Is this what you're looking for?" You smiled slowly, they were just behind you.
"Yeah" his breathy response made you chuckle, stretching your arm out to give them to him. He approached rapidly to you, taking the keys and, without any hesitation, engulfed you in a sudden hug.
You couldn't even respond, when you moved your arms to him he was already separating from you, his smile bigger now.
"See you later" he confidently said, running to the door and getting out of there in a second, leaving you confused, even if the little smile you wore didn't falter.
You bit your lip slowly, shaking your head rapidly at his sudden hug. You were thankful about how everything unfolded. You two didn't talk about it though, but at least one thing was clear, that you understood he needed time. And he understood you were giving it to him.
So it was just a matter of time for things to return to normal, even if your normal was a bit messy.
You made some breakfast for yourself, toasts as always. Even if you ate it all, your brain didn't stop for one second to let you enjoy it fully. Thinking about how your hands looked, how the bread had too many carbohydrates, or the calories in the butter. And even if they ended up hurting your stomach a bit, you tried with all your might to ignore those thoughts your brain conjured up for you.
Coffee still in hand, your eyes lingered in the apartment. You spent so much time here you didn't even remember how routine was back home. You missed Yuna immensely, and the remembrance of your past made an uneasy feeling place itself on your chest. You tried not to remember those days and feelings, but lately it's been a bit harder than usual.
You supposed it was because of your conversation with Jungkook. But you were putting your focus where you shouldn't. The two of you kissed, made out, dry humped in the middle of nowhere! A giggle echoed through the empty room at your memories.
He really knew how to kiss, how to guide you in every step. You supposed it was exactly because of that that sometimes you went a bit too crazy. But you couldn't help it, he set the tone just perfectly, and you've never felt so desired in a long time.
You could still feel his hands on you, his hard arms engulfing you, his soft lips ruining yours with a smile on. He moved like a god. And even if things were weird now, you at least had to be thankful for the universe to let you have a piece of him.
You moved through your morning as always, saved for the time you spent on the balcony. Today was a gloomy day, big grey clouds settling on the sky waiting to downpour for a bit today. So you decided to plan your day around it.
You practiced a bit of yoga in the living room, way more relaxed and not that humiliating to find in the case Jungkook came back.
You found peace in your little yoga set, at least when you did it you could focus on your poses and breathing, nothing more. And the sound of little rain drops added even more to the atmosphere.
You missed Bam. Jungkook had taken it back to his parents the day before. Even if he was a big dog, he was a funny one, and adorably so. You missed your little watch parties with him, while you watched the tv focusing entirely, and he just stayed chewing on something. A great dynamic between the two of you, you could say.
The apartment became a bit too quiet without Bamie, you couldn't hear his random barks or his long nails against the floor. But you knew he was in much better hands now, returning with his family, so you tried to shake the thought off.
When you finished your little workout, you took your time cleaning the kitchen and folding the clean laundry. There was only your clothes there, so it was fast.
The rest of the day was spent with your normal activities, listening to some music, reading some chapters of your book, and cooking something for lunch.
The hours passed quickly though, the rain making you feel extremely cozy and contempt, so you enjoyed it thoroughly. Just when you stood up to fill your mind with something again, you heard the bell ring.
You stood there, a bit frozen, your head turning to the wall. You actually didnt want to open it, not really wanting too much interaction with anyone. So you waited for a bit, hoping they would just put the package in your doorstep. But the bell rang again, so you sighed softly and walked to the door.
You opened it slowly, a few inches for you to see who it was without opening the door completely, and who you saw behind the door made you freeze for a second.
"Hey Y/N" he smiled softly, his head a bit titled when he saw you through the gap. He carried a small bouquet of flowers, and he looked like if the rain drops found him earlier.
"W-what are you doing here?" You murmured, your eyes fixed on the bouquet, and later to him. You couldn't believe he was here.
"I-" he sighed softly, his eyes blinking rapidly. "I came to apologize" his voice sounded roughed up, like he was embarrassed to say it. You could only stare at him for the time being.
"I know I treated you badly, and I shouldn't have. I behaved like an asshole and you don't deserve it one bit" you frowned at his words, not quite understanding where this was coming from.
"I just lost control. I'm very hesitant with unknown people and, I just let my issues get in the way with you." Your eyes went softer at the sudden breaking of his voice. He was nervous, you could tell, and cold too. So when he raised his eyes, you couldn't only invite him inside.
"Come in" you whispered, letting him pass in and closing the door behind him.
"I brought you flowers, apology ones" he cracked a little smile, his big eyes fixed on you the whole time.
"They're nice" you nodded, chuckling softly at his words. You couldn't understand this fully. He was one of the most rude and disrespectful people you have ever met, and he really made your stay with the group a living hell. But he was relaxed now, his words genuine, and a small defeated expression on him.
"Look, I know what I did was wrong. And it's my fault. I just wanted to apologize. After that day I couldn't really recognize myself" you gulped at that, you knew that feeling very well.
"It's just, I know how it feels to be an outsider, to not belong" you frowned slowly, sitting beside him on the stool where he talked. "And sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere in the world" his words came lower, sadder, and you couldn't avoid the empathy from you, you could see yourself through him.
"It feels like that sometimes" you whispered, your head tilted, looking at him and understanding his words fully.
"And I just became scared, they're all I have and, I behaved like a mad dog" the chuckle he let out at the end of his words made you laugh lightly, shaking your head.
"It's rough Taehyung, and I'm thankful for your visit. It takes strength to apologize. So no need to be embarrassed, I get it." you couldn't help it. You saw yourself in him, your struggles, your fears and the unsure belonging in the world.
You couldn't avoid his apology, you heard his sincere words, his gentle eyes. And you figured he could use forgiveness, and a little company. At the end of the day, he was Jungkook's friend, and it wouldn't hurt nobody to make the relationship between the two of you a bit better.
You offered him some coffee, preparing a new batch of the hot drink for the two of you while he walked to the bathroom, not after asking for permission. One which you of course gave him.
