Casadastraphobia

Suddenly I ship it

Sometimes, he leans over her shoulder to examine something she is showing him; his hand on the back of her chair, his face next to hers as his eyes scan the text she is holding up for him. While she waits for a reaction, she begins to study all the odd features of his face; uncommon little anatomical anomalies that she’s certain someone else must also have but she can’t recall seeing before.

In particular, for reasons even she can’t comprehend, the odd change in curvature of his jaw fascinates her. not quite halfway down, the bone slopes ever so slightly upward before continuing down to his chin. She usually ends up staring at it until he removes his face from view or she realizes his contemplative murmuring has actually been directed at her the whole time and she has to scramble for a response.

One day, however, he leans in too close; lingers too long; and, by some irresistible force, Dagna's eyes close and her lips plant themselves directly on this gracefully interrupted line of his jaw.

Solas’s murmuring abruptly falls silent with a nearly imperceptible inhale.

 His stunned face turns to look at her, pulling his anomalous jawline out of her reach. Already, her ears begin to burn with the crushing realization of what she just did. Her hand slaps over her traitorous lips.

His face is only mildly surprised, the rest of it is taken up by other emotions that are harder to place; all of them fighting for the opportunity to be expressed so that few really get to the surface.

Finally, his brow tenses into something indefinably sad, and pitiful

There is a whistle from the floor above them.

“Thatta girl!” Dorian shouts with applause and a wide grin.

Dagna, her entire face shaded crimson, abruptly drops her book and sprints from the rotunda. Dorian calling apologies after her.

“Proud of yourself?” Solas snaps before he takes off following after Dagna.

“.......No......” Dorian futilely defends himself to the empty room.

Solas finds Dagna in the, thankfully deserted, undercroft. Silhouetted against the sunset, leaning against the mouth of the open cave wall. her arms wrapped around herself tightly. She doesn’t turn to look when she hears him enter.

He approaches her slowly, trying to think of what to say before he arrives there. He fails.

He lingers behind her for a long moment before he finally lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Dagna, I am, truly-”

She spins to face him with a wide smile, “Solas, it’s fine.” she says, almost convincingly, if not for the wetness of her cheeks “I’m a big girl. I know how these things go. Sometimes you realize you’re just not into someone the way you thought-”

“No...” Solas stops her abruptly, “No, that is not the case. Dagna, I find you fascinating. More so than anyone I’ve met in... in a very long time.”

Dagna’s smile fades, “Then what’s going on with you?”

Solas sighs, his shoulders droop under the weight of the question posed. He leans against the same natural balcony to collect his thoughts.

After a long moment, he turns his face to the open mountain air, “Do Joy and Sorrow carry the same weight?” He wonders aloud, “Is one measured in a heavier unit than the other? or are they equal and we simply remember whichever lasts longer?”

Dagna thinks for a long moment. “I Don’t think that’s the way to think about it.” she posits, “Joy and sorrow aren’t the thing being weighed, they’re two sides on a scale. You can always add weight to one side or the other.”

“That simple is it?” He scoffs, “To simply decide what can and cannot harm you?”

“No..” She admits, resuming her place on the rock beside him, “I mean, yes... or, well, kinda... I guess you can’t really decide how much it’s going to hurt but you can decide which part is more important; the hurt or the happy. But you’ll never have one without the other. That’s just how it goes.”

Solas hums contemplatively but says nothing.

 “Look, we don’t get a whole lotta time to do what we want with our lives. How much worse would it be to avoid the things that made us happy just because one day they’ll be gone? To just live your entire life right smack in the middle? Being neither? Then what’s the point in any of it?”

“So it is worth it? To indulge in a joy you know cannot last?” Solas stiffly, cautiously asks the mountainside.

“Nothing lasts.” Dagna only just finishes her sentence before she is gathered up in long arms and a kiss is pressed to her lips; deep and desperate and hungry.

He has to stoop low to reach her and she cranes her neck and stands on the tips of her toes to reach him. They’re an odd fit. But soon their arms settle into comfortable nooks; her hands hold the nape of his neck; his cup her cheek and hold her waist close; After a moment or two of fumbling, they find their balance, and it’s worth the struggle.