Dear Law,

I always considered us one soul in two separate bodies. Light and dark. I never thought there would be a day I’d be separated from you. Even when you were dying, I had hope, no, I was sure, we’d find a way for you to stay alive and with me.

When I first saw you, you were so determined to destroy the world, so much so that the young master wanted to train you to be by his side and I was so scared for you, Law. For months I’ve been living in the same loop of fears, what if you got hurt, what if someone took you away from me, what if I couldn’t protect you when I had to, what if…?  But with just one look from you, I was so sure that everything would be okay, and I decided I’d follow you forever, wherever you go and whatever you do, I’d be there. I’ll destroy the whole world for you if I had to or if you asked me to.

I was still a child when I first met you, hiding behind young master from the big scary world, but I’ve never in my life have felt like I felt when my eyes landed on you for the very first time. In the beginning you were so annoyed with me following you around that you threatened you’d beat me bloody if I didn’t leave you alone, but you never actually did, and I was so happy about that.

Do you remember the first time I saved you from getting hurt? You were training in a random yard, you were so mad Diamante had beaten you again with the sword, and three thugs sneaked up on you and tried to rob you. Sick, skinny kid, alone, easy target they thought. I swear, Law, I haven’t felt this much rage and fear in my life. I didn’t intend to show myself that day, I knew how much you liked to train alone, but I had made a promise to myself that as long as I was with you, I’d never let anyone hurt you. I made young master very happy that day because I had finally shown the fighting potential everyone wanted to see, but I was just happy you were okay.  They began training me from that day forward, to become strong like the rest of you and I finally felt like I could earn my place right beside you. And you, Law, something happened that day and you finally stopped calling me weak. You let me tag along with you without glaring at me or threatening to beat me, you even let me train with you for a bit.

Remember the first time I showed you I’d die for you? In that old warehouse, I knew that if one of us had to leave this world it should be me because how could I stay in this world without you in it? That day, even though you never said anything out loud, the look in your eyes changed even for a tiny bit. Now we were always together, you started telling me stories, you looked out for me on the missions exactly like I looked out for you. I think this was the best time of my life, Law, and I truly thought, or wished, that it would last forever.

Then you started getting sicker and sicker and it was the first time it hit me that we might not have all the time in the world like I thought we would. I wanted to ignore the reality, to be blinded by my hopes and dreams, to live in a perfect world where you live and everything is fine, but in the end, I was so blind to the truth, that you were leaving me in front of my eyes. I remember so many nights when I sobbed into your arms and you would tell me that everything would be okay and I wanted to scream an cry and hit you, because how could everything be fine in a world without you? How could you be okay with leaving me behind in an empty world, with nothing but memories? How could I move on when I haven’t even seen your true smile yet? I was so upset that you were so in peace with it, it made me want to beat some sense into you and then hug you until my arms hurt. You had said that I’d be okay, I had the family, but even the strongest and greatest person in the world could never replace how happy and safe you made me feel law, and I was mad that you couldn’t see that. Looking back, I’m even more upset, with myself this time, because I should’ve been the one to comfort you, not the other way around, but this is how it always was, right? I cry, you tell me everything was going to be okay. But I was so lost and devastated, logic wasn’t really an option at that point and I’m sorry for that.

Then you left with Corazon and once again, I was mad. I was mad and sad, confused and lost all at the same time, because how could you leave me behind like this? Corazon said that it was for you to get better, so eventually I accepted it and thought that a separation was worth it if it meant you’d come back strong and healthy. Young master said you would return soon, so I focused on my training to become even stronger for when you come back. I wander if he knew. Did he know you wouldn’t come back?  

Months went by, Corazon died, and they said you were lost forever. I wonder if you ever thought about me, if you ever wanted to see me, if it ever crossed your mind to come back and take me with you. I waited and waited and trained so I can be strong to survive the outside world by your side, like I was supposed to, without dragging you down. But you never came. A part of me never stopped hoping you’d come back and take me, that one day you’d appear and get me away from everything, but you never did and I learnt to live with it.

When I saw you the first time on the newspaper, I was so happy you were alive and okay, you looked happier than I had seen you in years, happier than I could ever make you I think and that hurt a little. But I’m upset because this time we’ll have to fight in the opposite sides of the war, but you know me law, I can never fight against you. And now that we stand in the same island again after many years, I’ll be happy to return the part of your soul that belongs to me, if it means I’m helping you, even if I have to destroy the family and the world with it. Even if that means I won’t get to see you smile. Because, Law, even after all these years, not once, not even for a second, did I stop loving you.