"I hope I don't inconvenience coming here now" you heard him before you saw him, preparing two hot mugs of coffee for the two of you. You tuned, shaking your head and placing the coffee on the counter.
"No, not at all" you smiled lightly "I was just watching something" you shrugged, at which he nodded, taking a sip of his beverage.
"Where's Jungkook?" He asked, surprising you. Shouldn't he know where he is? You supposed he was with them.
"You don't know?" He shook his head.
"No, I was surprised to see you alone here" he chuckled lightly, making you frown a bit more.
"He must be running some errands" you shrugged, sitting beside him and taking a sip.
"Is your hand healed?" He asked, you just looked at him, confused. You looked at your hand, you could still see a bit of the blue patch on your knuckles. You laughed, shaking your head.
"Is your nose okay?" He smiled at that, nodding.
"You have a strong punch in you, didn't see it coming" he laughed, recalling the night you punched his nose.
"Sorry for that, I panicked" the two of you laughed at the situation, now forgiven and in the past.
"I deserved it, really" you shook your head.
"Kind of but, we were both wrong" you shrugged, that seemed to calm him a bit more.
"I just got into fight or flight mode, you know?" His words made you feel that night again, recalling your fight or flight mode too.
"Yeah, me too" you frowned while nodding. You didn't expect his perspective, it was like he went through the same panic mode than you.
"It's no excuse, but when something takes me back to my past I just- kinda loose it" he played with his mug, a real pained expression in his face. You could really see yourself in him.
"We both share the same flaw" you gifted him a kind smile, one you tried to give him to show that you knew exactly what he went through.
"Really?" He raised his eyebrows, one look of relief at someone that could understand him so much.
"Of course" you laughed "it's only natural in that kind of intimidating setting" you explained slowly, your eyes going to different points of the kitchen while you talked. Your mind going back again, for the hundredth time, to everything that shaped you in who you are now.
And he could see it, so he tried to deviate the conversation to a lighter point.
"How are things going with Jungkook?" He asked, his tone now easier.
"They're good, he's nice" you nodded, you didn't want to explain all of your issues to someone who was your one and only enemy just an hour ago.
"Yeah, he is" you could see he remembered something in his mind, a memory that he didn't share.
"I heard you have a dinner tomorrow right?"
"Oh, not tomorrow, the day after that. But yeah, with Italians he told me" you continued, sipping on your cofre while he listened.
"Are you nervous?" His charming smile made you laugh lightly, an easy warming sensation he gave you just with a look.
"A bit" you admitted. "But I'm sure it'll be alright" you felt the anticipating anxiety for the dinner arriving at your tummy in seconds. You still haven't talked about it with Jungkook, your backstory. And still had to do your nails and all that stuff. So you were a bit nervous for the night.
"Yeah, it's nothing major. Just some chatting with people, a nice pasta dinner and some wine. That's how they typically go"
"You went to one of those?" That peeked your interest, resting your cheek on your hand, ready to listen to him for some additional information.
"Yeah I did. They're like a hundred people. All in one family, can you imagine?" You raised your eyebrows, following his laughter with one of yours.
"But that's good, being that many people, not too many eyes on you, you know?" You nodded "just take it easy, treat it normally, and everything will go smoothly" he assured you. You treasured these words, he was giving you valuable info that Jungkook didn't share with you. So you warmed up a bit more to him at that.
"Do you have a dress?" His question made you frown a bit, your anxiety a bit bigger.
"Well, Jungkook told me a friend of mine has one but, it would be better if I tried on a bunch, right?" You looked at him for some kind of understanding at your lack of dress.
"Of course, yeah. That's why I wanted to talk about it. I-" he cut his speech short, making you hum and raise your brow.
"You may think it's ridiculous but, I have some dresses from my sister and, well, I just wanted to help you find one you like" he explained slowly, his eyes moving everywhere before they landed on you. Your whole face lighted up, raising your eyebrows, mouth a bit opened.
"Really? That would help me a lot, yeah" you nodded rapidly. His face relaxing at your compliance.
"Thank god, I thought I would come across as a weirdo"
"No! God, not at all" you laughed, and followed him when he got up.
"They're all in here, you can look through them and see which one you like." He approached a little box that was behind him, crouching and showing you the fine fabrics in there.
"Wow" you whispered, shifting through them slowly, too entranced at the beautiful dresses to see him checking his phone just beside you.
"And I can try them on?" You asked, hopeful for an affirmation from him. When he said a light 'sure' you smiled triumphantly, getting up in a second.
"I'll put on some shoes and try them on, one sec!" You laughed, running to your bedroom and searching for a bit of fancier shoes for you to wear on this impromptu try on.
"Okay" he laughed, waiting for you at the living room, taking out the dresses and putting them on the sofa.
"They're so, so pretty" you commented when you came back, your eyes couldn't leave those dresses even for a second.
"This one's cool, try it on. I'll be in the corridor" you nodded rapidly, waiting for his shadow to pass the threshold of the corridor and putting the one he told you.
It was soft, and long. You could feel it fit you fairly well, your hands coming through the sleeves smoothly while you fixed the skirt, a beautiful pink tone that you fell in love in an instant.
"What do you think?" You said, a signal for him to come back in the living room. He came back in, his eyes racked all over your body, scanning the dress with a little smile.
"It's really beautiful, the waist is really pretty" you nodded at that, feeling that place with the palm of your hands.
"I would keep it as an option, try this one, the light blue" you nodded, taking it from his hands and scanning the dress. It was light blue, a sort of silky fabric that fell flawlessly. It had no sleeves, just two beautiful pieces of fabric that crossed in your chest, and turning again at your waist to fall at your feet.
And when you put it on, you actually felt incredible. It hugged you perfectly, your hands playing with the fabric softly, and dearing to look up at your reflection on the TV. Even if it was a little blurry, it was good for you.
You were kind of afraid of looking at yourself in the reflection. Too worried about your judgment and insecurities. But what looked at you in your reflection made you smile. You lookedâŚpretty in this one. You couldn't believe it. A little laugh coming from you.
