Solaris Of The Arts

This is me all the time now lmao

Welcome back to my little corner of the internet. I love that I get to use this space as a thoughtful log of my mental processes. It’s such a unique corner of the internet that’s still so pure. Might be one of the few places left honestly. Anyway, I’ve returned. I know it’s been over a year. I’m sorry about that. I started my final year at community college and things got hectic. It honestly was a bit inane, the workload I was expected of. In any case, I’m back. I hope to be posting my thoughts here more often. I’m moving soon out of my parents house to finish my degree at uni. I’ll have a lot more mental capacity. I’m very excited. Despite all of this, the next few months might be a bit hectic for me. I hope to bring back a little piece of joy and magic from the old days of the internet. Thank you.

I just finished The Maze Runner and I have been devastated for two days. Holy shit. Thomas is literally me. And he doesn’t win. Like what the fuck. Does that mean that I can’t win either? I’ll keep yall updated lmao.

Around this time last year, me and my (ex?) best friend became more than friends. And if you’ve read my page, you’ll know I don’t mean in the lovey dovey or sexual kind. I mean that we were bound by something beyond human understanding. It was glorious. Then, around February, I met other friends and became my full self for the first time since Covid. And there were aspects of my friendship that I hadn’t noticed before but now couldn’t ignore. So I distanced myself. I got busy with school work and reached out less often. And now, a year later, my heart yearns for that same feeling I had with that person. I don’t necessarily want to go back to the way things were. But I’m having this feeling like when someone wants to sleep with their ex. They know they shouldn’t and they know they’ll feel the consequences, but the yearning’s still there. Now I’ve been filling my time with my other friends in hopes I can get a relationship that’s as close as that one was. But I don’t know if I ever will find something like that. Ahh aroace ‘love.’

Recently, as it’s that time of year, I have been feeling quite lonely and touch starved. It comes and goes as an aroace person. I know I am not alone but at the same time having that knowledge that you forever be alone is wild. All this to say, I’ve been reading lots of aroace fics on AO3. And there’s paring I keep falling back on for some reason. It’s Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. They don’t come up a lot be occasionally. Mostly I just hella headcannon it. I do not believe they are lovers AT ALL. At first, I thought maybe I did. But after seeing some fan art and reading a couple fics, I unsubscribed from that idea. But then I thought, what’s a relationship that goes deeper than friendship but is not romantic? A QPR. And Obi wan and Anakin are so in a QPR. Like I can’t unsee it now. Deeply connected in a way no one could ever understand. Man I want that so bad.

And I’m not just saying that as an aroace person. I genuinely love platonic soulmates. They just do the exact thing I want. In fact, every single ship I’ve had that I thought I wanted together in a gay way, I am now realizing I wanted them in a qpr. I don’t know why they are so appealing to me. Probably because I am constantly searching for one myself. Any way, that’s just my opinion duh. I maybe a shipper but a qpr shipper!

I had to delete social media for a while because it was just weighing too heavy on my life. Now I’m back! I hope to post more art and silly queer stuff soon!

Thank you all and have a great week!

Project for 2D design

Been doing lots of personal cartooning. I feel like with art school, I’ve had to do a lot more art for others and fine art. I’m an illustrator at heart and I love to make comics about my feelings. This gives me a nice break from everything else.

Palette of all the colors I’m using for a painting. Very red very, scrumptious.

Anyway. I’ll come back and see how this post is doing

Love you all and thanks for all the past support. I feel like tumblr is very just good brain dump for me.

Why life gotta be so stars damn chaotic. My mom had to go to the ER the day before I need to take pictures for my portfolio. She’s like my person. And she’s an amateur photographer. What am I going to do?! Wish me luck y’all!