Forever yours

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My heart,

When my city was destroyed, I convinced myself that I was alive only because I was meant to destroy the world. I thought that I would take revenge for my parents, my sister, my classmates, my friends, my neighbors, everyone. When I was hiding amongst the corpses of the people I once knew, I said that my heart will stay behind with this city, with the people I lost. When I found out I had the same disease as them, part of me was happy that I would reunite with everyone soon. The other part, wanted to destroy the world, to see everything burned to the ground, just like they did. When I met Doflamingo I believed I found someone who shared the same desire for destruction as me and I was willing to do anything to be a part of this family because I thought it was the only way to destroy everything around me.

When I first saw you, you were just a little girl hiding behind Doflamingo’s big coat and you looked so innocent it was making me angry. To be honest for the first few months I hated you, you looked so weak and fragile, and I believed you’d have the same fate as any other weak person would. But in truth, maybe I was a little jealous of you because you didn’t have to worry about dying, you hadn’t seen horror, you were just an innocent little girl afraid of the big wide world. For some reason you started following me everywhere, wherever I was you were there, right beside me and at first, I thought of you as a burden, but you were a member of the family and I had to protect you if I wanted to be a part of it. But deep down was that really the reason? I don’t know anymore. Ever since I saw all these people die from the ignorance of the world, I was living in the darkness with my only goal being destruction and death and here you were trying to push a little ray of sunshine in my dark, treating me like we had all the time in the world, and I’ll be honest I kind of hated it. I thought you were delusional or stupid or both. But years and sacrifices later I could recognize the hope in your eyes, and I live everyday with regret for pushing you away so much. But no matter what I did or said you always found your way by my side.

I will never forget the time you almost died for me. We were on a mission, a very difficult one that I doubt children should’ve been involved.  I was convinced this was a test by Doflamingo and that I’d finally join the family if I did well, so I was determined. Bullets were raining from all directions, swords were slashing in the air and everything was going according to the plan. Our task was to find a hidden treasure in the back of the warehouse, according to the report. I’d beat everyone, you’d look for the treasure while I kept everyone away from you the area. But at the last second a guard sneaked up behind me and pulled his gun, ready to pull the trigger. I had accepted death long before, but I didn’t want to die like this. I wanted to destroy, to kill, to burn, until my body gave out, not to die in the corner of a stupid warehouse, looking for a stupid treasure. I heard the bang loud in my ears and I waited and waited for the death to come, but nothing happened. For a second, I thought I died instantly and when I opened my eyes I expected to see my family and friends, finally after so long. But instead, I saw you, lying on the ground with a red dot right above your heart smiling at me. Why? Why would you waste your life for someone already dying, for someone like me? I carried you in my arms all the way and I didn’t let anyone touch you until a doctor came and took you away, because if you died, I wanted to feel the warmth leave your body and add it to my reasons for revenge against the world. I think this was the moment I realized that maybe, in another life where everything was perfect, you’d be the only person I would want by my side. You came back, of course, all smiles and laughs and you started following me around like usual, carrying a big scar above your heart, that you showed proudly to anyone who was willing to see it. You came back like it was that simple, like you didn’t have just given up your life for me. And you didn’t ask for anything in return, never reminded me that you almost traded your life, you were just next to me always watching my back. For once I saw a small light in my life and for a while I wished I had more time so I could see your eyes light up again and again. I hated when you cried for me, I tried to comfort you but how could I when I didn’t even believe the words I was saying. I wanted to stay on the path of my revenge, to destroy the world but when I looked at your eyes I felt at ease for some reason, that maybe there would be hope for me after all.

When Cora-san kidnapped took me away so we could find a cure for me, I screamed to let me go and for a second it even crossed my mind to tell him to go back, to take you with us, that it wasn’t too late for you, that you belonged with me us not with the family. I wanted to tell him about your light, how gentle and kind you were to someone who was a lost cause like me. But what if the miracle you two believed in didn’t exist? How could I, after everything you’ve done for me, repay you with my cold body in your arms. But honestly, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t think of a better way to die than in your arms, seeing your eyes and smile one last time. Another part of me wanted to protect your innocence, I couldn’t do this to you, I couldn’t break your heart the same way mine had been broken so many times in the past.

Cora-san gave me the gift of a second chance in life, a way to break the cycle of hatred with the cost of his own life. It is the second time someone sacrificed themselves for me and years later I still don’t understand both of you. I think he would have loved you and you would have loved him just as much. One of my first thoughts was to go back and get you, to break your chains just like Cora-san broke mine. In truth I didn’t want to be another second away from you, because you’re the only thing that reminds me that hope is still alive. But how could I do this to you? What kind of future would you have with me, a kid who has no idea what to do in this world anymore? I thought of how much safer you’d be if I left you with the family because I know they would protect you no matter what. So as much I wanted to be selfish and take you with me, I made the choice to break my heart, so you could be safe, with the hope that someday you would understand and forgive me. But my heart, it turns out I’m a very selfish man and now that I’m finally here, in Dressrosa, I promise you I will take down Doflamingo and free you from your birdcage or I will die in your arms, trying.

My heart is yours,