It wasn't like your worries disappeared but, when you looked at yourself, you could see the confident Y/N, the one you hold so dearly to you. And not the one who has been giving you hell all these past days.
You sighed dreamily, turning. The skirt flowed seamlessly around you. The soft fabric moving slowly, like in a movie. You couldnt even begin to describe how it made you feel
You were ready to call on Taehyung to come check it out. But the noise at your left made you aware that someone was entering the apartment. You smiled, eager to show him the beautiful dress.
You waited for him to turn and look at you. Would he like it? You hoped so. Maybe he even complimented you, you could already imagine his happy face and smile talking sweet to you. Maybe an appreciative peck on your cheek at the sight of you on such beautiful dress.
When you snapped back from your fantasy and finally looked at him, you saw his confused face, at which you giggled.
"Do you like it?" You asked, a shy smile on your face, your cheeks heating up by the second, a bit nervous about what he would say. but your question remained unanswered.
He just stood there, looking at you without moving.
You turned a little on your stance, trying to show him the dress. But once you were ready to speak, he cut you off.
"What are you doing?" His cut voice took you aback, you were a bit confused about his question. Wasn't it obvious? But you tried to save the situation.
"I was just trying on some dresses, for the dinner, Ta-" his eyes didn't stop on you. Now analyzing all the dresses sprawled on the living room, inside that box, and on you. He was irritated, upset about your actions.
"What do you think you're doing?" His voice came sharper than ever, you could feel his eyes. Looking at you, unmoving, with a kind of dark hatred on him you haven't seen until now.
"I-i" you couldn't say anything. Your voice cut off to blabbering. He looked at you like he hated you, and you couldn't understand anything. You felt his tenseness, his mad expression, the furious aura he carried that was threatening to explode.
"Do you listen when i talk to you? Does anything that i say not matter to you?!" You gulped at his long strides towards you, his tall frame making you look up at him, and taking a few steps back instinctively.
You tried to respond, you were really, really confused. You didn't understand anything. The only thing you understood clearly is that whatever you were doing was making him look at you with so much resentment that you could feel your heart beating in your ears
"All of this! i told you not to touch it" his voice was unbelievably deep and shaken up. His hands took hold of the dresses on the sofa, bunching them up in one go and throwing them in the same sofa.
"I don't wanna hear it!" He turned sharply at you. His chest was heaving up and down, his nostrils fluttering at you. And his eyes. You couldn't take it. He looked at you with so much betrayal, even grief, you wanted to disappear, your waterline moist.
You could feel your breath accelarating, more than ever before. Your chest going up and down abruptly, your heart couldn't stop hammering into your chest. You felt your hands tingling on each side of you, eager to explain yourself, to defend yourself, but he didn't let you.
"You took all of this! I told you once Y/N!" You shivered at his tone, looking down at his toned. He was too imposing. You felt cornered, threatened, embarrassed. You couldn't handle it. You felt dirty, oh so dirty. His words were like bullets through your chest, his eyes a dagger that cut you like a knife over and over.
"And you still did it! Dont you fucking listen?!" You didnt know when you stopped and he began.
You didn't understand anything that happened, only thing you saw was red, and black, and white merging into one another on your vision. You felt your arms tingle, your feet too heavy. You could only see him, and nothing at the same time.
His flinging arms in the air, his rude voice and too threatening pose made you act on instinct. Your arms coming up on you, your head flinching to the side and closing your eyes. Your arms crossed above you, your body dodging whatever was coming.
"Don't you fucking listen? This is all your fault!" You sobbed uncontrollably, your hands coming up above you to try and make yourself safe.
You could feel his sore hands on you, his whole body on top of you like a monster. You could only feel that about him. You felt his words spitting into you, his whole body caging you in a hurry. His smell, his hands gripping your arms with such force you felt like you were going to break.
"You're just useless here! Understand?" He shouted at you, only heightening your sobs.
"Dad stop!" You tried to say in between your tears, you were scared, too scared to move, and too scared to stay unmoving.
"You only care about yourself!" His voice rose even higher, his crude words making way into the crowd of limbs between the two of you. "You're just a filthy slut, doing whatever you fucking please instead of being of use!" His hand moved from your arm to your neck, his big hands taking hold of you as if you were about to disappear. He just kept tightening his hold.
"I'm going to call the police!" You heard a voice from the distance, your body locking up in place. If they called the police, what awaited you was much worse than this.
"You're fucking useless!" He didn't stop shouting, fighting with your limbs when you tried to get out of there. You tried to gather up all of your strength, you couldn't keep handling this. His words too sharp, his hands too tight.
"Stop!" You pleaded, but the raise of your voice gained a big slap to your face, making you turn your head at the sheer force of it. You couldn't stop sobbing, screaming, kicking and crying.
"Don't you dare call me that" his voice went a hundred tones deeper at that, his eyes now darker, your eyes watching his face change in a second, a lock of his jaw that made every hair on you stand to what was to come.
"Please" you whispered, his hand didn't stop tightening its hold on your neck. You tried to breathe, to let any air come to you, but it didn't come. You waited hopelessly for it, like you waited for things to change, to get easier. But they never came. They just withered away in between your fingers, even if you tried your best to keep holding on.
He stopped completely, his eyes fixed on you. Your short form shielding him from you. Your clenched fists above your head, flinching away from him. He became petrified, his mouth slightly opened at what he had in front of you.
He saw you, trembling, your tight closed eyes waiting for something to strike, to explode. And he felt everything wash away from him. His anger dissipating into something he didn't saw coming, shame.
He felt as if his heart stopped right there, along with his body. He could only see you right now. And he hated it. Hated how you expected this from him, how you expected him to..hit you?
He couldn't believe what he saw. And he couldn't believe how could this unfold, how could he act towards you that you expected such answer from him. He hated that you guarded yourself, and he hated that that's what you expected. Hated that he turned into something he didn't want to -in a million years-, turn into what you feared the most.
He hated that Youâd done that before. Many times, probably way too many to count. That why Your body hadnât hesitated, too used to this kind of behavior.
You blinked rapidly at the silence, your brain scanning every single corner of the room. Your eyes coming up, noticing the shield you instinctively made with your arms, and slowly brought them down. You were still tense, and panicked, but most of all, you were embarrassed.
You felt yourself shrink inside yourself. Did you really guard yourself? You were sure you looked pathetic, too broken. You didn't want that.
You were ashamed that's what you did, and with Jungkook. He wasn't perfect but he wouldn't do that, you were sure. Your instincts just betrayed you, making you strike a pose you once were too used to make.
"Y/N i-" he couldn't even begin to form a thought. The realization downing on him on what he did, how he acted, and what he inflicted on you.
You still didn't look up. Something he interpreted as fear, something you did out of shame. you shook your head slowly, still looking away. Your feet stepping in the place alternately.
"I think it looks good" a voice made the two of you turn. Jungkook turned his face in an instant, regarding the voice as a threat. As someone who broke in. As someone who wanted to hurt.
And even if that one person dressed itself as Taehyung, all his suspicions were right.
His face hardened in an instant, his fist clenching beside him, ones you noticed. Jungkook couldn't even begin to understand the shitshow Taehyung pulled on you not to only give you these dresses, but to gain your trust at such level that you let him in.
"Don't you?" He raised his eyebrows, his shoulder meeting the wall beside him while he crossed his arms in front of him.
You could only watch all of this unfold. You still didn't understand Jungkook's behavior, but at his response to Taehyung's presence, you could suspect something.
"Get out" you bit your lip, waiting for an answer from Taehyung. But when he looked at you, you frowned slowly, turning to Jungkook. Even if he didn't look at you, he couldnt, those words were directed at you.
You felt your waterline bunch up again, your heart rate coming up once more.
"Y/N, please, get out" now he turned to you, his eyes softer at you, wishing he could make you walk out as soon as possible. Not because he wanted to kick you out, but beacuse he didnt want you to see this. You could feel the anger and boiling blood on him. Not to you, but Taehyung. And you just stared at him for a couple of seconds, nodding slowly at him and looking down, deeply embarrassed about all of this.
Your feet took you to the door, dress still on, and you were clever enough to get a jacket in a second, your hurried steps leading you outside in a blink of an eye. You were too used to running away.
When you got out of the apartment, your body moved on autopilot, your brain too crowded with red blaring alarms and a mix of emotions that were too big for you. Panic and sadness, shame and fear. Everything bottled up on you, leading you somewhere, anywhere. Your heart didn't stop beating like a maniac. Your hands didn't stop tingling for a second.
You just walked, and walked, and walked. Where? You didn't even know. You have never been here. But your actions reflected your brain, you needed to run away. And that's what you did.
Picking speed on your walk you looked for somewhere, anywhere, where you could find yourself in the midst of this odissey. But you walked, and walked some more. Your head turning everywhere, your breath picking up on speed.
The street was dark, quiet, and lonely. You didn't even know where you were going. You didn't even know what awaited you on the next street. But one thing you knew, is that Jungkook was really sure on getting you out of there, and to send your brain in overdrive just with a few words.
Some blaring lights made you turn, two big white lights making you stop dead in the tracks.
You were alone. No one with you. Panicked, and with no chance to scream for help, no one would hear you.
It was the perfect time for them to strike. Your sharp intake of air at the thought made you tremble, your hands gripping the sleeves of your jacket, taking off on the fastest sprint you have ever took.
You couldn't stop, they would find you. They would torture you, even kill you. You couldn't meet that fate, you didn't want to meet that fate.
So you just ran, and ran away, as far as you could. Turning every two strides to see if anyone was following you. But those damn lights were still there.
Now you were sure they were following you. You needed to act fast. You looked around, at your right there were countless of buildings. Every street deserted. At your left, the same damn buildings. All of them were the same, no chance for you to hide anywhere. You were sure you were fucked. You could feel your feet begin to hurt more and more, your legs giving up on you.
And for one last chance, you looked on your left again, taking a sharp turn and sprinting rapidly towards a park. They couldn't get you here, no car would fit here.
You didn't stop running, not even for a second. Not before you saw a big forest area, just shrubbery and tall trees covering a small area. That was your chance.
You fit through the leaves, stepping on branches and dirt until you found a small place where you could hide. In between all of this nature.
They wouldn't look here right? You were too deep for them to find you in plain sight. You just needed to stay here and make sure they didn't find you. You sat there, bunched up, hugging your knees to yourself.
You noticed the hard texture of the floor below you. The little branches and leaves where sticking to your rear, making it extremely uncomfortable after a few minutes passed. But you didn move, your ears picking up to every sound, every light. The singing of the birds, the cold scratching your cheeks, your hair creating a curtain on your eyes.
You stood there unmoving, seconds felt like hours, and hours like minutes. You felt the cold start seeping into you, your figure shaking. You didn't even know if it was because of the cold, or because you were waiting for them to strike. You feared the worst.
What would happen if they found you? If Jungkook had everything so controlled, is because your fate was much worse than anything you could imagine.
Would they kidnap you to a remote setting? Torture you in search of information? Keep you chained in a dirty basement just for they enjoyment. Abuse you and blackmail Jungkook for your safety? That couldn't happen. Not now, not in a million years.
Would he actually fight for you? You were sure he would. But every option seemed available right now. Your mind couldn't think straight, fearing the worst. You could feel it in the headache you wore like a crown, and the shivering that didn't stop once since you came out of his apartment.
You just stayed there, high alert. Your own mind working over time to assure you were safe here.
He waited until he heard the door slam. His eyes never moved from the man in front of him, his jaw locked, and a threatening look in his eyes. He just couldn't contain all the fury building inside of him. He couldn't stand him, and what he did.
Not only did he took all of her remains from him, but gave them to you. He couldn't understand how sick he could be. And most importantly, how he manipulated you. What could have he told you, or even worst, done to you, for you to be so comfortable with his presence in the house.
"What did you do to her?"
It didn't sound like a question, more like a threat. He wanted to rip his head off, punch him so bad no one would recognize him in weeks. But he needed to know how he did all of this, and to what lengths he took it.
"You know, she's really easy to deceive" Jungkook's ears were ringing, he didn't even know how could he handle himself not jumping at him.
Taehyung stepped slowly towards him, a smile on his face.
"I now get how she's so contempt with you"
"Why the fuck are you doing this, Taehyung? Are you that pathetic?" He locked his jaw at the little laugh that came from the other man.
"Why so curious?" He raised an eyebrow.
"I refuse to believe you're that stupid" he admitted, he needed to know what happene, but he was slowly figuring he wouldn't tell him anything.
"You don't deserve her" Taehyung muttered, like he spit out the greatest sin, but Jungkook only looked at him.
"Is that why? Jealousy" he squinted his eyes, confused about his words. He did all of this for some kind of crush on you?
"You're wrong about that" he cracked his neck, his gaze now predatory.
"Just leave her out of this" Jungkook spat with all his might, his heavy eyes setting on the rivaling gaze.
"You know what's funny?" He laughed, enraging Jungkook even more. "This was never about her"
"Then why all of this" Jungkook wanted this conversation to end already, he had more than enough reasons to punch the hell out of him.
"She's just convienent" He swore he saw red when he heard the words he made to describe you. His twisted vision making Jungkook look at him with such hungry eyes he could look like a psycho.
"It was never about her" Taehyung shrugged, he just thought this was a fucking game, didn't he?
Jungkook just stayed silent, letting Taehyung get trapped and spun on his own words. He wanted a villain speech? He would give it to him.
"I just want you to make this better for yourself Jungkook." He frowned at that, his fake concern kicking him out of his axis.
"You will drag her through hell, just like you did with her" every piece on Jungkook's mind clicked together, the memories of a past that should have been long forgotten, being reflected in the present now.
"You don't get to talk abou-"
"You took her away from me, and now I'll do the same" he explained simply, and Jungkook just couldn't take this anymore. This was too much.
"I'll kill you before you have the chance to even touch her, you understand me?" He was now inches away, his own body heaving up and down.
"I love to see you so pent up-" he couldn't finish the phrase. All of Jungkook's worry and anger came out with a heavy punch to Taehyung. And in no time the living room became a stage for a heavy fight.
There were limbs everywhere, kicking, punching, grunting. They went at each other like two beasts, the past weighing too much for any of them to get back.
There was so much on the line, so much open wounds, that the fight didn't seem to stop. One punch on the jaw, another on the nose. Kicking and pressing the other one to the floor. Grabbing of clothes, heavy punches in the face.
It only finished when Jungkook decided to, his hands holding him down by his chest and neck, a heavy wicked smile on him. He never lost.
"I won't kill you for now, just because i think you need serious psychological help" he spat at him, but Taehyung never stopped smiling. Even if his face was bloody, his lip cut, and his hands still battling against Jungkook's grip.
"You're worried about the wrong person" Jungkook's frowned at that, not getting his sudden words, but just decided to leave him there. Standing tall beside him, his hands brushing off the blood dripping in his brow.
He made a quick call, informing Jin about what unfolded now with short words. Leaving the apartment as soon as he hanged up. The door closed behind him, and instantly began searching for you.
He frowned, expecting to see you in the bright and big lobby just at the doorstep of his apartment. He looked on the couches, the small corners, but found you nowhere. He gulped, rushing to the elevator. Maybe you needed some fresh air, he thought. That was what it consoled him on his way down, a ridiculous amount of time it took.
But then the first floor lobby awaited him, and he couldn't see you anywhere. Not a single soul wa at here, no one he could actually ask. He could feel his heart pounding again, his eyes searching from side to side in search of your face, of your head of hair sitting somewhere, but you weren't even there.
He was now really worried, stressed, panicked even. He ran towards the exit, the big door opening to an equally deserted street. He wasn't seeing you anywhere.
"Y/N!" He shouted, waiting for a response from you, for you to somehow magically in front of him.
"Y/N!" He shouted louder, but you weren't here. He couldn't believe this. He didn't stop walking, searching on all the closest streets. But he could only see empty walk paths and white street lights.
He could feel the strong chills running through him, the sheet of sweat starting to form on his forehead. His heart was going to go through his chest. This couldn't be happening.
He took his phone out, noticing his trembling hands while at it, and called Jimin in a second.
"I lost her" were the only words he could muster.
"I fucking lost her" his hand came up to his hair, still looking around in a wish to find you.
Jimin alerted the guys in a second, hopping in his car in a heartbeat. He didn't even know what happened, nor needed to for them to begin searching everywhere. He covered the territory around Jungkook's apartment, along with Namjoon.
Jin was busy with Taehyung, so there was five of them searching for you in different areas.
He shifted in third gear almost instantly, zooming through the city to get there as fast as possible. He could imagine what could have happened if Taehyung was involved. And he suffered for Jungkook about his worry. But you..they needed to find you, quickly. He didn't want to think of what would happen if the rival mob found you, even if it was a possibility.
He just stuck to the thought that you were safe and sound, just utterly lost.
That hope was slowly dissipating when he already made three rounds on the neighborhood. Not a sight of you. He tried to think like you. If you needed to hide, where would you go?
There was almost no place to hide in this fucking neighborhood, all of the apartments were locked, there was no possibility for you to go into one of them. So that only left public places.
He thought harder, his mind going through all the places that were common amongst the penthouse villas. And he saw it before thinking about it, the park.
It wasn't a small one, it was a big one. The center of it was cleared from heavy trees. So that only left one area, one that he couldn't inspect thoroughly in the car, and to his eyes. He parked in a hurry, getting off and taking off in a sprint.
His boots crashing with the heavy leaves and branches on the way, his body taking notice of the cold temperature of the air. He needed to find you quickly before you froze to death.
It was near November, and Korea's temperature weren't ones to joke with. He turned his head incessantly, resorting to his eyes to do the search for him. He didn't want to shout your name. It was a possibility he wasn't the one looking for you, so he didn't want to blow it.
He stopped almost halfway, his hands to his knees while he bent down, trying to regain the breath he didn't even know he was holding. He tried once more, his eyes inspecting around him, quickly but cleverly. He tried to hear from you too. Watching out for some rustling of leaves, or any breathing.
His heart stopped, the moment he saw a big black lump on the floor, between big and heavy shrubbery. He couldn't believe his eyes, stopping dead in his tracks.
He could see you behind the leaves, your curled up body on the floor. Your red eyes and cheeks, your hair covering almost all of your figure. Thank god he found you.
He needed to tell Jungkook, he didn't want to scare you off, make you run even more, or send you into a panic mode you wouldn't be able to handle.
"I found her" he spoke into his phone when he walked back. The perfect distance for you to not escape his eyes, and for you to not hear him.
Jungkook arrived instantly, his heavy breathing and heavy footsteps making Jimin turn.
"Where is she?" He spoke with the last bits of air he had in him.
"Stop" Jimin said calmly, watching the messy and disheveled image of the youngest, his face covered in dry blood.
"I need to find her, move" his rough voice came out in a blurt, Jimin's hand went to his chest, stopping him.
"Look at her" he muttered, Jungkook's eyes moving to you in a second, blinking rapidly at the sight of you. Thank god you were okay.
"She thinks someone's chasing her" he whispered, jaw locking in watching you. You were shivering, unmoving, looking around at every sound.
And Jungkook gulped at that. He was the one who created this. The one that planted that panic in you. And he couldn't take it. You looked so vulnerable, so scared. He fucked up completely.
Jungkookâs foot almost moved on instinct, just one step forward. But Jimin's hand pressed harder against his chest.
âYouâll make her run.â Jungkook went completely silent at that, his eyes looking at you again. He saw you sitting there, your scared eyes going from side to side, scanning, making sure.
You flinched at the sound of leaves shifting above you, curling tighter into yourself. Your head snapping from one side to the other, searching for something that wasnât there.
His stomach dropped. You weren't just hiding there, you were surviving, trying to not make a sudden move that could reveal where you were hiding.
He flinched at that, a big sharp squeeze in his chest that made his mind go numb.
He recalled the words he screamed at you, the none sense he spat at you as if you were the cause of all his problems, when you were merely a pawn for Taehyung's game.
You shouldn't have to put up with this, even less if it left you looking so devastated, feeling so helpless.
"I-i just need to get to her" his voice broke for a second, his eyes not leaving you even for a second.
"You need to stop thinking about you need" he met Jimin's hard expression, and even if what he said was a harsh truth, there was sincerity in his words.
Jungkook only stared, sound silence between the two of them. He couldn't muster a response, trying to get in your position, in your head. But he couldn't think about anything else that wasn't getting you out of there right now.
"Don't go to her, just let her know you're there" Jimin's words left him confused, looking at his eyes for the first time since he arrived.
Jungkook thought over his words. Maybe he was right. Maybe he would startle you, just like he did earlier. He couldn't blow his chances like that, without thinking. So he slowly nodded, taking slow steps towards you. He stopped in front of you, some good four metres between you and him.
He couldn't stop staring, too scared that if he moved his eyes from you, you would vanish. His hands played beside him nervously, looking at the ground for a moment and coming back to you. His legs bending slowly, sitting on the ground facing you.
He waited for a reaction from you, something. But you didn't even react. Your body locked in place.
Jimin watched from the sidelines, and walked away when he saw Jungkook sitting in front of you, even if at a good distance. He understood right away you needed this moment alone.
Jungkook just sat there, waiting for something out of you. Any words. He hoped you would call up to him, desperately running to him, hugging him with the most force you could have.
But that didn't happen. He just waited. A minute passed, and you were still there, hugging your knees like you were holding on for dear life.
The silence felt unbereable. The lack of action making him even more restless. He could bet you were freezing cold in there, only his jacket covering you.
He needed something to happen for his mind to actually stop running.
"I'm here" his voice reached your ears, your head turning abruptly at his words. Watching him behind leaves and twigs. His body sitting in the ground, long legs crossed, and a tired and messy look in his eyes.
"I know you're scared" he continued, your body tensing at his words. You could feel the pain in your body at the locked muscles, the hurt on your legs at the uncomfortable position you spent almost all evening in.
"I know" he repeated, acknowledging right in front of you that he understood. That he saw you. That he cared. And you couldn't think of a way of responding, your body still shaken up from everything that happened.
"I shouldn't have treated you like that" you gulped, recalling his shouts in the living room.
"I'm sorry" his words made you freeze, your eyes coming up to his face, even if it was a bit blurry, and his face was almost covered entirely by random leaves.
"If you want me to leaveâŚi will" his words made you look up at him. He was really giving you a choice now.
He still waited for you for the past five minutes, hoping for your lead to give him reassurance that what he was doing was right. But you still found it hard to even mutter anything, even if you appreciated all that he was doing, all that he was saying.
He resorted to one of the memories that marked him the most lately. His hand taking out the small red box, and lighting his cigarette slowly.
Your breath faltered at that, remembering what you told him that night. The familiar smell traveling through the leaves, your nose picking up the rough scent that brought you back to your safest days. Closing your eyes, you let it get into you. Guide you and reassure you towards safety. Even if your mind turned to mush, even if you felt all the tiredness set deeply into your bones now.
He kept smoking slowly, the habit calming him, the wish of your presence still lingered in him. He could only wish the smug smell could actually bring you forward to him. Even if he had to smoke the whole damn pack.
Minutes passed, the air noticeably colder.
Your breaths didn't come out rough anymore, you could feel the air going through you.
He notice he wasn't heaving from the sprint he took by coming here, his breathing calmer.
He could feel the cold of the ground, the way his legs started weighing a bit more.
Your fingers weren't tingling anymore, they were just numb. From the cold, and from the time you spent froze in time.
You noticed the street lights began to turn on, the space no longer dark with the night, a soft orange hue taking place.
He noticed the breeze moving the trees, leaves rustling heavily above you.
You noticed a little leave falling down on you, landing just at your feet.
You weren't on guard anymore, the whole weight of the situation now downing on you.
He waited for you, calmly, smoking his own worries away, hoping you would come out.
He didn't move, not an inch. He would give you all the time in the world, but the temperature wasn't one you could handle now. Too cold for your skin.
Your breathing still came in broken pieces, every inhale scratching your throat raw. But your eyes now were locked on him. On his worried eyes searching for you in the mess of leaves that covers you almost entirely.
You could hear the birds singing incessantly, the sound of car engines on the far distance, your mind coming to you. You were here again, on this park, on the ground.
You blinked rapidly for the first time, your eyes feeling absolutely dry, your brain registering everything around you with ease, not panic.
You gulped at his presence, he didn't move. He didn't come and take you, he didn't rush you anywhere, he didn't bombard you with questions. He just let you come to your senses, with the security that he was there. That you weren't in danger.
You sat up slowly, the rustling of the leaves alerting him of your movements. His breath caught on his throat, waiting for you.
You felt your stiff legs stretch, your own hands still holding your jacket. Your cold nose runny, your eyes glossy.
You actually crawled, hesitantly. Your moves slow, not making much sense. As if every move was a question, that was left out in the open, unanswered.
Jungkook just sat there, unmoving. He didn't reach a hand, he didn't stand. He just stared, patiently waiting. He was scared you would run away again. He was scared you wouldn't want his help, hell, even his presence there.
Your body was still scared, your mind elsewhere, floating amidst millions of questions. You just focused on moving, one hand first, your knee later. You stared down, afraid of what he would see if he looked into your eyes.
He felt as if he could breathe again, lighter, slower. Your body crawling slowly out of your hiding spot, the leaves agitated with your moves. And when he thought you would go to him, let him be the one to save you once and for all, you stopped.
You stayed kneeling, facing the ground. Your hair covered in small leaves, your dress dirty, the humid dirt clinging to the fabric like a second skin. Your hands still on the ground. Feeling the rough texture, the wetness.
You were trembling again, your body tired. Exhausted. This took a massive toll on you. The fear, the unstopped running, the cold, the anxiety. All of it threatened your peace, your well being. And you could only do so much but take it. Let it in. It was the only thing keeping you grounded here, in this moment.
He gulped, searching for your eyes with his gaze, looking at you to search for wounds, scraps. But your pain wasn't there. It wasn't physical. Everything he did right now was to ensure your safety in a psychological level, even if he was still worried about your integrity.
And he couldn't take it. You were so close, but yet so far away. He couldnt let you here, in the cold, in the dirt. He needed to do something. But he didn't want to overstep, to alarm you, in any way. So he chose to speak up.
"Can i come closer?" His whisper could be heard miles away, no one dared to step into the park in this weather.
He waited for your response, patiently, even if he was dying to feel you, to see you, to hear you.
He waited, and waited. It seemed like minutes went by, or maybe it was just seconds too stretched for his own sanity. His own mind making him feel seconds as if they were centuries.
He could see your small nod, your hands trembling lightly beside you. And he held on to your small movement like a rope, his figure approaching slowly at you, now he crawled too.
He stopped in front of you, kneeling too, even if you felt so much smaller, your almost praying pose moving something inside of him.
His arm came up, his hand a present for you.
He held it there, outstretched. You could now smell him, his cologne, and that damn smoke clinging to him like a safety net. You tried to move your hands, your debilitated arms holding you up with all their might. But it seemed like your brain couldn't conjure up the connection between your limb and your brain.
Your eyes closed slightly, his hand still there.
Like a magnet, you pulled your face closer to his hand. His own responding instantly, covering your cheek with his rough skin. He could feel how cold your skin felt to the touch, his own heart jumping through. The worry tripling in his mind. He was desperate.
Your eyes stayed close, your breath a bit more agitated, feeling him this close was grounding you even more, your defenses slowly falling down in front of him.
"Please" he pleaded, his brows scrunching up on his face, his eyes begging for you to accept his offer. To let him take care of you now. Now that this whole mess was over.
You sniffed, your runny nose coming back, and with a bit of your lip, you nodded again. He didn't jump though, his actions as slow as they were just some minutes before.
His other hand didn't go to your face, instead sneaking through you, making it fall gracefully on your back. Now his body was the magnet pulled to you. His hands flushing you to him, guiding your face to the crook on his neck, his hands covering you like a blanket.
He closed his eyes with a sigh, feeling you in his arms. Your own barely moved, only for them to hold onto his back, your face snuggled in his shoulders, letting you crumble, your tears threatening to fall back again.
"I'm so sorry" you heard the little crack in his voice, one that shattered your breath too, a tremble you felt all through down your back.
His body gave you extreme warmth, extreme grounding and freedom to just fall in him. Letting it all go.
He rubbed your back slowly, eager to calm your trembling, to keep you back into warmth. And even if you wanted to give something more, show him something more, you still held on to his strong frame like a flatline.
He dint move, not one inch. Grateful to have you back in his arms, again. It seemed like eternity without you, even if it was just some hours. He thought he lost you, and now he can't get you far from him, not even for a second.
You opened your mouth slowly, his own chest bending back to look at you, to hear whatever you needed to say. Eager for a piece of mind. His hand stayed on your nape, his hold never moving.
You opened it again, a breath coming out of you, no words. It seemed like your body didn't cooperate. You put your hand in his chest, the presence of your warmth so close to his heart making him shiver.
"I'mâŚ" you closed your eyes for a second, opening them slowly to still look down.
"I'm sorry" your words left him frozen in place, his eyes searching for meaning on your pretty face, your red cheeks and droopy eyes sending him almost into psychosis.
"For what?" He tried with all his might to make his words as welcoming as ever, to make you feel like it was safe to respond.
"I made you angry" He could feel as if someone just ripped the heart out of his chest, your broken voice muttering that as your first words. Your own worries settled deep in his chest like a hex.
He couldn't believe that with his own irrational actions could make you spiral so deep. But it was only natural for you too feel this way.
He cursed himself for his behavior, he cursed himself for letting you go down like this. For exposing you to Taehyung, and for his own madness that inflicted such pain in you.
"I was never angry at you" he admitted, he could feel the big lump in his throat, his own tears threatening to fall at your sight. He couldn't believe his own devastation at this, at you.
You only nodded slowly, your head falling again into his chest, your hands now gripping the fabric in him. The soft fabric of his jacket feeling like heaven in your palms. He felt like hell inside, like he lost his mind over and over in a span of hours. He couldn't look at himself right now even if he wished to.
"Let's go home" you whispered, almost inaudible for him to hear you for the first time. It took him almost ten seconds to figure out your words before he held you even closer to him, standing up with you in his arms, landing you softly on the ground.
Jimin's car was still there, even if Jimin was nowhere to be seen. He figured Jin handled him; taking him home after he guided him to you.
He helped you softly into the passenger seat, your head still hanging low, your uncovered legs almost red at the cold, your hands too.
He made sure the ac was as hot as he could put it on, eager to get you back into normal temperature again before it would turn into a problem.
He drove slowly, his mind relentless to him. It was just filled with criticism, hatred, and so much resentment. At him, for being such an asshole, for Taehyung, for causing all of this. And for you, to show up on the worst of times, and sadly trapping you in this situation.
You felt as if your mind went dead. The only thing you could feel was warmth, so much warmth. And tiredness. Almost all of your body ached, your own bones pleading for help, your brain screaming for an aspirin.
You only realized how cold you were when the two of you passed the threshold. His hands were still on you, carefully, guiding you slowly through your steps.
He acted like he had it figured out. But in reality he didn't know what the fuck he was doing. He was just trying to guide you through a normal night routine.
So he closed the door behind him, the keys falling on the counter as he turned to you, bending a little to find your tired eyes looking up at him.
"Let's get you warm, hmm?" His soft voice made you nod immediately, in need of a shower, to finally scrub all the dirt from you, and wash away all of that happened today. Get that weight off of you.
You walked slowly to the bathroom, your mouth not opening to say anything. But he just kept talking, nervous.
"You're not hurting anywhere?"
"I should bring you clean clothes"
"You're sure you're okay?"
"I can call Yuna to help you if you want"
You just stared at him, his own nervous face meeting yours, waiting for something to stop his words.
"I'm okay, i can shower alone" you mumbled, your warm voice convincing him in a second, still frozen at the door of your bathroom.
"I mean, or a bath, you like those" he smiled lightly, and you just chuckled softly.
"Just don't count down the minutes" your whisper made him smile lighter, his head nodding at that. At least your playful jabs were back.
You did take a bath, taking your sweet time on trying to leave everything past you. You scrubbed yourself slowly, even if you craved for your hand to move rapidly on your skin, to get it all off of you as fast as you can.
But you knew better, or at least that's what you told yourself. You couldn't wish for something to be different if you repeated all patterns.
So you took it easy, bathing slowly and slowly come back to a warm body temperature.
You heard your name called when you got out, already dressed in your cozy pajamas. Jungkook walked through the door, a glass of water in one hand, and an aspirin on the other.
"Take this for your headache" he whispered, taking notice of your cozy clothes, a big oversized hoodie swallowing you whole, making you look adorably warm. Even if you felt devestated, and he knew that, he couldn't avoid appreciate your pretty presence.
You took it with no hesitating, downing the glass of water while Jungkook waited for you.
"Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry?" He bit his lip, scanning your overly tired eyes that still looked at him as if he gave you everything, even when he seemed to take it all from you today.
"I-I'll just sleep" your sweet voice sounded so good at him, he missed your pretty words like rain in a desert.
"If you need anything, tell me" he finished your conversation with those words, caressing your hand slowly after disappearing behind the door.
You breathed in slowly, turning to your bed and sitting slowly. You were ready to give up completely now. Laying on the bed and hugging the small plushie to your chest, the duvet covering you like a cloud.
You closed your eyes, ready for a night of sleep to come and swallow you whole. But every time you closed your eyes, you could see him. You could feel his hands on your neck.
You could see the bright white lights in front of you, you could feel the cold and the leaves surround you.
You could hear him, holding you down and watching you plead for help.
You sat up abruptly, your eyes dancing in the cold room. And before you could notice it, you were up, your soft patter on the ground, guiding you to him.
"ActuallyâŚ" you said, walking into the room, opened door that gave you the green light to come in.
He turned to you, his body sat down at the headboard of the bed, turning off the phone the second he heard you come in.
You stopped right in front of the foot of his bed, your eyes not once meeting him, feeling embarrassed at your inability to sleep.
"Come here" he muttered, soft words that made you move fast to the side of the bed, getting in in less than a second. He stayed where he was, a little smile at your presence in his room, in his bed. He wasn't happy you couldn't sleep, but he couldn't hide the fact that he liked you came to him for assistance. You didn't fear him.
He didn't dare to move, giving you space to lay down however you wanted. Use his space howerev you needed. And it seemed like you actually loved it here.
Your small hands gripping the duvet, covering yourself to your chin, and closing your eyes. You couldn't help the heaviness in them.
He came back to what he was doing, updating the guys and checking a couple of things he would need for tomorrow.
He could hear your soft breathing beside him, your legs bunched up against the mattress, the soft smell of your body wash rendering him dazed.
He was scared to push you off somehow, just like before, when he found you. So he stayed there, sitting still, and hyper vigilant of your breathing, waiting for it to slow and deepen. Signaling your much awaited tranquility.
Just after a few minutes that you were able to calm down, and seemingly fall into the deep sleep( your hand moved beside you.
He noticed instantly, watching what you were looking for. But he froze up when your hands gripped his hoodie, the fabric he wore straining at your hold.
And he could only melt right there, and try to keep his beating heart at a normal rate.
HEEEEY this was it jejeje . lots of heavy stuff i know, what do you think?!?!?? I edited this chapter like a hundred times i feel like thereâs so many things I couldâve written better but i posted anyway lmao. Donât be afraid to give me some feedback (Iâm gonna lose my mind I beg lmao)
taglist: @muniing @tatumrileyslover @jarofer @jksusawife @ustulia @bammbi-jeon127 @jungkookgoodlookin